View Poll Results: Is the "Hot Wife" lifestyle a part of swinging?

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  • Yes, if her husband knows and approves

    53 63.86%
  • No, a couple must be involved in the act.

    5 6.02%
  • Yes, if the couple talks about her experience afterward.

    13 15.66%
  • No, it has nothing to do with swinging.

    12 14.46%
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  1. Back To Top | #26

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post

    I do love these "what is swinging?" threads, they are always fun, and drama-free (ok, maybe not drama-free).
    If someone doesn't give you negative rep without the balls to sign, you aren't trying hard enough

  2. Back To Top | #27

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by LiveLoveHaveFun View Post
    My typical response to this type of question is, who cares? Be who you are, have fun and let those who are concerned with labels and who enjoy arguing over trivial matters drive themselves crazy.

    I feel what’s more important is that you understand what you’ll find in each category so you can be successful in finding what you’re looking for.

    Michael and I started in the lifestyle only interested in couples. Now, we have a few couples we play with together and I have a few gentlemen and a girlfriend that I’ll play with alone. So what should we call ourselves? Oh wait, don’t answer that because I don’t care.

    However, the poll results clearly reflect most people agree with Julie’s disposition.

    Alicia
    Alicia

    I hear what you are saying, it's just that I don't conciser it to be trivial.
    I often wonder at what point in human history the term "labels" became a negative thing. I am in the camp that thinks they are not only positive but necessary.
    All due respect to those folks who's lifestyle choice is extramarital serial single partner sex, I would fight to the death for their right to peruse that, but I will never agree that that lifestyle choice is the same as the one I peruse. I didn't say better or worse mind you, it's just not the same

  3. Back To Top | #28
    Being good is overrated sweet_tna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    We humans are such funny creatures. We insist on putting labels on things in order to help understand them. And yet . . .

    "What's in a name? that which we call a rose
    By any other name would smell as sweet"

    Old Billy was right. But by all means, please save me a seat in the Constitutional Convention . . . I'll bring my copy of Robert's Rules of Order.

    =)
    I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

  4. Back To Top | #29
    Breaking Barriers cupl4fun's Avatar
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    couple, he mostly posts, she reads and points out his mistakes

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Need clarification for me to decide, I think. Does the husband never participate at all? If he does not participate then he cannot be called a swinger, but I would have no problem with calling her one as long as the husband knows and approves. I know lots of males who do this and everyone calls them swingers, but only the ones who have approval, the other ones are called by less polite names...lol. Now if the husband sometimes plays too but mostly lets his wife go out, then they both are swingers in our mind.

    "I am not looking for a semantic debate, I just want the protein." This whole conversation reminds me a bit of a scene from a movie Mrs. cupl and I love
    Screw You Guys. I'm Goin' Home.
    Cupl4fun

  5. Back To Top | #30

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Perhaps a good question is why do "hot wives" or perhaps their husbands, want to be called swingers?

  6. Back To Top | #31
    Breaking Barriers cupl4fun's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    "Perhaps a good question is why do "hot wives" or perhaps their husbands, want to be called swingers?"

    Easier to be included and meet people if you are a part of the "group" called swingers, i.e. wearing the moniker opens doorways. The same reason lots of cheating husbands want to call themselves swingers. But like I said earlier, if they have "Lincoln approval" (Curb Your Enthusiasm reference) from their spouse, I personally don't think it really matters what they call themselves as long as they are open and honest with any potential partners.
    Screw You Guys. I'm Goin' Home.
    Cupl4fun

  7. Back To Top | #32

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    It all depends on your definition of swinging. If it's "both members of a couple get some strange on or about the same time" than no, hot-wifing is not swinging. But there are swingers who hot-wife and there are those who primarily hot-wife that swing. So there is a cross-over.

    So though it's been posted before, I'll direct you to Franklin Veaux's excellent Venn diagram of non-monogamy http://tacit.livejournal.com/333842.html
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  8. Back To Top | #33

    Default

    Yes, by my definition it is. Swinging is when a couple allows themselves to play with others; while it isn't effecting the marriage or how much they care for one another. So whatever the scenario I say it is still swinging.

  9. Back To Top | #34

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by BeStylnIT View Post
    Yes, by my definition it is. Swinging is when a couple allows themselves to play with others; while it isn't effecting the marriage or how much they care for one another. So whatever the scenario I say it is still swinging.
    So an open marriage is swinging by your definition as is being a cuckold.

  10. Back To Top | #35

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicup View Post
    So an open marriage is swinging by your definition as is being a cuckold.
    I would say swinging is a subset of an open marriage/open relationship, therefore all swingers have an open marriage/open relationship while not all who have an open marriage/open relationship swing.
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  11. Back To Top | #36

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by WesternSwing View Post
    I would say swinging is a subset of an open marriage/open relationship, therefore all swingers have an open marriage/open relationship while not all who have an open marriage/open relationship swing.
    We may be dealing in semantics here, but in no way shape or form do we have an open marriage/open relationship. In fact swing has little to do with our Marriage/Relationship.

    Yes, by my definition it is. Swinging is when a couple allows themselves to play with others; while it isn't effecting the marriage or how much they care for one another. So whatever the scenario I say it is still swinging
    .

    To me that's way to broad a definition. IMHO swinging involves both partners and or 3 or more people

    So an open marriage is swinging by your definition as is being a cuckold.
    To me cuckolding is swinging, hotwifeing is not. Reason being cuckholding involves both partners, generally hotwifieng does not.

  12. Back To Top | #37

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by WesternSwing View Post
    I would say swinging is a subset of an open marriage/open relationship, therefore all swingers have an open marriage/open relationship while not all who have an open marriage/open relationship swing.
    That's how I've always seen it as well.

    Open relationship = nonmonogamous in general, whether it be sexually, romantically, or both.

  13. Back To Top | #38

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by km34 View Post
    That's how I've always seen it as well.

    Open relationship = nonmonogamous in general, whether it be sexually, romantically, or both.

    Just so I understand your position, you make no distinction between a couple who is in a lifestyle guided by general rules with personal boundaries and perimeters with the emphasis on mutual gratification, and a couple who's marriage is based on serial nonmonogamy absent the other partners participation, and if we agree on the definition of "open marriage", sometimes without the other partners knowledge (at least till after the fact) or any approval process with the emphasis on personal gratification?

  14. Back To Top | #39

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by Partyperks847 View Post
    Just so I understand your position, you make no distinction between a couple who is in a lifestyle guided by general rules with personal boundaries and perimeters with the emphasis on mutual gratification, and a couple who's marriage is based on serial nonmonogamy absent the other partners participation, and if we agree on the definition of "open marriage", sometimes without the other partners knowledge (at least till after the fact) or any approval process with the emphasis on personal gratification?
    That's not my position at all.

    Open relationships, IMO, are ETHICALLY nonmonogamous relationships of any form. That means that any partner(s) must know and approve of that type of relationship structure. Swinging falls under ethical nonmonogamy, therefore falls under the umbrella term of open relationship.

    For me, swinging is a subcategory under the general heading of "open" that is a couple-centric activity. So, as I said earlier in the thread, I would consider a couple who "hotewifes" to be swingers if they play together at some point and/or do the "hotwifing" in a way that is still about their relationship, but just in a general open relationship (sexually) if it is just her going off and he's not really involved at all.

    In my experience, all varieties of open/nonmonogamous relationships are guided by general rules. That is most definitely not exclusive to swinging. Even cheaters (which I do NOT include in open relationship - cheating lacks the ETHICAL part) generally have "rules" - i.e. spouse can't know, limited contact, or whatever else eases their conscious/minimizes risk of being found out.

  15. Back To Top | #40

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by km34 View Post
    That's not my position at all.

    Open relationships, IMO, are ETHICALLY nonmonogamous relationships of any form. That means that any partner(s) must know and approve of that type of relationship structure. Swinging falls under ethical nonmonogamy, therefore falls under the umbrella term of open relationship.

    For me, swinging is a subcategory under the general heading of "open" that is a couple-centric activity. So, as I said earlier in the thread, I would consider a couple who "hotewifes" to be swingers if they play together at some point and/or do the "hotwifing" in a way that is still about their relationship, but just in a general open relationship (sexually) if it is just her going off and he's not really involved at all.

    In my experience, all varieties of open/nonmonogamous relationships are guided by general rules. That is most definitely not exclusive to swinging. Even cheaters (which I do NOT include in open relationship - cheating lacks the ETHICAL part) generally have "rules" - i.e. spouse can't know, limited contact, or whatever else eases their conscious/minimizes risk of being found out.

    I guess we have a disagreement of semantics and definition. My "marriage and Relationship" (Two separate women) have little to do with sex with others and it is by no means and by no stretch of the imagination "open"

    Based on friends who have this "open" relationship (some swing some don't) the term "open" implies just that, that both partners have agreed to allow the other to see and play with others at will without discussion or impunity....this does not exist in the same galaxy as my relationships or the relationships of the vast majority of lifestyle couples I know.

    Again, it may be semantics, but if indeed there is a requirement for discussion before the fact and it's governed by rules, I would suggest that is not an "open" marriage.

  16. Back To Top | #41

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by Partyperks847 View Post
    I guess we have a disagreement of semantics and definition. My "marriage and Relationship" (Two separate women) have little to do with sex with others and it is by no means and by no stretch of the imagination "open"

    Based on friends who have this "open" relationship (some swing some don't) the term "open" implies just that, that both partners have agreed to allow the other to see and play with others at will without discussion or impunity....this does not exist in the same galaxy as my relationships or the relationships of the vast majority of lifestyle couples I know.

    Again, it may be semantics, but if indeed there is a requirement for discussion before the fact and it's governed by rules, I would suggest that is not an "open" marriage.
    What you describe as an open relationship, I would describe as a DADT arrangement within an open relationship.

    The semantics is what makes these types of discussions interesting. Everyone seems to have their own set of connotations and definitions.

  17. Back To Top | #42
    Sunny...For Your Pleasure sunbuckus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by Partyperks847 View Post
    To me cuckolding is swinging, hotwifeing is not. Reason being cuckholding involves both partners, generally hotwifieng does not.
    Okay, I have to ask...what is hot wifeing and what is cuckholding? I thought they were the same.

  18. Back To Top | #43
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Other can refine my definitions if needed but I believe a hot wife brings people home to the husband or is watched by the husband as she picks up someone like at a bar; cuckhold means the husband having no interest in "sex with others" sits at home waiting for his wife to come back maybe with and maybe without some kind of story to tell about her evening's adventure.
    If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear, is the man still wrong?

  19. Back To Top | #44

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    Other can refine my definitions if needed but I believe a hot wife brings people home to the husband or is watched by the husband as she picks up someone like at a bar; cuckhold means the husband having no interest in "sex with others" sits at home waiting for his wife to come back maybe with and maybe without some kind of story to tell about her evening's adventure.
    Pretty close to what I've always thought on the hotwife definition... Although cuckolding is traditionally about humiliation, not disinterest. Specifically targeting men who are better looking, have larger penises, better stamina, something like that so that the husband is forced to watch his wife be pleasured better than he himself is able. I think lately it has become more widely accepted as a term for a couple where the hubby doesn't play, whereas historically a man was labelled "cuckold" where another more powerful/virile man forced him into a secondary position (at least sexually) so that he was still responsible for wife, family, etc while the other man is getting the "spoils."

  20. Back To Top | #45
    Sunny...For Your Pleasure sunbuckus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Thanks guys for the clarification. Cuckolding is definitely not my thing. I wouldn't mind doing the hot wife thing though.

  21. Back To Top | #46

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    I believe the word dates from the middle ages and is derived from the "CooCoo" bird, which is known to lay it's eggs in another's nest.
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    óWill Rogers

  22. Back To Top | #47

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by sunbuckus View Post
    Okay, I have to ask...what is hot wifeing and what is cuckholding? I thought they were the same.
    To the best of my understanding, Hot wifeing refers to a woman playing independently and for the most part not involving the husband, where as cuckolding generally involves the husband in a form or humiliation, be it actual or role play

  23. Back To Top | #48

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    I consider swinging as when there are two or more COUPLES who trade partners. "Hotwifing" refers to a wife who has sex with other men with their husbands approval. He might be there to watch or he lets her get together with him on her own.

  24. Back To Top | #49

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    If my wife had sex without me there i would consider that cheating. That's our rules but whatever you agree on are the rules.

  25. Back To Top | #50

    Default Re: Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by mikeswinger56 View Post
    If my wife had sex without me there i would consider that cheating. That's our rules but whatever you agree on are the rules.
    I agree and disagree. If your wife is having sex without you there, without your knowledge or consent....that is cheating. Having an open relationship that is ok with both husband and wife....not cheating.
    Cheers to not knowing what's next!

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