Those who seek out swing partners based on race

It me be just me, but I find it very disturbing when the criterion a couple uses for finding swing partners is race.

It me be just me, but I find it very disturbing when the criterion a couple uses for finding swing partners is race.

Sometimes you can't really control what turns you on...

It me be just me, but I find it very disturbing when the criterion a couple uses for finding swing partners is race.

I think it depends on the motive behind the criteria. It could be cultural, a couple new to the LS might be more comfortable playing a couple from a similar background for instance. It could be aesthetic, some people find certain facial features or body types especially attractive. In that regard, I don't know that it's all that different from saying one prefers to swing with athletic couples, younger couples, older couples, or just women with large breasts. Yes, it's shallow but there is a degree of shallowness in casual, no strings attached sex.

All of that said, I very much agree that fetishizing race is disrespectful and is, basically, just another form of racism.

 

All of that said, I very much agree that fetishizing race is disrespectful and is, basically, just another form of racism.

All those guys advertising "BBC" and the women/couples seeking them out? Are they Racist? Not disagreeing with your statement but curious where the line is crossed...

How about the Jewish neighbor that likes a tall well-built blue-eyed blonde guy to dress up as a Nazi so she can be interrogated by the Gestapo?

Don't be silly. Having a preference for what you are attracted to is not racist. Especially when it is in addition to what you already have. No different than liking piercing blue eyes or wanting to try a redhead if you are in a relationship with a brunette. The black and white contrast of skin is hot. Preference is not the same as prejudice and there is no equal opportunity applied to sexual attraction.

All those guys advertising "BBC" and the women/couples seeking them out? Are they Racist? Not disagreeing with your statement but curious where the line is crossed...

That's a good question actually. IMO, the line is crossed when you stop respecting people as people and start treating them as objects, as stereotypes. .

How about the Jewish neighbor that likes a tall well-built blue-eyed blonde guy to dress up as a Nazi so she can be interrogated by the Gestapo?

I had a play partner once who was into rape-play. The line there being, I hope, obvious. Everything we did was actually consensual, even planned out beforehand. In the real world, I would never have hurt her (in fact, she could have kicked my ass six ways of Sunday) but within the scenario...

Again, I think the difference is respect and recognizing the other person as a person, not an object.

There is an element of racism in BBC. It is using black men as nothing more than sexual objects and super sexual beings. It is actually a remnant of slavery where black men were perceived as uncontrollable and unable to control their urge for sex. It has developed over the decades, and I mean decades, from that. It does turn a lot of people on. What ya gonna do?

I once met a young German lady at a party in Stuttgart, who readily admitted that she was prejudiced against white guys and refused to date them. She had never dated (nor slept with) a white man, although she had considerable experience with black American soldiers.

She spoke English well, but with a strong black-American accent.

She was quite pretty and left a strong impression, obviously. I met her forty years ago and still remember her well.

When are we going to put the Politically Correct stuff aside and do what we personally desire? What is wrong with people that desire a certain body shape, color of hair or race. Do the Lifestyle the way you want to and not be offended when someone says No! Good Grief -- go have fun.

I remember once my wife was playing with a charming, funny and very handsome young African American gentleman. I was watching, 'cause that was my kink (and he was clearly more comfortable with it just being him and her rather than a threesome). They had fun. Afterward, he looked at me and asked if he'd "put on a good show" for me and there was such pain in his eyes. I realized he thought I had wanted him to be the Black Bull with a Big Cock. I honestly don't remember what I said to him, but I think it made him realize that I was just looking at him as a man who had just given my wife a lot of pleasure and, yes, I had enjoyed watching that. He felt better knowing that I saw him as a person rather than a stereotype.

Ifonly, you asked when we can put the Politically Correct stuff aside? I'd say the answer is when we stop needing it, when we - as a culture - stop causing people pain by treating them as less. When treating everyone with respect and dignity stops being "Politically Correct" and just becomes normal behavior. In short, when you stop asking that question.

Don't be silly. Having a preference for what you are attracted to is not racist. Especially when it is in addition to what you already have. ....

That is the whole point...... preference is a greater liking for one alternative over another or others. Preference is NOT exclusionary or inclusionary.

The most troublesome aspect of racial "preferences" lies in their inclusionary or exclusionary nature and heavy generalizations. It’s totally OK to acknowledge that you’re more attracted to certain traits, but it’s a totally different matter, altogether, to use "preferences" in absolute terms. Checking the dictionary, again, that isn't what preference means. Period.

What troubles me most is, having lived through the "civil rights movement" period of American history, I hear people continuing to use the term "preference" instead of the term "prejudice"....

As in 1964 (And usually prefixed with the words, "I'm not racist, but...."):

It is my preference to use the [insert color] only water fountain....

It is my preference to serve or eat with only [insert color] people in the restaurant....

It is my preference not to send my children to school with those [insert color] people....

Everyone has something they seem to be looking for. BBC, black men looking for white women or blonds, Indian Couples seem to be in “vogue” now, guys looking for girls with large breasts and so forth. Looking for BBC would be wrong but looking for a short, fat white guy would be ok, even if he can’t jump? My hubby Asia women,particular those from Japan, Singapore are just beautiful, I’m sure he would love to try one but on the other hand, probably would never marry one because he likes larger breasts on women. Some people see racism everywhere, some see 33 flavors of ice cream to try.

Some people see racism everywhere, some see 33 flavors of ice cream to try.

Good point..... when you know you have 33 flavors to choose from and refuse to eat anything but that one flavor.... that ceases to be "a greater liking for one alternative over another or others" and becomes something else. I'll let the reader define that "something else" in their own terms.....

Some people see racism everywhere, some see 33 flavors of ice cream to try.

Whereas some people refuse to see or acknowledge racism for what it is.

Forgive me, but in my experience the people who argue the most that racism-isn't-a-problem-and-could-all-please-stop-talking-about-it are generally racists.

We don't see it as being any different then the people that have things like, looking for athletic above average looking people, big tits or cocks, high class professionals or Doms or subs! Some people just have very specific things they look for and that is their choice. If anything it helps us see they are clearly not the kind of people we would like to get to know.

We don't have a lot of specifics on our profile, because we can find attraction in many different shapes, sizes, race and class. For us it is more about the person they are when we meet them. We do however make it clear that we have no interest in cheaters or men wanting to play without their wife, because they are not our kind of people.

We often get contacted by some of the people with the requirements on their profile that we clearly don't match and it is easy for them to see by our many pics and clear description. When we do we just point out to them that we are not what they went out of their way to make clear they are looking for so they should look elsewhere. Would not want to be with someone who is just settling for us, because they can't find what they really want.

There have been instances when we have politely declined black singles and couples out preference, we were treated like "racists".

I'll have to confess that I have advertised for a black man to have sex with my wife. She never had sex with a black man and I wanted her to be fully satisfied. Yes, it is racist. Both ways. She had her fantasy sex with a black man and he had sex with a white married woman in front of her husband.

I'll have to confess that I have advertised for a black man to have sex with my wife.....

You are missing the point. To rephrase (in your context) what the OP said..... "I'll have to confess that I exclusively advertise for black men to have sex with my wife....."

We enjoy playing with black couples not due to a potential BBC, but because we like them. The same for white, Hispanic, Asian and any other ethnicity. If a couple is reasonably physically attractive and nice, they have met our criteria to play. We go for content of character over race every time. We have met some very nice people of all backgrounds and it has enriched our social life.

Among our swinging acquaintances there were two single women who attended our parties at various times. One was a black woman who would never do anything with a black man, white men only for her, and the other was a white woman who would never do anything with a white man, black men only for her. They both liked the race of the men they liked for their personal reasons.

There is much about race in this country and I, as a Caucasian American/white, have had some very good open conversations about race with both men and women of African American/black heritage at our swing parties. At various parties we had Indian Americans, Latino Americans, and Asian Americans attend, plus we even had a married couple comprised of a Native American Eskimo woman and African American man at one party. This myriad of racial, social, and cultural backgrounds was a functional of the parties being located in the same region as a military base and the social network built up of the primary host couple.

I have personally lived in the rural deep South, in a small Appalachian South city, in a middle South mega city, in a Northeastern city, and in Northeastern rural and suburbs. I have seen racism done to people of multiple races whether in an organized fashion or because the person was the "wrong" color (white or black) in the a certain part of town at a certain time of day. In my opinion, a black "ghetto thug" and a white "trailer-trash redneck" (whether male or female in either case) are pretty much cut from the same ignorant cloth resulting from a lack of opportunities and lack of a stable home upbringing. I can also say that folks can still be "educated and cultured" and yet still be idiots about race.

And a short observation about race at our parties:

At one party we had a physically handicapped man confined to a wheel chair due to a childhood accident. His mind (and rather large dick) were entirely functional but otherwise he had nerve control issues with his legs and arms. As co-host I would occasionally take him for a "stroll" down the house's hallway to look into and observe the open door bedrooms. On one circuit, we passed a room in which a white man was underneath a black woman who was vigorously riding him in cowgirl above position. Then in the next bedroom the couple was a white woman and black man sitting up in a hugging embrace with her legs wrapped around him while they romantically kept a grinding type fuck going with each other. Both couples were entirely nude, not a stitch of clothing on any of the four. I told my handicapped ward, "That is some type of ying and yang thing going on here..."

If people in the lifestyle are not open enough to celebrate ethnic diversity, then who is? When I read a profile that says they do not play with African Americans, those are not people with whom I want to play.

Agreed. For us, she is small, cute, educated, blonde, and has a very round natural well shaped ass and broad hips.

She is a candle to moths of black men. She loves the attention, I love her (therefore my) status being at the top in any bar or dance or lounge scene.

There's no epithets, we've both dated the rainbow, no fetishizing from us... just an appreciation for how valued she is, how attractive.

After many conversations, she specifically requested a Native American lover to swing with first. Is she racist? Have a type? A positive sexual memory of her ex bf Native guy? Maybe he fucked her real good and satisfying?

Swirl sex is low to the point of nonexistent in the grand scheme of global racism. Perhaps some African American men would resent being identified as guys to flirt with by her, then see where it goes.

But I don't think the one we share her with will have any complaints. Just an opinion.