Does consent to give imply consent to receive

With my husband out of town, I went as a unicorn to my sister's (yes, she is in the LS) party at her house last weekend. I hit it off with a couple and during foreplay, I had to pee and the husband asked if I mind peeing on him. I looked at the wife and she said that's his fetish but I should feel free to say no. Feeling accommodating (everything has been good so far), I figure even if it doesn't do anything for me, it doesn't hurt me either so I gave him his fun. When it's over, he rinsed off and we continued playing. After we were done, I went to the shower. he came in and asked if he could join. We were horsing around in the shower, and out of nowhere, he started to pee on me! I let out a loud 'hey', slapped him on his chest and told him to stop (his wife had gone back to the party at this point). He apologized and said he thought I'd be ok with it because I agreed to pee on him. The gist of his explanation was that because I agreed to give, he took it as I also agreed to receive.

Can that be right? My first reaction was to tell him that if I agree to anal sex, does that mean I can shove a dildo up his ass too? But then I remember he told me earlier he's completely bi so the answer would have been yes. Not the effect I was looking for. It got me thinking about other fetishes. Some like biting during sex, so if I agree to bite, does that mean my partner thinks I want to be bitten too?

Anyway, the guy was very apologetic and I didn't make a big deal because they are my sister's friends. I would appreciate some thoughts on this. Did I overreact and was it my fault for not being clear? It never occurred to me to be specific like that, but maybe I need to change my ways and clarify in the future?

Yeah, he was way out of bounds with that assumption. This isn't a "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" situation now is it? So, no, you didn't overreact.

Next party, tell him you like a firm, but not too hard, slap on your pussy when you're all revved up. Then ask if you'd like to do the same to his balls. Seems to be a fair comparison. Some girls like a light slap on the pussy. No guy likes a ball slap.

No. Consent to do "X" is consent to do "X," nothing more.

I agree completely with what has been said -- each act, especially big league stuff like watersports, needs explicit consent for both the giving and receiving. That said, he seems like it was a legitimate misunderstanding and he feels pretty badly about it. I am a big believer that to be successful in the lifestyle you need a pretty forgiving of mistakes or crossed boundaries when it is derived from a legitimate misunderstanding or misperception. This seems to be the case here, so I would let it go

He should have asked. That's pretty lecherous behavior and he trapped you in the shower to do it. Yet, that's the problem with rarely indulged fetishes, the person is so desperate to have their fetish fulfilled, they ignore normal social protocols, such as asking permission.

I think for most vanilla sexual favors a give and receive is understood, unless otherwise discussed, but pissing? No, not ok to assume he could piss on you without EXPLICIT consent. I'm sorry, but that is a fetish most people are not into. In most swinging situations when boundaries are pushed or need to be clarified I'm cool and easy to talk to, if some guy pissed on me in the shower I might turn into a raving lunatic.

I agree completely with what has been said -- each act, especially big league stuff like watersports, needs explicit consent for both the giving and receiving. That said, he seems like it was a legitimate misunderstanding and he feels pretty badly about it.

I'm going with this, with the corollary that if you engage in something you wouldn't like in return, it might be a good idea to clarify that at the outset. "Sure, but it's a one way street."

Even on the more vanilla things, my consent to give does not equate to my consent to receive. There are times where I'm perfectly fine with giving a guy a BJ, but that doesn't mean I want him going down on me (for any # of reasons).

NO NO NO!

Desdemona1980 said:

I think for most vanilla sexual favors a give and receive is understood, unless otherwise discussed, but pissing? No, not ok to assume he could piss on you without EXPLICIT consent. I'm sorry, but that is a fetish most people are not into. In most swinging situations when boundaries are pushed or need to be clarified I'm cool and easy to talk to, if some guy pissed on me in the shower I might turn into a raving lunatic.

I was pretty darn mad about it and I slapped him hard enough to leave a red handprint on his chest. But I calmed down after seeing he really felt bad. I just felt it's ironic I was being nice to let someone indulge in a rather extreme fetish and it came back to haunt me. I think to be on the safe side, I will have to be really clear on fetishes that I am not into..."one time, one way!"

Desdemona1980 said:

I think for most vanilla sexual favors a give and receive is understood, unless otherwise discussed, but pissing?

I agree with the above, and he should have asked. Of course, it never hurts to ask even on something as vanilla as reciprocating a kiss, but I think most feel it is pretty safe not to ask if that door has already been opened.

mauijanedoe said:

I'm going with this, with the corollary that if you engage in something you wouldn't like in return, it might be a good idea to clarify that at the outset. "Sure, but it's a one way street."

continuing from what I said above...the farther away you get from that vanilla kiss, then the more the communication needs to go up all the way around.

Even on the more vanilla things, my consent to give does not equate to my consent to receive. There are times where I'm perfectly fine with giving a guy a BJ, but that doesn't mean I want him going down on me (for any # of reasons).

 

NO NO NO!

Well there you go. If a lady gave me a blowjob I would assume she's ok with oral and wouldn't think to ask before heading down.

To me it's not a biggie that he did this and I'm glad you didn't go postal on him. But I would agree that fetishes that are "out there" should get permission first.

I wondered about things like that. I'm still opening myself up to the different fetishes, and where I can kind of understand the pee thing, I don't get scat. But ... I'm guessing this behavior isn't normal? I mean, I'm new to the site/swinging and the general verbage, and not afraid to ask questions.

Which leads me to inquire: What's a "unicorn"?

syrianna said:

I wondered about things like that. I'm still opening myself up to the different fetishes, and where I can kind of understand the pee thing, I don't get scat. But ... I'm guessing this behavior isn't normal? I mean, I'm new to the site/swinging and the general verbiage, and not afraid to ask questions.

 

Which leads me to inquire: What's a "unicorn"?

No, these acts are not common in the swinging world.

A unicorn is a single female. Some folks specify that it is a single bi female.

The Swingers Board - Swingers Dictionary