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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Question What is drama????

    It's the Mrs. I am having a hard concept with the no drama. I would think drama would be any negative conversations between/about the couple as a whole. I understand that having a fight about the activity when it's happening is drama. I get that walking out of a group pissed off, drama. Here is the issue. I have encounter a few women who decide to complain about their husbands prior relationships with other women or ex-wives. Just personal bullshit I could care less about. Does this also constitute drama in the lifestyle or are my expectations of what is exceptable conversation too high. Then again for some this is normal stuff. The mister and I really don't have ANY drama. Except who might be cooking dinner or taking the dogs out. I would really like some other opinions on the whole drama free issue.
    All you touch and all you see
    Is all your life will ever be

    Dark Side of the Moon

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: What is drama????

    It'll vary from person to person what they consider "tolerable" levels of drama in any given scenario. Sometimes it can be better described as conflict/drama ("conflama" is the term one gal used)

    I don't mind that someone is having issues with their work, finances, spouse, etc. However, if they start expecting me to supplement their income - bailing them out of financial hardships ("...I swear, I'll pay you back - I just need to borrow some money to pay for this right now") - stepping into the middle of their domestic disputes ("...you promised me you would stop swinging! ...you swore that y'all were only FRIENDS ...how you bring my child into the middle of your crap?!") - making me deal with a jealous partner / spouse - sneaking around 'cuz your partner doesn't know what you're doing, etc., etc., etc. A single incident of something like this is tolerable... however when it gets to the point where it seems like it happens over & over & over again and it becomes a "theme" in your life...

    All that, to me equals ... "TOO MUCH DRAMA"

    Minor things like complaining that your job is stressing you out, you got into a car accident, the kids are sick, etc., etc. - that's normal everyday life and as long as you're handling it ...I'll sympathize and be emotionally supportive. And that's "normal", in my views.
    Have some... you'll want some more an hour later

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: What is drama????

    Lifestyle drama is something that puts a negative spin on my lifestyle activities.

    Some of them can be avoided. Some hit you head on. I would rather avoid them. And, yes, I have caused some of the drama too Live and learn and maybe apologize
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: What is drama????

    If it makes you feel negative about them, it's probably drama. Here's a few recent threads that might help shed some light on the subject:

    http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...-mean-you.html

    http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...-drama-if.html

    http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...est-drama.html

    http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...ean-drama.html
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: What is drama????

    I don't do drama, if you need to be negative and hurtful or insulting to us then we don't need to see or be around you.

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: What is drama????

    My wife and I, too, have had a hard time determining what exactly the no drama issue is. We have pretty well determined that it is a bit more along the lines of making sure that there isn't going to be arguments arising in the presence of other couples. For example, if we were having drinks with another couple and started arguing about what she or I doesn't do for the other, or arguing about who did what wrong in our last encounter... that would be drama in our eyes. We also feel that it would be communicating issues we might have with the other couple. Not communicating something that someone was uncomfortable with, but rather letting it go, but having it come back up later in a big way would also be drama.
    Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
    ~Woody Allen

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: What is drama????

    Here's an example of drama that we chose to avoid, that has little to do with them arguing, although possibly to do with the possibility of it.

    I found a girl on SLS that I was highly attracted to (rare for this to happen for me from a picture). I emailed them and we shared a couple of messages back and forth and exchanged phone numbers for a phone call (another rarity for me).

    When I talked to this girl on the phone, each question I asked was met with a long drawn out story that I will summarize for you...

    So how did you two meet? Well, I was married to my ex-husband and waitressing at the waffle house and he was a cop who came in on his break and started hitting on me. I told him I was married and he said "well that's ok so am I".

    So how did you guys end up in ____ from ____ (they had moved quite a ways from their "home" recently)? Well, he had some trouble at work and it was all over the news. They tried to say he was messing with some girl at this strip club, but I didn't believe it. I don't watch the news but my sister told me that they showed this clip from the security cameras where he was fondling this girl. He ended up losing his job over it so we moved here..."


    We all have drama that occurs in our lives, but..
    1. Keep it to yourself. No one wants to know about your personal drama.
    2. If you talk to a couple and all you hear about is their drama, then it's pretty safe to assume they are going to bring drama to you as well.

    Needless to say, in the case above, I could not wait to get off the phone with this girl. We talked (well mostly she did) for about an hour and most of that time was spent with her answering those two questions.

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: What is drama????

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    When I talked to this girl on the phone, each question I asked was met with a long drawn out story that I will summarize for you...

    So how did you two meet? Well, I was married to my ex-husband and waitressing at the waffle house and he was a cop who came in on his break and started hitting on me. I told him I was married and he said "well that's ok so am I".
    Sounds like a country song.

    So how did you guys end up in ____ from ____ (they had moved quite a ways from their "home" recently)? Well, he had some trouble at work and it was all over the news. They tried to say he was messing with some girl at this strip club, but I didn't believe it. I don't watch the news but my sister told me that they showed this clip from the security cameras where he was fondling this girl. He ended up losing his job over it so we moved here..."
    Having to leave town, don't watch the news, didn't believe her husband would do something underhanded? Wow!

    I swear, some people don't have that internal censor that says 'shut the hell up!"

    It reminds me of a couple that we were all fired up about...til we got TMI. During dinner with another couple, they told us this cute little story about what happened one of the many times they broke up. Apparently the male started seeing another woman. Jealousy enveloped the woman (who, by the way, is quite proudly telling this story) so she seduces the new girlfriend and they start meeting for trysts, while male is none the wiser. After a while, male catches the girlfriends together and theatrics ensue. Now, after hearing this story, I'm not sure which horrifies me more...that this actually occurred, or that they're wanting to tell another couple about it. I spent the next half hour wondering how in the hell we were going to get out of this. Oh, and after dinner, they offered us some opium. Yeah, they were definitely some winners.

    Thinking back, it's really a wonder we didn't run crying and screaming from the lifestyle. We have certainly met our share of weirdos, especially at first.

    Pepper
    "Swinging is a lot like riding a Harley, ...for those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, no explanation is possible." --Mr. Alura

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: What is drama????

    Urban Dictionary: drama

    We like definition #4 best!

    As far as the lifestyle goes, #6 is the most suitable.
    "Doggie Style is Mandatory." -- from a Swing Lifestyle profile we came across!

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: What is drama????

    2inSandiego, That list is awesome....
    I particularly liked these in reference to swinging....

    And this part of #12
    Synonym for 'inability to maintain relationships.'
    #17
    A verbal STD, commonly distributed in high schools, but also found in colleges, workplaces, residential neighborhoods, and nursing homes.
    #25
    futurama said it all.
    "an attempt to impress the same sex"
    This one is probably pretty close to the truth when you think about it. The only possible reason why these people share these idiotic stories with you that you didn't need to know... is that they are in some way trying to impress you.

    #26
    the partaking of, or undertaking of bad decisions, and then dealing with them in bad ways, in bad circumstances in addition to other people exacerbating the problems who love hundreds of miles away
    #28
    Any event that causes voices to raise, or people to become either frustrated, angered, or confused.
    being accused of lying about your sexual history by your ex boyfriend whom you caught in bed with your sister but is now dating your best friend.

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: What is drama????

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    2inSandiego, That list is awesome....
    I particularly liked these in reference to swinging....
    This one is pretty good too:

    #13 - Drama is when people cause unnecessary hardships in others lives just for amusement... or because they are stupid and their personalities are seriously lacking.
    "Doggie Style is Mandatory." -- from a Swing Lifestyle profile we came across!

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: What is drama????

    Quote Originally Posted by 2insandiego4u View Post
    This one is pretty good too:

    #13 - Drama is when people cause unnecessary hardships in others lives just for amusement... or because they are stupid and their personalities are seriously lacking.


    This one is unfortunatley all too common in this day and age!
    All you touch and all you see
    Is all your life will ever be

    Dark Side of the Moon

  13. Back To Top | #13
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
    Blog Entries
    1
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    Couple. He posts, She reads

    Default Re: What is drama????

    I can't define "Drama".

    But, I know it when I see it.
    "Like Johnny and June"

  14. Back To Top | #14
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
    Blog Entries
    70
    Status
    Happily married to a wild woman
    SLS Handle
    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: What is drama????

    There is this one particular SLS profile that I have been checking frequently. A woman has apparently taken exclusive possession of the SLS account's password and has been lambasting her husband a different way every day in response to some perceived or actual offense. Don't know what it says about me but I have been absolutely fascinated. It does, in any case, represent a perfect example of "drama". I quote, "Husband is a giant pain in the boob! Anything you even seen in a porno (I) wife gave him! Not enough for him! I am not interested in meeting new people or any men or couples at this time." Earlier comments included, "I thought in 21 years you know someone. Gee Whiz." And, ". . . then he made it my fault then used me as bait to get what he wants." Juicy stuff.

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: What is drama????

    Quote Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew View Post
    It reminds me of a couple that we were all fired up about...til we got TMI. During dinner with another couple, they told us this cute little story about what happened one of the many times they broke up. Apparently the male started seeing another woman. Jealousy enveloped the woman (who, by the way, is quite proudly telling this story) so she seduces the new girlfriend and they start meeting for trysts, while male is none the wiser. After a while, male catches the girlfriends together and theatrics ensue. Now, after hearing this story, I'm not sure which horrifies me more...that this actually occurred, or that they're wanting to tell another couple about it. I spent the next half hour wondering how in the hell we were going to get out of this. Oh, and after dinner, they offered us some opium. Yeah, they were definitely some winners.

    Thinking back, it's really a wonder we didn't run crying and screaming from the lifestyle. We have certainly met our share of weirdos, especially at first.

    Pepper
    Wow.... That's just crazy, why tell that to ANYBODY? Amazing... Thanks for the laugh!

    T

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: What is drama????

    Our personal definition of No Drama.. would have to be the TRAIN WRECK FOLK

    y'know the type, they SEEM great.. until you actually TALK to them..

    A recent example, similar to Julie's.. a couple new to the area here.. Moved 4000 miles to get here..

    When they have the inital conversation, proceeded to bitch about the trip.. then as they suddenly realised this wasnt a "selling point" for them, & switched gears briefly..

    BUT WAIT there's MORE!

    As we explain how IF we all agree to MEET.. now I said MEET.. They said they could, on a afternoon... OK.. not a big warning sign..

    BUT THEN.. this person goes on to explain that.. They have 6 Kids, and don't really like to leave them alone.. SO.. they would have the KIDS camp out in the FAMILY ROOM, and while two go to their Bedroom to PLAY while the other two hang out watch TV, and wait their TURNS.....

    OH NO!!

    " In the event of a PLANE CRASH....."
    Reality Checks written Upon Request

  17. Back To Top | #17
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
    Blog Entries
    70
    Status
    Happily married to a wild woman
    SLS Handle
    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: What is drama????

    It must be drama month at SLS. I found another.

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    "[Name changed to protect the identity] OUT OF THE PICTURE BECAUSE HE CANT HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO,YOU CAN LIE AND SAY YOUR SINGLE AND LIVE,EAT, ANDSLEEP AND BE WITH ME.HE SAID HE WOULD TELL ME IF HE SWING WITH ANYONE BUT HE DIDNT.HE TRYED TO KEEP IT FROM ME .I READ THE PONE TEST AND SAW THE PHONE NUMBER.SO HE WAS TAKING TO THE GROVE WITH WHAT HE WAS WEARING AND LET OUT.HE HAS NO VAN ITS MINE EVERYTHING HE HAS WA MINE OR I BOTH FOR HIM.I GAVE HIM BACK WHAT HE CAN TO ME IN NOT A THING.HE WOULDNT WORK FOR A LONG TIME LAYED IN HIS ASS. I HAD TO KEEP HIM. SO I HAD A BURNING PARTY ALL I BOTH GOT FOR HIM GOT BURNED UP UN MY FIRE.THANK YOU FOR WAKING ME UP HOW HE REALLY IS."

    The rant and rave actually goes on for a few pages more. At the bottom of the profile is a note saying that she is looking for a new boyfriend. I hope the guy she finds wears only clothing made from Kevlar.

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default Re: What is drama????

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    It must be drama month at SLS. I found another.

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    "[Name changed to protect the identity] OUT OF THE PICTURE BECAUSE HE CANT HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO,YOU CAN LIE AND SAY YOUR SINGLE AND LIVE,EAT, ANDSLEEP AND BE WITH ME.HE SAID HE WOULD TELL ME IF HE SWING WITH ANYONE BUT HE DIDNT.HE TRYED TO KEEP IT FROM ME .I READ THE PONE TEST AND SAW THE PHONE NUMBER.SO HE WAS TAKING TO THE GROVE WITH WHAT HE WAS WEARING AND LET OUT.HE HAS NO VAN ITS MINE EVERYTHING HE HAS WA MINE OR I BOTH FOR HIM.I GAVE HIM BACK WHAT HE CAN TO ME IN NOT A THING.HE WOULDNT WORK FOR A LONG TIME LAYED IN HIS ASS. I HAD TO KEEP HIM. SO I HAD A BURNING PARTY ALL I BOTH GOT FOR HIM GOT BURNED UP UN MY FIRE.THANK YOU FOR WAKING ME UP HOW HE REALLY IS."

    The rant and rave actually goes on for a few pages more. At the bottom of the profile is a note saying that she is looking for a new boyfriend. I hope the guy she finds wears only clothing made from Kevlar.
    This reminds me of a friend I worked with . After he told me why she burnt his stuff (and she really did ) I couldn't blame her . Its a shame, we really liked this couple but kept everything vanilla. We just didn't like what they would do to each other....... We still associate with them, individually....... but swinging is out of the question

    Were they an attractive couple ?

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default Re: What is drama????

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    It must be drama month at SLS. I found another.

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    "[Name changed to protect the identity] OUT OF THE PICTURE BECAUSE HE CANT HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO,YOU CAN LIE AND SAY YOUR SINGLE AND LIVE,EAT, ANDSLEEP AND BE WITH ME.HE SAID HE WOULD TELL ME IF HE SWING WITH ANYONE BUT HE DIDNT.HE TRYED TO KEEP IT FROM ME .I READ THE PONE TEST AND SAW THE PHONE NUMBER.SO HE WAS TAKING TO THE GROVE WITH WHAT HE WAS WEARING AND LET OUT.HE HAS NO VAN ITS MINE EVERYTHING HE HAS WA MINE OR I BOTH FOR HIM.I GAVE HIM BACK WHAT HE CAN TO ME IN NOT A THING.HE WOULDNT WORK FOR A LONG TIME LAYED IN HIS ASS. I HAD TO KEEP HIM. SO I HAD A BURNING PARTY ALL I BOTH GOT FOR HIM GOT BURNED UP UN MY FIRE.THANK YOU FOR WAKING ME UP HOW HE REALLY IS."

    The rant and rave actually goes on for a few pages more. At the bottom of the profile is a note saying that she is looking for a new boyfriend. I hope the guy she finds wears only clothing made from Kevlar.

    That was actually IN a profile? As if anyone is going to read all of that to get to the bottom and discover what she's looking for, let alone want to contact her... well I'm sure a few guys might.

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