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intuition897

New neighbours

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Where the hell is the facepalm smiley when you need it?

 

It situations like this that make me even more certain there is a God. And he has a sick sense of humour.

 

It is true. And He does!

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I'm glad you, too, can see the cruel irony in the situation, Baconheads. Ah well, at least they're pretty to look at. :) Could be worse. I had a coworker who ended up moving because her creepy-ass next door neighbour had a habit of laying out in a lawn chair in his speedo thong, suntanning. All. Day. Long. Facing her window. Staring at her. And it sounds like he was not exactly doing that speedo justice; apparently he was a very unattractive man. He tried breaking into her house at night. She couldn't leave her house without him being outside wanting to interact with her. She thought he was even stalking her at work. If nothing else, his unwanted attentions were causing her to become paranoid. She actually had to get a restraining order against him.

 

So yes, I'll take living next door to Barbie and Ken Flanders any day over a shitball like that guy.

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Ew. That kind of behavior is just wrong. It's what "Make My Day" is all about.

 

Hope your new neighbors turn out to be a little more than they appear!

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Don't make judgements...they may be even kinkier than you are (and are making jokes about how she already offered her muffin to your husband...lol)

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Don't make judgements...they may be even kinkier than you are (and are making jokes about how she already offered her muffin to your husband...lol)

 

Yeeeeaaaa--no. Just no. I wouldn't doubt that they've consulted their well-worn bible to determine whether or not a blowjob is an acceptably holy sexual practice. I somehow doubt that fucking other people even made the list.

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The Old Testament is FULL of men with multiple wives and don't even get me started on the Song of Soloman. I came from a family that went to church 3 times a week and I attended a Christian HS and here I am. Don't judge, you never really know...(it's my fantasy, leave it alone :lol:)

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This post made my day.... Laughing all the way through. Good luck with the neighbors they seem nice...

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Sooooooo, when are you going to ask them if they have ever been to vacation at any beach clubs in Jamaica?

Cough, er, cough, Hedonism, cough...

 

However, don't worry, they are young and have years of disappointment available to them in the future to counter any possibility of a boring planned out life.

 

At the very least, if they're too square and boring you can always drop an "Unrest Cure" item into their lives every so often. The Unrest Cure story by Saki/ H.H. Munro is about the exact opposite of a Rest Cure. And it doesn't even have to be swinging or adult related.

 

In college, pre-internet era, I had a very boring male former roommate, who hailed from a city/suburban area. After I moved out of that dorm, ex-roommate found himself receiving loads of catalogs and advertising brochures about heavy duty lawn mowers, brush trimmers, and bush-hog type equipment. He could just never explain why he was receiving these targeted and very specific mailings.

 

Right now econobiker is currently figuring out what to send to care of a very boring coworker and his wife who have vacationed twice a year in the exact same beach city, at the exact same motel, in the exact same room for the last 14 years! I'm leaning toward a plastic lawn chair -lightweight yet when boxed, large enough for requiring the motel owners to handle it- like an elephant in the middle of the motel office. Plus, if the white chair is spray painted in hideous, awful colors, near unusable by the motel keeping coworker from giving it to the motel.

The additional items to be included in the big box- a costume feather boa, several random old mainstream magazines from a used bookstore discard pile, a Chinese restaurant menu from another state, several non-winning, already scratched-off lottery tickets, a bottle of clear corn syrup, possibly a used but working toaster, a damaged roll of Christmas wrapping paper, and some random nuts, bolts, and screws. Yes, money will be spent but said boring coworker WILL remember that vacation week forever and plus have to explain the random everything to the motel owners. And WILL have a big story to talk about upon returning to work.

Oh, and did I say this box will be sent anonymously? Or at the very least, a nice panhandling gentleman will profit for sending the box in his name.

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The Old Testament is FULL of men with multiple wives and don't even get me started on the Song of Soloman. I came from a family that went to church 3 times a week and I attended a Christian HS and here I am. Don't judge, you never really know...(it's my fantasy, leave it alone :lol:)

 

Oh I know, GoldCo. You're preaching to the choir. Grew up Anglican, in church every Sunday, bible stories at bedtime, my best friend was the preacher's daughter (although she wasn't exactly a good influence). LOL

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econobiker, I do believe you are the spawn of Satan. :)

 

Our neighbours are too doe-eyed for me to believe they even know what Hedonism is, let alone that they may have vacationed there.

 

We're supposed to take them out fishing on the boat this Saturday afternoon. I will be hard pressed to avoid the temptation to wear a bikini. Just getting a little sun. You know. ;)

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econobiker, I do believe you are the spawn of Satan. :)

 

Our neighbours are too doe-eyed for me to believe they even know what Hedonism is, let alone that they may have vacationed there.

 

We're supposed to take them out fishing on the boat this Saturday afternoon. I will be hard pressed to avoid the temptation to wear a bikini. Just getting a little sun. You know. ;)

 

Funny thing is that I've heard some swinger women say "oh god" more than anything else around me...

 

Wear the bikini! Or work them into your bikini body on a later trip...when your one piece bathing suit is "in the wash", hehehe.

 

File this for the future:

When your beige neighbors start welping out children, you and all their relatives will know about those special events and send congratulations of all types. Therefore, for the price of a congratulations greeting card, a stamp, and enlisting a willing elderly female for her penmanship, you'll be able to send a congratulations card from a generic named older couple who've forgot to add their return address to the envelope. If you're really for upping the ante, put a small cash donation in the card such that a retired couple of limited means would do. I GUARANTEE this will drive one or both of the two in crazy circles trying to figure out who these people are to properly thank them. And mail said card from the most local main post office or mail box location.

If you can propagate this joke over the span of several children being born, even better.

 

I've got friends and relatives who've received wedding congratulations cards in the same method. Only for my best male friend from childhood, did I reveal -2 years after his wedding- that I was behind the faux old couple wedding card with $20 bill(early 1990s) to him and his wife. His wife wanted to beat me for having caused her so much worry after the wedding trying to figure out who these people were, how they knew my friend and her, and where to send the thank you note. But they did spend the money...

 

Obviously, in today's connected environment, you'll have to pick a such a generic name or one from 1000 miles away so even if they internet search and contact a person to thank them/him/her, that person will have no clue what the couple is talking about

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Intuition: Post the pictures of you in a bikini and allow us to decide if you should wear it :lol:. No, I say wear it already. It will either make them more comfortable...or less, either way, it's their problem.

 

BTW, my favorite Bible stories are the ones where there were several wives...

 

(almost a face palm):duh:

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We city folk are no more open-minded or narrow-minded than country folk. We simply have balconies for making our observations rather than front porches.

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Well we did go fishing, but didn't catch a thing. And we did go swimming off the boat, which we actually hadn't done before. That was great. And yes, I wore a bikini. Not the skimpy micro-bikini type thing, because frankly, I just can't pull off that look. Nope, I went with a cute retro Marilyn-Monroe-type two piece outfit that produced awesome cleavage. And hopefully helped cover up my gut a little. :) She didn't wear a two-piece swimsuit, but she could make a paper bag look good, so...there you go.

 

After our swim, Ned/Ken joined me at the bow of the boat for the ride back to shore. Maybe I'm reading into it too much, but his body language was a little off-putting. Very forward-sitting and close for two (supposedly vanilla) married people wearing next to nothing...with his wife sitting at the back. Mr. intuition said he wondered if she was going to come up there and claw my ass up. I said it's not my fault! HE came up THERE and sat with ME! Sure, says Mr. intuition, making fun of me. Boobs bouncing all over the place (the water was rough), tee hee hee! It's never your fault, is it? NO!, I said, IT'S NOT! I'm just making conversation and being polite. I can't help it if he's up there looking like he's trying to make time with me. Holy shit. It was fine, it was just a little disconcerting because this is supposed to be a vanilla couple, so we are very aware of body language and the usual social rules that accompany making conversation (or spending any time with) someone else's spouse.

 

But anyway, they're a very nice young couple. We don't have a lot in common with them, but the guys - being guys - get along well because they both have tools and tractor implements (toys) to share. I'll probably get along nicely with her, too. She's a city girl, but I'll initiate her in all things country, like going on foraging missions for wild grapes or crab apples, and making a bunch of jelly. Stuff like that. We're looking forward to keeping in touch with them.

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...trying hard not to say I told you so.

 

Still waiting for the pictures of that bikini :thumbsup:

 

Yeah, not gonna happen. :)

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We've all been keeping pretty much to ourselves. We go to work, we come home and crash for the night. Lather, rinse and repeat until the weekend. Spend the weekend doing chores and shit, then start all over again on Monday.

 

I think since the episode on the boat, I've been very self-conscious about doing anything that might appear flirty or anything. As a result, I've been avoiding them completely. I really don't want to do anything that might be construed as offensive, and considering the wife is, apparently, quite insecure - and now quite pregnant - anything I say or do might be seen as such.

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I guess it depends on where you live and how close you are to the neighbors but my suggestions to everyone is don't have sex with the neighbors or people you work with. I know it is very tempting and convenient but it could become a disaster.

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