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Harold_N_Ann

Large people and swinging

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My wife and I have been married 28 years and hav talked about swinging for a couple of years now. We both find the idea very erotic and exciting and just the discussions have fueled many hot and heavy lovemaking sessions.

 

One of the things which has kept us from actually taking the step into swinging is our fear that we might be ridiculed or not be able to find other couples to swing with us.

 

You see, we are both large people. I am 6'1" and 296. She is 5'10". She won't tell her weight, but she is quite large, too.

 

Also, I have a small penis (4.5") and I wonder if any woman would want me due to that.

 

How would we be accepted?

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Hello Harold and Ann,

 

Welcome to the board.

 

Your fears are perfectly natural. Most everyone regarless of shape, size, looks, etc. fear not being good enough or that someone else is better or will do it better.

 

Swingers come in all shapes and sizes with different likes and dislikes. There is something out there for everyone and what it takes is the patience to find those that are a match for you. Sometimes it comes quickly, others it takes a long time.

 

The best thing to do is not let your selves be your own worst enenmy. If you are comfortable with who you are it will show and will help open many doors for you.

 

Have you explored any of the websites that have swingers ads on them? I believe swinglifestyle.com offers a free membership. You may want to browse through there and just see how diverse the ads are.

 

Also when it comes to swing clubs we have seen a wide variety of people and ages although some clubs do cater to more specific type crowds.

 

Hope this helped some, and since you have already taken the first step in posting, why not drop in the Introductions forums and say hello, then read throughout the New Swingers Forum. You will find a lot of your questions answered there and for what you can't.....don't hesitate to ask! :)

 

Lori

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Harold and Ann,

 

Your questions concerning your weight are quite common. As Lori suggested take a look around at some of the swinger sites, you will find that swingers cover every spectrum of weight and size. The key is that you are happy with the size that you are. A low self-esteem will scare many more people away than extra pounds ever will.

 

There will be some people who will judge you solely on your weight alone and for that reason won't want to be with you. There are many others, tho, for whom weight will not be a factor.

 

Regarding your penis size, this has been a hot topic of late in a few other threads. Again, some will not want to play with you because of it, others won't care. I would say tho that since you are aware that it may be an issue, make sure you are boned up in other areas (oral sex). It takes more than a penis to please a woman.

 

Here are a few links to other topics that might be of interest to you both in regards to your weight question and the question of penis size.

 

When Your Wife is Average Size and You are NOT

 

The Body Beautiful

 

Height/Weight Proportional - yeah right!

 

Does Weight Really Matter?

 

Accepting of BBW?

 

As you can see some of these topics have gotten quite heated... but they should give you a good idea as to the variance of opinions and what to expect.

 

And on the Question of Penis Size:

Penis Question

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Hi, this is what I'd do: go to the local x-rated store and pick up swinger's books dedicated to ads for swingers. Look at all the ads and pictures and you'll see that there are people for everyone! Probably someone looking for you guys!! If you don't see someone YOU like INSERT YOUR OWN AD and say what you are looking for. Puts you in the driver's seat and makes people come to you.

 

AND I'd also call local swing clubs and ask them if their club is a "fat friendly " club and open to large size people. I'm assuming you're researched all the swinger's sites. Do not give up, swinging can be a very fun fulfilling new adventure in your life.....warning though, once you try it, you won't want to go back to the regular world and be a non swinger!! :)

 

>>>>NOTE: Because I got tired of driving forever here in Calif to go to a club......party like a fool, hot tub to beat sixty and then have to drive forever to get home; when I was single and over 200 pounds I STARTED MY OWN CLUB!!!! & got to pick and choose from a big buffet of men!!! If all else fails and I know it won't fail........host a party yourself and screen the people who attend!!

 

hugzzzzz, go for it! :)

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As a bi-sexual young woman into casual sex/swinging, I enjoy sex with a variety of people. All of my regular relationships are with similar girls of a similar average to slim build.

 

Therefore when I visit swing parties/clubs I look for a different experience. I love to get intimate with people of different shapes and sizes. Those people who consider they have perfect bodies often are so up themselves they are useless at sex. Those of a larger size tend to be more considerate and attentive, and try harder to please.

 

The last party I went to I enjoyed the most amazing "spoons" sex with a big older man. Incidentally in this position penetration is deeper and a women is less likely to tell whether the cock entering her is smaller than average.

 

I also love to wrap my arms around and fondle larger women, recently having had a fun time with an 18/20 dress size girl. (Sandra you know who you are. lol )

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We have 5-6 couples that play regularly, we have the entire spectrum of sizes and no one gives a rats butt, we just have a great time. The women range from 105 to about 250, the men from 160-300 and everyone just goes for it. No pretenses, no BS, just great sex

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My wife and I have been swinging for a little over a year now; she is a beautiful blonde BBW, 49 years old, and I am 45 years old, 6'1", 190#, average build.

 

While we all wish Harold and his wife the best, let's step into the "real world" for a minute and be honest. We have found quite a bit of predjudice by other couples who are so shallow and vain that they see only the "outer" image of a person. Just read many of the personal ads: "no fatties, no one over XXX pounds, must be in shape, must be height and weight proportionate, etc.".

 

Sure, the initial response would be, well you don't want to be friends and play with those people then anyway. But, we have found that this prevalent attitude really begins to play on your ego, and it actually decreases the number of available folks out there that you might seek out to swing with.

 

Not only has my wife being a BBW caused us many a rejection, but our ages play into this equation also. You are then forced to "go searching" for "specialized" groups that are seeking larger people to swing with or those groups formed for the "older" crowd.

 

Predjudice is alive and well in this world of swinging, just as it is in every other aspect of our daily lives. The trick is to not get so fed up with it that you quit seeking what you ultimately desire.

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You're absolutely correct, there is a difference between these two terms.

 

In our experiences, there has been a definite "mean-spirted" attitude toward larger people or those of an older age group.

 

This is why I chose the term, "predjudice".

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I have been subjected to rejection for a variety of reasons.

 

Sometimes it is actually my personality. In crowds I really have to work hard to be myself. Someone else mentioned that they appear arrogant in crowds, and I guess I do also. It is because although I want to maintain a self-confident appearance deep down I am not good at starting up conversations.

 

I found that exposure over a longer term is the answer to my personality flaws. Deep down I am not arrogant and actually a bit insecure if anything and once someone gets to know me they discover that.

 

One thing I have noticed at clubs is the average weight is definitely above average. But I notice that at the mall also. So maybe the average weight in this country is higher than the TV shows would make one think.

 

Anyhow, looks, size, age, and other physical attributes including breast or penis size are factors for many people including myself. This is referring to possible sexual relations, not friendship or employment issues. In the latter none of the above matter.

 

Perhaps the term prejudiced is accurate but that doesn't make it wrong. Lots of people lump the word prejudiced with terms like racist or hatred. There is a huge difference.

 

I personally would not want to be with a very heavy person, but lots of people wouldn't give me a second thought for a number of reasons. A twenty year old model type usually doesn't even notice me (except on rare occasions here n there), and although she may be prejudiced against older balding guys, for sex playmates, that's OK, and it is her right.

 

I can still indulge in a little flirting and do so every chance I get lol.

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I'm the woman in this couple and I have no problem with weight, I would rather like the person. Mike, my guy, could care less about the like, just wants sexy. That to me is a matter of attitude. We disagree when looking through the personals, but agree to disagree, and if we both don't agree it isn't going to happen.

 

That said, I do have my prejudice so I'm really no better than others. The personals can't say, no fat people, and I'm not fat so to speak at 5'7 to 5'8 and 125 lb. but when I read that my mind goes crazy and I feel that anyone who would state such a thing isn't going anywhere right now spiritually (if that is the right word, and I do not mean God). I just feel that they haven't really explored the reality of life yet! And I will not even consider a 21 year old. I think your asking for problems there emotionally. Don't understand it when they say into a committed relationship and looking to explore. They haven't begun to explore and will probably have a lot more committed relationships in the future.

 

As for my guy, he has a problem with women squirters. For some reason he is turned off. Go figure, I find it fascinating as I have never had the experience, but also wonder how in the world he is going to find this out before the actual sex act; LOL.

 

Anyhow, we all have them, what we will and will not do.

 

I understand you being self conscious about the weight and feel limited by it, but don't. Those who do not wish to play with you and yours just aren't for you, and I would look at it this way, trying to be spiritual and all, their loss not yours.

 

As far as the small sized penis. I once had a relationship with a man who honestly had 2 inches and it was great. That man was self conscious about it, so in his mind he made up for it with candles everywhere, rose petals on the bed, and he even went so far as to have the bathroom fixed up with all brand new women's necessities that he thought I might like to clean up with afterwards; new hairbrush and comb, tooth brush and even perfume. He also lasted incredibly long and when I commented on this, he confessed that he had masturbated before I got there so as to not disappoint me with a quickie. His size never was an issue, his kindness and consideration will always be looked upon as wonderful.

 

Arleen (and Mike)

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Arleen (and Mike),

 

That was what I was trying to say. Very well put.

 

Everyone isn't attracted to everyone and although I just can't get over the hurdle of dating large women, one lately has actually gotten my attention. She doesn't have an insecure bone in her body and has a terrific sense of humor.

 

I made a date with her for two weeks from now and am really looking forward to it.

 

I don't think I would have considered it not so many years ago.

 

I sure hope she likes me...

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I am attending my first swing party this saturday, both my partner and i are larger than normal. she is 5'5" 180, and I'm 6' 400! I called the party hosts and informed them that I am obese and they said it wasn't an issue, and after a lengthy conversation she said that the women would gather around because of my personality. She went on to say that they are just everyday people of all sizes, and we would be accepted based upon how we interacted and not just upon our appearance.

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Big Lou, please give us an update after the party. I am really curious to know how it will go. My husband and I have yet to go to our first party, and one of my current hang-ups is weight. I am not fat, but I have put on a few pounds since childbirth. He is quite a bit larger, and I have to admit that is also a source of embarrassment to me. However, he is very self-confident, outgoing, and adventurous, and is certain that will make up for his physical appearance. Anyway, I really want to hear about your first experience :)

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I gotta be honest here. I dated that girl. She was HUGE. If she looked like my ex's it wouldn't have mattered what she said. But when I'm dating its different than finding someone to swing with. I probably would have swung with her. She had no defects in character. But I just can't get over the fact that if I'm gonna be with someone every night, its gotta be a slim gal.

 

Shes also gotta be the type that makes peoples head turn.

 

Guess I will be single for a long time. They don't call me mr. adonis.

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My, my, my! I was wondering how your date went. I can't believe you said huge, and I refuse to cater to it; how about pleasingly plump :D. You sound just like my guy, really are all men a like?

 

Once we were setting something up with a couple, and all he kept saying was do you realize what she is gonna look like with her clothes off. Who cares. It is the person that matters. You need to talk to someone over the internet for months (years, LOL) and build a relationship without the looks, fall in love and then what they seem to be lacking in physical attractiveness to suit you will not matter as much.

 

And the head turning thing, wow! You could be asking for problems there. When I was younger and in my 17 year marriage (without sounding too full of myself), I would have to say I turned some heads, and I knew it. Most who turn heads do, and I was always looking at those who looked at me. Not a good basis for a relationship, let me tell you, I swear we were doomed from the beginning. Sure I like to still turn a head or 2, it makes me feel pretty, but I like myself at 38 a whole lot better than I did at 28. Head turners tend to be full of themselves (I think I was) and as they say "I've come a long way baby".

 

Besides that, before we decided on this lifestyle and at the beginning of our relationship which was about 5 years ago, a guy glanced twice at me (my guy's rule at the time, look once it's an accident, look twice and your gonna be sorry). Anyhow, this was while grocery shopping, and all of a sudden I heard this loud growl. It was my guy literally growling at the other guy! Jealously comes up a lot with head turners.

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I have heard that guys are attracted to types that look somewhat like their mothers. This seems to be somewhat statistically proven. My mom weighed 95. Maybe that is the problem. When I said she was HUGE , I as talking over 300, at 5'3 or so.

 

Pleasantly plump wouldn't be a problem at all.

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It's actually quite amazing how when it comes down to it, that if your with the right couple you dont notice your weight. as for the size of your master, who cares?? as long as you know how to satifiy all concerned dont stress about it.

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I am so relieved to see that others have these concerns. This is one of the biggest (ha pardon the pun) reasons we haven't jumped into the scene sooner.

 

I am 30, he is 32. All my life I was the "beautiful" girl.......I was a model as a child and in my college days, and just like River mentioned was one of those "full of themselves" types who was totally accustomed to turning heads.

 

Well, two children later, I definitely need to lose weight. I guess in the grand scheme of things I am just average...I now wear a 12 which to me is just huge (for myself, not necessarily for others.) Ironically, I still "turn heads" when we go out (just a couple of weeks ago this guy at our favorite bar kept telling me I look just like Catherine Zeta Jones) but I don't feel the same. It is tough to go from being so confident to feeling inferior but I just worry that if we went to a party that people wouldn't be attracted to me. Maybe this is the payback for being full of myself when I was a bitchy sorority girl!!!!;) It's funny, because a little extra weight on a guy doesn't make a difference but on a woman.....

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Originally posted by KSUCouple

I am so relieved to see that others have these concerns. This is one of the biggest (ha pardon the pun) reasons we haven't jumped into the scene sooner.

 

I am 30, he is 32. All my life I was the "beautiful" girl.......I was a model as a child and in my college days, and just like River mentioned was one of those "full of themselves" types who was totally accustomed to turning heads.

 

Well, two children later, I definitely need to lose weight. I guess in the grand scheme of things I am just average...I now wear a 12 which to me is just huge (for myself, not necessarily for others.) Ironically, I still "turn heads" when we go out (just a couple of weeks ago this guy at our favorite bar kept telling me I look just like Catherine Zeta Jones) but I don't feel the same. It is tough to go from being so confident to feeling inferior but I just worry that if we went to a party that people wouldn't be attracted to me. Maybe this is the payback for being full of myself when I was a bitchy sorority girl!!!!;) It's funny, because a little extra weight on a guy doesn't make a difference but on a woman.....

 

A little extra weight on a guy does make a difference. Some like it but a lot totally dislike it. My closest friend is a female that is a bit overweight, maybe your size, but she never has a problem finding a guy that will give her the time of day. Many guys love heavier women.

 

On the hair issue with men, I dont have much but I would never consider getting a hair transplant. Some gals like bald too.

 

One thing that is obvious to anyone that swings is that it is a lifestyle enjoyed by a true cross section of representation of every weight, age, and social status.

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I disagree. I think that there is a definite difference between what most men think of as a little overweight for a woman versus what women think of as a little overweight for a man.

 

It seems to me that (maybe not in the swinging scene but in the general population) a guy can be 15 pounds over his ideal, maybe have a little bit of a belly, and women don't think twice about it. If a guy is a big eater, it is seen as manly, not piggish. If a woman is a hearty eater, even if she is thin (I was one of those obnoxious girls who could eat like a sumo wrestler and still slip into those size 6 jeans in my younger days) she is frequently looked upon with disdain. A woman might have a beautiful face, with a nice set of breasts and a generally proportioned figure, but if she has that little roll around her waist (sometimes an inescapable byproduct of childbearing no matter HOW thin you are) or if she has a butt she's a turnoff.

 

My husband is every bit as overweight as I am.....probably more so. But he doesn't come off that way because he is a big guy. He is 5'10-5'11, probably 220 lbs. But he is very muscular and big-boned, and the only place you notice anything at all is his tummy. He is very attractive, and women are ALWAYS noticing him. I don't think for one second that he would have any trouble getting approached in a swinging setting.

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hi all, I apologize for the length of time for this reply, my partner and I broke up just prior to visiting my first swing party. She had been to several before and it was to be my 1st. I was and still am looking forward to going, but the party i wish to attend is couples only. the main reason I wish to attend this party is that they especially cater the bbw crowd and big guys like me are welcome too. As soon as I find a compatable partner I'll update you all on my experience. If any of you live in the (909) area code and wish to accompany me, let me know!

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We all have our own insecurities about ourselves. Are we pretty enough, are we young enough, are we experianced enough, and they seem to go on forever. The real key to sucessful swinging is learning to be comfortable in your own skin. The people we have met through swinging have been some of the most accepting tolerent people we know. Don't ever think that there will be no one to share experiances with. Everyone is looking for something different and I am sure you will be someones ideal date. Just try to relax and be yourself. The surest way not to find anyone to swing with is to hide in the corner and never speak to anyone for fear of rejection. You will be rejected everyone is from time to time but if you keep looking you will find others who appreciate you and are thankful for the opertunity to share an intimate moment with you.:fun: Good luck and Happy swinging.

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Well thank you.....I am sure we would get along beautifully!!!!!;) Maybe I am projecting too much of my own personal feelings into my interpretation of this issue. Honestly, while I have to admit I prefer a guy who is traditionally good-looking, a reasonable amount of extra weight on a guy doesn't bother me. But I think I am a lot pickier about women. I know that an overweight woman would be a turnoff to me.....kind of ironic because for every person that tells me I am nuts and I am not overweight at all, there is a person who definitely thinks I need to hit the gym and sew my mouth shut. Seems to me that the general consensus on the board is that it is just as important for a man to be fit as for a woman, but that there is someone for everyone. I am actually a little freaked out by my own feelings though....I fear that if a woman built exactly like me approached me I would be turned off!!!! Is that not totally psycho? And yet I still think that I am attractive to others. Weird. Maybe I am just so full of self-disgust right now that I turn myself off. :evil:

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Originally posted by Harold_N_Ann

Also, I have a small penis (4.5") and I wonder if any woman would want me due to that.

 

How would we be accepted?

 

Hello,

 

Don't worry about the size of your penis. You are wondering if a woman would want You due to that ? Just look by your side. You are happily married with a woman who was enough motivated and loving You to not worry about the size of your penis.

 

The husband of my lover (they are separated now) has a bigger penis than mine but doesn't give her any orgasms while she is occurring multiple orgasms with me. Why ? Is this about the size ? Surely not but I am caring about her while he was always belittled her. I am caring about her pleasure before mine and this I why I do my best to keep "my tool at work" as long as i can and as i generally can't go longer than 50 minutes or 1 hour at "hard work" I give her pleasure with my tongue and my fingers.

 

According to me, it's not the size which matters most but the way you are, the way you talk, the way you look at her, the way you care at her own pleasure, the way you feel her and the way you use your "tool" to give her pleasure and give her some good orgasms. Before swinging there is a socialization part where people learn to know you better... not only how You look but also who you are. This is in fact the purpose of this board : to learn from each others. There are lots of different people on the world, small people, tall people, smart people, dislikable people. Every shoe can fit a foot :)

 

Just be a nice and kind person and forget Your complex because we all have some.

 

For years I was complexed and found my penis not big enough (mine is 6.8"), I was having complex about my size (I am just average 1,75 meter for 70 kilos), I am not bald (black hair) or ugly but I disliked myself and had a very poor self-esteem.

 

I have done very good studies (only 5% of the french population could reach this level of scholarship) but I have had lots of complexes about my intelligence also. I can draw some good copy of the Great Masters such as Leonardo da Vinci, Rembrandt, Philippe de Champaigne, David, Boucher but for more than 40 years of my life I was unable to show my work ! Its only recently I could overtake part of those self bad feelings towards me thanks to the love of a woman.

 

Please trust me on this : DO NOT RUIN YOUR LIFE WITH ANY COMPLEX. It really does not worth it !!!

 

Have Fun and Take Care

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Harold and Ann,

 

As others have said, your fears are natural. We all worry about being accepted.

 

However, while we are proportionate weight and height, and we do feel a need to exercise and diet to keep our bodies that way, for us this is for health reasons. We would never feel any prejudice against you because of weight or size of penis or size of breast or age either...and since you've been married 28 years, you're not in your 20s any more either..

 

A small breast or a small penis can be very beautiful and erotic.

 

If size ever matters, it matters only between your ears. If you can carry on a conversation and have ability to smile and be friendly, we feel from our own experiences, you will do just fine.

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