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  1. Back To Top | #26

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    Did you let him know that his gf did not yet know about your own swinging activities? THat might be a lead in to whether or not she knows about his.
    No I didn't.

    I feel very confident that he has not mentioned it to her...either his history or the fact that we're swingers. I don't necessarily want her to know about Ted and I but, it wouldn't be the end of the world if she did know either. She's not the type that would freak out and refuse to talk to me.


    Teresa
    Ted and Teresa
    No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

  2. Back To Top | #27

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Quote Originally Posted by realcplub2 View Post
    Ok, short of bookmarking the profile and seeing if he signs in on a regular basis, there is no real way of telling how active he is..
    Well yes there is...I don't know how active he is in playing (not my business) but, the ad site tells you the last time a person visited it...I know he's visited it every day this week.

    Well since the cat was out of the bag, dunno which way would be best.. Talking to him about what she knows like Julie just suggested..
    Which is exactly what I have every intention of doing...sorry, but I'm just a damn curious person and when I want to know something I try to find out...going to the source is usually the best thing to do.


    Teresa
    Ted and Teresa
    No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

  3. Back To Top | #28

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fuse View Post
    So... you know he's a swinger, he knows you're a swinger, but your friend might or might not know her new beau is a swinger. Even if it's a secret for now, it doesn't have to mean anything is wrong or will result in hurt for anyone. It would be interesting to get an update on this if they get more serious!
    Exactly! Having interacted with him in a vanilla setting for a long time before I realized where the hell I knew him from, I've gotten to know him and he's just an upstanding type of guy. As I said, I'm not worried about him causing my friend any type of hurt...I feel he'll do what he has to when/if that time comes.


    Teresa
    Ted and Teresa
    No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

  4. Back To Top | #29

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Quote Originally Posted by LikeMinds321 View Post
    I'd be giddy if I found this out! I'd be talking to MrLM about what I discovered and we'd have a good conversation over it.

    This kitty is fed by curiosity.

    I'd first consider our relationship with this couple and whether it was to continue, if so, on what level. Also I'd weigh in whether MrLM and I would ever consider swinging with them, if things ever developed to that point.

    I wouldn't be worried about whether the single male new we were swingers because our profile doesn't reveal enough about us for him to discover that. Even then, if he did, through other resources, I'd consider it no greater risk than what we have always prepared ourselves for. We have always understood that we can be found out and we'd have no idea by whom or what they would share with others.

    We wouldn't bring up any swinging topics with the couple unless they did so first, in which case we'd take it from there and go with the flow, handling the discussion as we see fit.

    I agree with others, what the couple's relationship is is their business, not ours. It would only become our business if they approached us about swinging with them.

    Over the years we've discovered a number of people on sites who we know (some have been clients who wrote to us) and we had no problem handling those situations. Some recognized us (way back when we were posting clear face pics of me...we learned from that experiene!) but others had no idea who we were and that the reason we said "no thank you" to a meet is because they were clients.

    It's not hard for me to keep a secret. But it's great fun to know a secret!

    Teresa, knowing that your profile has clear face pictures of you and Ted, I totally understand your reason for writing the single male. We'd do the same in your case.

    LM
    LOL Yep! I have no problems keeping secrets...If Ted and I were that worried about being outed, we'd never have face pics posted.

    The relationship with my friend and her new BF will remain exactly what it is right now...Friends...it might one day, depending on where their relationship heads lead to a Friends who can talk about swinging stuff but...chances of a Friends w/benefits/playing type of relationship...nope, probably never.


    Teresa
    Ted and Teresa
    No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

  5. Back To Top | #30

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Quote Originally Posted by ic7175 View Post
    TNT, I think you handled it very well. I would followup as others suggested to be sure he knows that the friend doesn't know about your lifestyle (as far as you know). I'm sure he doesn't want to be the one to share that info with her if you haven't yet.

    Thank you If he had wanted to out us, he could have surely done that months ago...he has assured me he understands what discretion means.



    Teresa
    Ted and Teresa
    No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

  6. Back To Top | #31

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Maybe she is a swinger too?
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  7. Back To Top | #32

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Perhaps your friend met him on the swinging site?

  8. Back To Top | #33

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    it does seem strange to me that he hasnt said anything to you .you know he has seen yalls add so im guessing she dont know and he figures you are going to keep the lifestyle in the lifestyle

  9. Back To Top | #34
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Dayum! Go to work for 12 hours and TNT gets a potential Epic Thread rolling!


    So, this is on the back end of the events, but as I was reading, here was my thought process, putting myself in the situation.

    First, I thought "Stay out of it. It's none of my business".

    Then, I thought to myself, "You're thinking of this in clinical terms. Really put yourself in that situation. What would you do?"
    - I would go ape-shit crazy wanting to find out what was going on, that's what!

    Since Alura, Julie, and others have given great advice, and you've already done essentially the same, I'll just pretend I was going to say the exact same thing, and feel extra good about myself for the evening.
    Sometimes you just want to be held and be told that everything will be OK.
    Or, some rough sex.

  10. Back To Top | #35

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Since he is still checking into the site every day: Shoot him a mail and ask something to the effect of: "Recently saw you with a girlfriend. Is she interested in swinging, or do you play seperate?" That would be a good jumping off point to determine what the situation is. The only reasons to to further involve yourselves in the relationship would be: A) You want to play with them; B) He is "cheating" and you feel that you need to protect her from pain.

  11. Back To Top | #36

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Susan here-- Patience will reveal all things. The problem is that because you have questions your mind is running rampant and in overdrive. Their situation is none of your business unless dishonesty is going on. Dishonesty would be going on only if they had a dating relationship that was monogamous and he breached that. But it's not really your role to play investigator and in such a role you would be surprised at how often you would find your interpretation of the facts to be wrong.

    With Ed, we had a dating relationship where we could see other people. In my case I wanted to be aware because I did not want to stop by his place, phone him or otherwise interfere if he were on a date with another woman. Alternatively, Ed did not want to know and only asked that I'd be discrete. It worked quite well and neither of us found ourselves ever lying about things and we always answered each others questions.

    My point is you never know what type of arrangements people arrive at. Moreover, you may know how things 'look', but not how they 'are'.

  12. Back To Top | #37

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Sooooo what's going on now Teresa

    I have to know

  13. Back To Top | #38

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cpl2share View Post
    Since he is still checking into the site every day: Shoot him a mail and ask something to the effect of: "Recently saw you with a girlfriend. Is she interested in swinging, or do you play seperate?" That would be a good jumping off point to determine what the situation is. The only reasons to to further involve yourselves in the relationship would be: A) You want to play with them; B) He is "cheating" and you feel that you need to protect her from pain.
    Already done that (refer to post #20 in this thread).

    I've never had any intentions of involving myself in their relationship...if you read the thread you'll see I found it an interesting scenario. The only reason I emailed him in the beginning was to basically find out if he had recognized me from our profile, which he had.

    If, when and what he tells my friend about his swinging activities is none of my business, as I have already stated. I was/am still curious if she knows and I will ask when I see him and have the opportunity.


    Teresa
    Ted and Teresa
    No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

  14. Back To Top | #39

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Quote Originally Posted by Edison Carter View Post
    Susan here-- Patience will reveal all things. The problem is that because you have questions your mind is running rampant and in overdrive. Their situation is none of your business unless dishonesty is going on. Dishonesty would be going on only if they had a dating relationship that was monogamous and he breached that. But it's not really your role to play investigator and in such a role you would be surprised at how often you would find your interpretation of the facts to be wrong.
    You're correct in that my mind is running rampant but...it's because I'm just damn curious. Their relationship and what does and doesn't go on in it is none of my business but...since he knows we are swingers I do feel I have the right to know if he has told my friend about us.

    As I previously stated...I don't necessarily want her to know but, it wouldn't be the end of the world either...a little heads up would be nice if she ever approaches me about it.


    Teresa
    Ted and Teresa
    No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

  15. Back To Top | #40

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Quote Originally Posted by MRSfun View Post
    Sooooo what's going on now Teresa

    I have to know
    I'll give an up-date as soon as I have the chance to speak with him privately...I did see him in the little local grocery store yesterday but, other than a "Hi, how are you doing", there was no opportunity for a more private discussion.


    Teresa
    Ted and Teresa
    No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

  16. Back To Top | #41

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    What is friendship all about anyway! We'd definitely have our friend over, and show them what we have seen. We would not expect any less from a friend of ours.

  17. Back To Top | #42
    Pinmonkey
    Guest Pinmonkey's Avatar

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Quote Originally Posted by TNT View Post
    I do agree with this, totally. But, darn it, aren't any of you the curious types? Wouldn't you really want to know what the deal was for nothing else than to appease your curiosity? You wouldn't do anything with the information but wouldn't you want to know?


    Teresa
    I'm sort of underhanded and sneaky, but couldn't you "accidently" find yourselves showing up at the same party they "happen" to be at? I mean some of these sites have party sign ups, so couldn't you watch for a party his profile has signed up to and go? Or maybe start to go to a club or integrate yourself into the same circles he run in?




    never mind me. You handled it way better than I would have. lol I guess I'm just passive-aggressive this way.

  18. Back To Top | #43

    Default Re: Would you say anything?

    Thought I'd give an up-date...

    I had the chance to talk privately with my friend's new boyfriend last night. He has not told her of his swinging interest and even though he still has an active profile, he is not actively seeking playmates. I told him I just wanted to be sure as I didn't want to say anything I shouldn't and that she didn't know that Ted and I were swingers either.

    When or if he ever tells her is up to him and a decision only he can make.


    Teresa
    Ted and Teresa
    No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

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