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SoFlaCouple

The SDC fountain of youth...age, honesty, and swinger profiles

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Unlike SLS, SDC automatically updates your age based on the birthday you enter. We are honest about our ages 45, but the gym, our diet, our attitude, our young kids, and genes have been good to us. Mrs. SoFla looks mid 30's with the body of a 25 year old. Me, not SO lucky, but most people would put me at about 40.

 

In the last few months we noticed on SDC a lot of people in our age range and older have begun reverse aging. Those in their late 40's are now in their early 40's. Those in their early to mid 40's are now in their late 30's to just hitting 40.

 

At 45, in the online world anyway, we feel we are aging out of the 30's crowd and into the 50's crowd. In person, we do well with all ages.

 

We love the online world. We enjoy, and it seems to work well for us, reaching out to couples on an RSVP for an event, then meeting them in person. However, we can't help but notice how many of the couples we know on the list are now listed as younger than us, when the opposite is true.

 

The conundrum...

 

We believe in honesty, which is why we post our real age. However, we now realize that a large number of people in our age band and older fudge their ages, making them look younger than us.

 

So, do we:

 

1) stick with our real ages, which some people won't get past unless they meet us in person and miss out on potential opportunities;

 

2) do we go with what seems to be the flow around here and drop a year or 3 (I'm feeling younger already!);

 

3) put in our profile we are 45, but feel 35; or

 

4) (I just thought of this) put 42 in the age portion (which shows up on the RSVP lists), then explain our real ages in the body of the profile?

 

Remember, we are ground zero +1 for vanity (South Florida, second only to LA).

 

We know we will get great feedback from this group.

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SoFlaCouple, here's my humble opinion and please take it with a large grain of salt since we're in our 30s and haven't yet had to deal with this issue--who knows, we might be considering your quandary in 15 years!

 

Since it seems like honesty is very important to you, stick with that. It's not going to do you a lick of good if you are dishonest with your age. If you aren't honest about it, and others see that you aren't being honest, then they are going to see you as being dishonest or a hypocrite. You reap what you sow? I don't know...put something sage and wise there. :lol:

 

I also don't know if I would put, "We are 45 but feel 35," because anyone could say that. Perhaps you could write that you two are open to a wide range of ages and maybe you still get carded at the store when buying alcohol. ;)

 

I like honesty but I also don't scour the profiles online. I can understand your concern if you rely on online profiles to find compatible couples. I will admit, there have been times where we have played with a couple, looked at the profile and be surprised at the age they list themselves. And I'll say, "Awesome! We just scored with some 50-year-olds!" There have also been times when we talked with a couple and they talk about how they've been married for x-years when I was born. Later, we look online and we're confused as to why their age listed is within 10 years of us. Uhhhh, I hardly think you were married at 10-years-old! In that situation, their attractive level drops because they either aren't diligent with their profile (and they are online every day) or they are being dishonest.

 

In the end, how do you want to be perceived in terms of honesty? Would you rather be honest and miss out on potential couples? Or would you rather be dishonest, score with couples that knowingly know you're dishonest and still miss out on potential couples that pass you by because they are turned off by your dishonesty?

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Honesty is the best policy. But I prefer to meet people in person and judge them on the whole picture. We've met so many people who are a little heavy or a little older who are just great people. Personal stats are overrated!

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The first 2 times J and I met someone from an ad or profile I was kind of taken back at the brazen lie a person would tell, knowing it will come out. We try to be painfully honest. Really, I'd much rather see a new person looking at me with a, "cool, not that hideous", rather than "OMG, my phone is ringing".

 

Advise? Read your post. Do you feel good putting that out there? Whatever you are comfortable with... and I get the impression you would prefer to just be honest.

 

I don't think fudging a couple years is a big deal, especially if you can pull it off. Also, I'm glad this thread was started, reminded me to update my profile.

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I think after 40 more people lie than tell the truth.

 

Hell we even caught a guy doing it on our last cruise. "I'm 40 and my wife is 43" about 30 minutes later hes telling a story about some single female "Well that was back when I was 40".

 

Another couple we met 2 years ago, their profile said 43. We met them and they were not bad looking but she says "We wish we would have met you 10 years ago" implying that we were much younger than they were and assuming we would find them too old. Not sure how old they were, but I'd guess later 40's.

 

And some of the photos vs profiles we get, either I'm the YOUNGEST looking 40 on the planet, or well anyways you get the idea.

 

I've posted before I'm seriously thinking about lying. We usually end up playing with the 30 something crowd when we go out, and they seem scared by profile numbers. I wouldn't mind a site that didn't have ages but required photos with you holding up something official with the date ;) (I'd say newspaper but not many of those left).

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I think after 40 more people lie than tell the truth.

...

And some of the photos vrs profiles we get, either I'm the YOUNGEST looking 40 on the planet, or well anyways you get the idea.

 

Exactly!

 

We usually end up playing with the 30 something crowd when we go out, and they seem scared by profile numbers.

 

That has been our experience as well. I'm proud of the fact that we are 45 and are in the best shape of our lives, except maybe our early 20's. ;-). We would much prefer that everyone be honest with their age, but because of the rampant fudging of age, we sometimes feel like we are missing out for being honest. Maybe that is not the case, and it is just our warped perception.

 

Ultimately, I think Sun and Chicup have the best advise. Be ourselves, be honest, make some reference in our profile to getting carded (which happens to my wife all the time) and post recent pictures with the date. Thanks for the great feedback!

 

Now of we can just solve the problem of profiles with 80 pictures of the woman, and none of the man....

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I don't have a good enough memory to lie but if I were to lie about my age, I would lie up. I would much prefer someone to say "damn you look great for your age" than "that bitch must smoke rocks".... js :)

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I just don't see the benefits of lying. We accurately state our age on SLS and update changes in age. We also accurately list our heights and weights. We care not to deceive and waste time of others and respect the same from other couples. Honesty seems to always serve one best.

 

MrMarvin

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I have a rant around here somewhere about how much people lie about their age. At the end of the thread I think the common theme was 'what's a few years/lbs shaved here and there' but it drives us nuts.

 

We have resolved ourselves to accept it and the truth of the matter is if you are meeting the majority of people at an event, it doesn't matter. If you are meeting the majority of people through dates, then it's a big deal.

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If you are meeting the majority of people through dates, then it's a big deal.

 

We have our first "date" in about two years, coming up this weekend, its going to be interesting. I have a feeling it might be one of those "Age" things but I'm hopeful :P

 

For us its paying for babysitting so being lied to actually hurts us in this case beyond lost time.

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Question to all based on responses here... does the actual age matter so much if you are attracted to the couple? I'm assuming that before meeting you have seen at least some pictures? And while pictures don't tell all, the same would be true if they were truthful about their age or not.

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Question to all based on responses here... does the actual age matter so much if you are attracted to the couple? I'm assuming that before meeting you have seen at least some pictures? And while pictures don't tell all, the same would be true if they were truthful about their age or not.

 

Doesn't matter to us, except that if I later find out someone was younger than 35 I'm a little verklempt. And I don't care if people lie or tell the truth in their profiles, because I think attraction doesn't depend on a narrow age range (at least for us), but sorting for prospective couples kinda does.

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Question to all based on responses here... does the actual age matter so much if you are attracted to the couple? I'm assuming that before meeting you have seen at least some pictures? And while pictures don't tell all, the same would be true if they were truthful about their age or not.

 

In person, age doesn't matter...to a point. As it has been said in other threads, when looking at online profiles, you're looking for a reason to say no. When in person, you look for reasons to say yes. For us, there's a lot of rig-a-ma-roll concerning looking at profiles and meeting strictly from online contact. Age might be wrong. Weight might be a turn-off. Anything written in the profile might shoo you away. And pictures...there's always some pet peeve about pictures! When meeting in person, you usually know within 5 minutes of talking to a couple if you're interested.

 

I think age matters more in terms of gauging whether there are similarities in life experiences or common interests. A vast difference in age might signify hardship in relating to the other couple.

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Unlike SLS, SDC automatically updates your age based on the birthday you enter. We are honest about our ages 45, but the gym, our diet, our attitude, our young kids, and genes have been good to us. Mrs. SoFla looks mid 30's with the body of a 25 year old. Me, not SO lucky, but most people would put me at about 40.

 

In the last few months we noticed on SDC a lot of people in our age range and older have begun reverse aging. Those in their late 40's are now in their early 40's. Those in their early to mid 40's are now in their late 30's to just hitting 40.

 

At 45, in the online world anyway, we feel we are aging out of the 30's crowd and into the 50's crowd. In person, we do well with all ages.

 

We love the online world. We enjoy, and it seems to work well for us, reaching out to couples on an RSVP for an event, then meeting them in person. However, we can't help but notice how many of the couples we know on the list are now listed as younger than us, when the opposite is true.

 

The conundrum...

 

We believe in honesty, which is why we post our real age. However, we now realize that a large number of people in our age band and older fudge their ages, making them look younger than us.

 

So, do we:

 

1) stick with our real ages, which some people won't get past unless they meet us in person and miss out on potential opportunities;

 

2) do we go with what seems to be the flow around here and drop a year or 3 (I'm feeling younger already!);

 

3) put in our profile we are 45, but feel 35; or

 

4) (I just thought of this) put 42 in the age portion (which shows up on the RSVP lists), then explain our real ages in the body of the profile?

 

Remember, we are ground zero +1 for vanity (South Florida, second only to LA).

 

We know we will get great feedback from this group.

 

Short answer: 3

 

Long answer: Any couple shallow enough to dismiss you strictly because your age is a few years outside of some imaginary red line are probably folks with whom you would rather not play. People age differently, both in the physical and intellectual sense. It is our experience that most people understand that fact and establish age ranges more in a general way than in absolute terms. Many men would give a week's pay to peek under Christie Brinkley's dress, and she's 60. Raquel Welch is still rocking it and she's 70.

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This question I would have answered differently when we first got on these forums then now. When we first started I was simply NOT attracted to older women simply because of age. It wasn't about upkeep or the like, I was just set in that anyone more than a few years older than me was not someone I was interested in sexually. I think a lot of that is I was still in a vanilla dating mindset. For dating I dated younger or same age women, it was "natural" to my thinking. I recall one time a friend of ours pointed out a woman who was the grand old age of 36 and I told him "too old". In retrospect I think she was hot, but that was a long time ago :)

 

Now I realize that while "age is a number" is a bit oversimplifying it there are a LOT of factors more important. Maintenance being the big one as many people never switch from "young and naturally fit" to "older and have to work for it" modes. But genetics, sun exposure, smoking, etc can all lead to premature aging in terms of looks. We've seen 40 somethings going on 30 and going on 60 (looks wise).

 

So while meeting someone in person, age itself isn't a primary concern. We never ask, I don't WANT to know.

 

I think age matters more in terms of gauging whether there are similarities in life experiences or common interests. A vast difference in age might signify hardship in relating to the other couple.

 

This is a big part of it, jokes, music, life experiences depend to an extent on when you were born.

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Question to all based on responses here... does the actual age matter so much if you are attracted to the couple? I'm assuming that before meeting you have seen at least some pictures? And while pictures don't tell all, the same would be true if they were truthful about their age or not.

 

The problem is that most people think they look younger than they are. In fact, most everyone in swinging seems to have a skewed idea of how old they look and there is the crux of the issue. They think they look 40 but actually they look 50 and they are pushing 60. That's a big issue, attraction went by the wayside because you just pissed us off.

 

If we meet you at a club and you are telling us you are 40 and you are really 55 but you are attractive then it doesn't matter as much because we didn't waste an hour driving to meet you under false pretenses.

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The problem is that most people think they look younger than they are.

 

Amen to that. I've never heard anyone say "we look our age" or "we look older" but EVERYONE looks younger.

 

This is of course impossible, but for me because of course I look very young for my age :lol:

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