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  1. Back To Top | #26

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    My opinion, after reading the original post and the all 3 of you are to blame for the evening!
    I don't think its necessary for blame on anyone. Mr. J didn't want anything more than our opinions about how to say good buy, basically. He shared their event with us, as good folks, who care enough to offer what we might do in the same circumstances. Hell, I would think we have all had sex with someone we might not want a second time around with. For what ever reasons. At least I know we have been there. And then again we could be wrong about the guy. Not likely, but we could.

    Thats how we go forward. Nothing happened that cant be dealt with in a positive way. I hope for the best also .

    First of all, we would have NEVER even gone through with the meet and greet knowing the female half of the "couple" was not going to show, and if HE showed up (like he did) without her, we would have cancelled right then and rescheduled when ALL could be there.
    I don't know , I could say that also, knowing what we know now. But we didn't know all about everything when we started. I know we were not only naive when we started, we trusted people..... A little to much perhaps. And lets not forget what our drive was in the beginning.... Sex..... It can be a powerful motive to take the next step.

    Our rule of thumb is this: if it's a couple we are meeting for the 1st time, the two women speak over the phone, plan on meeting for coffee or lunch or whatever, then if all goes well, we then plan a meet and greet for all parties involved and go from there. It works for us and so far, no mishaps!!
    You took the words write out of my mouth here. Except we have more rules now, than even that... We learned them.... embarrassingly, the hard way.

    I just have to say we had a couple dupe us as well once. I had a single female try to back door also. We have had our experiences we learned from all the way around. We learn as we go.

    I hope you have learned a lot from all the replys and what to do or not to do in the future. Just because you two are newbies doesn't mean you have to be "had" and you now know what to look for i.e. red flags!!
    Now I am in total agreement with you. Your speaking my language now

    Here's hoping your next encounter is everything you two want it to be and have fun
    That puts your heart in the write place to me

  2. Back To Top | #27

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    It's easy to let the fun of an experience carry you past your questions and allow you to ignore your internal alarms. It happens to all of us. The key is that you learn from it and that it has allowed you to move forward with some knowledge.

    It reminds me of our first soft-swap. There were issues but we walked away know more about what we don't want and knowing that we could move forward from there. It's when you let those bad situations get the best of you to the point that you don't move forward that you lose.

    And don't feel bad about the profile thing, we know you didn't mean anything malicious by posting it.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  3. Back To Top | #28

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    I don't think you were had, nor do I really think anyone can be blamed for anything. Personally, with the benefit of much more experience than you behind us, we wouldn't have agreed to hook up with this couple just based on their profile. That being said, we have found ourselves in similar positions as you.

    Frankly, I can't say just by what has transpired so far what you should do about him. While I suspect this is a guy cheating on his wife, you never know. What I would do, is I would tell him that you had a good time, and when they are ready to get together with you guys with his wife, let you know. I would emphasize that their will be no more meetings without his wife, under any circumstances. I would also make it clear that even then nothing may happen, because until you meet her in person, you do not yet know if you will click with his wife.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  4. Back To Top | #29

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Quote Originally Posted by good times View Post
    What I would do, is I would tell him that you had a good time, and when they are ready to get together with you guys with his wife, let you know. I would emphasize that their will be no more meetings without his wife, under any circumstances. I would also make it clear that even then nothing may happen, because until you meet her in person, you do not yet know if you will click with his wife.
    You're much nicer about it than I would be. I would probably call him up and tell him what great time my wife had, and how she can't stop talking about it even to her friends. I would tell him that one of them would like to join us at our next get together, and hopefully experience his "9 inch cock" up-close and in person. I would ask if he "would mind bringing his video camera?" so we could all have some memories of the wild evening we were planning!

    Then I would ask him to reserve a really posh hotel room in downtown San Francisco, and to plan to meet us there, and to spend the night. I would suggest one that costs at least $200-$250 per night, as "this other woman we're bringing is definitely high-bred, and won't stay in a cheap hotel." I would of course offer to split the cost with him 50/50, payable to him in cash when we got there.

    At our agreed upon meeting time, I'd call him at the hotel and make sure he'd checked in to the room. Then I'd explain that we were running a little late, and "would he mind having a couple bottles of Champaigne waiting on ice, so we can start the party as soon as we get there?"

    "Champaigne makes the girls giddy" I would explain. "Just leave it on the room tab, and we'll settle up later." I'd tell him we were "on our way," and would be there "in about 20 minutes."

    Then I wouldn't show up.

    I wouldn't even answer my phone for an hour or so - long enough for him to be charged for the room AND the Champaigne. When I did answer my phone, I'd say -

    "Sorry, the girls couldn't make it. They had to catch a plane to Beijing or something, so I went home. Enjoy your evening in fag-town with your hundred dollars worth of bubbly and your $250 turn-down mint, asshole!"

    Yea, payback is a mother-f*&^%r!

  5. Back To Top | #30
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
    Blog Entries
    Couple. He posts, She reads

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    NumbskullsX2: Remind me to never piss you off.
    Our hot playfriends live in Canada. You wouldn't know them.

  6. Back To Top | #31

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Quote Originally Posted by two4youinswva View Post
    NumbskullsX2: Remind me to never piss you off.
    Dave & Holly

  7. Back To Top | #32

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    I... mentioned it would have been more comfortable for me and my wife if I had a playmate too as I didn't want the two of us guys on my wife all the time. He kind of avoided a direct answer about bringing "Pat" or another of his 'swinging partners'
    Most of the responders haven't focused on this... sounds like you absolutely knew he was single, and knew he plays alone and as a "play-couple" with various partners? When he showed without a partner, if you had cut the meeting off, it would make sense. (For the majority of couples that would have been the end of it. He didn't bring his partner, and that would be that.)

    But you knew there was no one else with him, and yet you chose to invite him to your home for (soft?) sex. He doesn't get to come over unless you invite him. The kind of sex he was allowed to have was determined by you - and from what you write it sounds like he submitted to your limits willingly. Interesting you have characterized the situation as him working you. The only thing "working you" was when he showed without his date - in our opinion that was a deal breaker, but it was water under the bridge long before you invited him over to play. After you decided to warm up to the guy anyway, and ultimately invite him over for sex, it seems ironic you would out him here on SB and say he was working you.
    Tell the people you love how you feel, and do what your heart tells you.

  8. Back To Top | #33

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Check here and SLS for clubs near you.

    Enjoy the journey!
    Evel Knievel died of natural causes. Looks like I will too.

  9. Back To Top | #34

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?


    I guess we are just too naive and trusting for our own good. All the correspondence and conversations with this person up to the point of meeting were portrayed by him as a 'couple'... he and "Pat".

    Only after we met did he actually clarify that he was actually not married and had several swinging buddies... one of which was "Pat".

    You are correct on the fact that we should not have let it go any further. Trusting people we are and were easily led by this person. As JustAskJulie stated, we were also worked up prior to the meeting and still had a bit of that 'high' I guess.

    Looking back on all this and reading all the responses, I guess only we are to blame for letting things go as far as they did. No excuses.

    Trust us... it will NOT happen again. We learn from our mistakes.

    Yes, I was out of place to post this person's SLS on here. As I had previously... I apologize for that. That's another thing that will NOT happen again.



    We will be doing just that now that we have returned from our three day 5th Anniversary getaway.
    My opinion is just that... take it or leave it.

    Enjoy the "Now" nothing else exists.

  10. Back To Top | #35

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Quote Originally Posted by JustMrJ
    Trust us... it will NOT happen again. We learn from our mistakes.
    We've all been there. I feel for you.
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  11. Back To Top | #36

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    chicup had it right. If the plan was for the four of you, you should have known about the change before the dinner. We probably would have left before finishing the first drink.
    Homo sapiens are not meant to be monogamous

  12. Back To Top | #37

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?


    It happens to everybody sooner or later. In fact, I would even say that it happens to everybody every so often, no matter how long they've been doing this. We all meet somebody that turns out to be not what they say they are, but because of our positive initial impression, we go further with them than we should. Afterwords, we say "We'll never do THAT again!" but a few years later, we do.

    You enjoyed the experience while it was happening, you haven't contracted any vile diseases, and you'll have an interesting story to tell in the years to come. This was just a bump in the road, that's all.

    (I'd still try to lure his lyin' ass back into an expensive hotel room, but that's just me talking. It would give you another interesting story to tell, though)

  13. Back To Top | #38

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    One very good thing that came from this is you have found that you enjoy MFM threesomes. Follow your turn-ons, be in it for each other's fun, and make it all about your relationship with each other. Tricky part about playing is, of course, the same is true for your play partners. They have their own reasons and desires. The better you know and can relate your interests to potential playmates, the better time you will have.

    We tend to play with way more couples, but we like to play with singles, too. We certainly might have decided to do exactly as you did, and invite the guy over. (Especially since you liked him and were attracted.) The coming without his partner thing would almost certianly have put us off, but have to say we lean towards actually believing the guy's story - the odds of saying you are a couple but showing up stag, and still being invited to play, makes the idea a real loser.

    A single guy likely has no control and no way to know whether a particular female play partner will show or not. It seems plausible he found out she wasn't coming, but figured he may as well go stag and give it a shot. In fact, everything he told you could be entirely true. Best way we've found to cut to the chase is have the women chat on the phone before the meet. (Tends to clear everything up, and you'll get a lot less BS.)
    Tell the people you love how you feel, and do what your heart tells you.

  14. Back To Top | #39
    Being good is overrated sweet_tna's Avatar
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    The boss of Mr. Sweet
    SLS Handle

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Yeah, you've been had. It happens. You chose to play with the guy anyway, so it's not surprising (to me, anyway) that the guy tried pushing the envelope to see just what he could get away with. But the important thing is ya'll had a good time for the most part, and have learned more about what you want (and what you don't want).

    I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

  15. Back To Top | #40

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Mr.J , I know you are hoping for future good times ahead. And I know our good times far out number our bad adventures. If any thing I just have to wonder

    Would you and Mrs.J consider MFM play again if the good guy came along ?

    Ya know, our MFM playing came to light by means of serendipity. was totally against it when we started and then found out sometimes we do enjoy the playing with an extra male. Just curious

  16. Back To Top | #41
    Guest MrsVan's Avatar

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?

    Being new we all make mistakes and we learn from them. I think that you obviously have learned by this situation and there is no reason to state any different.

    MrVan and I had a couple that we have tried to hook up with on several occasions and had tried to do dinner with them one evening but the husband sent MrVan a text and said that the wife could not make it but wanted to know if it was okay if he came out and had drinks with us. We knew right there that something was up but just told him politely that we will just have to make it another night as we would prefer them both to be there.

    We then told this same couple that we would be at a local party and they were to be there, but we never did see them so again we leave suspicions that this is not a couple.

    I think for you, lesson learned is that if the male of the couple is the only one to show up, then it may be best just to end it there and say that you would prefer that you meet when the wife is available. It is always so hard to know whether or not the couple on the other end of emails or chats, are truely a couple or just a single playing you. Just be cautious!


  17. Back To Top | #42

    Default Re: Have we been 'had'?


    After talking it over with Mrs.J again, she said she would definitely consider MFM if there was a nice guy who was on the up and up and she and I both 'clicked' with.

    I have no problem as long as everyone is trying to please everyone and not just satisfy one player.


    Thank you for the information... We will both take it to heart.

    I believe we will be trying out a meet-and-greet party or a club soon, so there shouldn't be as much of a risk of a replay.

    Thank you all for your kind words and your brutal honesty.

    I remember a phrase that applies... "A true friend will tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you want to hear."

    So, again, thank you my friends. *HUGS*
    My opinion is just that... take it or leave it.

    Enjoy the "Now" nothing else exists.

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