Who's idea was it to swing?

Who first suggested swinging?

My wife first made the suggestion. She had seen Oprah interview married couples on TV who are swingers. The key point, as she told me while making her suggestion, was that her perception of swingers and swinging might have been inaccurate. The people interviewed were not members of the Jet Set but rather people just like her and like me. Sounded good to her so she wanted to see if I was willing and if it was something suitable for us. That was eleven years ago.

Tricky question really... I'm sure I was the first one to bring up the word "swinging," to do the internet research about what it meant and to find a club in our area. However, I'm pretty sure it was by mutual agreement that we started some serious heavy petting with another couple (who identified poly) at a party. I know that neither of us had any interest in being monogamous from the very start of our relationship. It's one of things that "fit" about us.

It was many years. We had our best friends over at out house and they unexpectedly seduced us. My wife and I had never discussed it with each other, but my wife and I were overjoyed it had happened and could hardly wait for the next time.

We saw a local news story about a swingers club on South Street in Philly. We thought it would be fun to check out. Before we went to the one in Philly, we found TJ's, just northwest of Harrisburg. Went there first "to look". At the end of the evening where all we did was look, Mrs Doc turned to me in the parking lot and said, "that was fun honey, can we come back tomorrow"? That was in 2003.

It was her to bring it up first. We had only been dating about a month when she turned to me after sex and asked if I would be interested in including others. At that time I looked at her and asked if she meant "swinging" and she said sort of. That's when I brought it up that my ex and I swung for about five years and she said "really?". I said I needed to have some time to consider this as part of the relationship and after a few days said let's try it. That was about seven months ago now and we are having the best time together enjoying our "kayaking" time. Kayaking is the code word we use when talking about swinging in front of our vanilla friends. Oh, and we don't own kayaks together yet.

Laura and I talked about the concept on our second date when we agreed that spending a lifetime "cleaving only unto each other," didn't seem all that practical.

Every summer we would try to get away for at least a long weekend that was just for us, adults doing adult things while leaving the parenting behind. That kind of kept progressing up the ladder from things like going to the city and visiting a toy store and then spending the rest of the weekend in the hotel room trying out the toys to eventually deciding to visit a swingers club when we had run out of other ideas of new things to do. We went, we had a great time, and here we are

We started fantasizing to brighten up our sex lives. At first it was just sort of non-specific. Then we talked about past lovers, and then about what we would like in other lovers, and then . . . It just happened that we both decided we'd like to get into it.

It was my, Petra's (F), idea; or I just sort of slid into it. I started a relationship with a new guy, who later became my husband, while still fucking my ex-fiance. Hubby-to-be was fine with it, my ex had no choice if he wanted to keep seeing me. But he turned out to be happy with the arrangement as well. Other girls came later - and that was my idea too.

My ex , ( didn’t take much convincing)Living at the time in an expensive place we decided to take in some roommates. Housemates turn into more than just housemates . Before we even knew any terminology for that type of living arrangements It just happened with lots of just silent rules . Just tried to go with the flow did not end well .

When my wife was 22 and I was 23, we moved into our first home.  It was on a dead end street with just our house and one across the street where a 44 year old 6'7 handsome single black man lived.   We lived there for 5 years and moved to another part of town.  Three years after we moved my wife confessed to having an affair with this man and his buddies for those five years.   She had felt so guilty and wanted to tell  me about it but knew it would hurt me so she kept it a secret until he found us and wanted to continue the affair.  She didn't want to and told him so but he was insisting and that is when she decided to tell me, get it out in the open.  The truth is I wanted to watch her  have sex with other men but afraid to tell her.  So, what hurt me was I didn't get to watch.   I told her this that day and we kept talking about it for months and a friend of   mine who was into cuckolding with his wife agreed to help us get started and he came over, I watched them, wife liked it and so here we are today, swingers 46 years later.

Interesting that we started this thread 4 years ago, and to see the paucity of responses. Glad it was rediscovered. 

We met a group of swingers on a Carribean vacation when we were in our thirties. We were not ready for It, but it piqued our interest. Went to a local club, not ready. Went to Desire, dabbled. Went to Trapeze, played. Went to hotel parties, house parties, cruises.  Have a lot of varied and fun experiences. 
 

More the male’s idea. My wife is very in shape and attractive. In great demand. 

There's a category missing in this questionnaire. 

Initially I thought that my wife and I got the idea at the same time. Later I found that swinging with friends was planned ahead by my wife and our friends. The category should be "tricked into it". 

We effectively started with an open relationship. We were friends, I was attracted and trying to do my thing, but she was very intimidated by the idea of casual sex and thought getting involved with me, knowing what I was up to as a single guy, would be too radical. Eventually, nature took its course, but it took some time to transition to a committed relationship. So during that time, we were both transparent that we were dating and fucking other people.

So a few years of monogamy later, she was giving me head and I mentioned how hot I thought it would be to watch to suck another cock. She was surprised and a little confused but kept going with the fantasy until I came, then we didn't mention it again. About a week later we were coming back from groceries and when I pulled into the driveway, she paused and started asking questions. "So what would that be like, that fantasy you mentioned? Like someone we know or a stranger? Is it like a big porn dick in your imagination? I think I could probably get into this."

It took a couple more years of talking, testing boundaries, and a very fortunate coincidence before it happened.

16 minutes ago, EastInWest said:

... and a very fortunate coincidence before it happened.

Please, do tell more.

23 minutes ago, couplers said:

Please, do tell more.

I've mentioned it before, but a big discrepancy in our vision for this was whether we'd find a stranger to test the waters with or bring in someone we knew well in vanilla life. I was strongly in the "stunt cock" camp, she much preferred to blow someone we knew. She is a trusting person, where I felt that was an invitation to ongoing drama in our circle of friends, versus someone we could meet in a hotel setting and delete forever if need be.

Simultaneously, she was getting back in touch with an old friend from a much earlier stage of her life. She and her husband from that time had since moved out west and then split up, but had had a child together, stayed in touch, and eventually resumed their sex life living separately.

One day, in the course of gossip, her old friend clarified that they were not exclusive, and that sometimes they now played together with others. Mrs. E, a little scandalized, had questions and let it slip that I was encouraging her to try the same thing. 

She knew them. She thought the ex-husband was attractive. They had experience with this and were unlikely to make it weird. This was ticking a lot of boxes.

That started a long process of kicking the idea around that eventually led to us being invited to their house to hang out with a third couple by the pool, and me watching Mrs. E suck off her ex-husband. As it turned out, the ex-husband used to have a terrible hard-on for Mrs. E when she used to babysit their kid, and to say this was a fantasy of his too was a big understatement.

We went into it hesitantly, with a hard boundary on soft swap for the night and knowing we might just have to leave, but we liked it enough that we ended up doing her first spitroast a couple hours later that night, me behind her while she went down on the other husband, the first time she'd ever given a man head the same day she met them.

I think if it weren't for that series of events, we might still just be talking about it.

52 minutes ago, EastInWest said:

I've mentioned it before

Thanks for repeating it for me. 

54 minutes ago, EastInWest said:

We went into it hesitantly, with a hard boundary on soft swap for the night and knowing we might just have to leave, but we liked it enough that we ended up doing her first spitroast a couple hours later that night, me behind her while she went down on the other husband

It's great that you both went into it with an open mind and a flexible attitude.

55 minutes ago, EastInWest said:

 As it turned out, the ex-husband used to have a terrible hard-on for Mrs. E when she used to babysit their kid, and to say this was a fantasy of his too was a big understatement.

Did it ever go further with him?

Just now, couplers said:

Thanks for repeating it for me. 

 

It's great that you both went into it with an open mind and a flexible attitude.

 

Did it ever go further with him?

It did. We had one more night in town and met the two of them again for cocktails, and moved right into full swap in our hotel room. We were ready. 

We also met both couples as a group in hotels and the couples individually a few times after, until the pandemic. The wives are all good text friends. We're just now getting into traveling again and need to go see them again when the weather cools off.

2 hours ago, EastInWest said:

 

 

We also met both couples as a group in hotels and the couples individually a few times after, until the pandemic. The wives are all good text friends. We're just now getting into traveling again and need to go see them again when the weather cools off.

An insightful remark on several accounts. 

1. Someone has to have the idea first. The other member of the couple has to warm to it. Then the toe goes into the water.

2. What happens next is almost always the product of "what actually happened" and then the debrief over the next few days. 

3. While the actual proportion is likely different in different situations, sustained friendships among LS couples  seems to depend strongly on whether the ladies (a) like each other and (b) find common ground in their vanilla interests and lives.  Both of those are good things, but sometimes the importance of that component of the LS is underrecognized and undervalued. 

4. Travel "to" and travel "with" other couples seems to evolve as a priority. Looking forward to those visits/travels, making plans, and so on--setting aside time for the pleasure of each others' company --is rarely discussed yet is for us an unexpected joy. 

15 hours ago, EastInWest said:

We effectively started with an open relationship... Eventually, nature took its course, but it took some time to transition to a committed relationship. So during that time, we were both transparent that we were dating and fucking other people.

Somehow I find stories of couples who started out in a swirl of sexual nonmonogamy, found one another, fell in love, and got married to be very romantic and touching.  Continuing on a sexual exploration makes it even more so.  And that was even before it happened to me.