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funcoupledayton

Inviting Guests to a House Party

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We are having a party. We have invited about 40 couples that we know and like. Two of the couples had been involved with each other in a poly relationship that ended poorly. Both couples still come to our group events and socialize with the same people. Both couples have hosted parties that we have/will attend in the past month. One couple we have never played with, one my husband plays with.

 

Both accepted the invitation. The couple who accepted first is now upset. They texted me to tell me they were surprised I would invite the other couple and are not sure they will attend.

 

My response was, "OK"

 

I wanted to say, "whatever." But, I felt like that would be rude.

 

I don't feel like I should have to choose between the two couples or justify who I invite.

 

How would you respond? Have you been in a similar situation with friends?

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Hypothetically, I probably would have responded as you have but since we haven't been in that situation, I can't say for certain. Maybe I would have apologized just to be nice but I would feel some ill-feelings toward that couple that complained.

 

My question is: Do both couples know that you are still good friends with the other couple? If so, then I don't know why it would be a surprise. If they didn't, then I can envision that they viewed you and Mr. funcouple to have "taken sides" and sided with them, unknowing that you are still friends with the other couple. Does that make sense?

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Your party, your invitations, their choice to attend or not. It's not your comfort zone, it's theirs.

 

That said, it's worth reflecting on the source of the distress. Relationships can and do end badly, yet time heals most wounds. The two couples might well have unresolved issues--theirs not yours. Drama is a risk. If they're adults, they'll choose to manage or choose to avoid.

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Your party, your invitations, their choice to attend or not. It's not your comfort zone, it's theirs.

 

We don't throw parties generally but I would agree with Fundamental Law's sentiment. I analogize it with vanilla parties. I have friends that were in previous relationships. I like them all. If I don't invite one friend over another, then I am choosing sides and someone will get mad at me. So either way, someone may get mad at you. I think it's fair to let them choose whether they want to attend because it's your party after all. The thing is some people have no problem being around their ex's while some can't stand being in the same room with them. For the latter, they have the option to decline the invite.

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funcoupledayton, if you let each of them know that the other is also invited, then it seems to me that you have more than fulfilled your obligation as a host, and as a friend to both couples. You've shown that you're sensitive to the potential issue, while not taking sides.

 

If you spend much time in a community of lifestyle people, I think you'll eventually become aware of the various interpersonal dramas among some people in your circle of friends- it's unavoidable. I've suggested above how we would respond as hosts. But if we were one of the guests with an issue, I suppose we would act in a way to try to preserve the peace of the party while having a good time, if possible. We would come to the party, have a good time with the people we like, and try not to have any uncomfortable interaction with the other couple. But also, we have bowed out of events where we though it might be very uncomfortable or bring the party down. We would in no way blame the hosts for that! Human relationships are generally too complicated to assume that, because we might not get along with another couple, that anybody who does like them is somehow "wrong" to do so.

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All great answers above that I totally agree with. I think it comes down to the burden shouldn't be on a third party to police, referee, arbitrate, or whatever other term one could come up with to describe being in the middle of other people's drama.

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I think of couples as like a single unit now, so to me its like me as a sub shemale adult video performer invited 40 other singles or couple units to an event of my own. They all know who is going to be there is the main concept I think. It is not like some group blind date where nobody knows what to expect. They all know what they are getting into now and that is to your credit for telling them. You might lose one or two units though. That is just the way life pans out.

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For our parties, we use sign-up lists at the two different swingers' Web sites were we post notices of an upcoming party. That way nobody can say that they did not know.

 

So it did happen that a couple dropped off a list. They subsequently sent a note saying, "we're not coming because so--and--so is going to be there." To this we made no reply.

 

They dig their hole deeper. They learned after the party that so-and-so did not actually attend. Then they were cranked because they thought that it was our job to inform them of this fact. Again, we made no response. Odds are we will not be seeing them again.

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You learn so much about how to behave properly here on this board its gr8.

it really is.

The actual life is obviously somewhere else for all of us.

In fact I would be surprised if any of the board users here ever even go with each other.

This site is what I wanted.

Etiquette guidance and behavior tutoring of how to behave properly in the mad bad dangerous world out there.

Thanks to whoever set this site up.

They thought it was your job to inform them it reads above.

A million dollar lesson in itself.

It obviously was not.

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