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Oct. 4 - Dr. Phil's gonna be talkin' about swinging

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On Thursday, the 4th of October. People are already starting to talk about it on his website and the one post I read said nothing good about it, but from what I read, it was nothing about swinging, just cheating.

 

Sometimes, it really chaps my ass when people have no idea how we really conduct our lives or how our relationships really are. They find, somehow, two "swingers" who reveal how swinging has ruined their lives. Blah! You'll even find that one guy wants to swing and his wife thinks it's disgusting, but she's afraid he'll leave her if she doesn't... A story we've read more than once here. :)

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I'll set the DVR to record his show, and I'll reserve judgment until after I see it. But you are right about how people prejudge what others do, and how the media only shows one side of a story.

 

I think because of personal insecurities, people have an innate need to "be better" than everyone else. To do so they have to find fault in everybody around them. Kind of a "I can't be good unless you are bad" thing. Truth be told, these "goody-two-shoes" probably have really screwed-up and dysfunctional lives, they're just not broadcast publicly.

 

Of course you always hear about how swinging "ruined their marriage" because happy swingers don't go on television, exposing their private life to the world. All you hear from is the unhappy ones. I always have to look at them though and think "You're not telling the real reason your marriage disintegrated because it's easier to blame it on something or someone else than to look inward and see where you fucked-up." It's always easier to feed other people your shit than to eat it yourself.

 

Same with marriage counselors and other "relationship experts". Nobody pays $100/hr to go to a marriage counselor when they're happy. Marriage counselors only hear from the ones who's marriages are about to implode or already have. A counselor worth their weight in goose down would be able to pick through the BS of this-and-that and get to the real reason their marriage fell apart, and usually the thing that lead them to think having sex with other people would magically "fix" their broken marriage. But that reason is mundane, repeated over and over, and seldom as dramatic and interesting as the swinging angle. So that is what the "experts" write articles on, go on Dr. Phil with, etc.

 

Who knows, maybe Dr. Phil will say something positive. After all, he is in Oprah's back pocket and she didn't say anything really negative about swinging in her segment on it a couple of years ago.

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Here's the blurb on the site:

 

Thursday - October 4, 2007

 

Secrets in the Suburbs

How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are that engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why is it causing tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for him and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle.

 

I'll be most interested to hear the story that I highlighted, since that couple has so much experience in the lifestyle. I'd like to hear where they think they took a wrong turn, or what their problem is. The latter is just ridiculous, although sadly it does remind me so much of the male side of so many posts we get on this board, "How can I get my wife to...." :nono:

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Heh.. If it's Dr. Phil you can bet he's not going to be a proponent of the Lifestyle. That being said, I wouldn't be too concerned about it. Most people who take what Dr. Phil has to say seriously would never consider swinging anyway.

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Did anyone see if this is for sure a new episode? Or is it a repeat of this show which he also ended up doing a rebuttal show on. This was back in 2005 that he did this show.

 

Is it ratings season already!? That's good for us, hopefully Oprah and 20/20 will do another show as well. We always see a nice little traffic spike after those shows.

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Brent and Renee are the typical pre-problem couple where the issues are created when one member of the couple tries to coerce, manipulate or "convince" the other to do it.

 

Like you eluded to, Tybee, these couples are a dime-a-dozen and are really easy to find for a show like Dr. Phil's.

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I didn't read that long thread about the 2005 Dr Phil show that Julie brought forward, but I glided through it to see I hadn't posted on it. I never watched that 2005 show that I recall. I think I would have remembered it.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't bringing back that show, at least in part, because Oprah just had a swinger couple on last week in a new show - and we all know how these talk shows copycat each other. Hot topics!

 

From watching Dr Phil on and off over the years, I feel he's going to come down hard on swinging. I see him as a man who has his mind set on what he "thinks" it is and won't be open to presenting swinging in a way that will let the viewers decide for themselves what to think of it. Also, the couples he chooses for the show will make all the difference in how he'll get his viewers to receive them and the subject of swinging.

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:eek:

Don't be surprised if they do these shows the same way they did all the other ones, Phil Donahue, Maury Povich, Jenny Jones etc., paying any idiot that wants their face on tv to come on up regardless if they are real or not. As stated a bit differently in previous posts, a 'fair shake' to those show is something made with vanilla and ice cream.

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Ummm...Ted caught me cruising over to that other web site and informed me I was NOT to watch the show...I might get talked out of swinging :rofl::rofl: ....I replied to him...more likely just get pissed off, more people talking about something they have no idea what they are talking about :rolleyes: but hey...if I've got an hour to spare I might watch it, I like arguing with the T.V. :lol:

 

Teresa

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I went on there and tried to email the show and it won't let me! Has anyone else tried to send an email and were not able to?

Shelly

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I'll be TiVo-ing it. I used to like Dr. Phil in spite of his cheesiness because he boiled things down to their essentials and didn't let people get away with their bullshit. But I felt like he crested a while ago. I'm sure he "knows" that swinging is sick and wrong, and feel pretty sure we'll see negative, pre-judgmental coverage that doesn't allow happy swingers to explain themselves. But heck, I wouldn't go on the show, so I wouldn't expect other happy swingers to either if they didn't want to.

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LOL, here is my email to the Dr. Phil show.

 

I am writing about the upcoming show on swinging in the suburbs. Number one, its called The Lifestyle. My husband of 16 years and myself are in the lifestyle and have been for 14 months. We love it. Are there bad points to swinging? Of course. Are there people here who should not be here? Of course! All segments of society have it's bad apples. We have met so many wonderful people out here. We are not pediphiles. We have high sex drives, yes. But you have NO IDEA how many husbands tell me that they only WISH their wives had the sex drive that I have, or enjoyed sex like women in the lifestyle do. Society is full of hypocrites. What we do is always between consentual adults. We do NOT cheat. We are honest with each other. This is why our marriage is strong. Society in it's hypocrisy would rather we sneak behind our spouse's back in secret, because as long as no one knows that is what is important. Because we choose to openly do this together we are thought of as freaks and "dirty". Well, society has told women that to love sex makes them bad girls for centuries....we just choose to say to hell with what society thinks (obviously the 70% divorce rate amongst non-swingers tells me that society is not a good judge of a what makes up a good, solid marriage) and do what makes us happy. This is not something that we share with our families, our children or our co-workers. We do not flaunt what we do in our bedroom. We are Girl Scout Moms, Cub Scout Dads. We are in the PTO. We are usually highly educated, wealthy tax paying citizens. We are NOT attempting to bring down society's moral system of order. If we were we would flaunt what we do. So I expect that your show, along with showing the horror stories with the crying wives, is going to show happy lifestyle couples such as myself and innumerable other couples who have done this for years. And YES, it was MY idea for us to enter the lifestyle. My husband did not force me, push me or try to convince me. It was MY IDEA. Thank you. Michelle Millington

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Nothing good will come out the show for swingers we all know that Dr Phil is into sensationalism just like most of his comtemporaries I tried to watch the show a few times and couldnt due to his bloated ideas, there is good sides and bad sides to everything in life and it all depends on the persons outlook and it all depends on how the person reacts to the situations in life, my SO and I always try to have a postive outlook to everything life throws at us and if it screws us up we try to figure out why it happened and work it out so it doesnt happen again, swinging is one of the best things thats happened to us and its made us a lot closer to each other, and knowing how ole Dr phil is like hes gonna slam it big time without any positive outcome .

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The Oprah show last week about older women having sex. We saw the couple and they were in complete denial of swinging. I felt that since they only play with a select person each and not socially then they are not swingers. We got bored and turned it off.

 

Now I didn't get to see the show she did on swinging and I heard ok things about it.

 

You have to remember Dr. Phil is not a real doctor, he is a TV Doctor and needs the ratings.

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It will be a blood bath. Dr phil is a capital Ass of a loser, and will blow the lifestyle way out of context... He drives around in Dallas a lot in his yellow Ferrari...

 

Everybody here knows he has a mistress half his age

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The folks who believe in Dr. Phil and all of his views would never consider swinging ... not in their makeup. I think most of his crap is ... well, crap.

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Nothing good will come out the show for swingers we all know that Dr Phil is into sensationalism just like most of his comtemporaries I tried to watch the show a few times and couldnt due to his bloated ideas, there is good sides and bad sides to everything in life and it all depends on the persons outlook and it all depends on how the person reacts to the situations in life, my SO and I always try to have a postive outlook to everything life throws at us and if it screws us up we try to figure out why it happened and work it out so it doesnt happen again, swinging is one of the best things thats happened to us and its made us a lot closer to each other, and knowing how ole Dr phil is like hes gonna slam it big time without any positive outcome .

 

I agree. When you do not see his point of view he gets rude and cuts you off. I would NOT do well on his show LOL. Shelly

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Cerberus said:
It will be a blood bath. Dr phil is a capital Ass of a loser, and will blow the lifestyle way out of context... He drives around in Dallas a lot in his yellow Ferrari...

 

Everybody here knows he has a mistress half his age

 

See, that's interesting. So, he bakes US for being honest and consensual. But in secret he is banging some young woman, and I'm SURE Ms. Robin knows about it. But like most political and celebrity spouses, instead of defending herself she turns the other cheek. They should just go on and have an FMF, then they'd have some fun.

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I tried to post the following on Dr. Phil's site but I am unsure if it'll get posted. It didn't seem to work unless they are screening their messages.

 

Quote by ceildh1:

" (although I don't get why you would get married if you don't "DO" Monogomy)."

-End quote

 

Swinging is different for many different people. But for some people, myself included, it is simply something we are doing together. It's not that I am having sex with other people. WE are having sex with other people. It's a shared experience.

 

That being said, I have a monogamous relationship with my wife in an emotional aspect. And sex with her is truly unique because of that. But expanding the non-emotional aspect of our sexlife up with other people is quite different.

 

I expect to see people come onto this show and have difficulties with swinging because their marriage wasn't sound to begin with. They were looking into swinging as a possible cure for a problem, or perhaps looking for something their relationship didn't provide. It's sad really, because those are the completely wrong reasons to get into the lifestyle.

 

Stability first, and remember to always go back to a typical marriage at the onset of problems.

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I was amused by the title: "Secrets in the Suburbs". Funny. Oprah's title was Secret Sex in the Suburbs. Coincidence?

 

I tried writing to Dr. Phil once. No reply back of course. Talking to these people is a bit like talking to a brick wall. They have already decided that it's the devil's handiwork and they do, say and push anything that backs up their paranoid conclusions. THIS is why I have no respect for him and his kind. It's not their opinion; it's the fact that they preach their opinion as the gospel truth when it has, in fact, been proven false. WE all know that here, but try convincing him or his sheep of that! A waste of time.

 

Cerberus: Since I don't have direct knowledge of Dr. Phil's love life or sexual habits, I can't really promote my opinion on it one way or the other. I will say, however, that given his chiclet-smiling, tweed-suit-wearing facade, the extruded plastic facial expressions he and his wife paste on their faces, and the glaring contradiction of the yellow Ferrari bearing the "Conformity Rocks!" bumper sticker, it wouldn't surprise me in the least that Philsie was getting a little ass on the side. Hypocrite.

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Here's the blurb on the site:

 

Thursday - October 4, 2007

 

Secrets in the Suburbs

 

Tybee, thanks for posting that. :)

 

I too, am going to reserve my statements until after I've seen this show. I know he's not going to put a couple on there with a great relationship in the LS but I do know he'd try to put as many troubled couples in who are in the LS for the wrong reasons -- or the jackasses who are trying to get their spouse to swing regardless of their spouses feelings.

 

I'm really curious to see this one... regardless if it's been shown before. I haven't seen this episode, so it will be new to me. I'll be commenting on it at his site afterward as well, I'm sure. ::P:

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I too, am going to reserve my statements until after I've seen this show.

 

Not me. :o I posted something already:

 

 

I haven't seen the show yet, nor likely will I. I think it would irk me to have contributed to the ratings grab that this so obviously is. As they say, sex sells. But I'll make a prediction: the "swingers" that Dr. Phil - or whomever is granted the decision rights - selected are in dysfunctional, unhealthy, unhappy marriages/relationships, and are likely engaging in swinging in a MOST unhealthy manner. I understand that it is difficult (or even impossible) for most people to conceive of the notion of swinging in a healthy way, but please do take my word for it, it is most certainly possible.

 

The thing is, the couples that cross Phil's doorstep are there because they are having problems. You WON'T find a credible representeation of the swinger's lifestyle through the talk show of a therapist or counsellor. All they have ever seen are the unhapy, unsuccessful couples. They ENTIRELY miss the happy, well-adjusted, secure swinging couples who have taken it upon themselves to perfect their relationships through trust, communication, respect and loving-kindness.

 

Watch the show, but consider this your caveat. I urge anyone who is inclined to form a strong opinion of swinging to find out the truth for yourselves, and do not rely on the opinions of others, no matter how respected they may be.

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intuition897 said:
Talking to these people is a bit like talking to a brick wall. They have already decided that it's the devil's handiwork and they do, say and push anything that backs up their paranoid conclusions.

I agree. They have already decided what the "truth" is going to be based on what is going to get ratings and thus ad dollars... The real truth be damned. There is money to be made from the conformist sheep that follow his and other programs like it, spouting what he says as gospel truth in the office on Wednesday morning.

 

"When a well-packaged web of lies has been sold gradually to the masses over generations, the truth will seem utterly preposterous and its speaker a raving lunatic." ~ Dresden James

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WesternSwing said:

"When a well-packaged web of lies has been sold gradually to the masses over generations, the truth will seem utterly preposterous and its speaker a raving lunatic." ~ Dresden James

 

Oh wow. That just says it all, doesn't it? :) I'm putting that one up on my blog...

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Oh I don't think Dr. Phil has decided swinging is evil, wrong whatever.

 

I think you give him too much credit.

 

Really its about target audience and ratings. Sex sells but do you think the avid Dr. Phil watcher wants to hear about happy swingers with a happy sex life and the like? No, conflict sells as does feeling morally superior.

 

Sure their pathetic Dr. Phil watching life sucks, but he brings them people who suck more.

 

Swinging at BEST will be shown as neutral for the day time audience, and only then does Opra have the 'power' to do so. If Dr. Phil came out with a show about how great swinging was for couples he would lose audience and neutral is boring. So bring on the Jerry Springeresque crowd.

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Sounds like there may be a trend now for talk shows to talk badly about open relationships and bring in experts with dubious experience. Recently, Oprah did a similar show on polyamory (refusing to call it such!) and bringing in an expert who was apparently incompetent.

 

This is the account of one person who appeared on that show:

 

The whole experience was crazy and hard and there was a lot they apparently didn't show (according to friends' reports). I haven't watched it yet, mostly because it's too painful; my boyfriend of over a year suddenly broke up with me a week ago (issues totally unrelated to Oprah), and I've spent the last week seeing (and am continuing to see) the world through very tired, wet and blurry eyes. Timing? RATHER LESS THAN SPIFFY.

 

Between the completely crumbled-up heart I'm still picking up pieces of, coming out to friends and family (reactions varied from "whatever" to "your life is appalling"), coming out to our very small town, my co-workers (I'm about to start working in a very small massage clinic), and it being my last week of school and dealing with finals, etc; I didn't want to talk about it before it aired. But, tomorrow is my last day of school, and I've got a little more time, and I'm happy to field questions if anyone has them.

 

Like other people, I found the "expert" horrifying. We hadn't met her before the show and had no idea what questions or commentary she would be providing, and I was so shocked by how stupid her comments were, just so totally misinformed and obviously based on zero experience, that I just couldn't think how to respond. What "research" was she going on? She clearly knew nothing, yet she just kept talking. I was flabbergasted.

 

To answer the most obvious; why didn't they call us poly? Well, they didn't want to. They felt that "poly" was a whole can of worms they could devote an entire show to (I guess they might at some point, I'm not sure), and they didn't want to get into it on the show.

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I'm tired of happy swingers whining about society branding them the devil. Writing emails saying swingers are happy, but we aren't going to let you know who we are is going to accomplish what? I'll tell you, Nothing! How can anybody be outraged that this is how we are portrayed?

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manhattan27 said:
Sounds like there may be a trend now for talk shows to talk badly about open relationships and bring in experts with dubious experience. Recently, Oprah did a similar show on polyamory (refusing to call it such!) and bringing in an expert who was apparently incompetent.

 

This is the account of one person who appeared on that show:

 

To answer the most obvious; why didn't they call us poly? Well, they didn't want to. They felt that "poly" was a whole can of worms they could devote an entire show to (I guess they might at some point, I'm not sure), and they didn't want to get into it on the show.

I'd bet the reason they didn't call them "poly" was because in some eyes it would add some kind of legitimacy to their relationship being it was loving rather than portraying them as being in a "nasty open-relationship".

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bill&sabrina said:
I'm tired of happy swingers whining about society branding them the devil. Writing emails saying swingers are happy, but we aren't going to let you know who we are is going to accomplish what? I'll tell you, Nothing! How can anybody be outraged that this is how we are portrayed?

 

Good point.

 

I'm not coming out of the closet, but I'm not outraged either. I find these shows done by "experts" amusing at best. I know I'm never going to convince the masses that this is right, and as a LOT of people have said over and over again, this lifestyle is NOT right for everyone. We're a select few, actually.

 

So I'm happy leading a life that everyone doesn't know everything about. Really -- do we want to be filleted all the time? Does it really matter?

 

If I remember to watch the show, I might for the amusement of it all. Frankly, by Thursday, I'll probably even forget it's on, unless I check this board beforehand ...

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I guess you point of view depends entirely on what you want out of the lifestyle. For our part, this is our sex life, and I don't feel a need to reveal it to anyone I don't want to, nor do we hope to someday "come out". The Romans used to hold prejudice against those people called "Christians" because they were cannibals. They would eat the body and drink the blood of their "God" every Sunday. Misunderstanding is as old as the world itself, and what the outside world thinks is much less important to me than what I get out of it. At least that is my point of view.

 

Let Dr. Phil and his so-called experts say whatever they want. It doesn't take anything away from the fun my wife and I will continue to have. Label me an immoral pervert if they want. I don't really care. Acceptance by society at large is not one of my goals. As long as we have a group of really good friends who know and appreciate us for who we really are, the rest of it can take a long walk off of a short pier for all I care.

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This is the wife. Unlike some of you think, I am an avid Dr Phil fan. 1, he is a doctor. He doesn't have an honorary degree, he earned it and practiced psychology privately for 20 odd years before going on television. 2, I listen to him, but I'm not an idiot or a groupie and I do enjoy swinging with my husband. Anyone with a brain knows that one person does not hold every answer to every problem. I don't always agree with the man or the show, but I take what can apply to my situation, if I have a problem, and try to use it. If he has an issue that I personally do not have a problem with in my own life, I have no need to take his advice.

 

I saw the original episode. Yes, he did not agree that swinging will help a troubled marriage.He also stated that swinging by itself wasn't even the issue. The issue was about respect. Like we have all seen on these boards, if one partner is forcing or persuading the other to participate with no regards to that partners feelings, it will never truly work. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Besides that, who cares? If the issue upsets you that much, you would be willing to defend your position. It's your life, and no one else's. We all know people who have opinions about everything we do in life, not just swinging. If we spent all of our time worried about that instead of our marriages and sex lives, we would only have sex to have a child and never enjoy it.

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I saw the original episode. Yes, he did not agree that swinging will help a troubled marriage.

 

Well -- if this is his point, then we ALL should be in agreement with that!

 

How many of us have given that advice over time??

 

(Maybe he's a closet swinger, too!!)

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cubnamy1995 said:
He doesn't have an honorary degree, he earned it and practiced psychology privately for 20 odd years before going on television.

Actually, if you follow the time line of his life he couldn't have possibly practiced privately for any more than about 5 years.

 

Here is a quote from his biography on WikipediA regarding that time frame.

 

Quote
"McGraw graduated from the Midwestern State University in 1975 with a Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology. He went on to earn a master's degree in experimental psychology and a Ph.D in clinical psychology at the University of North Texas. (His dissertation was titled "Rheumatoid Arthritis: A Psychological Intervention.") He also participated in the swimming programs at the two schools.

 

McGraw owned a construction business with his brother-in-law while completing his internship for his Ph.D. He did one-on-one sessions in private practice in Wichita Falls, Texas and conducted life skills seminars with his father and Thelma Box, before getting out of private practice and founding Courtroom Sciences, Inc., a trial consulting firm, in 1989 with neighbor Gary Dobbs. As president of CSI, he advised Fortune 500 companies and injured plaintiffs alike in achieving settlements.

 

In 1995, Oprah Winfrey had help from Phil McGraw to prepare her for the Amarillo Texas beef trial. Winfrey was so impressed with McGraw that she thanked him for her victory in that case, which ended in 1998. Soon after, she invited him to appear on her show."

 

Another quote from there might shed some light on why he got out of private practice in 1989.

 

Quote
"After being reprimanded by the Texas State Board of Examiners of Psychologists for an "inappropriate dual relationship" with a therapy client in 1988, McGraw was required to take ethics classes in order to continue his private practice in Texas. McGraw admits to giving the client a job at his office (which is not allowed) but denied carrying on a sexual relationship with the 19 year old, who says their relationship was "sexually inappropriate"."

 

Sorry, but all that just reaffirms my belief that he is an idiot who has figured out that being on TV is better than his ambulance chasing gig was, as a great way to rake in the cash, while not being able to make it in his chosen profession legitimately.

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The problem with most "experts" is that virtually none of them have ever lived the life they are supposedly experts about. Reading studies about swinging and failed marriages, and as a psychologist seeing unhappy, nearly divorced couples who tried swinging to "fix" or "spice-up" a failing marriage in reality no more makes them an expert about swinging than reading a book on brain surgery makes me an expert on brain surgery. I've never done it. I have no personal experience with it. It's the difference between talking to someone who's peaked Everest 20 times and survived about mountaineering or talking to someone who's read a book by someone who's peaked Everest 20 times. One is true experience, the other is someone's opinion based on what they've read but never experienced.

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Interesting... Looks like he's changed his mind and is talking to Brittany Spears on the 4th instead. She really does need more help than most people I know.

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I just set my DVR to record it. I think it will definitely be interesting to see the reactions from the audience and Dr. Phil.

 

By the way, isn't it interesting that we have schools that are not educating children...spouses beating each other, and many other true problems that significantly harm society and Dr. Phil isn't using his "skills" to assist? Rather, he is benefitting from sensationalism. Not angry at him...just scratching my head.

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I think the "Dr." and some of the other so called experts need to read this board for a few weeks.

 

I also think the master of this site would make a great guest, assuming she is already "out"

 

hmmmm.

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I think that would be just one more argument for him to bash us by... :storm:

 

Sneakin' around behind our families backs. "If we enjoy this lifestyle so much, why don't we come out and show the whole world who we are?"

 

It's not as if I wouldn't want to. Seriously I don't care who really knows. We're already outed by our oldest who found our profile on AFF and she could care less. The ONLY person I don't want knowing is my mother. She'd have a killer stroke. :bricks:

 

The board really is filled with people who know what swinging is all about though. Most of us swing for the right reasons and we all have the same giddy, stupid smiles on our faces for weeks afterward and love our spouses so much that it almost hurts.

 

Intuition, the ohhh so wise one, said something to the effect that the offer of swinging is a selfless gift from our spouses and it's soooooo damn true. (Correct if me if totally fucked that up but I hope you get the gist.)

 

Do you think that Dr. Phil can wrap his head around that? I seriously doubt it.

 

GOOD GRIEF, I RAMBLE A LOT!!!!

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Something about Brittany Spears and her custody suit is what was aired today. :)

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Frickin' TV doctors! He's been riding Oprah's coattails forever.

 

Don't get me started!! :brkwall:

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Then I don't feel so bad my DVR didn't get it. Monday's Dr. Phil is on the DVR schedule for some reason, but it didn't record Thursday's. Maybe a second chance? I don't see anything for next week's scheduled shows on his website either.

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Just sent him a little email asking if they are going to air it sometime. Shall we see if they write back? :)

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