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Dont.Stop

Correct the newbies who rejected you?

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Mrs.DontStop saw one of those "New Profiles with Pictures" on SLS that she was interested in. "We're new in the Lifestyle, yada yada yada..."

 

She sends them a note.

 

We got a response later that day. "Thank you for your interest. We are not interested in black males at this time. Nothing personal."

 

(BTW, we're an interracial couple)

 

I saw the reply on my phone and shot back "Now worries, no offense taken. Thanks for responding."

 

I wanted to say a whole lot more, but didn't for fear of being misconstrued.

 

My thoughts on it? Hey, it's a preference just like anything else. Doesn't bother me in the least. But I wondered if I should have gently let the new couple know that it's probably best, and generally accepted, that you don't give a reason for declining.

 

Would you have pointed this out to them?

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I don't think I would have. The way you handled it seemed best.

 

If you had it could have went so many ways, some being positive but mostly negative. I think they will learn as they go.

 

We used to give excuses too, but then we learned we don't "have to". A mature couple will take it as that but we have found that (in our area) more people want a reason as to why, which almost never ends well. Whether we try to curb the question or just not respond altogether seems to be the biggest issue.

 

Ignorance is bliss IMO, and if someone declined us, I'd be happy with "you aren't what we're looking for".

 

Of coarse they didn't have to put the "black males" into the answer but they are still learning and in the beginning it seems right to give a reasoning. As long as they aren't being rude. If they had been rude then we would have maybe said something.

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New members with pics generally get lots of initial contacts, call it the fresh meat effect. I think it is easy for them to get confused and send a response intended for a different profile. If they're doing it right, they're most likely swamped in discovery mode and intoxicated by the recently boosted libido.

 

I suggest, let it ride and contact them later if there's still an interest. I don't offer corrections or improvements to other folks I don't know, it rarely comes across as genuinely helpful.

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Some people feel the need to give a reason. No rules in life saying it is not alright for them to do that.

 

I think you leaving it alone was the best move since they are playing by their rules and not someone else's.

 

Nice to see a newbie even taking the time to say no instead of using the delete button as many of the "more experience" folks seem to do.

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Yeah Id second what vegaslee said. Nice to see them responding at all instead of just deleting.

 

A bit odd giving such a reason, but so be it.

 

We stay generic in our denial reasons, and even then people take offense. Cant imagine how offended someone could be if you actually said something direct and pointed like that. ugh.

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Their response was pretty blunt and may be serving them by practically ensuring no second attempts. It leads me to believe they're not looking for etiquette tips:lol: Your response was gracious and appropriate:)

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We agree that you took the high road with your response.

As newbies they may learn to be a little more sensible with their responses.

 

Always take the high road.

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Well, prior to creating this thread, I did send them a second message.

 

I did it politely, saying that while I wasn't offended, the next people who respond might be. I also explained that it's customary not to offer a reason.

 

They thanked me for not misconstruing them into racism. They also asked for our friendship, even if it's non-sexual. I told them you can't have enough lifestyle friends. We ended up exchanging a few messages. I invited them to the local swinger-friendly bar, and let them know about the monthly Meet & Greets. They seem to be a nice couple, just not knowing that protocol can sometimes be different in the LS vs vanilla world.

 

Or maybe I'm naive.

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I agree with VegasLee. Glad that they provided a response.

 

I am one of those types that 'needs to know'. Not only that, but I think that everybody else 'needs to know' also. Drives my wife crazy! Just the way I am wired I guess.

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You were good to tell them. You didn't have to, but it was good to let them know so that others won't think they were being racist - if they really weren't.

 

BTW - you guys are cute! Kinda wish you were closer... those others don't know what they're missing!

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You were good to tell them. You didn't have to, but it was good to let them know so that others won't think they were being racist - if they really weren't.

 

BTW - you guys are cute! Kinda wish you were closer... those others don't know what they're missing!

 

 

Awww shucks, thank you!

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I wouldn't try to correct anyone in the lifestyle unless they asked for advice (or they were a really good friend).

 

That's a good practice for swinging, and for vanilla life too.

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Update to this thread.

 

Mrs and I went to a meet & greet yesterday and bumped into this couple. The ladies had met previously, but males hadn't met each other or the women. We had a great time talking and laughing. At one point the other males said to me "You know who we are, right?" And I smiled and said "Absolutely."

 

They are going to their first party this weekend and they'd asked for some advice on protocol. And I told them everything we'd learned so far from the few parties we've been to.

 

Mrs and I actually found them to be a good looking couple. Didn't feel awkward at all talking to them.

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Susan here

 

Who knows, after they get to know you, perhaps they can become colorblind. Wouldn't that be cool.

 

Early on, whenever we gave a reply that we were not interested, we never gave a response. Every newbie wanted to know why. When we told them, they always got angry with us. So, we simply politely say we're not interested and leave it at that. I admit that I do not suffer fools well. One couple was so intent on getting a reason they sent five emails in two hours. My reply was,"I thought I was watching a train wreck and then realized it was your teeth in the photograph." That was not nice and I still regret it, despite Ed saying it was funny.

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Dont Stop, so you are saying you met the couple that initially turned you down due to being mixed racial?

 

If so, that's great that nobody felt ackward. You handled it quite well, and maybe they will get over their misconception or whatever.

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