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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Hi this is our first post here. We are in an odd situation, and not sure how to handle it. My wife and I enjoy the occasional extra man in the bedroom. Sometimes it is just a playmate for her and I watch, and sometimes I join in.

    We have met an older man and chatted with him a good bit. He is not really my wife's type, she generally likes younger men (usually mid to late twenties). This gentleman is around 60. He isnt the best looking guy according to my wife, and she doesnt have a big attraction to him.

    Here is the problem though. He is very generous. He has given her several things through Amazon. These were fairly expensive items, in the $100 to $200 dollar range, mostly clothing. He has offered to fly the both of us to his place, in Florida. He lives on the coast and has a boat. He is legitimate and not an internet fake. He has given us his home and work numbers, and he owns the company (it has his name in it). He has offered to let us stay with him for a week, and enjoy the amenities, in return for spending quality time with my wife. On the one hand she isnt really into him, but on the other he is offering something that we can't afford now or at any time in the forseeable future.

    I think I know what the responses here will be, but I was curious what you thought about a situation like this. My wife isnt turned off by him, and he seems like a genuinely nice guy who is trying to help us. But I don't think she would be interested if the offer was just to meet for dinner.

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    To be honest, we wouldn't have accepted the gifts from him if she wasn't attracted/interested in him. We would let him know up front that we weren't interested and if he chose to send a gift anyway, then at least we weren't putting ourselves in an awkward situation.

    We wouldn't go.

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    we didnt string him on... he gave the gifts on his own without us asking

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Return the gifts and say thank you and no more. My view you crossed the line.

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Honestly what your asking is not about swinging.

    I don't think I really have to go into what it really is about but it is not something we would ever think about doing.

    He could not have sent gifts unless you gave him the information needed to send them.

    Think about what your doing. If your wife has no real interest in him they why are you really even thinking about this?

    Not a good road to head done in life.

    I am with the others. Return the gifts and move on with life.
    New Temptations You are the Party

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    I wouldn't do it. I think if I was with someone I wasn't attracted to I would feel like a prostitute especially with gifts and travel accommodations involved.

    I don't think it's necessary to return the gifts. Just tell him no more gifts. You should be clear that she's not attracted to him and you probably should apologize for leading him on. I know you don't feel like you've led him on, but he wouldn't be making these offers if he didn't feel there was a chance.

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    You got your expected reactions, calling it prostitution. Is that what you wanted? How do you feel about your wife having a generous admirer? That's what is important. If your wife is on the fence about this guy, neither attracted nor not attracted, and the thought of a nice vacation you could never afford tilts the attraction equation, I say that's reasonable. The caveat is whether the after effects will include a feeling of doing it for money, the prostitute factor.

    Some women are turned on by the eroticism of a man being generous to her. If you both are on the same page and feel quite sure that there will be no repercussions or recriminations afterward, who here is to say you nay?

    For me as the husband, if my wife was not turned off by the generous factor, or if she were at all aroused by it and the thought of a nice time together we could never afford, it would not bother me in the least and I could enjoy the time. It's important to note that this assumes the guy is a gentleman and his company is enjoyable.

    The factor I think that has been missed in the posts above is the nice time the husband and wife could have together vacationing in a very nice place all expenses paid. It's more about the time they could have together than about the gentleman they would spend some time with.

  8. Back To Top | #8
    Swingers Board Addict Coupleerotic22's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    How do you and your wife feel about her performing on command for "consideration?"

    Sure you could have a great vacation, but she is there to work. What happens if she changes her mind, if she does not perform to his expectation, or wants to spend time with you when he is ready for her to service him? People are often perfectly well mannered until they have you in a position they control.

    He may end up being a perfect gentleman and not take offense if things do not go as he hopes but can you afford to find a place to stay for the night or the cost of returning home if he tosses you out at 2 a..m. because he feels you are not living up to your end of the deal?

    And how do you feel about her having sex with a someone in which she has no interest, in exchange for money. Yes it is money, if you had the money to do this on your on you wouldn't be doing this. How does she feel? You could do some serious damage to your relationship by following through, so be prepared if you chose to do this.
    "So let us begin anew - remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness” JFK

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    I guess you'd have to be an older guy who's single and is fit financially to understand where the older man is coming from. He probably knows that he has little to offer the young woman other than gifts and is doing it to gain their attention.
    The cost of the gifts mean noting to him, but he finds their company invaluable.
    Any sex he may get out of it would constitute a "pity fuck", but he already knows this.
    MO

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Two thoughts:

    I once saw an interview with a prostitute who claimed to never have had sex with a man she didn't want to; the money was just an added nicety. I don't remember who she was.

    My late wife had a fantasy of "turning a trick." She considered trying it on a trip to Las Vegas, but decided not to carry through with the idea. She wasn't willing to take the necessary risks. She was disappointed, however. She might well have jumped at a chance like yours. Of course, she liked older men, too.

    If y'all decide to do this, make sure you have round trip tickets and cash for accomodations, etc. A long, detailed conversation with the gentleman would be in order before y'all decide. Don't be afraid to discuss everything.

    Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    —Will Rogers

  11. Back To Top | #11
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    About 6 years ago, I started a thread based on the movie Indecent Proposal, in which I asked if you were given that scenario (A man offers $1 million for a night with the wife), would you accept it. Almost every person (including us) said they would accept that offer. Of course, in that scenario, the gentleman was Robert Redford, so that probably made the medicine go down a little easier.

    So, I guess if we're being totally honest with ourselves, for us it's not so much a matter of ethics as it is attraction and price. Would we do it? I don't know. We would, as the old timers around here say, "study on it for a bit".

    Oh, and no need to go searching for that old thread. It was sent to the trash bin a while back. But, there is another thread on the same subject still available.

    Very good question and thread!
    Being in love is the best feeling in the world.
    Unless your balls itch.
    Then, scratching your balls is the best feeling in the world.

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Quote Originally Posted by two4youinswva View Post
    About 6 years ago, I started a thread based on the movie Indecent Proposal, in which I asked if you were given that scenario (A man offers $1 million for a night with the wife), would you accept it. Almost every person (including us) said they would accept that offer. Of course, in that scenario, the gentleman was Robert Redford
    Quote Originally Posted by funcoupledayton View Post
    I wouldn't do it. I think if I was with someone I wasn't attracted to I would feel like a prostitute especially with gifts and travel accommodations involved.
    Just to clarify, I was giving my opinion on how I personally would feel in the situation. Not calling your wife a prostitute.

    A hot guy who offered a million dollars? That's kind of a different story. Most of us would do it if we were attracted, but we would also play with him for free!

    I think adding money or gifts adds strings that we're not looking for.

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Nice guys are great to work with and have conversations with.

    I don't need boats or jewelry or expensive Amazon items at this point in my life. I'd rather stick to my happy marriage and just go swing with who we want to!

    It's all choice and perspective. For me, I like swinging because of the variety and going home with my husband and not dealing with other men and their wallets or size or ... or.... or....

    So no, it wouldn't matter to me what he had to offer. If your wife isn't turned off, but also isn't turned on, what's the point?

    Mrs. NC
    Get your mind out of the gutter so mine can float by!

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Everyone who is not a fanatic is a whore. The question is always price.

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    I brought this thread up with a "friend" last night. She told me she has always had a fantasy of doing a trick or two. Just talking about it made her horny as hell. Now hooking up with a generous guy is not quite the same as turning tricks on the street but it has those same undertones. I guess I would not have an issue with it if a few conditions were met.

    1) The Mrs would have to be into it.
    2) All parties involved agreed to some basic rules in advance.
    3) That the whole trip was paid for in advance in our names.
    4) That we didn't stay at the gentleman's home but had our own hotel room.

    If you search the swingers sites there are always people, single men, single women and couples who allude to "hooking-up" with generous men, women or couples. Not really our thing but I see them all the time.

    Some of the statements like:
    "looking for generous people to travel with"
    "Looking for a sugar daddy"

    We have even seen profiles that state right out that they will "play" for considerations. Which sounds like out right prostitution to me.

    We have roll played hooker and john and hooker and pimp back in our younger days.
    One time we met at a bar after work and we were in full role play mode, She propositioned me and we made the "deal" cash changed hands and a off duty cop pulled us aside and flashed his badge at us. He said he was going to call in on duty guys to arrest us, we quickly straightened things out by showing him our Id's but damn it was close.

    Way back in my younger days, I was at a party with friends and co-workers. One of my managers offered me $10.00 to kiss another co-worker, we we did alot more than kiss that night, so I guess I could be considered a gigolo.

    Quite often I find myself grinning as I type, thinking about all the fun I/We have had in the past. And all the fun we will have in the future.

    K

  16. Back To Top | #16
    Swingers Board Addict ClosetSwinger's Avatar
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    Wife Half of Married Couple.

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    I wouldnt do it. It seems too much like "Indecent Proposal".

    . I try to imagine what I would feel like if I did accept this trip and then how it would feel when it came down to doing the deed. I wouldnt want to but would feel like I had to and that makes my skin crawl.

    Oh and I agree this isn't swinging this is a "gold digger/prostitution" type scenario.

  17. Back To Top | #17
    Swingers Board Addict Coupleerotic22's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    It sounds like the main focus for most everyone is if the wife would have sex with this guy to begin with. Which makes perfect sense.

    a) If she would have sex with him and he invites you guys on a trip, then that is swinging and gifts. (Gifting has another thread going on right now as well).

    b) If she has no interest in sex with him, but has sex as a quid pro quo then it takes on a whole different light.

    c) It gets interesting in the Redford / Indecent Proposal scenario, assuming she is interested in the guy, simply because of the magnitude of the "gift" and it is really not a gift, it is still quid pro quo even if she would have sex with the guy, because of the contract aspect, and finally the husband is not around. If she has no interest in the guy we are back to B, just on a grander scale.

    Everything else is common sense safety and covering your ass so you don't get left out in the cold and stranded.

    I don't think I have a problem with A, I guess it depends on the size of the gift, but if there is no quid pro quo and she wants to be with him in any case, I guess that is fine. Staying at someones beach house for the week or weekend is not a big deal, we do that in the vanilla world.

    I have no interest in B at all. I don't want my wife having sex with anyone so I can profit from it.

    C, well I if she is interested in the guy, I guess I would think about it. But I would just as soon her just have sex and leave it at that. Something about it.......well, I can't explain it.
    "So let us begin anew - remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness” JFK

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Quote Originally Posted by jandlvaldosta View Post
    Hi this is our first post here. We are in an odd situation, and not sure how to handle it. My wife and I enjoy the occasional extra man in the bedroom. Sometimes it is just a playmate for her and I watch, and sometimes I join in.

    We have met an older man and chatted with him a good bit. He is not really my wife's type, she generally likes younger men (usually mid to late twenties). This gentleman is around 60. He isnt the best looking guy according to my wife, and she doesnt have a big attraction to him.

    Here is the problem though. He is very generous. He has given her several things through Amazon. These were fairly expensive items, in the $100 to $200 dollar range, mostly clothing. He has offered to fly the both of us to his place, in Florida. He lives on the coast and has a boat. He is legitimate and not an internet fake. He has given us his home and work numbers, and he owns the company (it has his name in it). He has offered to let us stay with him for a week, and enjoy the amenities, in return for spending quality time with my wife. On the one hand she isnt really into him, but on the other he is offering something that we can't afford now or at any time in the forseeable future.

    I think I know what the responses here will be, but I was curious what you thought about a situation like this. My wife isnt turned off by him, and he seems like a genuinely nice guy who is trying to help us. But I don't think she would be interested if the offer was just to meet for dinner.
    This guy is a wealthy man in his 60's which means that he has lived and has the experience to manipulate people.

    He is now manipulating you with gift and free trips.

    No one does anything for free; my concern is what is expects from you and how he will react after he gets what he wants.

    A similar situation happened to me when I was in Australia. A single, older man showered us with gifts and I shared Namrata (wife) without receiving a partner in exchange.

    As soon as he was done with Namrata, his attitude changed and I felt cheated.

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Twoforyou said it... Redford makes it sound exciting, but not so much when you're dealing with someone that isn't even close to Redford.

    No, I wouldn't be going, either. If you want a trip to Florida, save up and then go.
    Dave & Holly

  20. Back To Top | #20
    erotichugs
    Guest erotichugs's Avatar

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Quote Originally Posted by LFM2 View Post
    Twoforyou said it... Redford makes it sound exciting, but not so much when you're dealing with someone that isn't even close to Redford.

    No, I wouldn't be going, either. If you want a trip to Florida, save up and then go.
    Totally agree

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    sorry to be blunt, but think Elliot Spitzer. This guy should know better.I think you feel the same way but arent sure what to do about it.
    Best option is to return everything and say goodbye. To let things go is to create more problems down the road.

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lascivious L&L View Post
    You got your expected reactions, calling it prostitution. Is that what you wanted? How do you feel about your wife having a generous admirer? That's what is important. If your wife is on the fence about this guy, neither attracted nor not attracted, and the thought of a nice vacation you could never afford tilts the attraction equation, I say that's reasonable. The caveat is whether the after effects will include a feeling of doing it for money, the prostitute factor.

    Some women are turned on by the eroticism of a man being generous to her. If you both are on the same page and feel quite sure that there will be no repercussions or recriminations afterward, who here is to say you nay?

    For me as the husband, if my wife was not turned off by the generous factor, or if she were at all aroused by it and the thought of a nice time together we could never afford, it would not bother me in the least and I could enjoy the time. It's important to note that this assumes the guy is a gentleman and his company is enjoyable.

    The factor I think that has been missed in the posts above is the nice time the husband and wife could have together vacationing in a very nice place all expenses paid. It's more about the time they could have together than about the gentleman they would spend some time with.

    Most importantly is how you both would feel in his company and to be sure that after the trip, he doesn't feel entitled to anything more from you...I hope this older gentleman is not confusing "swinging" with being a "Sugar Daddy" that's two very different things. You probably shouldn't accept too many lavish gifts, you will feel wierd eventually, and it's not a good feeling to think you "owe" someone something...Good Luck!

  23. Back To Top | #23

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    Does the movie "Indecent proposal" come to anyone's mind? I would say no to this and take a pass by reading your note.

    He isnt the best looking guy according to my wife, and she doesnt have a big attraction to him.
    No reason she should take it for the team for this. Now if she was attracted and wanted him that would not be the same answer.
    Life is only as good as you make it!

  24. Back To Top | #24

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    It's been a week. Any updates?

  25. Back To Top | #25

    Default Re: Wife sharing ... crossing the line?

    I think you should pimp her out for some extra cash. You might be able to round up an entire group of guys who can rent her for parties etc.

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