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RMRx2

Just discovered daughter/son-in-law are swingers

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hmmmmmmmm, just learned that my daughter and son-in-law are flirting with, if not already pretty involved in, the lifestyle and have lifestyle friends they are meeting with, A surprise to say the least, especially given my daughter's fairly straight laced "public" history to date. Type A, hard worker, family and career driven, and a bit proper.

 

Thing is, never thought much about bumping into friends or family in our large city because any friends I have, I wouldn't be concerned about knowing, most already do. Not a lot of family near by and pretty sure most go nowhere near the lifestyle. Son is in another state, and we're close enough to discuss such things. But daughter and son-in-law, they live CLOSE.

 

I am just not sure how I feel about this. I mean, even thinking about your parents naked and having sex, let alone with others, is not a vision even open-minded folks like to conjure up.

 

So discussing such things dosen't seem appropriate. Leave the information alone though, and we are very liable to have a very embarassing chance crossing.

 

hmmmmm still thinking about this one. I mean I am happy to learn my daughter is loosening up a bit and living a little,,,probably has all along,,,more than I thought.

 

Not so wierd talking with my son about such things,,,just totally different with my daughter. Oh well.

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Wow, that does present a conundrum, doesn't it? :confused:

 

Just a couple thoughts to toss out:

 

If you were in their shoes, and your parents were swingers, and found out you were too, would you want them to approach you in order to make "arrangements"?

 

Depending on how well you two communicate, maybe all you need to do is let them know it would probably be wise to "coordinate" when you are planning a night out. Something like "We're going 'out' this weekend, you guys weren't planning anything similar were you?"

 

Maybe having Mr RMRx2 talk to the son-in-law is an option. All this of course depends on your particular dynamics and how well you interact.

 

We wish you the best of luck with this! :)

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Hello,

 

I have always been told that how calm a lake is does not say anything about its depth.

 

My thought: now that you know they are in the lifestyle, I think it would somehow be easier for you guys to communicate.

 

Best of luck.

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First question (which may help answer your question) how did you find out about their interests in swinging?

 

 

Well first, haven't kept up here in awhile, but we really appreciate the feedback and all the great people here on the board. Let's just say with all of the boards help and great people, the journey took us to being busier meeting people and enjoying the lifestyle with a decent degree of success.

 

Hi Julie! well different dynamics in each of the two relationships with adult children. While I do not profess to know everything about my son, our relationship is much more down to earth and open. And as such we talk about nearly everything. My daughter on the other hand, the relationship is a bit more superficial. She has been making efforts to get closer and open up more to her brother, and to me as well. She recently told her brother, who yesterday let it slip to me.

 

another reason I really think it best not to bring it up to her,,,,,at least first,,,her brother did not intentionally mean to let that information slip,,,,,,,or at least I think it was unintentional,oh gosh maybe I am just a naive parent.

 

in another state, we could run around the lifestyle circle and I would think it completely okay to both act like we know nothing about the other,,but here,,,,,living 20 miles or so apart :eek:

 

it may, however, explain why we are blocked on one and only one profile on sls,,,,,and we never communicated with those folks,,,never met them,,,,and it has been buggin the crap outta me who might have blocked us for no apparent reason :confused::o:lol: the rmrx2's

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If you are right about that profile then she already knows. Does your son know about your own involvement in the lifestyle?

 

I have a good friend who is a swinger (with her husband) and who found out that her mother was also involved after her mother came over around the holidays and saw a (very discrete) Christmas card from the local club they attend. The mom having recently gotten involved in swinging, herself, recognized the club name and things went from there. However, I do think that my friend and her mother were probably already on more open terms than you may be with your daughter. Where I was hoping to go with that is that MAYBE (just maybe) if you can both open up about this, it really might help your relationship open up. Granted, no one wants to think about their parents having sex, and I doubt most parents really want to think about/ know about their children's sex lives. But, it could be that both of you trying to keep this secret from each other is only increasing that space between you, wheras if that information were shared, it could help you get closer together.

 

That said, how do you bring it up? At this point the only way to do so would be to open up to her about your own sex lives. I don't know how that would happen. I know with my own mother sex has always been a very taboo topic, however since I've grown up (and moreso since I've gotten divorced and moved back to the area where she lives) it's a subject that every once in a while magically appears. It's awkward (VERY) and I wouldn't broach swinging with her (although it's been broached due to a slip on my part several years ago - which is why I wouldn't do it again), but there is a much higher level of openness overall than there was when I was younger.

 

You live in a large city so it's entirely possible that you could both swing for years and never run into each other.

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If you are right about that profile then she already knows. Does your son know about your own involvement in the lifestyle?

 

I have a good friend who is a swinger (with her husband) and who found out that her mother was also involved after her mother came over around the holidays and saw a (very discrete) Christmas card from the local club they attend. The mom having recently gotten involved in swinging, herself, recognized the club name and things went from there. However, I do think that my friend and her mother were probably already on more open terms than you may be with your daughter. Where I was hoping to go with that is that MAYBE (just maybe) if you can both open up about this, it really might help your relationship open up. Granted, no one wants to think about their parents having sex, and I doubt most parents really want to think about/ know about their children's sex lives. But, it could be that both of you trying to keep this secret from each other is only increasing that space between you, wheras if that information were shared, it could help you get closer together.

 

That said, how do you bring it up? At this point the only way to do so would be to open up to her about your own sex lives. I don't know how that would happen. I know with my own mother sex has always been a very taboo topic, however since I've grown up (and moreso since I've gotten divorced and moved back to the area where she lives) it's a subject that every once in a while magically appears. It's awkward (VERY) and I wouldn't broach swinging with her (although it's been broached due to a slip on my part several years ago - which is why I wouldn't do it again), but there is a much higher level of openness overall than there was when I was younger.

 

You live in a large city so it's entirely possible that you could both swing for years and never run into each other.

 

Ah yes, you see why this has me floored. All of the (akwards) (very's) :lol: I agree, if we talked more like my son and I it would be great. It is just thinking about those akwards, very's that have me freaking a bit.

 

yes, my son knows of our lifestyle/ swinging and has since we headed off down this road. he has been supportive and if he has turned away from any converstion about it, I think it has been becuase he has been a bit jealous. his relationship is not doing so well currently and it appears divorce is on the horizon,,,,,,,if not imminent.

 

Come to think of it,this also explains my daughters interest in mrs rmrx2's new FMP's and where she got them,,,,,actually I was telling my wife that I was a little worried what my daughter my think of em,,,ain't that funny now! rmrx2

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ah, may have to add that to the dictionary (damn acronyms...lol).

 

Yeah, I'd say if your daughter was interested in your FMPs then she's either a stripper (or wants to be) or a swinger.... or she's single and just enjoys going out with the girls dressed up slutty.

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it may, however, explain why we are blocked on one and only one profile on sls,,,,,and we never communicated with those folks,,,never met them,,,,and it has been buggin the crap outta me who might have blocked us for no apparent reason :confused::o:lol: the rmrx2's

It could be, or it could just be a couple only interested in the single bi-female.

 

Of course, you know, she could be a member here, and therefore aware of the entire situation................. :eek:

--Not that you don't have enough to worry about already! ;)

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My personal opinion is that if I were you I would approach your daughter in a mature and honest way about this. If she is the one that has a block on you on the site, maybe that is why she has distanced herself as she is disappointed that you have never opened up to her about it. I feel that this approach would definately be better and more comfortable than to be in a club in the middle of some action and look up to see them there. :eek:

 

Just my 2 cents worth, Good luck.

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Just a suggestion because I haven't read in this thread anything about it, but have you thought about possibly talking to your son about your daughter's attitude towards discussing the lifestyle with you? Maybe he knows something that might help you approach your daughter about this.

 

I think I would ask him if he's comfortable talking about it with you since he let it slip he might not be willing or want to talk about it. However, if you express your concern to him I think he'll open up and let you know what she is thinking. Maybe he can be the middle man between you two until you and your daughter feel comfortable enough to talk about it.

 

I think that's the direction I would go if I were in your shoes. Just my .02

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It’s an interesting coincidence that this thread should show up at this time. Just last week, out of the blue, my son told me that he’d had a friend over for the evening recently and they’d both wound up screwing his (my son’s) wife.

I couldn’t tell if he was just trying to shock me so I told him he’d better not tell his father about this: - that he is a bit of a prude about such goings on and wouldn’t dream of my screwing another man who didn’t bring his wife to the party.

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Just a suggestion because I haven't read in this thread anything about it, but have you thought about possibly talking to your son about your daughter's attitude towards discussing the lifestyle with you? Maybe he knows something that might help you approach your daughter about this.

 

 

Excellent point Curious. It's obvious you (RMR) and your daughter are more comfortable talking to your son about (all) things, so....

He may even already know the answer to the million dollar question (is that your daughter that blocked you on SLS?)

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Excellent point Curious. It's obvious you (RMR) and your daughter are more comfortable talking to your son about (all) things, so....

He may even already know the answer to the million dollar question (is that your daughter that blocked you on SLS?)

 

 

Well keep the suggestions coming, lol.

 

Actually when I was asked about the mrs's shoes, I wrote back to my daughter that they were puchased at a large "dancer" wear store called the Electric Boutique here in the DFW metroplex. I added that it was a large store near a lot of upscale gentlemens clubs and that " it is near The Lodge (awesome topless club), a great place, very cpl friendly,,we'd been with some cpls and had a GREAT time,,and that it would make a wonderful surprise for her to take her hubby there some day, they'd have fun" . To which I recieved no reply, not even a "thanks we'll check out the store"

 

Last night I had the son on the phone and I told him that it has me surprised to learn about his sister, and went on to explain that I wondered now if it was someone we knew, that knows her , that recognized us early, and blocked us. Son simply listened, and did not reply. The subject changed.

 

So much for leaving the door wide open! :lol:

 

I guess if they want to talk to me they will, if not, we just might have a surprise meeting at a club or party :eek:

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Well, here is my 2 cents, might not be worth much but ... I have a daughter who has since gone off to college, but we have always been very honest with each other including when the discussion is about sex. Albiet sometimes it becomes uncomfortable but we do have an open and honest relationship.

 

She knows about "our" lifestyle and has even admitted to me she has been with another girl but is also interested in the swinging bit. This brought on a lengthy discussion regarding STD's and the emotional ups & downs. She admitted that she does not want sex to interfere with her studies and sports (Lacrosse scholarship) but still she says she enjoys sex.

 

My son recently found out about our lifestyle kept it in for the longest time, this affected his school work and his sports, after finally confronting him we talked and talked and my husband talked to him too. He is much better now, he was so afraid that we were going to split up up and that we would abandon him and the family for sex. I guess the biggest fear was the unknown and not knowing what was going to happen.

 

Bottom line, as much as it may appear painful, you NEED TO TALK & explain your feelings and reassure your love for your children and your husband. Just my opionion, you know your children better than anybody else, but I would rather learn the truth straight from the horses mouth rather than a go between. But a go between might just be the building block that builds the bridge for a honest relationship. A bit wordy ... but thats my opinion.

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Another situation that could arise down the road and I know it has happened before is that you may end up swinging with the same people. This can be a really interesting discussion around the dinner table. :surrend:

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Another situation that could arise down the road and I know it has happened before is that you may end up swinging with the same people. This can be a really interesting discussion around the dinner table.

 

WOW! that is something to add to the stew. Hadn't thought of that. Yes, more and more I am thinking we need to find the time and place to talk a bit. we do travel in younger circles, kinda that age group between our adult kids and our age. We see and follow alot of alt rock bands, and are pretty youthful of spirit. Having common interests with our kids, only makes that possibility that much greater. And yes, it would be interesting diner discussion for sure! Thanks for that input.

 

Jamie&Keith, and for that matter, everyones input. I have always beleived much better to get things out in the open. The dynamic with my daughter makes this one a bit harder, but I have tried to be an open book and accessible to my kiddos so I guess we'll find a way to broach this subject.

 

Thanks again for all the wonderful advice and comments.

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My parents are swingers as well.. My only rule when meeting a new couple is that they havent played with my parents... can you say ewww.. LMAO. We talk from time to time but dont go into any details about anything so its all good. :)

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I think it is pretty neat that this is happening...but I wouldn't approach her about it yet. Her brother told you, not her. It may be that she is opening up her life a bit more because of her swinging thoughts and realizing how ridiculous it is to be a closed type of person. Maybe some day soon she'll call you, especially if her brother tells her that he slipped up.

 

Very interesting though.

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Guest Pinmonkey
It’s an interesting coincidence that this thread should show up at this time. Just last week, out of the blue, my son told me that he’d had a friend over for the evening recently and they’d both wound up screwing his (my son’s) wife.

I couldn’t tell if he was just trying to shock me so I told him he’d better not tell his father about this: - that he is a bit of a prude about such goings on and wouldn’t dream of my screwing another man who didn’t bring his wife to the party.

 

I hope you meant this to be funny, but it made me laugh. Otherwise I have nothing to add to this conversation will continue to sit in the corner quietly.

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We have played with 2 couples that were related. Mother/Father and then Son/Daughter-in-Law. We were Play Friends with the parents for years before we met their son. The problem was, we didn't know it was their son for the first 6 months! Talk about embarrassing!

 

We have since been in many social settings with both the couples, but needless to say, there has never been (nor will there be) any group swinging ;)

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You're welcome, I'll be the first to admit, it was hard at first talking with my daughter about this, we both spoke a foreign language with lots and lots of "uhmmms" and "ahhhh's" and "what if's" ... but now it is really weird as we sometimes act like teenagers at the table and my family gets nervous and red-faced ... major common denominator ... we both like to be teasers

 

Just don't give up :)

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If the information came from your son, and even though it sounds like he may not really want to talk about it... Could you bring up the subject with him, and see if he'd be comfortable passing along to your daughter that you're in the lifestyle as well?

 

I think this is something that needs to be discussed, especially seeing how close you live to each other. My parents live an hour away, and while I don't think that they're in the lifestyle... They don't know that I'm thinking about jumping in. My mom will probably hear about it eventually... She and I have had an odd relationship. As I have gotten older, things have opened up a lot. So much that I was able to talk to her about the problems, sexual and otherwise, that I had with the ex-husband.

 

It's a tough call, but given the proximity, I'd rather be safe than sorry. If I was 20 minutes from my parents, I know I'd want to know if they were in the lifestyle as well. In fact, that's part of why I'll eventually talk to Mom about it... because, sometimes, you never know...

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