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  1. Back To Top | #26

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    couplewanting50, I think you touched on something that actually happened to me at the last experience we had. I wasnt sure if the women was really desiring me. I didnt get a clear vibe at the party, so when we went back to the room, that stressed me out. hmmm, thanks for that suggestion!
    Thanks to goodtimes as well, lots of great advice!

  2. Back To Top | #27

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    Quote Originally Posted by funguy500
    couplewanting50, I think you touched on something that actually happened to me at the last experience we had. I wasn't sure if the women was really desiring me. I didn't get a clear vibe at the party, so when we went back to the room, that stressed me out. hmmm, thanks for that suggestion!

    Great. Non-verbal cues from the woman can make a huge difference. He desire for you can be quite arousing, or her indifference to you can shut you down. Only play with partners you know want you. Just like life.

  3. Back To Top | #28

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    another thing i just thought of was the last couple we played with we really never discussed any rules. The good experience we had we did discuss everything up front. So im sure that was a factor in the problem as well.

    Thanks to everyone! This is really helping me alot!

  4. Back To Top | #29
    rdy46227
    Guest rdy46227's Avatar

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    Quote Originally Posted by funguy500
    I dont think i have a problem trying these drugs but people have told me they dont help you get an erection, they help you maintain one. So if this is the case, wouldnt it do me no good? Sorry to beat this topic with a stick. I just want to be clear.
    1. YES, they do help. I can personally testify to the fact. While taking the drug does not cause an automatic erection (i.e. you don't get hard 22 minutes after taking the pill), if and when you desire an erection it WILL come if the medication is in your body to support it.

    2. All three (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) can be pill split. Keep the remaining part cool and dry. One of the vapor absorbing capsules/packets that come with some medicines (and other things than need to be kept dry) can be placed in an airtight container with the remainder.

    3. Viagra itself has 3 disadvantages:

    First, it last much shorter that the other drugs. Cialis is called the "weekend pill" because it can last 24-36 hours. Levitra is in the middle, 5-8 hours. While "Viagra" was the first and only for a long while, the later products have definite advantages.

    Second, the "blue vision" side effect common with Viagra is almost non-existent with the others.

    But more important, the slight "loss of vision" risk appears to be associated only with Viagra. The current thinking is that Viagra affects P6 as well as P5, and P6 is known to relate to vision loss. (All of the drugs affect the cascade chain, but each affects a different step, which makes a difference in what is left roaming around in the body.)

    Disclaimer: YMMV. I'm not professionally qualified in medicine or pharmacology. I do follow the literature, and I'm just trying to report on what I've read.

  5. Back To Top | #30
    rdy46227
    Guest rdy46227's Avatar

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    Regarding pill splitting, I might also add that Cialis 5 mg once a day has been approved in Europe. (Normal dose is 10-20mg.) This regime would leave a person ready for sex 24/7 without having to dig up a pill and wait!

    If your insurance will give you (8) 20mg tablets a month and you split them into 5mg pieces, then you are covered for 32 days...

  6. Back To Top | #31

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    My prescription is for 20mg pills. Would 5mg really do the trick? seems kind low.

  7. Back To Top | #32
    rdy46227
    Guest rdy46227's Avatar

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    Start cialis with 10 mg, i.e. 1/2 a tablet.

    Take it at least 2 hrs in advance. If you can't get it up at the start of the evening, wait a while and don't stress out about it. Try again an hour or two latter, and then try again after another wait.

    If you don't have any success, try again. If it's the next day, use the other 10 mg half. If the occasion is later on (like the next weekend) then use a full tablet (20 mg).

    Once you get a feel for how things work for you, try splitting in thirds, a dose of 5 - 7 mg depending on how good your splitting is. You can also decrease the wait time from 2 hrs down to maybe 40 minutes.

    (Personally, I like 5 mg Friday before I cut off work, with a second 5 mg Saturday afternoon. It's still going strong for Monday morning wake-up sex.)

    Do get a pill splitter, as the tablets are pear shaped. You need to be able to position the blade accurately and keep it on track as you cut the tablet.


    PS: There's another thread going on abut this. I apologize for not taking the discussion over there, thus contributing to the hijack of your thread.

  8. Back To Top | #33

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    Quote Originally Posted by funguy500
    One last plea though.. if anyone has any stories about overcoming this problem WITHOUT drugs, let me know
    Hey. Number one, know that you are NOT alone. There are few things you can try. Number one, I think relaxing and getting to know the woman would be really beneficial. Here are some tips we have heard of that helped others.
    1. Getting plenty of rest the night before play/napping earlier in the day.
    2. Keeping alcohol to a severe minimum.
    3. Spending time with the lady flirting so you can relax around her.
    4. Dancing with the lady. This is a good way to begin touching her body.
    5. Starting play with your own wife. Alot of people do this. It helps assure you that your wife is okay with things, is having fun too..this allows you to relax.
    6. Put on some porn. Always good for getting the juices flowing.
    7. Separate room play (if this is something you all agree to)

    8. HAVE FUN, HAVE FUN, HAVE FUN!!

    This is FUN. Don't apply MORE pressure. Just relax and have this attitude: Even if things don't work out you KNOW your wife is hot and sexy, sensual and erotic...so either way you win!!!!

    Best of luck to you, Shelly
    Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho
    Shelly

  9. Back To Top | #34

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    Quote Originally Posted by ShellyM
    Hey. Number one, know that you are NOT alone. There are few things you can try. Number one, I think relaxing and getting to know the woman would be really beneficial. Here are some tips we have heard of that helped others.
    1. Getting plenty of rest the night before play/napping earlier in the day.
    2. Keeping alcohol to a severe minimum.
    3. Spending time with the lady flirting so you can relax around her.
    4. Dancing with the lady. This is a good way to begin touching her body.
    5. Starting play with your own wife. Alot of people do this. It helps assure you that your wife is okay with things, is having fun too..this allows you to relax.
    6. Put on some porn. Always good for getting the juices flowing.
    7. Separate room play (if this is something you all agree to)

    8. HAVE FUN, HAVE FUN, HAVE FUN!!

    This is FUN. Don't apply MORE pressure. Just relax and have this attitude: Even if things don't work out you KNOW your wife is hot and sexy, sensual and erotic...so either way you win!!!!

    Best of luck to you, Shelly
    All very good stuff, and speaking in a number of ways to the general idea of time. Good post, Shelly. The more time you have, the more time you spend, relaxed time, with your new partner, the less rushed or pressured that you might feel.

    I have learned this through a number of experiences. Shelly talks about flirting and dancing and touching. All of that is very good and very important, supporting a natural arousal process. If you know that you won't be rushed, then all can be spontaneous. Erections will just emerge, if you get my meaning.

  10. Back To Top | #35

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    wow! I just thought i would follow up on my original post. I finally got a chance to try cialis after a swingers party this past weekend. WHOA..lol!
    You could tell a difference right away. First of all let me tell you the time table on everything:
    1)7pm at dinner I took 1 pill, 20mg cialis
    2) Arrived at the party at 8pm and had 1 beer and that was it the whole night. I took peoples advice and cut back the drinking
    3)got back to the room at 1am with a couple

    now, as soon as i got back to the room, i went in the bathroom to kinda freshin up and noticed something right away. Usually when I am about ready to do something like this, I get nervous and my cock gets really small..lol. Well, this time it was semi-hard and had a different feeling to it. Its hard to explain but it kinda had that feeling like if someone started to touch it once it would be ready to go.
    Well, it turned out if was! I had no problems at all and it was a great experience with the other couple. Now, with that being said, I would like to ask for some advice again from all the great people on this website. The cialis did get me one Major side effect. a BAD HEADACHE for about 24 hrs. It was bearable but still, very annoying. Is this anything I can do about this? Maybe cut the dosage back or maybe try another ED drug? I mean, for me its probably a confidence thing anyways and I might not need it anymore but Id like to keep my options open cause wow.. it got SOO HARD. it was awesome..lol
    So..can anyone offer me any advice on the headache issue?

  11. Back To Top | #36

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    Quote Originally Posted by funguy500 View Post
    wow! I just thought i would follow up on my original post. I finally got a chance to try cialis after a swingers party this past weekend. WHOA..lol!
    You could tell a difference right away. First of all let me tell you the time table on everything:
    1)7pm at dinner I took 1 pill, 20mg cialis
    2) Arrived at the party at 8pm and had 1 beer and that was it the whole night. I took peoples advice and cut back the drinking
    3)got back to the room at 1am with a couple

    now, as soon as i got back to the room, i went in the bathroom to kinda freshin up and noticed something right away. Usually when I am about ready to do something like this, I get nervous and my cock gets really small..lol. Well, this time it was semi-hard and had a different feeling to it. Its hard to explain but it kinda had that feeling like if someone started to touch it once it would be ready to go.
    Well, it turned out if was! I had no problems at all and it was a great experience with the other couple. Now, with that being said, I would like to ask for some advice again from all the great people on this website. The cialis did get me one Major side effect. a BAD HEADACHE for about 24 hrs. It was bearable but still, very annoying. Is this anything I can do about this? Maybe cut the dosage back or maybe try another ED drug? I mean, for me its probably a confidence thing anyways and I might not need it anymore but Id like to keep my options open cause wow.. it got SOO HARD. it was awesome..lol
    So..can anyone offer me any advice on the headache issue?
    Yes, less dose, less chance of headache. Also less benefit.

    My experience with Viagra and Cialis is that the more you use them the less side effects you have. Another thing you can do is to take ibuprofen at the same time you take the Cialis. That works very well, too.

    Also, if you want to try a reduced dose, don't buy them; get a pill splitter at your local drug store and cut them, or even just use a sharp knife. You will save money.

  12. Back To Top | #37

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    Original poster, any updates? I hope things are going well for you!
    Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho
    Shelly

  13. Back To Top | #38

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    hmm..less effect huh. Not sure I want that. I think the cialis really did its job, I just wanna cut down on the side effects. Maybe the Advil might not be a bad idea. Thanks for the Tip!
    Anyone have any experiences with viagra and its side effects? Maybe that might be something i should try instead?

  14. Back To Top | #39

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    Quote Originally Posted by funguy500 View Post
    hmm..less effect huh. Not sure I want that. I think the cialis really did its job, I just wanna cut down on the side effects. Maybe the Advil might not be a bad idea. Thanks for the Tip!
    Anyone have any experiences with viagra and its side effects? Maybe that might be something i should try instead?
    My experience with Viagra is that it has more punch; a more dramatic effect, somewhat quicker, though it does not last nearly as long, obviously. Initially, I got the blue vision thing with Viagra, but it subsided over time as I took it, and now it causes not blue vision. It, too, causes headaches. Once again, take ibuprofen when you take the pill and it seems to prevent that.

    Personally, even if I got a headache, I much preferred the enhanced performance of my cock and found it a trade-off I was quite willing to make.

    I can have erections without these drugs, but with them, they come more easily, are harder, and last longer. Better living enhanced sexuality through chemistry.

  15. Back To Top | #40

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    maybe I will try viagra, its cant hurt. one question,couplewanting50, If i take it at like say 8pm, will I be ready by1am without worry of it wearing off by then?

  16. Back To Top | #41

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    I've usually not had a problem, but early on I sometimes didn't get real hard with couples. With single guys in MFM I was always real hard. I think I had some apprehension about doing another female like it was cheating, even if my wife was right there. Maybe not cheating exactly, more like taking your focus away from your wife. That's just not a natural thing to do eh? You might try doing MFM or FMF (especially if she is bi) and see if you are are more comfortable with that.

  17. Back To Top | #42

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    Quote Originally Posted by funguy500 View Post
    maybe I will try viagra, its cant hurt. one question,couplewanting50, If i take it at like say 8pm, will I be ready by1am without worry of it wearing off by then?
    On an empty stomach, meaning no heavy food or big meal, it begins to work in 45 minutes to one hour. If you have had a big meal [which is does not fit well with sex anyway...] it could be more like two 90 minutes to two hours.

    It has greatest effect for about 2-3 hours, and then tapers, but for me still offers readily apparent effect even the next morning for wake-up play.

  18. Back To Top | #43

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    From my experience, due to 5+ years on blood pressure pills which have caused intermittent but annoying "power failures", I've used 2 of the 3 E.D. pills now on the market. Both have taken care of of any performance issues. Here's my review:

    1) Viagra kicks in in about 45 minutes, keeps me going like an 18 year-old for about 3 hrs afterward. I retain some enhancement for about 12 hours after first taking the pill. At home, I cut the 50mg pill in half to stretch out my supply. (I don't dare take the 100mg pill for fear that I'll be in the ER trying to get rid of a 6 hour long hard-on, ditto for taking 2 Viagra's to keep going more than 4 hours). I haven't noticed any less effectiveness using a half pill. I pop a Viagra when woody is not being cooperative and then use my oral skills to fill in the time it takes to kick in. :-)

    2) Cialis 20mg works great for 42-48 hours for me. Again, it makes me feel 18 again. I'll use it when I think the "fun" part of the party may not start right away and that it will last well into the early morning {and maybe beyond :-) } I usually take a Cialis an hour before going to the club so by the time I get there and get settled in, I'm raring to go all weekend :-)

    3) Someday, maybe I'll try Levitra and send you all a report.

    4) Yep, all of you are right; minimize the alcohol, it's nothing but trouble and don't eat for 4 hours before "partying". Both have a detrimental effect on Mr Woody, pills or no pills

    Meanwhile, does anyone on this forum know when Pfizer's patent on Viagra going to expire so half-priced generics can come onto the market ? I do pay full price for these pills at my local drugstore, despite being easily able to get them on mail-order because I don't trust what they would send me. I also do try to minimize the use of these pills, being afraid that I'll build-up a tolerance to them and they won't be as effective as the years go on.

  19. Back To Top | #44

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    We completely understand how you're feeling. In our first few swinging experiences My hubby had some performance anxiety. He was nervous and had drank a few drinks. He also didnt feel 100% comfortable with the couples at first. He tried Viagra and that helped a lot. Even though he was anxious if he was turned on he got hard.

    So i suggest three things.

    First no drinks. maybe one to help relax but no more then that.

    Second no playing unless you are 100% comfortable with the couple. Any inkling of unsureness can ruin the mood for you.

    Thirdly try some form of the blue pill. My hubby uses Viagra and it works great when he needs it. There are coupons online and free samples you can get so they arent quite so expensive. He has a small pill case on his key chain to carry it with him if he thinks he might need it.

    Also you might want to go to a few socials or parties even if you dont play just to help you feel less anxious

    good luck!

  20. Back To Top | #45

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    Ed here-- Mindset is everything. I have always felt having an attitude that I'm going to have fun and be playful is the best aphrodisiac and male enhancement drug I can take. If my head is wrapped up in too much else, I don't think I'd 'perform' as well.

    I've never seen anything make a woman more willing to have sex than smile and laughter. And believe me, when it comes to sex, Susan is very willing with me .
    So, there you go.

  21. Back To Top | #46

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    don't notmally revive threads, but i was wondering where one might obtain cialis if you don't have a regular GP. I am 29 but i don't have regular as I only go to a doctor when something is wrong. I know this may not be te best practice, but finding a doctor with an open practice in montreal is like searching for a needle in a haystack. Can a physician at the local clinic prescribe it for me, assuming i give him my medical background, not that it really consists of much. Thanks for all the info you guys are giving out. I have tried 2 times now, the 2nd being with an incredibly hot woman and i was still not able to sustain an erection for more than a minute or 2. The second a distraction came along, bye-bye birdy.

  22. Back To Top | #47

    Default Re: Performance Anxiety Ruining our fun :(

    With my wife I have no problem, we have a great sex life. I have used all three ED pills and they work great, when with my wife. As soon as we get with another couple I just have no luck getting it to stay hard. This is a huge problem for me. It has to be in my head and I dont know how to get it out. We have started to meet single guys and I dont seem to have a problem staying hard while we take care of my cant get enough, screaming, squirting and can cum over and over again all night long wife. Hope to figure out someday how not to go soft around other females.

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