Where might an aspiring swinger couple move?

We're coming up on that time where we're going to start shopping around for a new place to live full-time out west. As some readers know from my prior posts, we're not a "lifestyle couple" but are considering the possibility, and things like topless sunbathing or visiting a club are certainly our speed. We're looking for somewhere clean and reasonably cosmopolitan with "big city" amenities and vanilla nightlife/entertainment, but also reasonably laid-back attitudes about sex: the kind of place where people mostly mind their own business, etc.

We picture our off-time mostly consisting of going out for nice diners and cocktails, outdoors, road trips, and screwing our brains out. Our preference is to avoid deep freezes and gray skies. We have our own ideas, but since many on this forum live in the western U.S. and are more familiar with the cities to begin with, I thought I'd ask the question in the form of a poll.

It's not bad here but I wouldn't really consider Phoenix to be a great place to live just for the LS. In fact, when we first started swinging, we had wondered which cities would have been better to swing in. The swinger clubs here aren't that great--it's okay if you really want to get your toes in the pool and check things out but you have to keep in mind that it's in a bad area of town and they are skeevy with lots of single males.

We don't live in Vegas but have gone there to swing. We're not qualified to really say how the overall swingers community is but we enjoyed Couples Oasis. The Red Rooster was very similar to what we have in Phoenix only busier because it's in Vegas. When we went, it was run down as well.

We've heard of good things regarding Sea Mountain in Palm Springs but it can get pricey if you stay at the resort, from what we heard. We are hoping to check it out this year if life permits.

Regarding the Denver area, we met a couple that moved from there and they said the swinging community is okay there--I can't remember what else they said about it though. It did sound like the out-of-the-way swinging club/resort there was much more preferable in terms of upkeep and discretion.

If you're considering much more than just a great swinger community, obviously Vegas has the variety in terms of cuisines to sample. Denver or Vegas might be the more central location in terms of road trips to all the other places on your list. Depending on the type of weather you two prefer, you have a few on your list that can reach up to 110+ degrees in the summer.

No San Fransisco or Sacramento?

Denver/Boulder: No experience, but it does snow

San Diego: Personally, just no.

Palm Springs: Very hot in summer but not a bad place. Might be smaller than you think it is

Phoenix: No experience

Albuquerque/Santa Fe: No experience

Seattle: I thought you said you didn't want grey skies...a 'nice' day is grey skies (lol). Love the city but hate the weather

Portland: Less grey than Seattle. Not a bad place

Austin: No experience

Las Vegas: HOT, don't have to worry about freezing here...except at night. Most locals tire of the tourists but realize that's why the town is there

Given the choices, I pick either Portland or Palm Springs.

No San Fransisco

We're not made of money.

On our own personal list, we don't mind heat and are willing to consider small/smallish close to a major city (like Santa Fe to Albuquerque or Palm Springs to Los Angeles), but prefer bigger. Denver and Seattle aren't high on our personal list because of the weather, as you noted. Vegas is near the bottom because while the cost of living is amazing, we don't feel there's as much there for us to do: so much of what's there caters to tourists, and then it feels like it drops off into the suburbs. The outdoor activities seem limited compared to Phoenix or southern California. (Don't get me wrong, I love it, but in doses, and Mrs. EastInWest is not a gambler.)

We're leaning toward the desert southwest, but we know Portland is where all the "cool kids" are going these days and the pacific northwest is amazing six months of the year.

I'm curious, why "just no" to San Diego? Many people seem to rave about it.

Since Phoenix seems reasonable to you, it did come to me that age might also be a factor. The age range of the swinger community are more 50+ here. I don't know if that helps or not. That's not to say that there aren't younger ones but to us, the ages of swingers are skewed in the upper range.

If you aren't made of money then I'd suggest crossing San Diego off your list, the cost of living there is only marginally better than Los Angeles or San Francisco. Have you considered Temecula, CA? Twice as big as Palm Springs, about an hour outside of San Diego and an hour and a half away from Los Angeles (closer than Palm Springs actually). Temecula has casinos that bring entertainment in, a ton of wineries and restaurants and is also located at the foot of a mountain range with no shortage of hiking and mountain town bed and breakfasts. Cost of living is a joke compared to LA or San Diego. Austin is amazing and also only 90 miles from San Antonio so two sizeable cities in the region. Austin is very affordable (at least a little outside the city) if you can take the heat. I met more friendly people in Austin in a week than I have in 10 years in Los Angeles.

Since Phoenix seems reasonable to you, it did come to me that age might also be a factor. The age range of the swinger community are more 50+ here. I don't know if that helps or not. That's not to say that there aren't younger ones but to us, the ages of swingers are skewed in the upper range.

Valid point. Not that it would bother us, and we aren't sure about swinging in our own area, but it is a good point.

We do like Arizona, for tax reasons, for outdoor activity reasons, for scenery reasons. We have not seen Tucson yet but from what I've heard, I think we prefer the vibe in Phoenix.

If you aren't made of money then I'd suggest crossing San Diego off your list, the cost of living there is only marginally better than Los Angeles or San Francisco. Have you considered Temecula, CA? Twice as big as Palm Springs, about an hour outside of San Diego and an hour and a half away from Los Angeles (closer than Palm Springs actually). Temecula has casinos that bring entertainment in, a ton of wineries and restaurants and is also located at the foot of a mountain range with no shortage of hiking and mountain town bed and breakfasts. Cost of living is a joke compared to LA or San Diego. Austin is amazing and also only 90 miles from San Antonio so two sizeable cities in the region. Austin is very affordable (at least a little outside the city) if you can take the heat. I met more friendly people in Austin in a week than I have in 10 years in Los Angeles.

I've heard of it but we hadn't really looked into it. I'm leery of California in general because of the tax rate, but there were some (relatively modest) homes in our price range in the area surrounding San Diego. For the right quality of life, we don't mind a smaller home than we might get elsewhere. Temecula will warrant some more research, and maybe a drive out: being close to so much of Southern California would be really interesting. On the other hand, it seems like it's kind of a pain to get to the airport. One factor for us is having access to a better airport than we have now, and going to a city where there essentially isn't one would be tough to get used to. Looks really beautiful, though, and the restaurant list I saw is great, too.

We do like Arizona, for tax reasons, for outdoor activity reasons, for scenery reasons. We have not seen Tucson yet but from what I've heard, I think we prefer the vibe in Phoenix.

Oh, I would definitely recommend the Phoenix area over Tucson or Yuma. I consider those two cities the butthole and armpit of Arizona...basically, I don't like them.

We have friends in the lifestyle who live in Vegas. They are very happy there.

I've heard great things about Austin and San Antonio if Texas is a consideration for you.

Every time we have visited San Diego it has seemed very crowded and dirty (maybe we just were in the wrong places). Also I was born in So Cal (30 mi east of LA) and just didn't like the quality of living there so I moved north as soon as I could. It's just too costly and crowed for me (I have more to do than spend time sitting on the freeway in traffic). The weather is IMHO nicer (it actually rains some...not a lot but some) in Nor Cal and while I lived in the SF bay area (for work) we moved to the foothills outside of Sacramento as the best compromise of weather/people/work/activities/security/bang for the buck. If we could find a better place than this, we would move there.

Palm Springs is far enough out of LA to not fall under much of the LA influence, however it used to be more of a retirement area with the party crowd coming in on the weekends (and spring break). Portland has trees and you can be out in the wilderness in less than an hour, but you also get all the benefits of a bigger city.

Every time we have visited San Diego...

Thanks. We had the same ideas about LA that you do (and that all of our friends from LA seem to have). I'm kind of sensitive about losing my time, and sitting in traffic to go a few miles doesn't do it for me. We did nearly end up taking a job offer in Folsom a few years ago, and it looked like a nice area.

I think this thread is really cementing our existing notions about moving somewhere in the desert southwest. We both like the beach in small doses, but have a hard time imagining living there year-round anyway. A setting like Temecula is probably much more our type of scene. Nobody seems to be protesting that we're up the wrong tree as far as "adult" activities, so that's good.

The lifestyle scene in Denver is pretty active and fun. Yes, it snows here, but we like to play in the snow. We live in the mountains and make it to Denver only infrequently, every 2-3 months or so to play. people say they come out here for the winters but stay for the summers. We get 300 days of sunshine a year, We have that over Portland and Seattle.

I'd have to vote for Albuquerque or Santa Fe. It's hard to beat the climate and there's plenty to do when not swinging.

Interesting thread...

1. The Coachella Valley/Palm Springs area is nude friendly with multiple resorts ranging from G-rated (Living Waters Spa) to X-rated (Sea Mountain Inn). Desert Sun is a beautiful property. People come to the PSP area to vacation and also to cut loose. Cost of living can be very low north of I-10 (e.g. Desert Hot Springs).

2. Santa Fe is a lovely four-season town. It is rather small--Albuquerque is an hour down I-25. Cost of living can also be held down. Slower pace than the Coachella Valley. A few nude-accepting areas, but fewer.

Santa Fe is a cool town. We live 4 hours away and go there for weekend trips once a year if we can. Not sure how the swinging is, but it's a fun town.

Yes take a look at Austin, plenty of nice places to go, restaurants, bars/pub with handcrafted beers, great lake and hiking trails. If you are an outdoors type of person this is the place to be. Only complaint is the Summer heat!

We've often thought that Austin/San Antonio may have been a better bet for us when we left the cold and gray of eastern Pa for "sunny" SWFL. We enjoy both cities and know there are really friendly couples in that part of Texas. Im not a skier and Mrs Doc is and I HATE snow so Denver and Boulder would not work for us. Curious why you didn't mention Miami/Ft Lauderdale/Palm Beach? Boca is wonderful and the South Florida has Haulover Beach as well.

We considered this but in the context of early retirement and came up with Desires. Sure the weekly rate is high but consider they provide all the meals, entertainment and you really wouldn’t need a lot of clothes. There’s also those much lower summer rates to get down the annual costs. It would be like “going native” but with all of the luxuries and a continuing turn over of new friends and return of some old ones, and obviously a great deal of swinging.

If you could then get a job working at Desire so you got the employee discount, then WINNER! Sign us up!