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NandTfromCA

What do you think is soft swinging?

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First of all, this is not a soft swing bashing thread, nor is it a thread whining about how tough it can be to be a soft swinger.

 

My goal is to find out how our experiences are in line with those of others.

 

Our soft swing definition- Any combination of sexual activities (kissing, oral, fingers, hands, etc) excluding the man penetrating the woman with his penis.

 

We have played with a few soft swing couples and found out during or after that every one of them has had insecurities, marriage problems, or significant trepidation. The friends we have spoken to about this have said that their experience with soft swing couples has been similar.

 

I know there are soft swing couples that don’t have any of that baggage and that we would love to play and be friends with, but what I’m wondering is-

 

QUESTION: Is this uncertainty significantly more common with soft swing couples than full swap couples?

 

If so, I would imagine it could be frustrating to be a down to earth, stable, secure soft swing couple trying to find others that are the same.

 

All that said, maybe I am way off base. What are your thoughts?

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NandTfromCA said:

We have played with a few soft swing couples and found out during or after that every one of them has had insecurities, marriage problems, or significant trepidation. The friends we have spoken to about this have said that their experience with soft swing couples has been similar.

 

You just describe our experiences and why we don't soft swap. Way too much drama for us.

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We suspect there may be a natural progression for many new swingers - beginning experiences are soft in nature, and full swap occurrs down the road a bit. We are currently a soft swap couple, but we expect to transition to full swap once we have a solid base of good experiences (and buy some condoms).

 

If our theory is correct, it stands to reason that most soft swap couples are also relative newcomers to swinging. Assuming newbies are more prone to insecurity and trepidation - the same would apply to soft swingers.

 

We can also imagine soft swap couples who are hesitant to full swap because of STDs, and we, personally, wouldn't expect these particular couples to exhibit a greater than average tendency towards drama. Why would they?

 

We can't speak from personal experience, but we assume that certain full swap couples who engage in separate room play may have doubts about the "insecurity" and "trepidations" of full swap couples who insist on same room play. We, ourselves, have wondered about full swap couples who don't engage in kissing - is this a sign of insecurity?

 

Any boundary which is placed on safe and mutually satisfying sexual activity might be a symptom of some level of trepidation or insecurity?

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We are a soft swing couple, happily married for 20 years. In addition to no intercourse, we also refrain from kissing others on the mouth.

 

We find that oral, caressing, touching, etc, are "playing", while kissing and intercourse, at least for us, define "passion" which we reserve for ourselves.

 

We've been lucky to meet some others in our area (Las Vegas) that have the same interests. We've also met single men and couples that are visiting that have no problem "playing" with us.

 

So far it's worked out great. :)

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We agree with 2jersey here...we started out as soft swap simply because we were new and weren't really sure about this lifestyle except that it interested us and it turned us on. We took the slow road and I'm glad we did. As the saying goes, Only go as fast as the slowest partner. Now we enjoy full swap and are very comfortable.

 

The same thing can be said about the no kissing rule and other such rules and boundries....is it insecurity or just a couple who is testing the water so to speak?

 

The people we have met in this lifestyle that have such rules have turned out to be new to the lifestyle and unsure of how to proceed. I can't assume that it's like that for everyone, though. I only know that we started out soft swap because it was our comfort level at the time. Our comfort level has increased because we were able to communicate our desires without being afraid of judgement.

 

Don't know if this really answers your question...but I try... :)

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Don't rule all of us down to earth, stable, secure, drama despising soft-swingers out...that would be frustrating!! Allie

 

Swingercast and jandg,

 

In line with the subject of this thread-- what's been your experience with other soft swing couples? I'd like to put aside the question of new couples taking time to get comfortable, if they are not ruling out full swap in the future. I am wondering about NandTfromCA's original question, paraphrasing: Are uncertainty, trepidation and marital difficulties significantly more common with soft swing couples than full swap couples? I'd love to hear more from jandg and Swingercast, as well as others, on this one.

 

We recently played with a soft swap couple for the first time, and had NO issues. They have been doing this for a number of years. We don't know for sure why they are soft swap (didn't want to pry too much or seem like we were pressuring them). But they said they got married when she was very young and have always been soft swap. I wonder whether she has just never had intercourse with another man and wants to keep it that way, for whatever reason. They seemed entirely secure and both were enthusiastic about being with us.

 

Never mind that we don't "get" (i.e. understand) soft swap...that's another thread.

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oh my :o we feel slutty now. See we started out thinking we would in fact soft swing and move up to full swap but it didn't work out like that :D. We we were so caught up in our first experiance we kinda shot the rapids so to speek :D . I guess the couple we were with were realy secure and all the talking kinda paid off. Later we had wondered if we had missed something :rolleyes: We were in fact going to maybe try to hook up with soft swingers just for the experience. So I guess if we go to that, we will be forwarned about issues as to why they only soft swap. That's going to look strange on a profile :eek:

 

"we are a full swap same room couple looking for soft swing playmates" :rolleyes::lol: ought Oh

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I can't speak for the out-of-town visitors, but the local couples that we've been with are in long term, secure relationships.

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We have always considered ourselves "soft swing", but have opened ourselves up to a whole world of new experiences. We are probably the most open-minded, "drama -free", emotionally secure couple within our circle of friends. Our reasoning for choosing the soft path, is essentially that I much prefer playing with the women, and we feel that it would be dishonest to advertise ourselves as fullswap, when I have very little interest in other men than my husband....

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I don't think more soft swing couples have marital problems, but I do think that there can be more drama since many are testing the waters and don't know what they are okay with and what they are not. Jealousy and drama ensue.

 

I can say though that one soft swap couple we played with was a very, very hot experience. Watching them have sex was incredible. There is a whole different dimension to watching a couple that is totally in love and knows each other's buttons having sex. The look of passion in their eyes, their movements. It's hot, sexy, and romantic all rolled-up into one moment. We'd like to experience it some more. :rolleyes:

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NandTfromCA said:

QUESTION: Is this uncertainty significantly more common with soft swing couples than full swap couples?

 

If so, I would imagine it could be frustrating to be a down to earth, stable, secure soft swing couple trying to find others that are the same.

 

All that said, maybe I am way off base. What are your thoughts?

 

I think it is a natural progression as 2j's said. You will find more drama in soft swingers because many are in the newbie stage and have yet to slay the green eyed monsters. Sometimes the monster wins.

 

We have found one VERY well adjusted soft swing couple, who is more 'lifestyle' than any of the full swap couples we know, but its pretty rare I'd guess. Once you go full swap it is hard to go back and you see it wasn't really that big a deal in the first place.

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The answer to your question Fuse is No. In our experience we have not found any marital difficulties with the "experienced" soft swap couples we play with. In fact, we have found the opposite to be the case...our experiences with these couples have been positive like westernswing, chiccup, and Fuse described. I don't think the experienced, well adjusted, enthusiastic soft swing couple is that rare either ...but only speaking from our on premise club and swinger resort experiences(we have never done the online dating scene..maybe it is different there?) I guess there is a big mystery for some couples why a couple in the lifestyle for many years chooses not to full swap...just ask them, and I'm sure you will find that the green monster is NOT their reason. :)

 

xoxo,

Allie

-we play with all levels of swing couples (mostly full swap couples) and put our experiences on our podcast if you are interested.

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Thanks for your response, Swingercast. I think the original question was NandTfromCA's (the OP of this thread) so hopefully my version of it wasn't too far off of theirs.

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We started off soft, then of course we moved into the harder stuff. Even for the first time, it almost seemed liked we were already to jump into the full swap. The couple we met were a very nice couple. All talks were with the intentions of having soft play only. Sexual excite got the best of us, but didn't get all of us. My gf wanted to but didn't go through with it, but the bf wanted me to have sex with his gf. Was a great and exciting time for all of us. First time for anyone.

 

Now, that my gf has experienced another man. She enjoyed herself, but the thought of getting together with another man, again and again does not sit well with her. I totally respect her wishes. That is why we are currently looking for a single female only at this time. We enjoy the lifestyle, but it isn't our lifestyle. Its not a everyday, week, or month. Just something that adds a little spice once in awhile.

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