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    Default Should I be offended by aggressive behavior

    OK so a friend comes over our house in in the evening. Wife and I had been drinking wine and feeling prety good having fun amoung our selves. He came in we we invited him to a glass of wine and we all continued to drink and chat. I was sitting on a chair and wife and friend were on the cough. Now we never told this guy we were into an alternative life style but we did mention to a female friend that we were with a couple one evening and had some fun. Anyway after about a half hour of chat he moves closer to my wife on the coughwhile I was sitting there on the chair and he kisses her. I didn't say anything (I was interested what my wife would say or do). I left the room to see where it would go only for a few minutes and he was again kissing her and attempting to fondle her breast.........she stop him and he complied. He asked if we would be interested in a threesum? Wife asked if his wife would be OK with what was going on and he say yes that he explained that he was coming over to see if we were interested. He then left the room for a few minutes. My wife said to me what do you think, I said I wasn't sure was she interested? She said she was but was not looking to have his wife be and at her if she really didn't know what was happening. Wife decided it was not right although she was hot for it to happen. The question is was he rude for starting this move without asking me if it would be OK.

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    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Should I be Offended

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    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Should I be offended?

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: Should I be offended

    I don't know about offended, but I do agree that his technique for approaching you guys was a bit off.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  5. Back To Top | #5
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Did you feel offended?
    Remember when your grandmother covered her couch with plastic?
    It was probably because she was a squirter.

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: Should I be offended

    More than being offended. Why didn't either of you stop it before he kissed her?
    Not that he did it, but ya'll allowed him to do it, should be the primary question.

    It's like catching the cheating spouse in action. Why do they beat up the interloper, when they should be upset with the spouse.
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Quote Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple View Post
    More than being offended. Why didn't either of you stop it before he kissed her?
    Not that he did it, but ya'll allowed him to do it, should be the primary question.

    It's like catching the cheating spouse in action. Why do they beat up the interloper, when they should be upset with the spouse.
    I'm not sure what you are saying?

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: Should I be offended

    I'd still like to hear an answer to the question about whether or not you actually were offended.

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Welcome to the Swingers Board forums, cacouple50

    Trying not to read too much into this situation, I could see some things taken offensive but not necessarily by his actions in this evenings approach. I'm thinking you have been outed by someone in your community of friends, or you outed yourselves a little over some time and wine.

    Quote Originally Posted by cacouple50 View Post
    OK so a friend comes over our house in in the evening. Wife and I had been drinking wine and feeling prety good having fun amoung our selves.
    At this point, were you fully dressed or partialy nude ? Can you explain how you were "having fun" a little more ?

    He came in we we invited him to a glass of wine and we all continued to drink and chat. I was sitting on a chair and wife and friend were on the cough. Now we never told this guy we were into an alternative life style but we did mention to a female friend that we were with a couple one evening and had some fun.
    You told someone else as well as displayed some playfulness at this time. If he and his wife are legitimate swingers, I'd say he had good reason to use his own play-dar and sense potential playmates at hand. Can't blame him for that, but his wife should have been on board with all involved. I can't imagine Mrsfun sending me out for some recon without her, but we don't play seperate. But, there are many that do.....

    That might be the thing ? Maybe they have an open relationship and that's what seemed offensive to you.


    Anyway after about a half hour of chat he moves closer to my wife on the coughwhile I was sitting there on the chair and he kisses her. I didn't say anything (I was interested what my wife would say or do). I left the room to see where it would go only for a few minutes and he was again kissing her and attempting to fondle her breast.........she stop him and he complied.
    This just screams We Are Swingers lol Kudos to this man for stopping upon request, promptly. That in it's self, is a good thing

    He asked if we would be interested in a threesum?
    At this point did you or your wife have any idea They might be swingers, previously to this threesum question ?

    Wife asked if his wife would be OK with what was going on and he say yes that he explained that he was coming over to see if we were interested.
    If in fact you are interested in playing with him or his wife as a couple, we would have just made a call to her or at least mentioned it. Do you feel thats out of order ?


    He then left the room for a few minutes. My wife said to me what do you think, I said I wasn't sure was she interested? She said she was but was not looking to have his wife be and at her if she really didn't know what was happening. Wife decided it was not right although she was hot for it to happen.
    It seems there is so much Un-known information as well as too much guessing by everyone. We've always said, when it comes to having sex with others, there needs to be some good communication with our potential playmates as well as each other. I hope this works out for all involved. It sounds like you both would like that, but its time to bring the other wife into this situation, if only for confirmation.


    The question is was he rude for starting this move without asking me if it would be OK.
    No, I wouldn't think so. Not if he and his wife are experianced swingers and suspected or heard you two were. But, again... you all need to know more about whats on Their table.

    I'd say.... "Party Foul" by offensive team, back up ten yards and ask questions.

    Have fun ~

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: Should I be offended

    No. I do not think that you should be offended. I also do not think that you were offended.

    You said you wanted to do a 3-sum with him, but then you decided not to, and based that on uncertainty over his wife.

    You could have simply offered to call his wife to confirm his statement. By doing so you would have discovered the truth.
    If you want something you have never had before, you must do something you have never done before.

  11. Back To Top | #11
    Swingers Board Addict DigginIt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I be offended

    No, you shouldn't be offended because in most situations we have ever been in the woman usually makes the the play decision.

    If I, as a guy, get a signal from the woman and the man is present...I'm making the assumption that it's within their rules. It's not my job to guess them and it's everyone's job to make sure the communication is clear. Now I'm in the lifestyle so it's a little different. Him not knowing and kissing your wife...I have to assume you were being overtly sexual and signals were being given off to the guy. I still see no fault on his part unless he was doing it without his wife's knowledge.

    So that is my thought on the kissing.

    Now if anything, his wife has a HUGE fucking reason to be offended.

    As a lifestyle couple...you should, NEVER initiate anything with another married person unless you know they are in the lifestyle. You are putting them in a situation to be unfaithful and cause harm to their marriage. My take is that the only reason it was stopped was you wanted to make sure it was okay with his wife which was the right thing to do and commendable but it should have never happened.

    It was crossing the line.

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    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Thank you for the great feed back! I wasn't offended at first but then thought about it and was interested what the lifestyle preception was.

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    Default Re: Should I be offended

    You don't have to take offense at a learning experience

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    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Either you guys were giving off way more vibes than you thought , or he already knew tru the neighborhood grapevine , or probably a combination.

    Probably not the smoothest aproach on his part , and you may or may not ultimatly decide to play , but nothing to cry foul over.

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: Should I be offended

    I also read that "he" was on the couch with your wife and you were in a separate chair. In some circles, that's a bit of an invitation, especially if the conversation was overtly sexual or suggestive, and you did say you even brought up the subject of prior experience. If I anticipate an evening going in that direction, I do exactly what you did. Sit in a separate chair, leaving "them" enough room to sit on the couch. In my book, and my lady's, that's a clear "okay to proceed" signal.. Just saying.. As someone said, he stopped when told to, and didn't get out of line... seems to be proper on his part..
    From his point of view, I could see that you two were setting it up, and all he did was react to the situation until he was told he was out of line. It would have been better if his wife were there and aware of the "apparent" offer you two were making, that way things could have possibly progressed down a different path.

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    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Assuming there was no talk of a threesome or any sort of play beforehand (that part isn't clear) I'll tell you what, if a guy just planted a kiss on my wife without any approval or sign from her you bet your ass I'd be offended. Not a jealousy thing but a lack of respect for my wife...and me.

    That being said, my guess is you and your wife were hinting around about it or leading him on and he made his move. Then you ask questions? If that's the case I think he should be just as offended.
    I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Susan here-- Sheesh. Why is real life just an extension of high school ? The three of you got together, there were some miscues, you worked through them, no big deal. What you need to decide is what's next for the three of you, not how to judge past events, other than at face value.

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    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Quote Originally Posted by Edison Carter View Post
    Susan here-- Sheesh. Why is real life just an extension of high school ? The three of you got together, there were some miscues, you worked through them, no big deal. What you need to decide is what's next for the three of you, not how to judge past events, other than at face value.
    Susan, so your OK with with a even a prospective playmate kissing you and grabbing a breast without any discussion about it? The future is always determined by past events.
    I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Quote Originally Posted by lovinher View Post
    Susan, so your OK with with a even a prospective playmate kissing you and grabbing a breast without any discussion about it? The future is always determined by past events.
    Or, the past is prologue If I were being flirty, I'm on the couch with him, I've accepted his advances, in front of my husband, I'm kissing him intently, I doubt I would be upset about it. He's being sexual with me, limitedly, with my husband nearby. And note, the writer said he fondled her breast, not that he grabbed it. Also, he immediately stopped when she wanted him to.

    Yet, I certainly would not even be in a position that even remotely resembles this.

  20. Back To Top | #20
    Swingers Board Addict Powerglide's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I be offended

    "Wife and I had been drinking wine and feeling prety good having fun amoung our selves. He came in we we invited him to a glass of wine and we all continued to drink and chat."

    Does the repeated mention of drinking give you a clue?
    Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. - H.L. Mencken

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    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Apparently you are offended. The question is what do you do to let her and him know it.
    Life is only as good as you make it!

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Quote Originally Posted by Just Passing By View Post
    Either you guys were giving off way more vibes than you thought , or he already knew tru the neighborhood grapevine , or probably a combination.

    Probably not the smoothest aproach on his part , and you may or may not ultimatly decide to play , but nothing to cry foul over.
    +1

  23. Back To Top | #23

    Default Re: Should I be offended

    Quote Originally Posted by djjwp View Post
    Apparently you are offended. The question is what do you do to let her and him know it.
    Actually, I'm not sure that's the case... I personally think he wasn't offended but was looking for a reason/justification to be offended.

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