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Introducing Couples - Pros & Cons of hooking up couple friends

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We've struggled with this idea for the entire time we've been swinging:

 

Do we introduce couples in the lifestyle?

 

Here are our pros:

 

1) Karma: We introduce people and we get introduced to new people.

 

2) Perception: We're viewed as connected and having lots of great friends.

 

 

Here are our cons:

 

1) We give up the goods: We've had it happen before that we introduce two couples and they hit it off better than we did and now we see both of them less often because when their free weekends come around, they are more often hanging out with each other and less often contacting us.

 

2) Perception: We had a case where we did an introduction and the two couples didn't get along... and actually had a negative experience with each other. We got the sense afterwards that each couple projected "guilt by association" toward us since we still are good friends with the other couple.

 

The other day a couple we REALLY like and are anxious to impress invited us to a party. They asked if we had anybody else we wanted to invite. The Mrs. & I went through our list of couples and in each case we evaluated the pros and cons above and felt that in each case the probability of pros happening was less than the probability of cons, AND even if the probability was the same, or even if pro probability was greater, a 30% chance of the cons happening just didn't feel worth the risk.

 

Has anybody else gone through this? Any first hand experiences with good or bad examples?

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I have found there is no predicting chemistry. Sometimes magic happens and sometimes it doens't. I lean toward the Karma side of your post. When I've opened myself to the unexpected is when I've had the best experiences.

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I've found most couples are reluctant to introduce their play couples to other swingers. It's jealousy, and kinda ironic I think.

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As someone who has only been swinging with a partner, and is now single... If I met someone who wanted to introduce but not force us together I would be up for it.

I am finding through clubs, and these boards, that there are a lot of like minded people..blame it on being naive!

 

It is difficult, in my situation, to find someone as sexually open and willing to try new things as a swinger would be.

 

You just have to introduce and see if the sparks fly, or if they don't let them part ways... Nothing worse than people trying to force a relationship of any kind.

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Thanks for the replies.

 

Unfortunately we keep trying to introduce people but we keep running into negative experiences that are convincing us that the net cons outweigh the pros. Here's another recent experience:

 

We had recently met a couple at 3 other parties and played with them privately once. We had another couple we've known for a long time invite us to a house-party. We thought this new couple would be a great addition, so we made the introduction and they got invited. Well, they both got totally wasted and turned into a total nightmare mess. The girl was being SUPER aggressive with other girls and made them really uncomfortable. Now the host couple is really pissed off at them and will never invite them again. We're feeling guilt-by-association and that our relationship with the host couple has been damaged because we basically vouched for this couple.

 

Super awkward!

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You just have to introduce and see if the sparks fly, or if they don't let them part ways... Nothing worse than people trying to force a relationship of any kind.

 

When I was single, I had people trying to fix me up. Although they had very good intentions, me and the girl often felt like two poodles being mated. There was an unspoken pressure for us to hit it off. In all fairness, I did hit it off with someone a friend hooked me up with and the relationship took off. However, we had to pull back from the couple who introduced us. Sounds like it kind of works the same way in the swinger world. I see nothing wrong with introducing people, but I wonder if there aren't unspoken expectations involved.

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I am a chronic introducer, I admit it and I love it. Everyone who knows me, knows this about me. Usually I don't introduce people with any expectations, just casually at events (that way if they don't hit it off they're not stuck with the other person/couple the whole evening). This has gone really well. Not everyone is going to hit it off, but I've had so many people thank me for introducing them to people who have become great friends and playmates. I've had people who've been swinging for a couple years tell me that me introducing them to a good group completely changed their experience in the lifestyle. That makes me really happy.

 

A few times I've asked friends who were having parties to invite someone. Both the hosts and the people I asked them to invite were people I knew well and were similar to others attending. All of these circumstances went very well.

 

I don't worry much about losing friends because they like someone better than me. There are so many people out there and I don't know anyone who plays exclusively, so it works out fine.

 

Since I introduce a lot of people we get lots of invitations to various parties and events.

 

A couple of times I've introduced people with the expectation of us all playing together. I wasn't pushy at all, but I was hoping... I got lucky with those. I think to do that you really have to know the people pretty well or know they are easy, lol.

 

I've never introduced people as you would in the dating world, expecting them to become boyfriends or girlfriends. I think introducing in the swing community is quite different.

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I've found most couples are reluctant to introduce their play couples to other swingers. It's jealousy, and kinda ironic I think.

 

I was wondering if you could elaborate on that and how you came to that conclusion. Not because I doubt you...in fact the opposite...we actually got this vibe with a few couples we knew and thought it was just us being paranoid and was planning to eventually bring this subject up in a new post.

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I was wondering if you could elaborate on that and how you came to that conclusion. Not because I doubt you...in fact the opposite...we actually got this vibe with a few couples we knew and thought it was just us being paranoid and was planning to eventually bring this subject up in a new post.

 

Just because I've seen it from couples and have felt a bit of it myself. No one wants to lose their fuck buddies here and another couple is competition. My guess is the more swinging couples you know and play with the less of an issue this is.

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We've been trying to be open with it and actually naturally have an inclination to bring people together (we do it with vanilla parties / friends all the time)... but for some reason in the lifestyle it keeps backfiring on us over and over to the point that we've just decided we're not going to bother.

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This study is kinda skewed from the get go. Not many swinging relationships stand the test of time. Think about it. There are only a few couples, I mean enough coupls I can count on one hand that are still in the circle of swingers that we know are still playing. All of the rest have moved on.

 

I am assuming based on my abservations that swinger couples and their relationships do not last all that long.

 

Hence my question and yours.

 

Do you hold on to the couples you meet and not introduce them to others or save them for yourself?

 

I like to think that Julie has the best mindset of introducing them to as many of our friends keeps the gene pool growing.This mind set is just coming from my sales career that tells me to keep the pipe line full. You never know when you might hit a drought yourself. After all it is a numbers game.. if you want it to be.

 

We have been and are on the other side of this. We play with a very connected couple in the area and they seem to hog us. They never take us to meet other couples and this thread got me thinking.. and yes this feeds my ego that I .. well we, the wife and I are a couple of the good swingers.

 

I hope this makes sense...

 

Its just kinda a good case study in human relationships. If you find a good partner, or couple we just do not really want to let them go. Even though we agree by just being swingers to share..

 

To share or not to share... depends on the wares of the share. lol

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I'd have no issue doing it in a larger group. However, if it was just you and the other two couples then your night is ruined if they don't hit it off. Anytime you introduce two friend couples I'd suggest that you want to make sure there are at least 4 couples present.

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It's important to remember that the LS is fundamentally a social activity, and an open one at that. There are those among us who are connectors, and they are very powerful indeed.

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I guess we are the lucky beneficiary of a couple introducing us to their friends. They introduced us to the lifestyle and have gradually expanded our circle of couples. I find once you meet other couples then things expand rather effortlessly. The new couple invites you to a party and a new group of friends is formed. At the heart of the matter is to stay away from jealousy. Jealousy seems to be the source of lots of lifestyle issues.

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