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Watching & Being Watched

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Hubby and I are newbies as we posted in our introduction post. We have no experience in this scene, but have been discussing the swinging scene off and on for years and more directly in the last several weeks. We have enjoyed a great and adventurous sex life, although I have to admit that I've been very hesitant through the years and judgmental at times of my husband's sexual desires for us. I have grown though and have become much more open minded and have enjoyed things with my hubby such as sex in public places (careful not to be caught of course). My hubby has a love to show me off and while I fought it for many years of our marriage, I have grown to really enjoying looking and feeling hot and sexy. However, with that said, it's difficult to be a voyeur or do some exhibitionist stuff in most venues for fear of being arrested or kicked off of the property where it was done.

 

For that reason, as well as others, we have decided to turn to the swinging scene, but have not engaged in conversation with others in person or via internet, and of course we haven't engaged with others sexually. However, we did take the step to visit a club just over a week ago that welcomes newbies and allows no pressure to participate. We played a couple games of pool and had very light conversation with a couple of people. The club has two open rooms for those who want to watch and don't mind being watched. We played in a veiled room and on sofas in the open rooms, but chose a private room when we were ready for actual sex.

 

My question to those of you experienced, what is your take on those of us that go to a club for fun "by ourselves"....to watch, be watched, and to just have sex ourselves? Do you feel that we're a waste of space? I'm afraid that maybe while it's allowed, veteran swingers will feel "if you're not here to share, then leave", although we didn't encounter that attitude at all the one night we went. Do you like having people there to watch? I just don't want to be known as "the weird couple" at the club because we aren't engaging with others. I'm not saying that we will never have sex with others, but for right now, we are happy taking things very slow and watching/being watched.

 

I appreciate your thoughts on this. :)

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First of all let me say that I've been an exhibitionist for quite some time. It not only turns Bob on but me as well. We have done sex with our curtains or blinds fully open in very standard non swinging environments. Gone down to the public spa and gotten totally naked and got caught by local security that asked us to vacate the spa cause it was past curfiew. Driven down the I/5 or local streets at night and day time with no bottoms on while I play with myself and/or Bob does or giving BJ's with my bare ass in the air for all truckers etc to see. Only real complaint we ever got was at Harris Ranch Spa. It was night time and Bob and I got naked in the oversized spa and some old hick yelled out in the middle of the night, PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON BEFORE I CALL THE COPS! We got out, weren't exactly sure where the guy was, and flipped him the finger. Bob likes me to wear short skirts with no panties and do the little beaver shot in restaurants and to parking lot valets.

To your last question it's perfectly OK to go and just observe and stay to yourselves, we've all been there. Good luck, just do what's comfortable to you both.

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Mrs. H and I have been swinging for almost 2 years now, and "watching and being watched" is still a HUGE turn-on for the both of us!! As long as the vibe in the group room is right, then we get as much pleasure from watching other couples as we do actually playing with them. There have been nights when all the couples are playing separately, but we all gave off this energy that the other couples feds off of, and the results were incredible, even though we were all with our own partners. Sometimes things go further than just watching(light touching/kissing/etc.), but not always. They key is to go only as far as you are comfortable with. You two may find in time that you are both willing to go a little further the next time, or certain opportunities may present themselves that you then act upon.

 

 

Don't worry about being the "weird couple". The REAL weird couple is the one who camps out in the group room all night and tries to butt in on every couple who comes in. Geez, try a different room every now and then...

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Hey J's wife,

 

I'm sure S's huband is on cloud 9 that you're here with him! And, he's the only one that you need to be concerned of!

 

Don't worry about what others might think! Just relax and enjoy what the two of you want to enjoy!

 

And, on another note, have you two ever thought of going down to Fantasy Fest in Key West in late October? I notice you live here in Florida.

 

My wife and I went in '99 and I think it's something you and S's husband would find perfect for what you're interested in right now. But then, by October, who knows what you might be interested in? LOL!

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Wow...thanks for the awesome advice and shared experiences. That really puts things in perspective for me.

 

Our experience prior to the club, has been "minor" so to speak....wearing tight tops braless on occasion, wearing skirts with no panties and sitting just so, lots of playing in movie theaters leading to orgasm, sex in the car on the side of the road (dark road; not well traveled), sex in a van during the day at a campsite, sex at night on the grass in a public location, oral play at a theme park, playing in car while we were driving with skirt lifted or off (no panties) with legs spread while passing by truckers and other vehicles, and probably others that I'm forgetting that I'm sure my hubby will be glad to fill in on. However, you all make me feel more comfortable with doing something more directed in front of others such as the club, knowing that it's ok. And we definitely enjoyed ourselves at the club! I'm looking forward to our return visit. :blush:

 

As for ViSexual's question: no, unfortunately we have never made it to the Keys yet for any visit, but we have heard of Fantasy Fest. The sound of it use to scare me lol. Who knows, maybe we will make it down there someday and maybe it will be for Fantasy Fest. I'll have to ask my hubby to get more info on the events and such that take place during that time.

 

Oh and as for your comment of my hubby being the only one that I need to be concerned of, he says the same thing and has over and over again throughout our marriage. I trust him 100% and he's never let me down....even if I've been the apprehensive one at times. Now though, although still nervous, I'm wanting to have FUN and experience it with him.

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I have suggested and encouraged many things over the years but without forcible pressure. I have pointed out to her that for the most part, if I enjoy seeing it, then other people will too. We have tried a great many new things in our years together and I fully enjoyed them even if only for the one time we tried them. I will research Fantasy Fest. I am protective of my wife and so I would have to feel it is a situation that her feeling secure can be maintained at all times as much as possible.

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Driven down the I/5 or local streets at night and day time with no bottoms on while I play with myself and/or Bob does or giving BJ's with my bare ass in the air for all truckers etc to see. QUOTE]

 

WOW I need to git to cal more. thanks from a trucker. :facelick:

 

 

 

J's _wife.. do what your comfort level lets you do. don't worry about any one but what the two of you want/need in your life, have fun and explore. if it is meant to go farther,, it will.

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You know though. We have been seeing security cameras in places where we used to be able to play. We have been wondering if maybe we were the cause of those cameras being put in. :blush: We've also noticed brighter outdoor lighting in places too. LOL:eek: This was one of the reasons we started discussing trying out a club. We have been thinking that we could head out for dinner and maybe a movie, get all hot and bothered and then head to the club to where we can play without causing a scene. :) We had a lot of fun during our first time at a club and that was just with us by ourselves.

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It seems that many people do go to clubs for the same reason you do. I don't know how they are regarded in the long term, but if you are paying to get in and are nice people you will never be asked to leave.

 

The only thing I would say is to be up front with people right away when they start flirting with you. I seem to always be attracted to the hands-off couples at parties and clubs! We've had this happen a few times and it is a little annoying to find out the couple has no intention of playing with anyone after you've spent time talking and flirting. If we know early on we're still happy to talk and be friendly, but we know where we stand. Most of the time couples have told us when we start talking and that has worked out fine.

 

Have fun!

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Actually the club we went to used a colored cup system. Red meant looking for couples. Orange meant looking for singles. Clear meant just mingling. We chose the clear cup, first time and all. We played multiple games of pool and I must say my wife did indeed make the most of her shots. She went for a a few "leaned" over shots that were fairly nice. We are content to play by ourselves but we have also discussed at length the possibly of someone approaching us at different points and we are prepared for that with everything from a "we're not playing others tonight", to "Hi, what's your name", to "Sure come on , join in, but here are a few "rules" we have". It will depend on where we are at the moment it happens. We have no intention of misleading people. Given our inexperience we have contemplated and discussed far more than we have been faced with at this time. :rolleyes: But we have not ruled anything out. We do tend to get a little more free spirited when our hormones are going. :lol:

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Actually the club we went to used a colored cup system. Red meant looking for couples. Orange meant looking for singles. Clear meant just mingling. We chose the clear cup' date=' first time and all. We played multiple games of pool and I must say my wife did indeed make the most of her shots. She went for a a few "leaned" over shots that were fairly nice. We are content to play by ourselves but we have also discussed at length the possibly of someone approaching us at different points and we are prepared for that with everything from a "we're not playing others tonight", to "Hi, what's your name", to "Sure come on , join in, but here are a few "rules" we have". It will depend on where we are at the moment it happens. We have no intention of misleading people. Given our inexperience we have contemplated and discussed far more than we have been faced with at this time. :rolleyes: But we have not ruled anything out. We do tend to get a little more free spirited when our hormones are going. :lol:[/quote']

 

Hey, that sounds like the same club Mrs. DS and I went to on our maiden swinging voyage this past weekend (Kissimmee?)

 

What we got out of it is this: If you're playing in public space, expect someone to join in. You don't have to allow them to join, but expect it. In the massage room a guy sat with his wife while she made out and was being groped by another guy. Mrs. DS went to her knees and began to orally pleasure her. He didn't seem to mind (in fact, this same guy introduced himself to my wife's crotch earlier in the evening).

 

When we found a woman on the massage table we sought permission from her husband, but others apparently did not. Perhaps we still more to learn about protocol, but it seemed that play in an open area will invite others. No still means no, and if anyone had told they did not approve I would have certainly listened.

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When we found a woman on the massage table we sought permission from her husband, but others apparently did not. Perhaps we still more to learn about protocol, but it seemed that play in an open area will invite others. No still means no, and if anyone had told they did not approve I would have certainly listened.

 

I think you were correct in asking permission to touch...I don't think you can ever really go wrong asking first, even if someone is sprawled in the middle of a public play area and has 10 people touching on them...you never know if your particular touch is welcome. Although if I was the woman in question, I would more appreciate you asking me if you can touch me than asking my SO. But that's just me, some people are fine with the spouse giving the okay.

 

To the OP...we have been to one club where we played with each other most of the time. If we wanted to be watched, we left doors open (if it was one of the theme rooms those tended to be private) and if we were in the "public" playroom, our experience is that unless invited to touch no one ever just jumped in (although I know that does happen).

 

Just be clear in what you are seeking so you aren't sending out mixed signals to others. :)

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Yes, it was Kissimmee. We went, we made out in the veiled room and people watched through a window and the veil. We did so again on the couch later on and even if my wife's skirt hiked up and shirt off while she straddled me on the couch, no one approached us. We were squeezed off one couch by a rather energetic couple and had another fall over on us but it's all good. We had 3 single guys watching but no one asked to join. We have not have put off an approachable vibe. But we had fun and it looked like people had fun and I think if you can go home saying that, I think you will have a good time at a club.

 

:D

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Unfortunately it was BBC night and single males were all over the place. I think we're going back on couples/unicorns night next month. I expect it to be a bit more civil. Mrs. loved the attention, and I loved that she enjoyed it. I'd prefer to find a couple to go play with personally.

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Unfortunately it was BBC night and single males were all over the place. I think we're going back on couples/unicorns night next month. I expect it to be a bit more civil. Mrs. loved the attention, and I loved that she enjoyed it. I'd prefer to find a couple to go play with personally.

 

The BBC night doesn't hold any interest for my wife. And we are getting our feet wet with the MFM scene but are using SwingLifeStyle to meet and such. Not sure when we will have the nerve to open up to a "heat of the moment" type of situation. One never knows though. :eek:;)

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S's Hubby; you have lots of work ahead of you. We've been doing the mfm for a long and, in order for this to be a viable option for you two, you'll probably need to recruit a small stable of guys so you can have 1 available to you when you do actually want to play.

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S's Hubby; you have lots of work ahead of you. We've been doing the mfm for a long and, in order for this to be a viable option for you two, you'll probably need to recruit a small stable of guys so you can have 1 available to you when you do actually want to play.

 

We haven't met anyone yet but working it for about 5 days now and she has like 6ish guys trying to figure out calendar and such for meet & greets with. I'm lucky in the fact that she is actually wanting to handle the communication. I have access to it all and we discuss it all but I think our goal is to get a group of regulars if we can. We may expand out in the future, but at this point, this is the area where we have the most common comfort. But who knows where the future will take us, we haven't ruled out another female and we haven't ruled out couples, just not starting out in that direction. :)

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Great thinking. Definitely enjoy the adventure and soon you'll easily be able to pick out the liars, marrried cheating guys and simple fakes within a few sentences or seconds of communication. Even semi-regular play, like we do, requires a good number of guys because of the demands of life but this, like all of the LS, is an adventure to be enjoyed. Best of luck.

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If you are there to play, I don't really care who it's with. The key is just being honest and not leading anyone on. What I don't care for are those who are just there to watch and nothing more (and by that I mean they aren't even playing with each other).

 

Some people are into just watching and being watched and that's ok. There are going to be plenty who won't mind watching you put on a show (or who won't mind putting on a show for you).

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If you are there to play, I don't really care who it's with. The key is just being honest and not leading anyone on. What I don't care for are those who are just there to watch and nothing more (and by that I mean they aren't even playing with each other).

 

Some people are into just watching and being watched and that's ok. There are going to be plenty who won't mind watching you put on a show (or who won't mind putting on a show for you).

 

Oh no, we didn't just sit around and watch. :lol: And on our next visit, I'm sure we will most likely do even more. :EG: We were both unsure of what to expect. We enjoyed the club and there really is no telling with us how wild we might get that next time. In a few hours though, we are embarking on our first meeting/greeting with a single guy. So it's another new experience.:eek:

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S's Hubby; you have lots of work ahead of you. We've been doing the mfm for a long and, in order for this to be a viable option for you two, you'll probably need to recruit a small stable of guys so you can have 1 available to you when you do actually want to play.

 

This is definitely the goal, but we are taking our time weeding through and setting up the meetings. :)

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Your clear cup thing sounds like what my wife and I should start with. She likes being noticed (naked in front of windows at home - I do that too - white see-through pants with colored thong, g-string above waistband, pantyless skirts, micro-skirts with an open sun roof on the highway (just for you, truckerbuddy - I slow down as we pass a truck to show her off and give you some fun! She soaks her panties when we go through a truck stop gas station - truckers figure in some of her best fantasies). We like the *idea* of being seen, and are interested in swinging but don't know quite how to start safely. I'll look for a club that does something like your color coding. Thanks!!!! Maybe we'll figure out swinging bit by bit, and then figure out how to make some of her trucker fantasies come true;)

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Your clear cup thing sounds like what my wife and I should start with. She likes being noticed (naked in front of windows at home - I do that too - white see-through pants with colored thong, g-string above waistband, pantyless skirts, micro-skirts with an open sun roof on the highway (just for you, truckerbuddy - I slow down as we pass a truck to show her off and give you some fun! She soaks her panties when we go through a truck stop gas station - truckers figure in some of her best fantasies). We like the *idea* of being seen, and are interested in swinging but don't know quite how to start safely. I'll look for a club that does something like your color coding. Thanks!!!! Maybe we'll figure out swinging bit by bit, and then figure out how to make some of her trucker fantasies come true;)

 

There is no requirement at any club to perform. Swingers know that "No means no" and if they don't they will be quickly escorted away. Some clubs I've heard required you to undress before entering some areas, which appears to be something that you'd be interested in anyway.

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keeping things simple, most clubs are fine with couples who dont play with others, If you are considering a club talk to the owners/managers and see what rules or expectations they have.

Dont let anyone push you towards what your not intersted in and move at the pace which feels ok with both of you. Allowing others to set you pace will make it more difficult and take away the fun of exploring together.

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