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Unexpected erection issues during first full swaps!

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We've been swinging for about a year and have had a GREAT time. We've been married a long time, no insecurities, and had played soft swap, everything except intercourse between couples. Its been far easier than we expected. No problems in group rooms, hotel room, events, etc. No erection issues of any kind.

 

So we recently went full swap. Started with a great couple we knew and were comfortable with, and I knew that condoms can be a bit of an issue, even the best rated thin ones. I had no erection issue, it was hot watching my wife having full swap sex for the first time next to me, the woman I was with was hot, etc. But I realized, even though I was enjoying myself a LOT, and she was enjoying it, I was having a VERY hard time cumming - the LAST thing I expected. Of course, I know once it gets in your head.... no problem keeping the erection but I just could not cum!

 

The next time we played full with another couple, no erection issues, great time, but it still took forever to cum! But then a week or so later, we played with a GREAT couple that we like a lot, and I was enjoying it a lot, and then she and I changed positions, and I went to enter her again- and my erection was soft/gone. I was really surprised, the 4 of us were havig a hot time. No idea why. And I had even taken a Cialis that afternoon! I just could not get it to get hard again. We all like each other, so no one made a big deal about it, it was one of those hey, it happens to everyone, etc. But it has never happened to me.

 

Now I worry that its going to get in my head (where this all exist anyway!) I NEVER expected this, in fact I was hoping the condoms would make me last longer, LOL!

 

Thoughts/advice? Thanks!

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Like SW_PA, been there, done that. No matter how much you try to talk yourself into not letting it, it can get into your head. The not cumming part I think is a combo of condoms and simply the fact that I don't really want to come, at least not for a really long time. I want her to have the best time possible so I'm not even really thinking about it. Then, by the time I've worn her out, then I'm worn out too, and am perfectly content to just wrap it up without ever having had an orgasm. When it does happen, great, but when it doesn't, no worries at all and I still walk away a very happy man.

 

The suddenly losing the hard-on for absolutely no reason...that totally sucks. The best thing to do is to try to just take your mind off of it by putting all your attention into oral or whatever else she may like, and then when the pressure it off, you may suddenly realize he is raring to go again. If it really, really has gotten into your head though and you are stressing on it, sometimes nothing will work.

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I've had a similar issue from time to time. Sometimes, I just don't ejaculate. When that happens I often have a mild orgasm, but no ejaculation. (My best guess is it's a side effect of my blood pressure medication.) My play partners can sometimes get confused or distressed by this. I've actually found that, guess what, men can fake orgasms too. :) When she's cumming and I'm wearing a condom, she can't really tell if I've actually finished or not. It doesn't bother me. I have great fun even if I don't climax.

 

I've also had the "sudden loss of erection" issue from time to time. It happens and yeah, the first time or two it makes you feel rotten. I find bringing a woman to a shattering climax with my hands or mouth resolves any concerns I might have about my virility. :) Seriously though, it's one of those things that you have to avoid stressing over. Enjoy the hardon when you have it and don't worry about it when you don't.

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Thanks for the replies, would love to hear more. Just not something I expected - I'm over 50 but have never had any erection or orgasm issues ever with my wife, nor while playing soft swap with other couples. So completely unexpected. I'm guessing its origin was that first full swap when I was surprised that I was enjoying the f--ing but just not going over the edge; then it was in my mind the next time we played. One thing my wife said - well, we just need to do a LOT of practicing with you wearing a condom! LOL! But I think she may be right.

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Been here, done this. The worst part is knowing that it is psychological and not physical...and once it gets into your head it's hard (sic) to get back out. It happens, everyone knows it may happen, and as a result it isn't that big of a deal.

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Has happened to me more than once. Ejaculation is not the goal. Having fun is. My experience tells me that few women sense a loss if a male playmate does not ejaculate, especially if you go right down on the woman with oral sex so that she can have her orgasms. She will forget all about did the guy cum or not cum.

 

Sorry man the purpose of having sex is to cum. If I don't get an orgasm what's the point? It's like going to Carowinds and not riding any rides.

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Well, here's my single guy perspective...

 

I simply don't care if I cum or not, because for me it's all about feeling, hearing and seeing the woman I am with have a mind blowing orgasm... and knowing that I am the source of that pleasure! My orgasm is icing or the cake... or is it the batter... ;) I stopped chasing my own orgasm some time ago when I realized that I would rather go all nite and have my lover exhausted from orgasming herself... though I do realize that many women feel a sense of incompleteness if they have not returned the favor. And I completely get that. But for me, there's just something in my head that won't let me cum until I've gotten at least a couple from my lover. After all, it's not about the destination... it's all about the journey :)

 

That being said, on more that one occasion I've been with a woman who has be of the same demeanor as myself... and we just about fucked each other senseless!!! It was a ton of fun and literally a marathon of sex! When we both finally orgasmed (she when I proceeded to fist her unreal pussy, and I when she gave me the most mind blowing hand/blowjob), we just collapsed and giggled like a couple of teens in a sweaty exhausted mess... the sheets were soaked and her makeup was ground into them permanently! Good thing I had a waterproof mattress pad... lol

 

With respect to deflation concerns... it happens eventually to us all. And I am one that can keep an erection going for hours when the situation is right. But every now and again, even if I am with an incredible partner, something clicks and down it goes. Temperature, humidity, noises, angles, lighting, odors... who knows, it just happens. I have found that I can reduce the chances, especially on a first-time meeting, by avoiding certain things. I don't drink, I eat very little (usually maybe a protein bar or shake), I avoid using any kind of pain killers (tylenol, ibuprofen, etc.) as they are anti-inflammatories and mess with blood flow and pressure, and I try to conserve my "chi" by abstaining from self-abuse at least the day before :) I also add some things like yohimbe, wheat germ, zinc, l-arginine, saw palmetto, and a low dose of DHEA to my diet which boost all sorts of male functions (even if via a placebo effect... haha). Plus, exercise always helps!

 

Lastly, I always always always carry a pyrex glass toy with me when I meet someone, either a couple or a unicorn. I've found that in general it seems to be somewhat a novelty, and is always appreciated :) Plus, it's easy to clean :) So, if I am "taking a pause", just the sound of hearing a woman squeal as I slide the toy in her will generally crank my tractor!

 

GaSH

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It's "hard" for me to keep an erection with a condom on. Thankfully, the hot situation of being with a new partner inspires my ability to maintain an erection. But like previous posters,I agree the goal is to have fun, not necessarily to come.

 

I find that I perform better with "repeat" partners. I am more comfortable. Do others agree?

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I find that I perform better with "repeat" partners. I am more comfortable. Do others agree?

 

I have found that to be true too. It seems like if there is to be a problem, it always happens with someone the first time you are with them.

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From a woman's perspective, I don't think I'd care at all if my play partner's equipment had a malfunction, as long as he's able to rise to the occasion in other ways. Mr. Prufrock recently gave me one of the best orgasms ever by eating me out and rubbing my G-spot with his finger. Don't get me wrong, I love the feeling of a cock inside me, but there are other ways to please a woman. Now, if you got freaked out and then got up and left or stopped playing, then it would suck. So don't sweat it, it seems to be the consensus here that it happens to other men too, and it generally doesn't phase women.

 

Other ladies, am I right here?

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I have noticed it is more common than I thought.

 

I know if I am distracted it's hard for me to cum, I have to get in my own head space to have an orgasm. I don't come from blow jobs (or rather have only once or twice), so it might be something to do with that.

 

If I have trouble initially getting hard, I just ask the wife for some help, or the lady I'm with. Usually no big deal.

 

I think it is equally as common for the men not to cum as it is for them to cum, at least that's been our experience.

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Totally agree with JAPrufrock. Sometimes it's the condom, sometimes it's nerves. If I sense a guy is getting frustrated that he can't cum or he loses his erection during intercourse, I usually offer to give a blowjob or handjob so he can cum. This is especially true if he has given me great oral sex. :)

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I think it happens to everyone. I've had times I couldn't come, and I know sometimes after an extended period of play I've kind of had the equipment start to go to sleep. But these have been after pretty extended sessions, hot-tubbing, foreplay, etc. Nothing is made to last forever, and I'm sure if you think about it, play time in most situations mean that the men are usually staying aroused for longer than normal periods of time.

 

Your brain needs some of that blood too - maybe it's a survival mechanism!

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In my case when I was having a lot of women, sometimes it would not come up no matter what I tried. Usually after looking back I had to have been picking up on signals that something was not right. Too needy, too clingy or I applied too much of the wrong pressure and they had no defenses against it. I have felt the vibe come fuck me form several women and I did avoid them. I learned later they were ovulating and at the height of their cycle. It would have been fun but not worth the child support. Yes they did get pregnant. There have been only 2 times I poked fun at a woman and she took me seriously and that was with wife #1. Just my take on it.

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Condoms definitely retard sensitivity. in our case, Mr Afterwork always brings his partners to several orgasms before he will insert. And yes, he has had a loss of an erection. The daily Cialis seems to help him the most but even when the Afterworks are fucking each other without a condom, Mr Afterwork can sometimes fail to have an erection maintained.

 

in those instances, hand and oral ministrations normally return him to a full and stable erection from any of our fuck buddies or Mrs Afterwork. Ladies "lose" their clitoral erections and regain them during playtime. Each time Mr Afterwork sense a change in a fuck buddies clitorial erection, he spends a great deal of effort coaxing a relaxed, slower, and sexy pace to get the lady turned back on and focuses his attention to her stimulation. Our fuck buddies have leaned to do that for all partners which has yielded satisfaction and fun for all.

 

A side benefit for all is that the men in our circle no longer worry about erection loss, especially those taking daily Cialis, as they now understand they are no different than the women. The men need attention and stimulation as much as the women. The women in our circle of friends relish the accomplishment of helping the men to recover through oral, hand, and sexy pillow talk.

 

We do have two couples that we have been with for decades and do not use condoms unless doing anal. Still erections can be lost even with the lack of condoms. The guys often will get hard but have very little ejaculate yet can recover and insert multiple times when using daily Cialis.

 

Recently with our favorite couples the ladies noticed that if the men lost an erection or had come and are trying to recover that the observation of the men listening and watching the ladies go after each other began to help them recover. During one session where Mrs Afterwork and her girlfriend were getting particularly noisy, they abruptly stopped and looked at a Mr Afterwork and the girlfriend's husband sitting beside each other enjoying the ladies show.

 

The ladies complained that the guys were not getting into it and not being appreciative of the sight they were beholding. Essentially the ladies chorused that if the fellows wanted to see more they needed to participate by stroking each other's cock or go to another room.

 

Not wanting to miss out watching the enjoyment of seeing their wives engage with each other, the fellows did go ahead and mutually work on stroking the flaccid cocks while the ladies went back to having fun. Oddly, it worked well and both guys did return to full erection.

 

Seems like "new" sensations coupled with observing the ladies not only helps with occasional erection losses, but also gave the ladies a sense of balance and yet more stimulation.

 

Still, it is all about recognizing that the male and the female erection has ebb and flow. Care and sexy stimulation helps to return that.

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Good advice from decades ago: If you have become accustomed to sex without a condom, with your spouse or regular long-time partner, then begin to regularly use a condom with them at home -- at least 50% of the time. This makes it not an additional strange and unusual thing in the midst of many other differences (different person, different setting, different timing and expectations, etc.). And it is also another good way for you and your spouse to be "in on" swinging together.

 

Personally, I enjoy that using the condoms seem to make me able to last much longer -- especially since it was years of using them before I got the tip to use a bit of lubricant on the inside of it as well as on the outside.

 

Cheers ...

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Thanks for all of the great replies! It's good to know its not just me. We have a couple who have become friends and playmates, and one thing that was a pleasant surprise to me (and they are much more experienced than we are) is the relaxed nature between people who play together frequently about just about everything. The last time we played, I had no problem getting and keeping an erection, but I had this whole "will I be able to cum" thing stuck in my head so it took a lot longer than normal - I was concerned she was going to say "OK, I'm fucked out!" LOL! Though she had already had about 4 orgasms, it was her birthday so we made sure she had a great time that night. But her husband had a challenge gettting and keeping an erection, and my wife tried to climb onto his cock but it just would not coordinate. He laughed and said he was distracted and my wife said no problem and gave him her killer BJ (she really has amazing technique) and it didn't take too long before he had a nice big orgasm. '

 

And afterwards it wasn't even really a topic of conversation as we lay on the bed chatting. Because it wasn't a big deal. We'd played for about an hour and a half and had a great, hot sexy time in a lot of different positions, etc. It was fun all the way around.

 

We have decided practice is the key, so we need to practice practice practice! ;)

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I don't think it matters. It's easier for me to jerk off on a woman's tits, but a couple of weeks ago I was in an mfm and I came in her mouth then the other bloke did too. She had a great time. Look out for each other is my advice.

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We have had faced performance issues, specially during same-room experiences. We have managed to solved by breaking up the group and go to separate rooms, that releases a ton of pressure from the man.

The most important thing is to make sure that the man doesn't get frustrated -> All is psychological.

 

Panic scenic can be a really pain and can certainly ruin the night for all.

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If you do this long enough I am sure most women have experienced a man that gets too nervous, too tired, too drunk or something in his head that doesn't let him do what he wants to do. Some men are always hard, some will lose an erection, some will be premature. The last thing I would want to do is make a partner feel bad. We are all here to enjoy. We are not in a business and our lives will go on. I am sure that the ladies on here don't always have an orgasm but for me I still enjoy. Maybe expectations are higher on a man, A woman needs a little lube and she is ready, a man needs his a physical part working. More than once a soft guy will get hard with oral and if he is willing to reciprocate, and I have never met a man who wouldn't, we can both enjoy.

Just don't let it get in your head. I know it is easier to say. Enjoy Enjoy Enjoy

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It happens to EVERY guy...at some point, period. And it WILL happen more then once in your life. Period. Too many possible reasons why. Our minds are our own worst enemies at times. Think dirtier thoughts lol! You'll get over it. Just don't make it a "thing" right from the get go. You already sound stressed from just this one episode. Relax. Forget about it, and enjoy your fucking. Oh and welcome to getting older lol! As was said, your cock goes soft, eat that pussy GOOD to make up for it. She will still appreciate you for it, and it may just get your erection back. Been there done that too. Redemption sex is still good sex lol! If ya get all stressed over it and pout about it openly its a total downer for everybody. Make the best of it. You are still naked with sexy women you want to have fun with. That's what mouths and tongue's and fingers are for. Think multi-tool mentality, not just a one dick pony lol!

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My experience has been no problem getting the erection, just taking longer than expeccted to cum, but I know part of that is getting used to condoms. But yeah, we have a couple of couples now we play with regularly and we all get along very well and we laugh about if something funny happens and no biggie if a problem occurs. It helps knowing and getting along well with the couple.

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