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Morleycat

How to ask new LS friends about hall passes

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We've been invited to go for drinks with a couple we met at a lifestyle party. Haven't played with them yet but I'm really into the guy and can tell he feels the same. My husband didn't feel any chemistry with the other woman but says he's up to go for drinks and chat. Hubby also doesn't mind if a I play separately with just the guy at some point. Is there a tactful way to ask if they play separately? I don't want her to feel rejected or that her time was wasted.

 

We are pretty new to the scene but have already encountered this scenario a few times where only one of us is connecting with the opposite sex partner of another couple. Both my husband and I are fine playing seperately (I guess you'd call this is a hall pass situation?). But it seems like something that has to be handled delicately when sussing out another couple's boundaries. Any tips?

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I'm eager to read what people say about your question. My wife and I have been in this same situation more than once. Our only solution thus far is to invite the couple to one of our house parties where one of us can separate the object of desire from the less desirable. But like you, I have to believe that a more satisfactory approach is possible.

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asncpl's approach is a good one. Since you are meeting as a group, which is good, then just take that opportunity to feel them out and that will let you know whether and how to proceed with trying for a solo playdate. All of those question listed above are ones we've asked or been asked from probably every couple we have met. It's part of the getting on the same page process, and since both sides learning about the other is part of the process, it doesn't seem uncomfortable or prying to ask about their swinging preferences. You'll want to make sure and understand what they mean when they use the term though, because to them it might mean they both expect to play, just not at the same time.

 

Since this is going to be a one-sided playing solo, if their answer is they only rarely do it or have just been thinking about it but not done it yet, then it may be a little harder to navigate setting something up compared to if they do it all the time and are used to one playing while the other doesn't.

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I'm eager to read what people say about your question. My wife and I have been in this same situation more than once. Our only solution thus far is to invite the couple to one of our house parties where one of us can separate the object of desire from the less desirable. But like you, I have to believe that a more satisfactory approach is possible.

 

oooh really?? Damn wish I hadn't read that. Must admit that would pretty much piss me off? I mean I'm ok with people asking us to play separately. The answer is well, no. But at least they are upfront about it. Frankly, there is a line of men and women that want to play with my wife, so... I know who's getting asked and who isn't.

 

The whole attracted to one but not the other member of a couple is pretty common, but we just kick along to the next couple, or go home and have sex with each other.

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As a couple that does not play separate and has zero interest to we would prefer the other people just be direct and ask us so we don't waste anymore time with them! We would not be offended, because everyone lives the lifestyle different. Just would not have any interest at all. People that do bug us online where our profiles are more then a little clear about it do however annoy us. If a couple with another bi woman asks us about a situation where only the women play with each other and the men only with their partner we are very much game though. Hard to find that girl on girl play and that is the number one reason we do this.

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oooh really?? Damn wish I hadn't read that. Must admit that would pretty much piss me off? I mean I'm ok with people asking us to play separately. The answer is well, no. But at least they are upfront about it. Frankly, there is a line of men and women that want to play with my wife, so... I know who's getting asked and who isn't.

 

The whole attracted to one but not the other member of a couple is pretty common, but we just kick along to the next couple, or go home and have sex with each other.

 

 

Just goes to show what kind of people are out there...and on this board.

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Just goes to show what kind of people are out there...and on this board.

 

Hey, I resemble that remark!

 

I'm not sure what you are trying to say,but I don't think there is anything wrong with playing in a way that works for those involved.

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Hey, I resemble that remark!

 

I'm not sure what you are trying to say,but I don't think there is anything wrong with playing in a way that works for those involved.

 

I was agreeing with kikonkrome's take on the post he quoted, seems slightly less than honorable to put it mildly.

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BE HONEST. There is not an easy way to say "we're not interested in both of you" but if it is the case, there are only two options. one is to broach the subject carefully letting them know you'd like solo play with only one of them and hopefully they agree, two is to walk away. if they dont do solo play, you will be walking away anyway so you have nothing to loose by being honest.

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