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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default Self-conscious about my weight/body

    Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop being so self-conscious about weight issues? I still have a bit of a gut and new stretch marks due to a baby. I love swinging but find myself holding back due to worrying so much about what people are thinking once they see me without my clothes.
    Curiosity may have killed the cat, but at least he knew!

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Might sound daft but why strip completely?

    Try wearing a lace or net wrap or bodice/corset. These can be extremely sexy and you can cover up the bits you don't like

    I really wouldn't worry about it though, to me a face with life in it is what captures me every time! My body isn't perfect so I don't expect others to be too

    You just gotta look at it as 'if they don't like the look of me then don't look!'

    Your hubby thinks your gorgeous so who cares about the rest.

    G

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    everyone has SOME kind of initial fear about getting naked. dont sweat it. let loose, enjoy yourself and that feeling might just go away after knowing guy and girls just dont care about those marks and stuff.

    ITS ALL GOOD.....

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    I'm 41 years old. My wife is 31. After about 25 virtually every woman shows some signs of childbirth and just plain life. It's fact. After about 25 I also found it more sexually exciting, it's what seperates the women from the little girls. I think most real men like real women. At least that has been my experience.

    Mrs. WS is curvy, not your size 1 waif or even your size 10. She is a healthy, curvy 14-16 and she looks great! She never, ever, hurts for attention, and the funny thing is it is the skinny men and women you would think would only be into the gym rat type women.

    I personally am not that attracted by the 19-year old Playboy Playmate types. It's just not real. Maybe when I was 22 it was, but back then I wasn't half the lover I am today and they sure as hell weren't any fun compared to the "real women" I play with today.

    If they didn't want to see you naked you wouldn't have gotten that far with them to begin with.

    Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the MILF's!

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Mrs. Westernswing you have a great man there. It's nice to hear a man speak like that because we women put our bodies through hell as we get older and it's nice to know that even with all of the media attention geared towards barbie doll type women, that there are men that appreciate what is inside and not just the outside package.

    It gets frustrating to continually read ads that say looking for HWP, when after five kids I do have a belly but I can still rock my husbands world no problem.
    For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches. :8-0::

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by WesternSwing
    After about 25 virtually every woman shows some signs of childbirth and just plain life. It's fact. After about 25 I also found it more sexually exciting, it's what seperates the women from the little girls. I think most real men like real women. At least that has been my experience.

    Mr. WS
    Amen Mr. WS Send in the women!
    Sweet_Candy

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    I am with Mr. WS! Look, fact is that eventually life takes hold. I love a lady that is confident in her skin. One that has exudes sexiness and confidence will catch my attention everytime.

    Just relax and enjoy yourself, and the rest will come to you.

    -Van

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovinlife59912
    It gets frustrating to continually read ads that say looking for HWP, when after five kids I do have a belly but I can still rock my husbands world no problem.
    I know what you mean, WTF does HWP mean?! I only have one child, but it's taken me 27 years of back and forth with the weight and I'm still a long way from goal. Still, I don't consider myself bad looking.

    I am overweight and I always will be ~according to the charts. I am a big girl, but I'm strong (work out a lot!) and have great muscle tone for the most part and am fit from a cardiovascular standpoint. Sure, I would like to look like a hard-body, but I will settle for just being the best me that I can be. I'm happy with myself most of the time, but its taken work to get to this point. I would much rather be me, than to be a skinny weakling.

    Several years ago, I went through this self-help phase, went to a bunch of CareerTrack seminars and bought a bunch of positive affirmation type tapes to listen to in the car. That helped a lot! If you can't love yourself, no one else can either. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and say something nice to me: "You're awesome!" or "You look nice today!" or "I love the person you are..." or something like that. We all tend to be pretty hard on ourselves, so I try to do as much positive self talk as I can. It's amazing how it works!
    "Everyone here is wondering what it's like to be with somebody else..."
    ~Back 2 Good, Rob Thomas (matchbox twenty)

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm
    Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop being so self-conscious about weight issues? I still have a bit of a gut and new stretch marks due to a baby.
    No real suggestions, but I can tell you from one guy's standpoint that it's something that most women worry far more about than necessary. We all have our preferences, obviously, but I expect there's far more men out there than you think where it's just not that big a deal.

    Quote Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm
    I love swinging but find myself holding back due to worrying so much about what people are thinking once they see me without my clothes.
    Dunno about the rest of 'em, but I'd be thinking something along the lines of "WooHoo! This is gonna be sweet!"

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovinlife59912
    It gets frustrating to continually read ads that say looking for HWP, when after five kids I do have a belly but I can still rock my husbands world no problem.
    Guilty as charged. I've posted on occasion that I was looking for someone "nearly HWP", but the reasons may be different than you think (or maybe not...).

    The problem is that there are women out there who will happily claim to be "average" or "a few pounds over" or similar descriptions and who are seriously overweight. I'm not talking the typical results of bearing children and age here, but rather 100s of pounds over "HWP".

    So, in my own case anyway, it's a sort of "flag" for potential respondents that I've got a kind of mental image in mind of the sort of partner I'm looking for, and that image has got some limits to it. Sort of a silent plea for anyone interested to make a personal reality check before responding.

    All that said, and speaking only for myself, "nearly HWP" is no "rule". It's rarely in any on-line ad I've posted, a rule often bent, and has on a number of occasions been completely ignored, because I'm far more interested in the whole package than just the wrapping.

    Just one guy's take on a potential reason for the appearance of "HWP". YMMV. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. And yadda-yadda.

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    To me it is sexy to find a woman that is comfortable with her sexuality, regardless of actual weight. Sexy is an attitude. A woman who may not have the "ideal" body but who feels sexy and it not afraid to show it is sexier than a "perfect" woman who hides her sexuality. True sexuality is is the head, not the body.

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    It is truly about being comfortable in your own skin which equals liking/loving yourself for who you are. If you poll the majority (not all - but the majority) of the people in the lifestyle you will find most people are turned on by others because of personality and that they have a good healthy ATTITUDE about themselves.

    Yes this is easier said then done - TRUST ME lol - I am someone who is still learning to listen to my own preaching. I to suffer for feeling as though I am the troll under the bridge and WHY would anyone possibly what to do anything with me, especially have sex!!!!

    But seriously, I have learned to start appreciating me for all the wonderful things I am and have to offer others. And when you start to let go of the self-loathing, and dismissave attitude about yourself and embrace the wonderful, sexy, sensual woman that lies inside and you allow her to come out and celebrate life...........well you will begin to feel alive and really begin to experience all the lifestyle has to offer.

    Sir Winston Churchill once said - "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." If you really take time to think about this just as he quoted..........think of ALL you stand to gain verses the immediate difficulty! So go get out and embrace yourself - and soon you will see everyone else embracing you back!

    The Other Mrs. Menage..........
    DoYaWannaAZ (aka formerly The Menage's)

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    If someone agrees to play with you, then have fun as they are attracted to you. The people who are looking for the perfect body, or a certain body type that you do not have, are not going to be contacting you. What I mean by that is there is no need to feel self consious becuase the people who want to play with you will, and you don't have to worry about the others.

    I am a curvy woman myself, thanks to the magic of genetics I have my mamma's hips. Oh well, I have learned to live with that fact and try to be confident and sexy. People respond to that. You can be the thinnest woman on the planet but if you don't have any personality or confidence, people aren't going to be drawn to you.

    So just say, "hey this is me, either you love me or you don't". And then go and have some fun.
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by Paphian
    The problem is that there are women out there who will happily claim to be "average" or "a few pounds over" or similar descriptions and who are seriously overweight. I'm not talking the typical results of bearing children and age here, but rather 100s of pounds over "HWP".

    So, in my own case anyway, it's a sort of "flag" for potential respondents that I've got a kind of mental image in mind of the sort of partner I'm looking for, and that image has got some limits to it. Sort of a silent plea for anyone interested to make a personal reality check before responding.

    All that said, and speaking only for myself, "nearly HWP" is no "rule". It's rarely in any on-line ad I've posted, a rule often bent, and has on a number of occasions been completely ignored, because I'm far more interested in the whole package than just the wrapping.
    Guess we are guilty as well. HWP is in our ad too. Not looking for gym rats either. I've had to deal with a weight issue for years due to medications. We do workout and we both stay HWP. It's just a starting parameter nothing more. The whole package is the objective.
    Sweet_Candy

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by WesternSwing
    If they didn't want to see you naked you wouldn't have gotten that far with them to begin with.

    Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the MILF's!

    Mr. WS


    Give me a *woman*.

    Mr. FC4L

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by Paphian
    So, in my own case anyway, it's a sort of "flag" for potential respondents that I've got a kind of mental image in mind of the sort of partner I'm looking for, and that image has got some limits to it. Sort of a silent plea for anyone interested to make a personal reality check before responding.
    Until we put an ad on SLS, I had never heard of "HWP!" I thought it meant Hispanic/White person, LOL :rollseyes

    Maybe it rules out a whole portion of the swinging world for us, but we don't ever respond to any ads on SLS that state "HWP." The hubby states that it's an oxymoron because everyone is height/weight proportional - it's just a math thing. 500#/4'9" is a proportion. So is 90#/5'11" . So is he at 5' 11" and #190. It doesn't say if he's flabby or not! For someone to say "must be HWP" indicates to us that the person is making basic assumptions without really thinking it through. Our basic assumptions maybe different than couple A's and they may all be different than couple B's. In essence, to us it means nothing. It's one of our red flags; it was when I was heavier and out of shape and it still is even though I'm probably in better shape than most people with a "normal" BMI, and it still will be in the near future when my BMI enters the green zone. We will respond to ads that seek couples who "take care of themselves," or are "fit," even though we are not ideal, because we realize that is more specific and appropriate than the nebulous "HWP." It amazes me how flabby some women look at 5' 5" and 145, and how great some look at 5' 6" and 185!

    For us, it is more important from a looks standpoint to see a nice recent photo. How well the photo is done is key for us. A snapshot in the mirror or on the couch is not impressive, a nice quality photo is. We don't understand why people who are looking to impress would post some cluttery bedroom shot with an ironing board in the background. We are also leery of those who say they are 40 but look 28 in their photo and 65 in real life! Artsy but not obtuse professional or well done photos go a long way in saying who the person is. Of course, photography is one of our passions, so it stands to reason that we look for the extra there.

    I guess we all have our "standards" but the biggest one for me while looking at an ad is spelling mistakes or errors in grammar. If someone can't proofread their ad, we dont bother with them. We really don't want to be with people who can't carry on a conversation or those who don't have a sense of humor. We've narrowly avoided disaster with people who are too analytical and rigid and with those who are too nondiscriminating as well, but those are oft times not realized until you meet someone face to face.

    Anyhow, it comes down to having a good sense of self-esteem no matter who you are and letting that shine through. My advice to you arcpl: Fake it until you make it baby. It does get easier after the first couple of experiences, and you will find yourself becoming the discriminating one!
    "Everyone here is wondering what it's like to be with somebody else..."
    ~Back 2 Good, Rob Thomas (matchbox twenty)

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by lovedoctor
    Maybe it rules out a whole portion of the swinging world for us, but we don't ever respond to any ads on SLS that state "HWP." The hubby states that it's an oxymoron because everyone is height/weight proportional - it's just a math thing. 500#/4'9" is a proportion. So is 90#/5'11" . So is he at 5' 11" and #190. It doesn't say if he's flabby or not! For someone to say "must be HWP" indicates to us that the person is making basic assumptions without really thinking it through. Our basic assumptions maybe different than couple A's and they may all be different than couple B's. In essence, to us it means nothing. It's one of our red flags; it was when I was heavier and out of shape and it still is even though I'm probably in better shape than most people with a "normal" BMI, and it still will be in the near future when my BMI enters the green zone. We will respond to ads that seek couples who "take care of themselves," or are "fit," even though we are not ideal, because we realize that is more specific and appropriate than the nebulous "HWP." It amazes me how flabby some women look at 5' 5" and 145, and how great some look at 5' 6" and 185!

    For us, it is more important from a looks standpoint to see a nice recent photo. How well the photo is done is key for us.

    (Lotsa other good stuff snipped...)
    I can't argue with any of this (and wouldn't want to). Everyone's got some means of deciding who to contact and how to present themselves and we all make assumptions based on what a given profile says or shows.

    You mention that spelling or photos make or break a profile for you. I've used "near HWP" to screen. Both are designed to do the same things, and unfortunately, both can misfire. I figure what's most important is to maintain a reasonably open mind... one has to leave some room for serendipity.

    I hear ya about both photos (why is it that people often post such wretched ones?) and spelling and grammar, however. Spelling and grammar can make a huge difference in how someone is perceived in a medium like this where it's most of what's out there about oneself.

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    I too, like a few "curves" on a woman, provided they go both ways.

    I like a woman who cares about her health and appearance, but isn't obsessed by it.

    I'm attracted to a woman who makes a practice of "being the best she can be," rather than one who tries to live up to some manufactured "ideal" that's put forth by the media or pop-culture.

    Most of all, I'm drawn to a woman who's ballsy enough to go forth into the world (or a nude beach or a swing club) and say, "This is ME. I'm comfortable in this body. If you want to share any part of my life, you'll have to feel as good about my body as I do."

    Just my $.02


    "When the lights go out, the only thing that matters is 'Who washed?"

    Redd Foxx - 1922-1991
    Comedian and social commentator

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    My wife also worries about her stomach and stretch marks too. Me (hubby), i look for stretch marks and kiss every one of them! It means u brought an amazing life into this world! Weight, almost never an issue unless ur way overweight coz that isnt healthy for you! Its almost as bad as men worrying bout penis size-if i did that-id never get to play so i work on things i can change like just being fit, learning to be a much better lover(never ending process) and just truely enjoying every inch of who im with. What a great sex life we are having(enjoy the ride).

  20. Back To Top | #20

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Hey this is the Mr. and Mrs. here. I (Mrs.) have the same concerns. I have had two kids, and lets face reality, after two kids, you are not going to fit into those jeans you wore in high school. Now, hubby tells me I am the sexiest thing he has seen. I tell him "yeah right".

    I see myself in the mirror. I got a few pounds hanging around, I can't seem to get rid of no matter how hard I try. I have stretch marks, my boobs aren't where they were in high school, and I was self concious about it. I got over it.

    My husband thinks I am sexy and I turn him on. That is what is truly important. Other men have hit on me in the oddest places. Once this guy approached me for coffee in a bookstore. I told him I was married, and while he tried to stammer an apology out, I told him thank you so much for the compliment. I ran home, told hubby, and his words were "told you that you were hot." That started me thinking, I may not be the pretty skinny young thing I once was but I still got some skills I got great looking eyes, a beautiful smile, and I carry myself with pride. I found that goes a longer way than perfection any day of the week.

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by Paphian
    You mention that spelling or photos make or break a profile for you. I've used "near HWP" to screen. Both are designed to do the same things, and unfortunately, both can misfire. I figure what's most important is to maintain a reasonably open mind... one has to leave some room for serendipity.
    Boy, do I hear you on that - things can misfire no matter how careful you are. Not to sound like a snot (I am, but that's a different story ) but we had a tough time finding people that were...how can I put it... intellectually stimulating enough for us. We live in the middle of redneckville, LOL, and have been here long enough that we are somewhat "countryfied" ourselves, but we do enjoy folks that have wit, intellect and are articulate enough to carry on a conversation. You can't always tell by a photo. But it does seem like I'm catching on to reading profiles fairly accurately.

    :rollseyes And how come people who purposely state "no drama" are usually the biggest drama queens? :rollseyes
    "Everyone here is wondering what it's like to be with somebody else..."
    ~Back 2 Good, Rob Thomas (matchbox twenty)

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by lovedoctor
    Boy, do I hear you on that - things can misfire no matter how careful you are.
    No kidding. Just ask those who thought the 'rhythm method' would be effective birth control.

    Quote Originally Posted by lovedoctor
    Not to sound like a snot (I am, but that's a different story )
    You say that like it's a bad thing... My automatic reply to accusations of "smartass" (to which I have become so accustomed that I now feel neglected if I don't hear it at least once a day) is, "Better than having a dumbass for a friend, isn't it?"

    Quote Originally Posted by lovedoctor
    but we had a tough time finding people that were...how can I put it... intellectually stimulating enough for us. We live in the middle of redneckville, LOL, and have been here long enough that we are somewhat "countryfied" ourselves, but we do enjoy folks that have wit, intellect and are articulate enough to carry on a conversation.
    I hear ya! I'm in similar straits, complicated by those who just have to know, right this instant, whether I've found Jesus yet. Found? He was missing? I don't recall hearing Mountain Search & Rescue being called out.

    Quote Originally Posted by lovedoctor
    You can't always tell by a photo.
    Or even whether they actually posted their own photo!

    Quote Originally Posted by lovedoctor
    But it does seem like I'm catching on to reading profiles fairly accurately.
    It's a hard-won skill, usually learned at the cost of some... errr... 'interesting' situations, both on-line and off-.

    Quote Originally Posted by lovedoctor
    :rollseyes And how come people who purposely state "no drama" are usually the biggest drama queens? :rollseyes
    Failure to understand the definition of 'drama', at least as applied by the majority of the population? When one lives from drama to drama, I expect it starts to feel like 'normal' and the underpinnings of the universe (as locally applied) shift to accommodate.

  23. Back To Top | #23

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss
    My husband thinks I am sexy and I turn him on. That is what is truly important. Other men have hit on me in the oddest places. Once this guy approached me for coffee in a bookstore. I told him I was married, and while he tried to stammer an apology out, I told him thank you so much for the compliment. I ran home, told hubby, and his words were "told you that you were hot."
    Hubby is a wise man, as well as fortunate.


    Quote Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss
    That started me thinking, I may not be the pretty skinny young thing I once was but I still got some skills I got great looking eyes, a beautiful smile, and I carry myself with pride. I found that goes a longer way than perfection any day of the week.
    That is so right. There's absolutely nothing sexier, IMO, than a woman who is confident in herself.

  24. Back To Top | #24

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    Quote Originally Posted by EvilMJ
    You can be the thinnest woman on the planet but if you don't have any personality or confidence, people aren't going to be drawn to you.
    True, and at least 50% of the people out there are not going to be attracted to the skinny winnies. There's someone for everyone. It takes all kinds to make this orb go round. That is what makes life so fun.

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  25. Back To Top | #25

    Default Re: Self-conscious

    I still dont know what hwp means?

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