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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    ive recently bought toys and videos for me any my gf. i was wondering if seeing that and using the toys with 2 holes filled will get her interested in swinging?

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Not here.

    We saw a segment on the Lifestyle on 48 Hours, and Terry Gould was interviewed, about his Book, "The Lifestyle: The Erotic Rites of Swingers" (or something like that.)

    After seeing the segment, we went to Amazon.con, and ordered his book, as well as The Ethical Slut.

    We read them both together aloud, taking turns.

    We met our first couple.
    My wife kissed her first girl.

    We haven't looked back since.


    With respect to porn... I dunno... almost all the women I know don't enjoy porn the way guys, too. A lot of it is pretty anti-woman... especially the stuff that I see pop up when I'm surfing. I can't imagine a typical DP scene would open up a couple to the Lifestyle... but who knows!!!

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Porn and toys didn't have any effect on us becoming swingers. However, talking to each other about our fantasies did. We talked about a lot of other things too... how we would feel, what we would like to do, what we wanted in other people to swing with... you get the idea. Then it became a matter of turning fantasy into reality... and it wasn't at all like we thought, but being on the same page as we went through the process made all the difference in the world.

    On another note... the Mrs. does like porn, gets her hot as a pistol, but she is very visual, more so than most other women we know. And she prefers a bit more of a story and porn with some build-up... not just straigtht to the action so to speak... but I digress.

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    I'd have to say yes to porn and no to toys. I was the one to bring swinging up to my husband. We were watching some porn with 2 girls and a guy and I was really turne one by it. So I shyly said "that looks like fun" and the rest is history. I had never thought about it before and was surprised I came up with the idea and even more surprised the mr agreed.

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    DH and I both love porn and that is likely how the fantasy/conversations started many years ago. Just a few months ago we were finally able to make the fantasty come true with a close female friend of mine who is bi. I love toys too but doubt that it had anything to do with it. Ok, maybe a little bit. 2 men at the same time is a HUGE fantasy of mine.

    We are now looking to broaden our horizens even further and hope to attend our first party soon.

    BTW, this is my first post.

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by scott17201
    ive recently bought toys and videos for me any my gf. i was wondering if seeing that and using the toys with 2 holes filled will get her interested in swinging?
    You never know, but I think the only thing that will do is make her really horny lol. Perhaps it will get you laid! Which, of course, is always a good thing. Swinging? Perhaps.
    Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho
    Shelly

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by scott17201
    ive recently bought toys and videos for me any my gf. i was wondering if seeing that and using the toys with 2 holes filled will get her interested in swinging?
    I would say no. Oh,.... and then there's NO.

    Swinging is much more about what the couple can do for each other, not what you can get HER to do. You need a pretty stable relationship first, and just getting her to watch porn and using toys has nothing to do with that. Read a bunch of posts, you'll learn some stuff

    Mrs LOL
    Somebody better go back and get a shitload of dimes!!!

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    I don't think porn or toys started us in swinging, but they both help with our play now! Our lifestyle started with open, honest conversation. The conversation started during sex - talking about our fantasies. I think the conversation that got us comfortable talking about our fantasies was the 'tell me about your past - I promise no jealousy or disregard - I'll just listen and then I'll tell you about my past'. We shared our first fuck, our first blow job (giving for me, receiving for him), our first voyeur experience, our first exhibitionist experience, our first one night stand, our first outside fuck, our first 'do it everywhere' night, etc. By the time we finished 'sharing' we were so hot we couldn't stand it. We had a great night of sex.

    The next time we wanted to try to recapture that experience - and we'd already shared all the 'firsts' we started admitting to all sorts of other experiences. One thing led to another and we started sharing fantasies!

    The rest is history!

    Sarah

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Count us in the NOPE category as well. Porn and toys are great and all, but that had NOTHING to do with us wanting to swing.
    Dave & Holly

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Unfortunately (from what I gather from your post), you have missed the most important step - communication. To get your girlfriend interested in swinging you have to find out where her head is on the subject. Have you talked about it at all to her to find out if she is receptive to the idea, or if she has any fantasies that she might want to explore. Porn and toys are great enhancers for your sex life and they are certainly a good first step AFTER having talking to her and confirming she is interested.

    Otherwise it is comparable to going out and spending money on power tools and do it yourself video's and hoping that will make her as interested as you are on residing the house.
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    scott,

    I guess the problem with your question is that you're not asking about porn and toys in general, but about a fantasy of you that (I am sure) is the main subject of the porn, and a way to use the toy as to bring this very fantasy closer to reality.

    So, disregarding the elements (porn, toys), IMO, you have a problem of method, and you're thinking of one that, deppending on your GF mindset, could lead her to leave you with the DVD stucked up your mouth and the toy stucked up your ass.

    Porn may be ok, but you have to dig in your GF fantasies (instead of yours) to pick the subject, or at least ask the tender of the movies women enjoy. The same happens with toys, you can give her a toy as a gift and let her get used to it alone (or ask you to participate in this process) before trying the DP stuff.

    In any case, if you take the right approach you may be surprised from the fantasies your GF may have on her own, after she tells you about them, and in any case, unless you find out you both share this fantasy, this would be something more close to a bargain, where both of you were eager to learn and share each other fantasies, while respecting each other limits.

    So the question shouldn't be about what, but about how.

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    we have talked about it. shes not ready for the thought of me with another girl. but my friend and i have talked about getting our girls together. he said his finance will do it. and my gf thinks she is cute and said with some drinks in her she might get with her. so i figured this could be a starting point.

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    I asked Mrs. WS and she said "No. It was fulfilling fantasies only other men and women in the same room could do. Toys are toys, DVD is DVD, flesh is flesh."

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Nope. Videos and toys is just another part of foreplay for us.
    Attitude is what makes a person truly beautiful. telly2

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Nope no influence at all
    Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. "Harvey Fierstein"

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by scott17201
    we have talked about it. shes not ready for the thought of me with another girl. but my friend and i have talked about getting our girls together. he said his finance will do it. and my gf thinks she is cute and said with some drinks in her she might get with her. so i figured this could be a starting point.
    Your girlfriend said she isn't ready but you are going to try to ply her with liquor because you and your buddy want to see the girls getting it on?? I think you guys need to realize that women are not toys that you can play with whenever you want just becuase you want to see two women having sex. Talk about insenstive and selfish.

    If you have to drink to swing then you are not ready. The person that you need to be talking to and making decisions with is your girlfriend and honestly she has already told you how she feels but you can't seem to get past that and are doing your best to push her into doing what YOU want to do. Swinging is about two people having fun - this needs Trust, communication, and respect. Stop plotting with your friend and start listening to what your girlfiriend has to say, becuase right now I would say none of your are ready to swing.
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    I agree with EvilMJ, except more encompassing, swinging is about more than two people having fun. If everyone in the room isn't on-board with it, then someone is being coerced or manipulated into doing it and they will feel bad about themselves after doing it, and resent you for coercing them into it when you, as their significant other, should've been watching out for their interests above your own. As a wise man once said, "Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." If it doesn't work for either of you, then is doesn't work for both of you.

    You need to really talk about this with your girlfriend. It sounds to me like this is more you and your friend's fanstasy than it is your girlfriends. If everybody isn't all for it than it will be a disaster.

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by scott17201
    we have talked about it. shes not ready for the thought of me with another girl. but my friend and i have talked about getting our girls together. he said his finance will do it. and my gf thinks she is cute and said with some drinks in her she might get with her. so i figured this could be a starting point.
    This is another subject that trips me out personally. I think to each his own, I'm just curious. I'm not judging, what a person does with the body is their own business. But I have seen this alot: the woman is willing to have sex with another woman, but not with another man...somehow, in her mind, this is not "cheating" on her husband...not that swinging is ever cheating at all. But, if she has sex with a woman and not another man, she is still being faithful in a way to her husband. I just simply can't understand this method of thinking lol.
    Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho
    Shelly

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by EvilMJ
    Unfortunately (from what I gather from your post), you have missed the most important step - communication.
    Very true. But porn can be useful in helping couples open up about their individual sexuality - which provides a good foundation for "the conversation about swinging". After that, porn has little value.

  20. Back To Top | #20

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by WesternSwing
    I agree with EvilMJ, except more encompassing, swinging is about more than two people having fun.
    Mr. WS
    It is?

    To answer the question, porn and toys didn't have anything to do with our decision to get into the lifestyle. It was a strip club on Christmas Eve. You can't make someone be interested in swinging. As the others have said, toys and videos can lead to a discussion about swinging, but just because someone thinks something's hot on-screen doesn't mean it will translate to real life.

    Pepper
    "Swinging is a lot like riding a Harley, ...for those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, no explanation is possible." --Mr. Alura

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by scott17201
    we have talked about it. shes not ready for the thought of me with another girl. but my friend and i have talked about getting our girls together. he said his finance will do it. and my gf thinks she is cute and said with some drinks in her she might get with her. so i figured this could be a starting point.
    Oh man, now let me ask you something. Do you really care about your GF and this relationship, or you're hanging out with this gal to have fun?

    In any case, allow me to simplify your problem. You and your buddy wants a foursome, want to watch two girls having sex, want to fulfill the DP fantasy? This is really easy: hire two hookers, fulfill your fantasies, and get over it.

    I know, in here this is an odd advice, no one here would suggest you to cheat on your GF, but honestly, the damage you can do to her by cheating to fulfill a fantasy she isn't up to fulfill would be nothing compared to the damage you'd make if you coherce her with alcohol into doing something she will regret later on (and possibly for the rest of her life).

    Man, you're playing with a loaded gun here, aimed to your GF head, what you plan to do could be seen, and felt by your GF, as a rape (and if she feels so, it WILL be a rape, even if she were the one telling you, hypoteticaly, that alcohol could be a way to ease her a bit).

    So, the next question is, what sort of advice you're asking for here? Because no one here will help you rape your GF.

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Sereneiders.

    Being on a high horse means a potentially long drop to the ground.

    According to Scott, it was his GF that suggested she'd like to play under the influence of a few drinks, not him. He didn't suggest anything like a "date-rape" scenario as you appear to have read it.

    Our guess is that many (not all, but many) would not take that "final step" into swinging without a little alcoholic lubrication or other inhibition subduing circumstance.

    They appear to be talking, is all.

  23. Back To Top | #23

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by 2jersey
    Very true. But porn can be useful in helping couples open up about their individual sexuality - which provides a good foundation for "the conversation about swinging". After that, porn has little value.
    Yes when you put it that way I agree with you. Very good point
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  24. Back To Top | #24

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by SuAndBud
    Sereneiders.

    Being on a high horse means a potentially long drop to the ground.

    According to Scott, it was his GF that suggested she'd like to play under the influence of a few drinks, not him. He didn't suggest anything like a "date-rape" scenario as you appear to have read it.

    Our guess is that many (not all, but many) would not take that "final step" into swinging without a little alcoholic lubrication or other inhibition subduing circumstance.

    They appear to be talking, is all.
    I pointed out I realize she was the one who "suggested" this, altough I'd like to know the actual conversation where this was suggested.

    In any case, the whole thing should be discussed with a cold heart and a sober mind, it should be planned and at least the limits imposed. She may ask to drink to ease herself a bit, and this is fine, for as long as she is confident about his knowledge of her limits and his willingness to stick to them.

    But notice Scott mentioned he discussed this scenario with his buddy, and didn't mention if he did the same with his GF, which is what really matters here. He's taking some comments from her, perhaps depriving them from the proper context, since she may have expressed a fantasy she want to preserve as a fantasy, and looking for a way to make these comments fit with the plans HE SAID he's discussing with his buddy.

    So far, this isn't a rape scenario, but there are hints telling us this could easily become a rape scenario. This means, once Scott read this, he will provide more information about his relationship with his GF and about her mindset, and what makes him believe she really want this to happen, or he will understand there's a lot of homework to do with his GF to ensure this won't become a rape scenario.

  25. Back To Top | #25

    Default Re: women: did porn and toys help u get into swinging?

    i think everyone here is taking this out of context. her and i have talked about this. she said she would probably do the girl thing with his gf but would have to have some drinks in her to loosen up before she did it. this is not something forced or anything like that. both girls i think would want some drinks to do it, theyve never done it before.

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