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Sjmar

I can't seem to cum with playmates...

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Help! You guys have been so totally fantastic about everything, I'm hoping maybe you have some advice for me about this. So to give a little bit of background, I have never been a woman that cums at the drop of a hat. Before I was with my husband, I was responsible for 90% of my own orgasms and was very good at faking it lol. He is amazing and always takes care of me, even if it sometimes takes a while, but .....

 

I have not been able to cum during a play session, with him or with someone else. We are still pretty new to the lifestyle, about three months in, but we have now had a total of 7 play experiences (two of them with a couple who plays girl on girl only, three of them with another couple that we have gotten really comfortable with, one was some girl on girl with a couple we met at a club, and we have had one MFM). There have been several times where I felt like I was really close, and quite a few times where I faked it because it just felt like it would be awkward if I kept going on without an orgasm (Is that weird??), but I just cannot seem to cum. I'm guessing there's got to be a mental component to this, but I would love any suggestions or advice (advice for letting myself get comfortable enough to cum during a play session, as well as if anyone has advice on how I can learn to orgasm a little bit easier even when it's just me and my husband). I am still enjoying our experiences nonetheless, but it would be really really nice to actually orgasm. Help me cum!!!

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. . . I am still enjoying our experiences nonetheless . . .
I believe that is the important part. The rest will come with time.
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Most of the time, my wife doesn't cum during a play session. In fact, most of the time, my wife doesn't cum from penetrative sex. Usually, she requires manual or oral stimulation to reach climax. Once in a very great while, someone manages to hit her spot just right but the vast majority of the time it just doesn't happen.

 

Her secret, she told me, is that she just doesn't worry about it. Orgasm isn't her goal. She loves to be watched. She loves the sensations of being touched, especially of being penetrated, even though it doesn't in itself result in a climax. She'll fake it when a partner is clearly not going to stop until he hears that moaning but in general, she gets off mentally on other people getting off. When all is said and done, if she really wants to cum she and I will take care of it ourselves... it becomes a good "re-connecting" step for us.

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I agree with the advice of others about not worrying and not focusing on the Big O. And, as a guy, I am begging you to Please Don't Fake It! I think you're doing it to be polite and not feel like you're dragging the guy on for too long, but we find it a little bit humiliating. Better to just say that you're getting a little tired, ask to take a break, and if it has felt good for you, definitely say that all sexy-like! We guys will be fine with that!

 

Are you rested, hydrated, and comfortable when you play? I think a woman can get in her own head while playing, just as a guy can, and make it harder to reach the mountaintop. Relax, don't worry about the orgasm, and focus on how sexy and hot your partner is!

 

Do you like clitoral stimulation mainly, g-spot stimulation, or a combination? Does a little nipple stimulation help to get you worked up? If you know what you like the best, you can help bring that about during your play.

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Thanks for the advice! I definitely haven't been trying to focus on the big O is the only goal of play, but after seven play sessions man it would be nice just once!!!

 

To coupleinmd79, haha no worries of stringing the guy along- it's the ladies that have gotten me close!! No guy has gotten me anywhere near. And I LOVE nipple stimulation, but ultimately cum from clitoral stimulation (usually through oral). Although we have been playing with my g spot more (when hubby and I play solo), he's learning how to make me squirt!

 

I suppose I will just be patient and continue to enjoy the experiences as they cummmmm- I'm glad to hear that at least it doesn't seem unusual.

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I definitely haven't been trying to focus on the big O is the only goal of play, but after seven play sessions man it would be nice just once!!!

I hear you! You're hot enough, you're eager enough, and doggone it, you deserve it!

 

To coupleinmd79,... No guy has gotten me anywhere near.

THAT sounds like a challenge! Maybe you'd like to give me a shot one of these times...

 

And I LOVE nipple stimulation, but ultimately cum from clitoral stimulation (usually through oral). Although we have been playing with my g spot more (when hubby and I play solo), he's learning how to make me squirt!

I think that scenario is not al all unusual. I'm happy to try to make my play partner's first orgasm be from oral! :facelick:

 

The squirting thing is very cool. The Mrs and I actually took a class to learn how to do that! Do you enjoy that sensation? And can I assume that you have not squirted during play with someone else yet?

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THAT sounds like a challenge! Maybe you'd like to give me a shot one of these times...

 

Haha maybe!!! We've def come a long way in the last few months from our girl/girl only beginnings. Hubby is allllll about the MFM, he loves it!!! I know you're a bit far, but if our paths cross I wouldn't turn you down ;-)

 

The squirting thing is very cool. The Mrs and I actually took a class to learn how to do that! Do you enjoy that sensation? And can I assume that you have not squirted during play with someone else yet?

 

Yes it's such a different sensation but fun! And no I haven't squirted in a play session yet, hubby is the only one who's made me squirt, and just during our own play xoxoxo

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Haha maybe!!! We've def come a long way in the last few months from our girl/girl only beginnings. Hubby is allllll about the MFM, he loves it!!! I know you're a bit far, but if our paths cross I wouldn't turn you down ;-)

In that case, I will ensure that our paths DO cross! :) You really have been having a great adventure together, and it's been fun watching it. I'm not too far away to come visit you sometime!

 

Yes it's such a different sensation but fun! And no I haven't squirted in a play session yet, hubby is the only one who's made me squirt, and just during our own play xoxoxo

It took the Mrs some getting comfortable before she could relax and "let it go". And even now, here ability to squirt has varied with her exhaustion and relaxation level, as well as just being a thing that happens sometimes, and not others. She generally kind of "leaks", but every so often, under the right hands, she can let go and practically make like a fire hose!

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I'm guessing there's got to be a mental component to this, but I would love any suggestions or advice (advice for letting myself get comfortable enough to cum during a play session, as well as if anyone has advice on how I can learn to orgasm a little bit easier even when it's just me and my husband). I am still enjoying our experiences nonetheless, but it would be really really nice to actually orgasm. Help me cum!!!

 

You are perfectly normal. You need direct clitoral stimulation to cum? My first wife spoiled me. She could cum just by fucking. After we got divorced every woman I met after that needed clitoral stimulation to cum.

 

I miss my first wife!

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You are perfectly normal.You need direct clitoral stimulation to cum? My first wife spoiled me. She could cum just by fucking. After we got divorced every woman I met after that needed clitoral stimulation to cum.

 

I miss my first wife!

 

Haha I'll bet! From my experience talking to other ladies that's very unusual. I've never ever ever had an orgasm from penetration alone. although a vibrator on my clit while I'm getting fucked is glorious, especially love cumming that way when I'm getting anal. Oh myyyyyyyy

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And coupleinmd79, I would love to know more about those classes you took! Where did you find that? Very very interested ;-)

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I thought all girls came from fucking. Maybe it's just me... See my other posts for my special technique...

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Guest FunintheSnow

I have looked at your other posts, Baconheads, but am not finding a special technique...could you link?

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I have looked at your other posts, Baconheads, but am not finding a special technique...could you link?

Yes please!!

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Couldn't find it myself! Here are some things to get you started. Of course, YMMV.

 

1. Lick her pussy as if it were your job. It's always easier to make her come with your cock if she's already come from you (or another friend) going down on her. Start slow, only breathing on her pussy, then only brushing her hair with your mouth or tongue(Okay this may not be applicable). Then start with your tongue lightly, around the outsides and work inward, then the clit. some add fingers when going down, but I typically don't. Suck the clit into your mouth after she is sufficiently aroused, licking around in circles as you suck it in. I even try to suck her whole vulva into my mouth if you can. Sam Kinison even said to lick the alphabet! Make her beg to feel your cock.

 

2. Don't put it in all at once. I don't care if she wants you to or not. Rub it around the entrance and up over her clit for what seems like way too long before you start inching it inside. Even then start pushing in and out for a few minutes, but don't go farther than 1/4 way. Then half way, but don't go any farther until she's begging again. Then three quarters before going all the way in. Once you're all the way in, Move around very slowly, exploring all of her secret spots. They're in there!

 

3. Know her anatomy. We all know where her clit is and most know about the G-spot. When you're in there half way, find her G-spot with your cock. It's right on the other side of her clit. Some say it's the internal side of the clit. I'm not that kind of doctor. You can put more pressure on the G-spot by leveraging your cock down at the entrance of her pussy so the head pushes up on the anterior wall of her vagina, once you locate the G-spot. The cervix is also very sensitive. It's way at the end of the vagina, like a little doughnut way at the end, again on the anterior wall. I have average equipment, six inches on my best day, and I seem to be able to find it with my cock. Sometimes I have to go looking for it, sometimes it comes down and finds me. If your can roll the cervix around with the tip of your cock it will move the whole uterus and the girls I have known seem to enjoy it. Remember, all of the goodies are on the anterior wall of the vagina, except if your girl likes butt sex, but that's another discussion. You want to rake that whole area with the top rim of your cock as you go in and out.

 

4. Keep your movements random. Even during caressing and foreplay. Make it so that her body doesn't know what's coming next. Rake the anterior wall as described above, then make a "hula" motion with your hips so your cock makes little circles inside. Reverse the circles. Alternate between anterior and posterior walls. Grab her butt (missionary) and tilt her hips forward. When you feel her starting to get off, yes, repeat that motion, but not all the way in. When she's cumming, then put it in all the way, repeating that motion.

 

5. Positions. I think it's easiest for my dear wife to get off when she's on top, as she can direct my cock where she wants it. No problems with guy on top either. Use position switches to keep from cumming yourself too soon.

 

I hope I have not stated the obvious, maybe you've tried all that. Yes I have pretty good staying power. My cock is not as sensitive as it used to be. I'm getting to be an old man. Not boring though!

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Good lord, is it just me or is it a little wet in here??? Amen.....

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I came!! It kinda sucks that it was overshadowed by something else that happened afterwards (ugh! Wrote a separate thread in swinging situational help on that) but I came!!!! My husband made me cum (huge, HARD, screaming orgasm) in his mouth while play partner was stroking his cock and her husband was sucking my tits. Lol glory hallelujah! I'm not going to anticipate cumming every play session from here out or anything, but I'm so glad that mental block has been lifted xoxo

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Haha I'll bet! From my experience talking to other ladies that's very unusual. I've never ever ever had an orgasm from penetration alone. although a vibrator on my clit while I'm getting fucked is glorious, especially love cumming that way when I'm getting anal. Oh myyyyyyyy

 

I missed this thread, but I'm glad I saw it. Mrs. EastInWest has very nearly the opposite problem, in that she comes almost continuously from being penetrated and pumped - but by hand and mouth it's nearly impossible. I love going down on a woman, so her getting bored with it was both new and frustrating... That, and her reluctance to let me cum in her mouth because she needed to fuck. It wasn't until she finally got comfortable enough to let me watch her masturbate that I realized how aggressively she handled herself and how much stimulation she needed to get off without a cock and we figured out how to arrange things so we were both always walking away satisfied. Every woman is different, and that's great. ;)

 

Glad to hear you came. The mental block has been real with us with swinging in more ways than one, but we're finally getting it worked out, too. We both love your threads.

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Hooray for you, Sjmar! I'm really happy for you! As you mentioned, it might not happen all the time going forward, for any of a variety of reasons. But now you know for a fact that you can achieve a screaming, crashing orgasm in a swinger situation. Who knows, maybe next time it will be your play partner who brings you to the mountaintop!

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Hooray for you, Sjmar! I'm really happy for you! As you mentioned, it might not happen all the time going forward, for any of a variety of reasons. But now you know for a fact that you can achieve a screaming, crashing orgasm in a swinger situation. Who knows, maybe next time it will be your play partner who brings you to the mountaintop!

 

Ha yes maybe she will, and hey I'm def happy to keep letting her try ;-) and screaming, crashing orgasm it was! Oh myyyyyy

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Sjmar - so this will seem really sad but in seven years, there has only been perhaps four guys and maybe three women who have actually made my wife cum. I read the thread from Baconheads...and despite being great advice, you can't always count on any type of technique no matter how superb.

 

There is a lot of emotional effort that goes into getting comfortable, getting excited, and eventually, hopefully, getting off. What we have found is that at house parties where we frequent, people have gotten to know us and know what we like, and that makes it a lot easier. Also in this environment, we know what guys/girls are selfish and which ones are giving. Mrs. Digginit needs a lot of oral attention to get her off and it is very easy to go too far, too fast, and get her way too sensitive.

 

If we are not going to a house party it's pretty much zero chance of hitting an "O" such as a swing club, one night hookup, forget about it. First date, second date, pretty much forget about it. If they are sincerely trying, we will give it a third and final try.

 

Now on the opposite side, my side...I almost never hit an orgasm. Cialis + Condom = maximum effort but no release. It takes a huge connection with my partner to get past those and that is quite rare.

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I came!! It kinda sucks that it was overshadowed by something else that happened afterwards (ugh! Wrote a separate thread in swinging situational help on that) but I came!!!! My husband made me cum (huge, HARD, screaming orgasm) in his mouth while play partner was stroking his cock and her husband was sucking my tits. Lol glory hallelujah! I'm not going to anticipate cumming every play session from here out or anything, but I'm so glad that mental block has been lifted xoxo

 

You go girl!

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My current wife likes to use her Hitachi Magic Wand as I'm fucking her. Our bed is just the right height that she can lay on her back on the edge of the bed and I can fuck her standing.

 

I met a woman who had an orgasm from sucking on her nipples.

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I met a woman who had an orgasm from sucking on her nipples.

 

My wife has on occasion reached orgasm just from nipple play. But the thundering, squirt-till-the-towel-is-soaked orgasms come when we use a magic wand. :-)

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My current wife likes to use her Hitachi Magic Wand as I'm fucking her. Our bed is just the right height that she can lay on her back on the edge of the bed and I can fuck her standing.

 

Mrs FL is especially fond of her cordless Hitachi Magic Wand while we are having sex, especially with her legs over my shoulders.

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I normally get off at home unless I have been drinking all evening. Hubby goes down on me and it works, and he’ll take me through multiple rounds of intense orgasms. Perfect. But, when swinging, it doesn’t always happen but I see it more like surfing, riding that wave as long as you can for the thrill. As long as someone goes down on me or otherwise gets me up and riding that first wave, I enjoy the thrill of staying there, not being able to get over it. For me, that’s the fun of MFM or MMFM, you just stay in that zone. If you have a full orgasm, maybe its all the better but not necessarily. Walking around still wanting it is an nice state of mind when you are at a club or house party. Worse case, hubby can get me off on the drive home or when we arrive home.

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On 10/10/2016 at 11:55 AM, Sjmar said:

Help! You guys have been so totally fantastic about everything, I'm hoping maybe you have some advice for me about this. So to give a little bit of background, I have never been a woman that cums at the drop of a hat. Before I was with my husband, I was responsible for 90% of my own orgasms and was very good at faking it lol. He is amazing and always takes care of me, even if it sometimes takes a while, but .....

 

I have not been able to cum during a play session, with him or with someone else. We are still pretty new to the lifestyle, about three months in, but we have now had a total of 7 play experiences (two of them with a couple who plays girl on girl only, three of them with another couple that we have gotten really comfortable with, one was some girl on girl with a couple we met at a club, and we have had one MFM). There have been several times where I felt like I was really close, and quite a few times where I faked it because it just felt like it would be awkward if I kept going on without an orgasm (Is that weird??), but I just cannot seem to cum. I'm guessing there's got to be a mental component to this, but I would love any suggestions or advice (advice for letting myself get comfortable enough to cum during a play session, as well as if anyone has advice on how I can learn to orgasm a little bit easier even when it's just me and my husband). I am still enjoying our experiences nonetheless, but it would be really really nice to actually orgasm. Help me cum!!!

Ok, so are you swapping same room or separate rooms?  Cause that makes all the difference for me, I can strip for an audience but I hate fucking for one.  I like watching, but if I am the one spreading her legs, I just want to be concentrated on me and him and how deep he's gonna go.  I get in my head real quick, am I looking sexy or am I looking fat, can they see my cellulite, am I making to much noise, am I not making enough noise.  Am I enjoying myself but not to much so as to make my husband jealous or this guys wife.  I like to dirty talk, but worry about what I say.  Point is I'm never just in the moment when I am being watched.  So if your currently same room, try separate room.  To the other question the only time I fake it is if its not good and we are never gonna get there and I need it done right now.  Then maybe, otherwise nooooo he is gonna work for it.  

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