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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default Do you want to know who your potential partners have been with?

    I have a random weird question.

    Do any of you ever really really wonder who the other couples you hook up with have been with?

    We're meeting up with our first couple on Saturday and the "pool" of people that match what we want is fairly small...we've discussed this one couple we've all talked to, simply becuase the guy in it is super pushy, so we KNOW they haven't met them...but they may have met another one of the couples we're talking to.

    Do you talk about who you've met, or is that kind of taboo? I mean - what if we've all met all the same people and we ALL like each other and we can all go out together? (I'm not talking a gigantic orgy...I'm talking BBQs and hanging out). Does anyone do that?

    Are you ever jealous? Like - oh man - they hooked up with that one couple who wasn't interested in us.

    Just curious...

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    Let's ask it this way, do you WANT people talking about you? After you've had an encounter with a couple do you want them talking to other couples they know about you?

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    In general it's not nice to kiss and tell.
    The only exception I can think of to that rule would be if someone was just outrageously rude I tell everyone about that. If someone wouldn't take no for an answer or was abusive in some way. Other than that sort of thing we'll never kiss and tell.
    FATAL ERROR:
    WITTY LINE NOT FOUND
    (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail

  4. Back To Top | #4
    Chimpin' Ain't Easy Spoomonkey's Avatar
    Status
    Married Monkeys - will you be our vine?
    SLS Handle
    Spoomonkey

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    Quote Originally Posted by ohash01
    Are you ever jealous? Like - oh man - they hooked up with that one couple who wasn't interested in us.
    No. Chemistry being what it is, the fact that couple "A" is attracted to couple "B" but not to couple "US" doesn't really tell us a whole lot.

    As for talking about other couples to other couples - we don't do that.

    Spoomonkey
    "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    We never wonder who others have been with. It just doesn't matter. It's kind of like I really don't care who or how many men Mrs. WS had sex with before she met me. It's in the past, this is now, it doesn't matter.

    We feel talking about others is taboo and a huge turn-off for us to. A new couple we met once at a club was talking about some friends of ours (not knowing we know them) and the husband was telling me about how she liked it rough and he banged her ass... IT WAS A HUGE TURN-OFF. Needless to say they didn't make the house party lists from then on.

    Besides, the local swinging community is close knit enough that you pretty well know who's hooking-up with who if they've been in the lifestyle for long. It's pretty obvious when you are at a club and you see certain couples really hitting it off and leaving at the same time. What do I think if we've already been there? "Lucky folks, they're in for a great time!"

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    I have the same curiosity sometimes, but then I think about how it would feel if they asked us the same question. Out of respect for others' privacy, I wouldn't give out people's names. I might describe a situation we were in, or what was fun or why, but wouldn't be too specific.

    Mr. THEPINES

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    You do tend to run into the same circle of people, and it usually doesnt take too much investigating to figure out whos been with who, but I guess that is the nature of it all.


    I would say its always best not to kiss and tell, unless of course someone who's there "shouldn't" be....ie.....isnt one who can follow very basic rules, then hopefully people will speek up and they can be weeded out!


    Just a tought!

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    Only as far as STD's and that is taken care of by what we do and not what they have done in the past. If a couple we are on a date with suddenly starts revealing all about their past sexual conquests that is usually a sign the date is over. I don't want to be first on their list of kiss and tell on their next date.

    Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. "Harvey Fierstein"

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    Quote Originally Posted by ohash01
    Do any of you ever really really wonder who the other couples you hook up with have been with?
    Really really wonder? Or really really really wonder?

    Nope. I'm not that curious. Their sex life is theirs. Mine is mine.

    A lot of swing sites have certification features, where a couple can "validate" that another couple (or single) is real. There was a time I collected many certs and used the cert feature to see if we had contacts in common. But I've come to learn that certs can be faked and oftentimes contains misleading information. So I've stopped accepting and giving certs.

    Aside from that, many couples that I go with wish to keep their privacy, particularly due to my sexual orientation. I'm fine with that. Ask or don't ask, I won't tell and I don't ask as to put another in a tight spot.

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    To follow on to another poster...if a couple is a kiss and teller, then we do not play with them. The guy telling about his "conquests" and how someone else likes it...will send the Mrs running for cover. She put a stop to playing with a couple, when in a non swinging enviorement, he told people they play with about us...

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    We like our confidentiality and we respect others.

    There are some people we play with that others are going to know about just by the way we act towards each other at dances or parties, but otherwise we try to keep it to ourselves. It tends to be a smaller community of swingers here, so even though a lot of the times you do have an idea of who plays with who, you just tend not to talk about it.

    If someone starts to kiss and tell about the others couples that they have been with, we won't play with them. simple as that.
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    Thanks guys! So far that's what we've been doing...speaking generalizations about experiences with no names/faces/dates/times listed when a story example is necessary. I figure that's acceptable.

    I'm just one of those nervous people, I guess...I'm getting myself all worked up. It's reassuring to hear that people probably won't be talking about us after we meet up.

  13. Back To Top | #13
    Chimpin' Ain't Easy Spoomonkey's Avatar
    Status
    Married Monkeys - will you be our vine?
    SLS Handle
    Spoomonkey

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    Quote Originally Posted by ohash01
    So far that's what we've been doing...speaking generalizations about experiences with no names/faces/dates/times listed when a story example is necessary. I figure that's acceptable.
    Acceptable and unavoidable really. We've started a few stories with, "we once played with a couple who..."

    When you get into a conversation with a lifestyle couple, you are going to have experiences that have shaped you. You can't help refer to those. JUst keep doing what you are doing - generic stories are fine

    In fact, we will change details if we feel like something we say might give too much information (enough to make connections). Couples will turn into singles (we'll refer to the part of the couple who the story is about). Local clubs will turn into out of state clubs. Etc.

    Spoomonkey
    "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    I have a feeling that I don't want to know who our play friends have been with in all cases. Kinda like I don't want to know how chicken is really processed, or what hot dogs are really made of.

    To us, if we're going to relate an experience, we're not going to use names. Since most of the memorable stories involve people that live 1000 miles away (literally), we usually feel pretty ok to use first names. We just don't tell where they live. I think there are enough Daves, Mikes, Julies, and Nicoles in the world that it's pretty anonymous. Besides, we don't talk about the actual sexual experiences anyway. For example, I can't imagine talking about what someone likes or doesn't like.....

    If we're just talking about cool people, we have been known to ask whether they've met so-and-so because they're really cool. No other details follow, unless we're talking about something vanilla, like going to a concert or something.

    Pepper
    "Swinging is a lot like riding a Harley, ...for those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, no explanation is possible." --Mr. Alura

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    I pretty much agree with what the others have said but, in our case, we mostly play at on-premise clubs. The one thing about the clubs we play at is that it is usually pretty obvious who is playing with whom. We do have one die hard rule though, we never tell anyone else we played with someone unless the person we have played with specifically has told us they don't mind if we do. Even in that case we don't give details about the sex we had. Other than that our guidelines are about the same as Peppers above, if we are relating specific experiences we don't give names.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    Quote Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew
    ...if we're going to relate an experience, we're not going to use names.
    Dito
    Even without names, we don't bring up experiences often. If they are particually funny or examples of what not to do, and they just flow into the conversation (again, no names or give-away details), no big deal.


    Quote Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew
    If we're just talking about cool people, we have been known to ask whether they've met so-and-so because they're really cool. No other details follow, unless we're talking about something vanilla, like going to a concert or something.
    Dito

    As long as it's a non-sexual context we talk about our swinger friends like we would talk about our non-swinger friends...not often, but it's not avoided either.

    How about doing exactly what you indicated you wanted to- invite all of them over for a BBQ, pool party, games, night out, etc? ie. “We’re having some friends over for a BBQ this Sunday, wanna come over?” If you think it needs clarifying you can even add that it’s “family friendly” or “PG rated” or however else you want to term it.

    Have fun!
    ------------------------------------
    "Live your life like your ass is on fire"
    -Unknown

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    We don't make it a habit of "kissing and telling". But it seems that the swingers in our area seem to have "circles" of friends. There is this group of friends we know about in near-by New Orleans that seems to hang together. We are very tight on time and don't get out as much as most. We have been with a two or three couples from this group, usually at a local on-premise club. Well, out of the blue, we got emails from four of the couples we had not met in the same week!! After some investigating... , we found out that we were the topic of conversation at one of their gatherings. It seems that the cpls that knew us were bragging on us and the others were curious.
    Well, I telling you all this because I just wanted to say that being talked about is not always a bad thing. We have since met and become best friends with one of these cpls and enjoy all their company. We were kinda touched. Now don't get the wrong idea, it's not like being invited into a clique, this group is not that tight and most (not all) are very friendly people.
    I know I've rambled, but to answer the original question, we don't talk about others unless they are brought up and the other cpl knows them too. We always speak positive, unless we know (truthfully, not rumor) that there is a problem and we can spare someone a very bad experience.

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    We have been in situations where the subject has come up. You really hate to get into something like that because everybodies bell gets rung differently.

    Would it be okay to say that you were with someone and the spark just wasn't there? That's not really telling a lot of details but it tells them that you wouldn't be so good as a 6-some.

    Which leads to the other reason someone may ask about another couple. We've been with people who say we should meet some of their friends, or you'd really like so and so. I gotta tell you that where we are in the scheme of things we seem to feel comfortable just finding people on the sites we belong to and go with that usually.

    And we don't accept certs and don't give them.

    Male D
    "Just nod if you can hear me..."

    David Gilmour

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default Re: Other Partner's Partners

    Ditto to GoodTimes and Drew's posts. It's just not a good practice to get into sharing tooo much information. This is the lifestyle, I would like to think most people are going to be open enought to answer you directly should you have a specific question or concern.
    DoYaWannaAZ (aka formerly The Menage's)

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