Pregnancy concerns

Hi,

Male half of the couple here.

For around 4-6 months now my wife has come off of the pill and we have been a lot more relaxed about condom use. I wouldn't say we were trying for a baby but I wouldn't say we were not not trying either! I have low motility and, as we hoped to start a family in the future we figured taking a relaxed approach might be the best idea as we weren't sure how long it might take us.

Anyway, she has recently been talking/camming with other guys online (with my full consent) and about 2-3 weeks ago, she took the plunge and met up with one. We have done same room swapping before but this is the first time either of us have played alone. She made him wear a condom and, even then, he came on her, not in her! She did have him take some photos/videos and I can definitely see that he was wearing a condom. He did rub himself on her when he wasn't wearing one but there was no penetration.

After she met him, we had unprotected sex a fair few times. The whole thing drove us wild!

Fast forward to yesterday and my wife has told me that she is pregnant. According to the tester, she is around 2-3 weeks gone.

Now don't get me wrong, I know that it is almost definitely mine but there is a nagging doubt. We have been having unprotected sex for a little while and, typically, the first time she sleeps with another man since coming off the pill, is the same time that she falls pregnant. It was his own condom so could have been out of date for all we know. He also has a child so he is definitely fertile!

If we could say with 100% certainty that it is mine, there would be no problem here. We would keep it. However, we are both terrified that, no matter how unlikely, it will turn out to be his.

Does anyone have any experience in this? Has anyone here ever fallen pregnant whilst using condoms?

I know we probably come across as incredibly naive here but we are were we are now and neither of us know what to do moving forward.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks and sorry for rambling on.

I hate to tell you, but rubbing unprotected could make her pregnant, if you mean rubbing her vagina. Small chance but nevertheless possible. If he had not come at that point: precum does not carry sperm, but it can pickup sperm from the urethra. As urine would wash out most if not all and sperm can survive for five day max, chances are very small.

The chance you are not the father is extremely low, to say that if he was wearing a condom and came not inside her there are NO chance he made your wife pregnant. Even with an old condom.

I believe what you would like it to have been there to see it with your own eye to be in peace. The idea that he would get her pregnant freaks you out so much that your imagination is going nuts.

If you ask your wife the full description and she tells you what happened, that is what happened. I don't think she would like to be pregnant with someone else either. You two shall talk until you really feel secure and in peace. If you're not you would keep that insecurity in your mind forever and that will be devastating for your kid's future.

I hate to tell you, but rubbing unprotected could make her pregnant, if you mean rubbing her vagina. Small chance but nevertheless possible.

That's just it. I know it probably is mine but knowing there is a small possibility is tearing me up. She feels the same way. She wants a baby more than anything but she wants it to be our baby. I've never felt so torn.

And one baby going to heaven Hey, I'm not against abortion but don't you guys talked about being careful before meeting that guy? You couldn't get her pregnant for 6 months of unprotected sex and one guy does by rubbing his cock on her pussy? Come on man. Check your semen, be sure you can have kid, if nothing is wrong with your sperm don't give credit to that guy, you did it, you're the man, be proud!

For what it's worth biology has little to do with giving your love to a child. I can understand the fear and apprehension about being parents can be transmuted into fear about 'who's the father of the child'. If you commit to raising that child it won't matter.

Now that has been said, here's a bit of news. You can cum in a cup, mix it with a little saline solution, squirt it up inside of her and she can become impregnated. The lesbian couple turkey baster are real.

If you want a baby then here is your opportunity, take it.

Oh yeah if a woman goes off birth control 'just to see what happens', she wants to be pregnant, regardless of what she is telling you.

Based on what you've described, I think everything suggests that you are the father. Is it 100%, no. There was sexual contact with someone else so the theoretically possible can't totally be ruled out and so maybe that drops it to 99.9% certain. I think you two just need to talk and decide what it will take to make you both feel comfortable. I don't know much about paternity testing, but a quick internet search suggests that some techniques can be used as early as 8 weeks.

Good luck with this, I can certainly understand the feelings you both are going through.

Like what kik said, being a first time parent comes with its own set of worry and fear. I'm sure most of what you are feeling is from that. I was terrified before our first child.

Also, with sex comes the chance of children. I certainly don't want another kid but if it happens it happens and I'm not going to leave my wife over something I consented to.

All evidence says it's your baby. You've been trying (or kind of trying) at the very least you've been wanting and what you've wanted is now happening. I get the nagging doubt but let it go and just assume it's yours because there's really no reason not to.

As for getting pregnant despite condom use. Yes, I did once a long long time ago, but the condom fell off inside of me during sex. Big difference because basically he finished without any knowledge that he was no longer wearing a condom. The chances that your wife got pregnant in her situation where the condom stayed on the entire time are so slim it's not worth thinking about, especially when the two of you had sex many times without condoms (around the same time frame) and you came inside her.

To put the matter to rest, love her, get a dna test and know regardless it will be your child.

YOU ARE THE DADDY!!

Smile, the fun is just beginning.

Congratulations.

Do start iodine supplementation ( it makes kids smarter. Check Youtube for videos on iodine) as well as complete B vitamins and include high quality protein and a very complete multivitamins. I cannot stress enough the importance of complete nutrition during pregnancy. The baby will strip the mother for what it needs and many conditions are avoidable with good nutrition. Do not forget to have liver - too many good thngs to pass up. Don't like it then eat it anyway. It's good for you.

And then there is the timing. If I understand correctly, it is the timing you worry about the most. Not getting pregnant week after week, then a date and pregnant she is.

But I am not surprised by that coincidence at all. In biological terms, when a female mates with a second male, all weird stuff can happen regarding being fertile, both male and female. It can really shake up the hormone system. And the other way around.

For instance, according to a 2006 study published in Hormones and Behavior, women tend to be unfaithful at the most fertile part of their menstrual cycle. And after a woman had an affair (or, in the LS, a date), the man will produce more sperm the next time they have sex, which gives him better odds of impregnating his partner. This is called 'sperm war', all biological laid down in our brains in our long history as species.

Could well be that the date *was* the reason but not at all in the way you fear.

You love her, you love the child. Just forget about all of this and enjoy your parenthood!

Does anyone have any experience in this? Has anyone here ever fallen pregnant whilst using condoms?

Yes, something similar did happen to us during our first year of swinging. I wasn't on the pill but we always used condoms while swinging. We only barebacked between ourselves (Mr. Sun and I). Then, we found out I was pregnant. Well, we had been pretty active in swinging during the time I was supposed to be conceiving and off the top of my head, I'd say there was a chance it could have been at least 3 men, other than Mr. Sun that could have been the father.

Since condoms aren't 100%, of course there was a chance the baby was not conceived by Mr. Sun...however, that didn't mean that he wouldn't be the father. We knew that no matter what, we would still love and cherish the baby. Unfortunately, we never did get to that point and I miscarried. So, my advice to you would be to be thankful for the new life that is growing.

If you feel the need to do a DNA test to confirm paternity, then do it but with the caveat that it wouldn't change how the baby is treated--no matter the outcome. Also, use this as a learning experience. If you want to make sure that any future pregnancy is 100% yours, don't swing while you are trying to conceive.

Given the failure rates of various types of birth control, not using two forms of birth control while swinging has always seemed irresponsible to us. The fear you are feeling is self induced. The way to eliminate that fear in the future is self induced. I would recommend that in the future when your wife is swinging that she do so while on the pill and her partner is wearing a condom. Then, even if a condom breaks or slips off, there's a pretty solid chance she won't become pregnant. It's not worth the risk to not do this, or some other second form of birth control. Understand; our bodies WANT to make babies, and will try very hard to do so. Given our bodies but one barrier to making a baby is trivial. Give yourself some peace of mind, and use two forms in the future.

I'm confused: you wanted a child, you had problems trying to have a child, now your are having a child...what's the problem?

That they wanted not just any child but a child from the topic starter himself?

Being adopted myself, does it really matter WHO the father is? Especially when in this case there is only a small chance that he isn't the father. If you take on the roll of the father and you raise the child as such, why even ASK if it matters whose genes were involved? If, on the long shot, this child isn't genetically yours and you terminate the pregnancy and the two of you are never able to get pregnant again, would that be okay with the both of you?

Please keep in mind, I am totally pro-choice here, just trying to put all of the options out there.

I understand these points of view, but later in life there are chances it will be reveiled, if you want it or not. An illness, medical research, donating blood or organ, dna testing.and whatever medical progress will bring this century.

Instead of this board, she needs to have a discussion with her OB/GYN. That's where you will get correct answers and options. And if you've concerned, at all, absit what the doctor will think, know this, they've heard it all before. A dear friend is a physician and he comes across as very mild mannered, which he actually is, but he is rarely surprised by anything a patient explains to him. All that matters to him is to have accurate information to help his patient. The biggest problems occur when a patient is not completely forthcoming. It can have serious ramifications. It's not even the ramifications that you can think of, it's the ones that do not even occur to you .

Update?

Chances are very slim to none, if as she said he did Not ejaculate inside her rubbing against her would be unlikely to impregnate her unless his rubbing went a bit inside her.. How ever what puzzles me is why you BOTH are so TERRIFIED that he is the one to get her pregnant, would you keep the child if it was him that got her pregnant as mentioned by most chances are You got her pregnant but still puzzled about why you are terrified, the child would be a lust child if it was his and a love child if it is yours.

You'll know for sure ones the child is born and you do a paternity test

b.t.w. would like to know why the terrified attitude and what you find out when the child is born.

In the mean time, Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year and best wishes to both of you.