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wolff69

What do I talk about with other swingers at a club or party?

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I'm a stay at home mom with two boys. One in school and a toddler. We only have one car as well so my husband has it at work. I have no friends in the neighborhood but our direct neighbors who are quite young. I'm not introverted. In fact, I've waitressed most my career along with working with animals. What do I talk about? I can and will be mingling but it's hard to find something to talk about except my kids and our life. My husband and I are going to a club Halloween party this weekend. First club trip and I've seen a lot of "no kids talk and politics". Any ideas?

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I find that the favorite topic of most people, and I have to admit, most men, is themselves. Ask questions, be interested in others. They will talk about things, and maybe some of the things will be topics you know something about!! If not, see if you can ask enough questions to find out. Sometimes it can just be a nice comment, "I like your [shirt/watch/whatever]." That can lead to a number of next questions, "Where did you get it?" and so on.

 

Have fun, be yourself, and you never know, you might discover some interesting people.

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Since it's a Hallowe'en Party, the easy ice breakers are about the costumes, how they were chosen, who made them etc. This often leads to a conversation whether the costume is "against type", and people love to talk about such things.

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Saying something...anything..complementary and why you find them attractive is the safest opening gambit, e.g. "What a great dress!", "We couldn't help noticing what great tans you have--where did you go to get them?" The usual way such folks respond is to smile and then respond with reciprocal questions until some shared experience is found--a preference for some cuisine, a sports team, a movie that someone in each couple has seen recently and so on. Ultimately, a relationship is about shared experiences, and sometimes it takes a great deal of effort to find the first one. This is why there is so often a retreat to "talking about the kids"--because so long as there are kids, parenting is such an obvious shared experience.

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Hey Wolff69. Great advice above. If you can't find something to talk about then getting them to talk about things they love is always a good way to divert the attention off you but try to ask questions that may steer them in a way that may uncover some things that you have in common. Maybe you all like boating, skiing, tennis, who knows but being a good conversationalist is quickly finding a few common threads that you all have in common. We know lots of swingers who are FT SAHM's. You could have TON's in common.

 

If either of you are better than the other then let the other lead. I will sometimes find the counter conversation a good angle. For instance, MD and the other hubby end up having something in common, such as the medical field. I'm like "oh god, they will be there for hours talking shop...want to dance?" More often than not, MD uses it than I do as I find more things in common (sports, military, technology, etc)usually but you get the idea.

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I don't know what your name, Fundamental Law, stands for exactly, but your words are so correct. It is a "fundamental law" that chit-chat is a skill. As you supported, it can be difficult trying to communicate with someone who has never developed any social skills. One of the characters on "The Big Bang Theory" described himself as a "purveyor of dry factual statements interspersed with awkwardness," so I guess it is not that rare.

 

Did anyone see the movie where Jamie Foxx portrayed Ray Charles, "Ray"? When he met a woman, Ray would shake her hand and touch her forearm or upper arm with his other hand. I have often thought that to do this while drawing near and saying in a low voice, close to her ear, "I want you, now," might get me laid...or shot. The point is, however, that there is nothing as sexy to me as a touch. When a woman looks at me, reaches out and touches my arm as if to say, "You are important," I am not gonna ignore her.

 

And then there is the next best thing to touch--eye contact. Technically, you don't have to stare into someone's eyes, that's a bit weird and spooky. But to pay attention, and from time to time actually look into the other person's eyes is really, really cool. For me, it makes me think I am fascinating, enthralling, so interesting. I know, thinking with the wrong head, but still.

 

Sometimes it is worth trying to "pull teeth," and sometimes it is just best to move on.

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Typical openers:

Love your dress/ costume / hair/ shoes / etc - pick a compliment

You guys just look so friendly we wanted to come say hello

Hi, our names are ____ (this is our personal favorite)

 

Common questions:

Is this your first time here? (oh it's our first time... anywhere)

How long have you been swinging?

Who brought it up?

How long have you guys been together?

Are you local? (we often get a lot of people at our local clubs from quite a ways away, this can give you an opener to talk/ ask about their town and what's available there from restaurants to swing options)

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Once again I will offer:

 

F.O.R.M.

 

Family

Occupation

Recreation

Message (let's boink)

 

It's a great memory jogger to keep conversations going or to start them. For swinging I would keep the questions very general. People love to talk about themselves and their lives and once you get them going they'll talk for hours, walk away thinking what a great person and they never even asked your name :-)

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Notes on opening lines overheard from the other night...

 

1. It was a Hallowe'en theme costume party, so the opening lines were 80% about costumes.

2. The World Series. The game was on. "You guys are Cardinals fans? So are we!" (PS it didn't work out well for the Redbirds in the end, did it...?)

3. "This is our go-to wine. Amazingly, it's on sale at Costco at the moment. Want to try some?"

4. "What a week. We are SOOOO glad to be out of workplace. Her crazy boss..."

5. "Did you make that fried chicken (on the food table)? It's terrific..."

 

and so on...

 

These are just about as casual as you would find in any social gathering of adults. All were perfectly sufficient to start a conversation.

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I agree with staying away from families and occupation. We share as little as possible about that, to be perfectly candid.

 

Clothes and appearance, and getting them to talk about themselves is always a first go to. Also swinging experience, however we don't go into specifics. Also that get's kinda OLD.

 

Topics that do work?

 

Movies, past and current! Everybody has a favorite!

Music easliy starts with comments on what is playing and then progresses from there.

Party Theme, we talked all night about the '80's at the last '80's party.

Sports, surprisingly well for men and women!!

 

We also stand by 'pub' rules...no politics, no religion, and we get away from people that don't respect that.

 

Usually I go with listening to them as much as possible, I will readily admit.

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