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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default For the Ladies, PUSHY or FLIRTING

    PUSHY or FLIRTING...this is my issue I love to flirt and use touch,massaging or caressing as a sign of my approval
    I have seen in some of the threads and ads that people do not want pushy males.Please help me realize the difference between both or what is your interpretation of either.I would not like to push any women away that I feel I have a connection to.
    This is just my way of showing affection Any suggestions would be helpful. :surrender

    Mr S
    Stand Back Baby....I don't know how big it's going to get

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    In my opinion, pushy is when someone is trying to get us to do something we don't want to do, or someone who is doing things uninvited. It is kind of funny though, I have never had anyone we found desirable to be pushy, on the other hand, we have met a lot of people who we felt were pushy that we didn't find desirable. I think it is kind of like what someone once told me about sexual harassment in the work place. If the woman finds the guy making the sexual innuendo attractive it is flirting, if she doesn't find him attractive it is sexual harassment.

    My advice is, if the person you are flirting with seems receptive then it is all good, if not then move along. How to determine whether someone is receptive or not I can't really tell you. An interesting thing I have found out about myself since we started swinging is that I am naturally good at sensing someones mood toward me. Maybe that is what separates the people who are considered pushy from those that aren't, the ones that aren't can tell when their advances are being well received or not.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by 28volts
    PUSHY or FLIRTING...this is my issue I love to flirt and use touch,massaging or caressing as a sign of my approval

    This is just my way of showing affection Any suggestions would be helpful. :surrender

    Mr S
    Read the lady/couples body language. If she moves off, or either of the couple seems to disapprove, move back some. I would get a little "verbal" flirty feel before I just rushed up and started to touch someone I liked the look of. I certently(sp?) wouldn't mind a little heavier flirting, and it is a turn on for my husband to see me flirt/nibble/massage/do a little close dancing Where in GA are u by the way?

    The Mrs.

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    The word "massaging" made me flinch...and I'm not sure why...except that perhaps next to "flirting" it was such a sudden change. Flirting is goofy and fun. Massaging is intimate and sensual. Massaging may be a bit much for flirting...but that depends on who you're flirting with. Like caresses on the arm or back when flirting are more than acceptable, but once again, I don't know what kind of caressing you're talking about. If I'm talking with a guy who I'm considering, but haven't TOTALLY made up my mind, and he caressed my ass, I'd probably kick him.

    Pushy to me is not taking "no" for an answer. Or always bugging me. Example: I see you at the club, dance with you one night, the next time you and I are there you're all over me cause I saw you once before. Or not taking hints. If I'm not looking you in the eyes and listening intently, and you just keep talking and touching, chances are you're being pushy.

    I think I sound cranky tonight...and I'm not meaning to...but I hope you can see what I mean.

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    I've struggled with this as well although in fearing that I would come off as pushy or grabby I usually do nothing and have let potential opportunities slip away as it was interpreted as lack of interest on my part. I would rather error on the side of not being too assertive as that may at least give me a second chance someday where as if you come off as pushy you have shot yourself in the foot and your chances with that person are over.

    I think the fundamental difference between flirty and pushy is how the other person's level of attraction and interest to you is. If they are attracted to you and interested in you to begin with they may view your actions as flirty and of showing interest. Where as if they are not attracted to and interested in you to begin with your actions will be labeled, grabby, pushy, aggresive, mashing, pawing, pressuring etc etc. Your best bet is to establish some type of rapport to begin with and see if there is any interest on their part before you start to flirt.

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    I agree with what Good Times said. If I like the person, it probably wouldn't be too pushy, but if I don't like him then it would probably be too pushy very quickly.

    You just have to gauge how she is receptive to your flirting. Start off lightly with some verbal flirting, then a little touching and she how it goes.

    And like Ohash said, massaging, depending how you mean it, does seem like way more than flirting to me. I would hope you are only doing this after quite some time and with some sort of invitation or permission.

    ~SS
    What's love got to do with it?

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    I (Mrs. Randies') suggest a little slower than you sound like you want to go. We (women) don't usually like to talk to a man and just jump into it. We need to be comfortable before we keep going. Just because you are comfortable and ready doesn't mean that she is.

    Be ready to stop if she gives even the slightest sign of no. If she gives signs of no and you keep going and massaging then you have just crossed into pushy.
    good luck.

  8. Back To Top | #8
    Swingers Board Addict gatorvol64's Avatar
    Blog Entries
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    Default Re: For the Ladies

    I'm all for flirting and I'm a "touchy, feely" person myself. Because I know that about myself, and that not everyone is the same way, I try to be careful about this. Besides, there are people I've met that I don't want to touch and certainly don't want touching me. If I were you, I'd err on the side of caution until you knew for sure it was welcome.

    Now, I have to agree with others who have posted on the massage thing. A little touching or a light carress is one thing but, massage is a whole different game. I have to say that when I read that I shuddered (literally). Some things you have to think about and decide if you would or wouldn't like to happen. This is not one of them. If I had just met you and you tried a massage, you probably wouldn't appreciate my reaction at all. I can't tell you if it would be physical or verbal because it may depend on where we were but, I can guarantee it woudn't be pleasant. Nor would you ever be able to get close enough to me to try that again.

    Vol
    He is the Gator and she is the Vol.

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by curiouscouple4f
    Read the lady/couples body language. If she moves off, or either of the couple seems to disapprove, move back some. I would get a little "verbal" flirty feel before I just rushed up and started to touch someone I liked the look of. I certently(sp?) wouldn't mind a little heavier flirting, and it is a turn on for my husband to see me flirt/nibble/massage/do a little close dancing Where in GA are u by the way?

    The Mrs.
    I think some people don't give enough to go on or they just don't tell you,you get to the end of the night,you say goodbye and then you wonder if you might have been to pushy. Live close to Macon.

    Mr S
    Stand Back Baby....I don't know how big it's going to get

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by sexyshelby
    I agree with what Good Times said. If I like the person, it probably wouldn't be too pushy, but if I don't like him then it would probably be too pushy very quickly.

    You just have to gauge how she is receptive to your flirting. Start off lightly with some verbal flirting, then a little touching and she how it goes.

    And like Ohash said, massaging, depending how you mean it, does seem like way more than flirting to me. I would hope you are only doing this after quite some time and with some sort of invitation or permission.

    ~SS
    Yes sexy,I do go in progression..and the massaging does happen only if they allow,which answers my question on that one.I usually start with verbal then it increases to caressing,it's just like I said about some people not giving any signals,the nightends and you are left to wonder.

    Mr S
    Stand Back Baby....I don't know how big it's going to get

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    I'll give you an example. Both males in question are 1/2 of a couple we've played with before.

    Pushy: Greeting me with a kiss where he tries to force his tongue down my throat
    Flirty: Kissing me lightly on the lips while gently brushing his hand somewhere along my body

    Pushy: Coming up to me at various points in the evening trying to kiss me as outlined above or blatantly grabbing something
    Flirty: Walking by and gently kissing my ear

    Pushy: Rubbing up against me while I'm bent over for a shot during a pool game
    Flirty: Making eye contact with me and blowing me a kiss forcing me to lose said pool shot

    E
    Erika & Dino

    i like your body...i lke what it does, i like its hows...i like kissing this and that of you. -- e.e. cummings

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Mr 28 volts,

    At the first meeting.....do NOT assume that I want to fvck you just because we are there and in the lifestyle. I already assume (just as you do) that the prospect of fvcking is open. I will invite "your affection" because I want it, or like it. When I do....please knock yourself out showing "affection", but please respect that if I do not want an ear-full of your spit in my ear, and you continue...I might not like you. If you do....then I will consider THAT pushy.

    My advice.....take some time to ask/learn what your prospective partner likes and wants. Do not assume that James Bond did everything right in all of those damned movies! Do NOT assume that I like giving you head, if you do me in an obligatory fashion.

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by 28volts
    I think some people don't give enough to go on or they just don't tell you,you get to the end of the night,you say goodbye and then you wonder if you might have been to pushy. Live close to Macon.

    Mr S
    Believe me, my husband and I are very honest and I love to flirt alot....If i think you're being too pushy I say so, if not, you'll like the response We live in Savannah...

    The Mrs.

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by DGrey
    I'll give you an example. Both males in question are 1/2 of a couple we've played with before.

    Pushy: Greeting me with a kiss where he tries to force his tongue down my throat
    Flirty: Kissing me lightly on the lips while gently brushing his hand somewhere along my body

    Pushy: Coming up to me at various points in the evening trying to kiss me as outlined above or blatantly grabbing something
    Flirty: Walking by and gently kissing my ear

    Pushy: Rubbing up against me while I'm bent over for a shot during a pool game
    Flirty: Making eye contact with me and blowing me a kiss forcing me to lose said pool shot

    E

    Dito

    Especially like the ear idea.....

    The Mrs.

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by curiouscouple4f
    Dito

    Especially like the ear idea.....

    The Mrs.
    I'll make sure when we head that way I'll blow you a

    Mr S
    Stand Back Baby....I don't know how big it's going to get

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by 38and9
    Mr 28 volts,

    At the first meeting.....do NOT assume that I want to fvck you just because we are there and in the lifestyle. I already assume (just as you do) that the prospect of fvcking is open. I will invite "your affection" because I want it, or like it. When I do....please knock yourself out showing "affection", but please respect that if I do not want an ear-full of your spit in my ear, and you continue...I might not like you. If you do....then I will consider THAT pushy.

    My advice.....take some time to ask/learn what your prospective partner likes and wants. Do not assume that James Bond did everything right in all of those damned movies! Do NOT assume that I like giving you head, if you do me in an obligatory fashion.
    Ok..ok..ok..calm down.I never said anything about f***ing. I do not even place my tongue anywhere it is not invited. Let me say this again,I see how the evening is going and after good conversation I continue any further talk with flirting verbally on occasion and watch the response of the couple we are with.If the response is not negative then I proceed to make light physical contact..a slight caress on the arm,hand or back.This can go on,unless the woman tells me or shows a negative response.
    My question was,that if I follow this and the evening ends without a hint of anything,like some people are maybe being polite and say it was a nice evening, then I go home wondering if they considered me pushy.

    Mr S
    Stand Back Baby....I don't know how big it's going to get

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    This brings to mind the story of how I met my best friend in the lifestyle. I was out dancing myself silly, when the male half of a couple I cannot stand comes over and starts talking to me. He is nice enough fellow (it is actually her I dislike greatly) so I am polite to him as he doesn’t know a lot of people yet. Suddenly out of nowhere he grabs me, leans over and starts kissing my neck!!! I was furious but I didn’t really want to make a scene and planned to have a bouncer deal with him. I noticed the husband of a couple that I had chatted with from time to time and went over and put my arm around him and we stood there, with him as my protection. Creepy guy moved away.

    So what can we get form this little story creepy guy completely over stepped his boundary. I was chatting politely to with him but I did not offer any kind of signal that I was attracted to him, wanted his attention or flirt with him in anyway. It is okay to flirt especially if you are getting a response, eye contact, smiles, light touches on the arm..etc. But don’t go all grabby grabby.

    The other man who was my ‘protector’ did nothing more than allow me to put my arm around him, he put his arm around my waste and talked to me. Nothing aggressive. Later on in the evening I met up with him again in our hotel room a ( we were sharing with another couple …we weren’t planning on staying the night and they were…too many details to get into) anyway, a bunch of us were chatting I sat on the bed, he slides over, offers to give me a neck rub. Sure….the important thing here is that he offered- did not assume I wanted anything, waited for permission.

    I ending up having an amazing time with him that night (his wife and my hubby had a good time too! ) I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that they had some experience in the lifestyle. He always asked for permission, waiting for some sign that I was interested in him before he made any sort of move.

    So I think that is the big thing, gauge your flirting by the reaction you are getting. If you engage a woman and she is smiling at you, giving eye contact and touches you (you know hand on arm stuff) then that is your signal to continue. If she seems disinterested, looking around the room, keeping space between you..etc… then that is a good sign that she is not interested and then move on. At that point if you continue it is going to go from flirty to pushy. Which is where Good Times comments come in, if you don’t find someone attractive and are not interested, your actions are not flirting, where they would be if they did have interest in you.

    My babble for the day…I’ll stop now.
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by 28volts
    I'll make sure when we head that way I'll blow you a

    Mr S
    Yup, let my hubby and I know, we'll take you to the night club here where most of us "locals" gather for fun and flirty good times... right back at ya ..

    The Mrs.

  19. Back To Top | #19
    Chimpin' Ain't Easy Spoomonkey's Avatar
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    Married Monkeys - will you be our vine?
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    Spoomonkey

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by good times
    My advice is, if the person you are flirting with seems receptive then it is all good, if not then move along.
    Well... Crap...

    That pretty much eliminates every situation I've ever found myself in

    Spoomonkey (the "move along" guy)
    "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

  20. Back To Top | #20

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by Spoomonkey
    Well... Crap...

    That pretty much eliminates every situation I've ever found myself in

    Spoomonkey (the "move along" guy)
    Oh please...a hot monkey like you...there isn't a woman around who would tell you to move along (unless of course we were telling you to move it along up here to Canada )
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by 28volts
    PUSHY or FLIRTING...this is my issue I love to flirt and use touch,massaging or caressing as a sign of my approval
    I have seen in some of the threads and ads that people do not want pushy males.Please help me realize the difference between both or what is your interpretation of either.I would not like to push any women away that I feel I have a connection to.
    This is just my way of showing affection Any suggestions would be helpful. :surrender

    Mr S
    This is interesting for me, I am somehow amazed from your post and the answers so far.

    I am not in the States, being Latin we're more open to physical contact. What you do hardly would be read around here as being pushy... moreover, it deppends on the context but even it may not be read as something sexual at all!

    So, I believe there are two topics here. One is how to tell appart being pushy from not being pushy, and it isn't easy.

    However, it seems to me there's something related with personal space and confort level. Even if you don't mean to be pushy or to imply something sexual, it seems to me the sort of physical contact you purpose could be easily read as an intrussion and as being pushy arond there. Am i wrong?

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Unfortunately, for me, the line between pushy and flirty (as you described) comes from one thing only and that's how comfortable I am with the person doing the "flirting". If I'm not comfortable with the guy (or girl) - say I just met them or maybe I didn't just meet them but I'm just not sexually interested in them - then I'm probably going to feel like those actions are pushy. If I'm comfortable with them enough to know their intentions (maybe I'm not interested but I like them as friends and I know they are just that way) then it wouldn't bother me.

  23. Back To Top | #23

    Default Re: For the Ladies

    Quote Originally Posted by EvilMJ
    Sure….the important thing here is that he offered- did not assume I wanted anything, waited for permission.

    He always asked for permission, waiting for some sign that I was interested in him before he made any sort of move.


    My babble for the day…I’ll stop now.
    Evil...I wouldn't call that babble at all! You said it VERY nicely!!

    IMHO, the key here is 'permission'......did you ask? Did you offer before proceeding? I know I prefer to be asked beforehand, so that if I WANT to say NO I have the option....but I may just as easily say YES! If I'm not asked first tho, it puts me on the defensive immediately....and WATCH OUT! It may also put Mr.NCCurious on the defensive too........

    If you've done the above tho, and still had a problem.....well, some people just aren't as good at communications as others........

    MsNCCurious

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