Please Visit These Sponsors As They Keep The Swingers Board FREE

Kasidie   Swinger Zone Central   Swing Lifestyle    Swingers Date Club    Adult FriendFinder  Swing Towns  Alt.com

 

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3
Results 51 to 64 of 64
  1. Back To Top | #51
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
    Blog Entries
    70
    Status
    Happily married to a wild woman
    SLS Handle
    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    Quote Originally Posted by dburton View Post
    Does anyone have any ideas??? (If this information is relevant, we are both in our early 50s.)
    I am not answering directly to the original poster's questions but I will, rather, make an observation. I am sensing something in this thread that I have sensed while reading others; "We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves." This lifestyle does not need converts. There are many whom it would harm rather than help.

    That being said, I will answer dburton's original question, based upon feeling rather than any kind of logic. Your man friend has put you into a very difficult position. I think he is the one who needs to make a decision; not you.

    ~Michael
    If you want monogamy, marry a swan.

  2. Back To Top | #52

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    Dear SW_PA_Couple,

    This lifestyle does not need converts. There are many whom it would harm rather than help.
    Could you please elaborate on your comments -- specifically, could you please elaborate on the second sentence?

  3. Back To Top | #53
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
    Blog Entries
    70
    Status
    Happily married to a wild woman
    SLS Handle
    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    Quote Originally Posted by dburton View Post
    Could you please elaborate on your comments -- specifically, could you please elaborate on the second sentence?
    Understand, first of all, that this "observation" was not meant as an answer to your question or to be directed at you.

    Yes, getting into the lifestyle can be harmful to some. The primary reason for anybody, male or female, to seek casual sex is to please himself or herself. To get into it to please someone else sets up internal conflict. I'm not a trained psychiatrist so I have no tools for analyzing this. But I have seen examples. The most extreme was a woman who fell into a heap on my living room floor in-tears after her boy-friend and my wife had gone upstairs to the bedroom, "I really want to make him happy but I can't do this." The more mild example is a woman who decided, OK, if that's what he wants, I'll do it. She got into it so enthusiastically that it surprised and upset him a bit. She has told my wife (girl-talk) that she feels her relationship with the man cannot advance unless he lets go of the idea.

    You're own messages here at this bulletin board suggest to me that you are an adult who is investigating methodically and thoughtfully.

    ~Michael
    If you want monogamy, marry a swan.

  4. Back To Top | #54

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    This is still an interesting thread and there are some good thoughts and ideas being shared here.

    I'll throw in a few more random thoughts.

    - Here's a simple little formula I've shared before that I think may apply here as well.

    If a couple is working together for the common benifit of the relationship PLUS each partner has full veto rights and has equal decision making authority = swinging GOOD.

    If one party is pursuing/manipulating it for his/her own benifit OR there is a disparity in decision making authority = swinging BAD.

    Wisdom is being able to tell which catagory you fall under.

    - As a general rule if two fundamentally sane, sober and responsible people are making a rational decision together and each party is respectfull and compassionate of the others person's best interests, and both people go into it with their eyes and their minds open and they aren't afraid to walk away at any point there usually isn't much that truly goes wrong.

  5. Back To Top | #55

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    Dear SW_PA_couple (and everyone else who has posted on this and other forums),

    Thank you for your clarification. By asking questions and reading postings, I have learned so much not only about the lifestyle, but also about relationships in general. I have learned how important it is to express my wants and desires (which begins with serious self-reflection to know what they are -- a first step that I have not always taken) and to make sure that I understand my partner's. (Had I followed these general principles -- not just in regard to sex -- I would still be happily married today.) I have also learned ways to ensure that I am treating people with respect at all times, including how to say "no" firmly and graciously. (I need to practice that more at work when I'm asked to take on additional assignments. ) Finally, the postings have enforced the importance of self-respect and the ways that I have unwittingly undermined myself in the past. Once again, thank you so much for the invaluable life lessons!!!!!!!!

  6. Back To Top | #56

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    Dear iapr,

    Thanks for the succinct decision rule! As I have stated many times, I like what I have read about the lifestyle because it focuses on the couple's well being (and nurturing and sharing with your partner) rather than selfish self-satisfaction.

  7. Back To Top | #57

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    Quote Originally Posted by dburton View Post
    I am hoping that I can "manage" my feeling/ thoughts in a similar way to how I "manage" my stage fright. Even though I have given hundreds of presentations, each time I give one my heart beats rapidly, I feel lightheaded, and I wonder what possessed me to pick my profession. Once I begin speaking, I relax, and I eventually feel energized. .... If you have any ideas of how I can lessen my fears regarding sexual inadequacy besides "feel the fear and do it anyway" I would love to hear them.
    this is such a perfect analogy to what swinging is like. And just like public speaking there are butterflies every time. As you continue to go to the same club over and over again they get less and less because you are more comfortable there (kind of like giving a speech in front of the same group of people over and over), but there are always going to be some differences that leave you a with some butterflies (perhaps a new face, or a new topic, or you didn't do your research quite as well as you normally do). So, yes, if you can approach it the same way you will do well.

  8. Back To Top | #58

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    dburton ~

    How long have you been dating your boyfriend and how often do you get to see each other?

    It's been a couple weeks since you started this thread, have you had a chance to meet with him yet and talk about all of this?

    LM

  9. Back To Top | #59

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    Quote Originally Posted by dburton View Post
    Dear Chicup,



    Second, a number of people in this forum have told me not to enter the lifestyle for the man I am dating. I totally concur with this advice. If I just did it for him and it ran counter to who I am, then I would lose something far more valuable than a relationship. I would be losing my essence/ soul/ spirit (which would result in my becoming a shell of a person and, in the end, undoubtedly would kill the relationship anyway).
    Wow! She REALLY knows where it's at!!

  10. Back To Top | #60

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    Dear LikeMinds321 (and all others wanting an update),

    It's hard to believe that I first posted my question only a few weeks ago. I have come a long way in a short period of time.

    In terms of your question, we have been dating for 4 months. We see each other once every week or two. Yes, I have talked to him "about all this." (Everyone's advice here was very, very helpful -- as has been the advice I read on other discussion threads). He was amazed at and appreciated how much time and effort I spent learning about the lifestyle.

    We went to a club on Valentine's Day. I was nervous initially, but everything quickly became okay. He was attentive, and we went at my pace. We didn't meet any other couples with whom we would like to play, but we interacted with others and had a wonderful evening.


  11. Back To Top | #61

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    Quote Originally Posted by dburton View Post

    In terms of your question, we have been dating for 4 months. We see each other once every week or two.

    Yes, I have talked to him "about all this." He was amazed at and appreciated how much time and effort I spent learning about the lifestyle.

    We went to a club on Valentine's Day. I was nervous initially, but everything quickly became okay. He was attentive, and we went at my pace. We didn't meet any other couples with whom we would like to play, but we interacted with others and had a wonderful evening.
    dburton ~

    It is amazing how much a person can learn in a few weeks of reading the Swingers Board! When my husband and I joined the Board we were on here reading for hours a day and spent hours talking about what we discovered.

    I'm glad that you found your first club experience a positive one.

    Was it what you had expected for you and your boyfriend, based on what you have read on the Board thus far?

    LM

    P.S. I appreciate that you have been replying to everyone's questions in this thread. Doing so helps make this thread more helpful to those who read it and will learn from it. Thanks!

  12. Back To Top | #62

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    dburton,

    I'm glad to hear that you are having a good experience!

    S
    Try anything once, twice if it is fun, three times if it is real good!

  13. Back To Top | #63

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    Dear LikeMinds321,

    The people I met were as depicted in this forum. They were friendly and approachable. No one was aggressive or pushy. I expected the action on the on-premises side of the club to be far more wild. There were only several exhibitionists. Most people played in private rooms that had closed translucent curtains -- so even that experience was at my pace.

  14. Back To Top | #64

    Default Re: He is a swinger; this is all new to me

    It sounds like you went to the right type of club for someone just starting out. Some clubs are a lot more hardcore, focusing on gangbangs, orgies, etc. As long as you are comfortable and go at your own pace you will have a lot of fun exploring this lifestyle. Keep talking to your partner about everything.

    It's nice that you've come back and kept us posted on your progress.
    "Doggie Style is Mandatory." -- from a Swing Lifestyle profile we came across!

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3

Similar Threads

  1. What is your swinger name?
    By OhioCouple in forum Polls & Never-Ending Threads
    Replies: 108
    Last Post: 05-11-2009, 04:31 PM
  2. Is an inactive swinger a swinger still?
    By JustAskJulie in forum Knowing When To Call it Quits On Swinging
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 02-09-2009, 07:53 PM
  3. How to go from a Married swinger to a single swinger?
    By G-Dragon in forum Single Males and Swinging
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 10-08-2005, 05:17 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
About us
The Swingers Board is an online swinging community with something for everyone. Experienced swingers and those just curious about the swinging lifestyle are all welcome. We invite you to participate in the discussion forums, member blogs, swinger chat room, swinger stories, member photo galleries, swinger club listings and reviews, and all other areas of the site.


This site is run by a real swinger couple with the assistance of a great team of forum moderators who are also swingers. This site is free, and membership is open to all legal adults. While guests are able to view much of the site, registering will allow you access to all areas and full privileges.


Safe, sane, funny, smart, sexy - become a member and experience the Swingers Board!

Links
SwingLifeStyle Where REAL Swingers Meet

SwingTowns - It's Different @swingTowns

Swinger Zone Central The Zone - Get Into It

SDC SwingersDateClub for couples

Kasidie Sexually social

Adult FriendFinder Find Adult Sex and Friends

Alt.com BDSM and Fetish Dating Site

Wicked Temptations Wickedly Sexy Clothing

Sex Toy Fun Huge Selection, Great Prices!

Swingers Board
Subscribe to our newsletter!
E-mail Address

subscribe
unsubscribe