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View Poll Results: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

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106. You may not vote on this poll
  • The woman has the final say on what goes and what does not.

    73 68.87%
  • It's the man who makes the essential decisions.

    3 2.83%
  • Neither the woman nor the man is the top decision maker.

    30 28.30%
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Results 26 to 47 of 47
  1. Back To Top | #26

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    We have talked about this again Michael, Mrs.fun has said before that I'm not very selective. Yes its our differences again because she is VERY selective. She can get a vibe easier than me about someones personality. I have found it best to listen and consider her thoughts.

    Now to some, that may make me sound like a male pig that chases every woman. But thats not the case, as we have talked about this before and again.

    I personally find women very interesting in other ways besides just the sex. Something about them that draws my interests. Who they are. Its almost like a mystery that I find interesting. I have a hard time seeing less attractiveness in women physically. I have found an interest in most women no matter what the size, shape, color or creed. And yes, even the so called (bitchy mood woman) could get my attention. She would be the one that I wouldn't take personally, but would consider what made her feel that way.

    Thats what would cause me to be less selective in the lifestyle. The actual sexual drive or chemistry is what I would have to feel at a closer range, to decide yes or no with playing.

    Now Mrs.fun, on the other hand, has a keener sense of judgment with possible playmates. Thats why we talk.

    I cant say that either of us would hold a higher power in our decisions. If she says no, I wouldn't try to convince her or change her mind. But she would consider my thoughts and what my feelings are. Sometimes when its a male playmate that she is unsure about, she would take my judgments into consideration on his character.

    If its the females that we play with, or she plays with. Yes, she would have a greater power of selectiveness in this area. Its not unfair to me by any means. Its my choice for this to be about HER not ME so much. Like I say though, at this point I have no regrets.

    This may seem to keep us out of the general consensus of who calls the shots, but its who we are.

  2. Back To Top | #27

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Final say? I really don't think I could force my husband into doing something he didn't want to do just because I'm the woman. I would think that either party in every couple has veto power.

  3. Back To Top | #28

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    I think it really depends on the couple. I think in the end it should go back to "move at the pace of the slower partner". Sometimes that is the woman sometimes it's the man. For us, we've agreed that if we aren't both ok with something or someone we won't do it/them. I think it's pretty much equal for us on who calls the shots - we call them together.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  4. Back To Top | #29
    Being good is overrated sweet_tna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Mr. Sweet has input, and I always respect his wishes. But most often, he defers to me.

    =)
    I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

  5. Back To Top | #30

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by LFM2 View Post
    It's kind of a toss up at our house. If he says no, it's no. If I say no, it's no. Most times, we're both on the same page and we decide together. It isn't always him or me. But it's not always us together, either. Dang -- Does that make sense?
    Makes perfect sense to me.

    I voted that we have equal say, and it's true. I used to think I was in charge, but I was wrong. LOL! I guess I didn't think I would be told "no" -- but we've been venturing in this thing long enough that I have heard the dreaded "n" word ... and please -- you guys know what I mean. I was told no.

    (I don't like being told no. THAT'S pretty womanly, don't ya think?!?)

  6. Back To Top | #31

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    We also are of the belief that we both have input into who we play with. I usually do most of the 'looking' for playmates, if he says 'let's set up a meet' then we do. If not, then I keep looking.

    However, maybe I am taking the OP/subject line in the thread too literally. As in 'Women basically run/rule the lifestyle'...I see quite a few folks that have that mentality. That it's all for the ladies and it doesn't matter what the guys want.
    Maria

  7. Back To Top | #32

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Sheryl definitely calls the shots regarding our lifestyle. Although Greg handles most of the communcations and makes most of the arrangements, every last detail must meet with Sheryl's approval. She's not afraid to use her veto power early and often.

  8. Back To Top | #33

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Of course, for any given couple, it could be either half. We definitely decide together, but in the "big picture" sense, women rule Swingdom. It's just a reality. How easy would it be for an average single woman to find a partner and participate in the lifestyle? How easy for an average single man? Strictly speaking, it takes two couples. Either half of either couple can make it not happen. (Of course there are other combinations, but they're not relevant to the OP's question.)

    Naturally, any in-love couple cares about what each other thinks, and choose partners accordingly. Even so, just look at the ratio between solo men, couples, and solo women on the swing sites. Guys with partners who like to swing are fortunate, to say the least, and do well to keep in mind what side the butter in on...

  9. Back To Top | #34

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    In general, women call the shots most often.

    With us, we're partners so we make decisions together. Sometimes I'll veto, sometimes he will. Sometimes I'll fight for a specific event/person/couple/activity, sometimes he will.

  10. Back To Top | #35
    Swingers Board Guide angelkin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Interesting that nobody has chosen that the man calls the shots! We prefer 50/50 in everything...so swinging isn't any different for us. Our approach is a lot like km34's ...veto power and persuasion
    There's time for sleep when you're dead.

  11. Back To Top | #36

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by angelkin View Post
    Interesting that nobody has chosen that the man calls the shots!
    Er, I just ruined that perfect record.

    I think it really is about strike zones. In this case, we both have very catholic tastes in the opposite sex, but he has higher standards for men than I have for women. He's also more protective of his time than I am and wants a strong attraction/connection, where I'm willing to give lukewarm attraction a go, because I've never had an interaction that I didn't find pleasurable on some level.

  12. Back To Top | #37

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    With us, any choices we make with swinging we make together. Bryan usually initiates contact with other couples first, but we both will talk with the other couple we meet, but as far as meeting and anything we do with other couples, we don't do anything without talking about it first with each other to make sure it's something that we both want to do. That way we're both on the same page and that one of us isn't doing it to make the other happy.

  13. Back To Top | #38

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    There's a distinction between who makes the decisions about playmates and who is on lead during play. Our experience: women have near-absolute veto power. Women call the "not" shots.

  14. Back To Top | #39
    Swingers Board Guide angelkin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fundamental Law View Post
    There's a distinction between who makes the decisions about playmates and who is on lead during play. Our experience: women have near-absolute veto power. Women call the "not" shots.
    Funny, we have nearly the opposite approach. I am in the lead, and while we both have absolute veto power he chooses to use it far more often than I do.
    There's time for sleep when you're dead.

  15. Back To Top | #40
    Sunny...For Your Pleasure sunbuckus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    We're both into swinging but I think I tend to move faster and I am more open to different experiences within the LS than Mr. Sun so he is the one in charge of the pace for us. If he's comfortable with how we swing, that's what we do. If not, we don't move forward. Thus, I usually let him "call the shots" in when to go out and what to do. I may suggest something or a specific couple at times but that's how it works currently. I do have veto power if I don't feel up to swinging a certain weekend but I usually go with the flow.
    You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Wait! Why would we want to attract more flies?!?

  16. Back To Top | #41

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    She definitely calls the shots with playmates and playing. I suppose I have veto power, but never had reason to use it because she has better judgement than me in those areas. She is way better with intuitive insights and I am happy to have her take the lead.

  17. Back To Top | #42

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by angelkin View Post
    Funny, we have nearly the opposite approach. I am in the lead, and while we both have absolute veto power he chooses to use it far more often than I do.
    I think the "no" vote comes down to the less involved member of the couple. I'm the lead in our swinging adventures. I make the connections. I make the introductions. I do all the leg work. This is something I asked her to help with lately because I think its far more approachable for women to do this than the men, but for now thats how we work. As such she gets the "no". In couples I've seen where the female takes the lead, its the male who fills that no vote role. It sort of makes sense and isn't really to deep. The one doing "all the work" already voted yes otherwise they wouldn't have done the work.

  18. Back To Top | #43

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Mrs. Cancuple makes all the decisions. It is what it is...

    And I'm perfectly OK with that!

    thumbs_up_smiley.gif.jpg
    Cheers,
    Cancuple XOXO

  19. Back To Top | #44
    Swingers Board Addict Tia Vampire's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    I have found that it is easier for women to find sex partners, but because the wife don't want to leave the husband without a chance to play, we move at the pace of the guy. So IMO, the guys have the last say.

  20. Back To Top | #45

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicup View Post
    I think the "no" vote comes down to the less involved member of the couple. I'm the lead in our swinging adventures. I make the connections. I make the introductions. I do all the leg work. This is something I asked her to help with lately because I think its far more approachable for women to do this than the men, but for now thats how we work. As such she gets the "no". In couples I've seen where the female takes the lead, its the male who fills that no vote role. It sort of makes sense and isn't really to deep. The one doing "all the work" already voted yes otherwise they wouldn't have done the work.
    I think I'll expound on this idea of mine a bit. The "lead" in swinging has already made a decision so to speak. It was made early on. So lets say I'm online, a couple mails us. If I think its a no, she never even sees it (unless there is something amusing to show her). If I think its ok, I've already had my "vote". Now she sees it and says no, she "vetoed" but that was the only possible outcome besides yes. The same may apply at a club or the like. You start talking to a couple, you think its a good match, then you bring your spouse to meet them. You already had your say, now its in their court. That is the veto.

    Now if my wife decided who we play with, and if she said yes it was a go without my say, then women would "call the shots", at least mine. It doesn't work that way though.

  21. Back To Top | #46

    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Prior to our break, we both took the lead to look for suitable playmates and we also both replied. To be honest it worked only for a short time. Out of the two of us, I am more of a conversationalist, so it was easier for me to make the introductions and do the leg work. Hubby was more interested in just looking at profiles etc. This time, we have decided that I will continue to do the scouting, make introductions with potentials and send the messages/flirts etc. And hubby will do the work of replying to suitable messages/flirts or disregard them. However in all cases, potentials will be shown to the other but anyone who isn't, will be politely declined.
    Freedom of expression is a luxury some will never know in their lifetime.

  22. Back To Top | #47

    Default Re: Women Rule the World

    Have to agree that the women is in charge when it comes to play........no if, ands, or buts. Or, at least that is the way it is with us and enjoy knowing the fact that Mrs Trophy calls he shots.

    From early on, we realized that for us, be comfortable with being with another couple was priority number one. For me, knowing that she is comfortable and in control makes the experienced all that more enjoyable for myself.

    Just our 2 cents.

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