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Yoshimi

STD testing / safe sex etiquette in swinging

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So my partner and I have been in an open relationship but are thinking of seeing how swinging is for us. In the past, we've had procedures about safer sex where we always use condoms for oral, vaginal, and anal sex. We get tested twice a year and like to exchange recent test results with new partners. This is on the careful side of what is pretty standard practice among the non-monogamous folks we know.

 

But as I've been reading these forums, it seems like that's not at all normal for swingers. Would asking about test results with new partners be considered rude here? What safer sex precautions do most of you practice?

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We take care of ourselves and get checked regularly...as well as use condoms for penetration every time. Asking someone for test results seems pointless, those tests are only a snapshot of a moment in time, don't take incubation periods into account, and only valid until they have sex again (with anyone). When we get tested, we don't get a paper copy of the results - or at least not so far...if something were wrong, we'd get a phone call and that's it.

 

I don't think it's at all rude, but we've never been asked for results or even when our last tests were done. In my experience, it's not the norm. In addition, there are a good many swingers that are comfortable playing bareback. For us, that risk is not worth the reward, but others have their own views on that topic.

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I think what you are suggesting is very prudent. Heck some of those std's are down right awful. If it were not for our high sex drives we would not play around. We had a playing experience not long ago that the couple we had been playing with had contracted a std and let us know. Kudos to them. I say if you catch something it would be nice to warn people that you have it. Especially the dreaded herpes. I know there are lots and lots of people that play after getting diagnosed and think nothing of it. I have heard the excuse that 70 some percent of us have it, and it may even be a higher number in the swinging community.

 

No one will take better care of us but ourselves. We follow these rules when we play.

 

If we have any open sores, i.e. shaving cuts or bit lip sores on genitals lips or places that get used during sex, we just do not play. The chance of catching something goes way up.

 

We talk about std's openly and tell potential playmates that we are have none and would like to keep it that way.

 

On our profile on another sight we say that we are drug and disease free. We refer potential playmates to read our profile and see if they would still like to play with us. then I reiterate that we are clean.

 

Then we just follow our hearts when it comes to selecting partners. If it does not feel right, or we catch the potential person in a lie, we graciously bow out.

 

We have never played bareback. But with the right couple I think we could.

 

We know that there are many other things to do to stay clean and ward off crotch crickets and I only went over some of the big ones.

 

Good topic.

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My personal opinion? F*ck "rude", do whatever you need to make yourself feel safe.

 

Personally I feel that STI's are stigmatized far too negatively. The hyper-negative stigma they carry is the very thing that keeps people from talking about them or accepting them as a realistic risk when playing. The thinking seems to go: STI's make you unclean, unclean is bad, I only play with other good, clean people, therefore I don't need to worry about STI's. Unfortunately this is magical thinking. It both demonizes those who become infected (when was the last time you treated someone who came down with food poisoning or the flu as a pariah?) and leads to a false sense of security in those who pursue recreational sex.

 

I love Reid Mihalko's Safer Sex Elevator Speech. It seems to cover the bases and makes that 'awkward' conversation easier to manage.

 

Currently barrier use for oral sex seems to be rare in the LS. Probably because of the reduction of sensation (i.e: no taste) and the general negative stigma of barriers in general. Thankfully that is changing. Recently some vocal proponents of barrier use during oral sex in swinging have stepped forward (Cooper et al. from Life on the Swingset for example).

 

Ultimately, the risks you are willing to expose yourselves to during recreational sex is a highly personal thing. Don't let anyone tell you that your choices are invalid.

 

Finally, a word on testing. I believe that testing demonstrates our concern for our community as much as our concern for our personal health. Frequent testing allow us to identify STI's early so we can modify our behavior and disclose to our recent play partners. It does little to keep us safe (i.e: barn door, bolted horses), other than starting treatment early that is, but it does allow us to model responsible adult behavior, and the resulting knowledge, if acted upon, reduces the risk of widely spreading our infections to others.

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We have only been in the LS for about a year. We have been tested twice and shared the results with partners. The purpose of testing the second time was so that we could play bareback (all four of us were tested). But as stated above, just a snapshot in time. We don't expect the other couple to be monogamous with us, so it's back to condoms (but what a fun trip). We don't expect others to share results, and even if they did - taking someones word for it is not good enough for me. HIV has a window period. HPV doesn't even get tested for (visual exam only). Herpes has a terribly expensive blood test that almost no insurance will agree to. Hepatitis B/C also has a window of negative. Playing bareback means your taking ALL those risks. That being said, I almost never see condoms being used during oral. Myself included. We also take special care of cuts, scrapes and oral hygiene problems (brushing too hard!) or no playing.

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Thanks for all the responses. Basically, it took us a while to figure out what safety protocols we were both comfortable with and I wanted to see if this would impede making friends in swinger circles.

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Yoshimi said:
Thanks for all the responses. Basically, it took us a while to figure out what safety protocols we were both comfortable with and I wanted to see if this would impede making friends in swinger circles.

 

Impede you making friends? No, certainly not. Reduce the number of potential play partners? Probably.

 

But the way we look at it, every item you have on your wish list: intelligence, mutual attraction, age range, or ability to use spellcheck ;) is going to reduce your pool of potential of play partners. That's the way it works. If someone is turned off by our safer sex protocols, then that's just a clear indication that we were not meant to play together. No harm, no foul, time to move on.

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The wife and I get tested on an alternate schedule every six months. If either of us have anything the other will as well. We have never been asked for our results nor have inquired of others.

 

The point made of testing being a snapshot is 100% true and unless you know your playmates habits you take a risk anytime you play. Good common sense decisions about ho and who you play with is the best choice made. There is a risk any time you come into contact with other people and there is simply no way of knowing for certain.

 

We get tested for our own peace of mind and to do all we can to keep from causing anyone else any problems.

 

I discussed my play habits and procedures with my doctor. The use of condoms, hand sanitizer and Listerine. He let me know very quickly that any time there is contact with fluids hand sanitizer is not sufficient. He said soap and water must be used. Obviously we don't run around washing our hands all the time but we discretely hit the bathroom so we can limit our risk taking.

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