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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Post Are we the only bi couple out there?

    Are we the only couple out there who gets tired of reading all the ads and they say "he's straight, she's bi (or bi curious, whatever)" We are are bi couple and really want to have experiences with other bi couples! We have learned by accident that there are other guys out there who want to have the oral/touching experience with other men, but didn't represent themselves that way. What is up with that? Why is it so much more acceptable for women to say they are bi than it is for men? Could it be because two women together are a common fantasy for a lot of men? Our idea of a perfect swinging experience is EVERYONE touching/sucking/etc. each other if they feel like it at the moment. Guess we're just a little frustrated that people can be so open and yet so closed at the same time. Has anyone else felt this way? If so, what did you do about it?

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Post

    This has come up before, I'm not sure where it would be archived, but it might still be around on the site.

    My theory is that basicly most women are bisexual, (many don't know it). So far in my life the theory has played out. This isn't to say all are, but I think for a woman its much more natural.

    Most women I know are turned off by bisexual males. Again this isn't a rule just a strong trend. Since swinging involves mostly married couples, you can see where openly bisexual men would have a problem.

    Some will argue that most men are also bisexual but 'homophobic'. Stating my personaly feelings on this, its far more basic then that. My mind tells me whats sexy and turns me on, and in my mind, the thought of sex with another man makes me feel ill, not aroused. My wife who would have said she was 100% straight back when we first met was never turned off by 2 women, discovered it turned her on a bit, and has slowly progressed into bisexuality. I would never do the same.

    I have seen a few adds with bisexual males, so they are out there. We dont' go to clubs, but from what I gather, bisexual men are not welcome. All I can say is good luck.

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Post

    Thanks for your insight. I guess I'm the exception rather than the norm when I comes to women then. My partner's bisexual tendencies don't turn me off at all. He is strictly oral and touching, and I find this extremely erotic. Seems a pity that men can't seem to enjoy the same thing women have been enjoying for some time.

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Post

    Yes, BUT we can pee standing up, so we have THAT going for us. [Tongue]

    Long joke short....

    And then god said, well he gets to pee standing up, I guess you get whats left....multiple orgasams.

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Post

    You aren't the only bisexual couple out there, but couples like us that are open about the male's bisexuality are pretty rare. We have discovered like you have that there are a lot of bisexual men out there that just don't admit it until they are actually sucking a dick or something.

    Even though we live in a very gay-friendly area, we have problems connecting with truly bisexual couples. The swinger community has a pretty entrenched culture that discourages men from exploring their own sexuality, and there is a lot of momentum preserving that. Swingers in general are unfortunately pretty socially conservative. They say that they are all about sexual exploration and fantasy fulfillment, but that's only if your fantasy is to nail as many women as possible.

    You will find that a lot of bisexual men "tone down" their bisexuality when meeting other couples, since being open about your sexuality is a perfect way to get rejected. You'll see a lot of ads for couples that say idiotic things like "she's very bisexual and loves both women and men... queers need not apply". That's why a lot of men that are curious will just say that they are straight until they see that they have a chance to explore in private without anybody knowing, and that's why a lot of men that know flat-out that they are bisexual will just not discuss it when they are around swingers.

    We have basically stopped trying with the swingers. Swinging is about straight men swapping wives and about essentially straight women crawling all over each other for entertainment value. As long as you remember that, you can have a lot of fun swinging. If you're looking for ways to explore your sexuality, you won't find it in swinging.
    i love everybody. you're next.

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Post

    You know, TeamSoBe, I think you're right. I'm learning more and more that if you truly want to explore your sexuality swinging might not be the place to do it. Curious though...isn't it? One would think that they could be themselves more in this venue than anywhere else...more and more I'm finding that this is not necessarily the case. Truly appreciate your comments.

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Post

    We came to the realization a couple of months ago that swingers are an unexpectedly conservative bunch. They are a pretty good cross-section of overall culture, homophobia and all. The only difference is that they have more sex. They are just as prudish about the sex that they have though.

    I mentioned my surprise at this realization a while back on this board and it wasn't really taken very well at all. I was admittedly referring to drugs at the time though, so the issue got a little distracted.

    I am starting to build a little wall around my sexuality when I'm around the swingers. I detach that part of myself and suppress it, and in general I don't discuss it with people in the swinger context. Once you really wrap your head around the idea that you are not welcome as yourself in the swinger community you'll be just fine. It's just like being in the closet at work except that you're naked and fucking.

    Getting stuck back in that goddamned closet when you're in the bedroom is a really strange feeling. Normally the people that you party naked with are the ones that you can actually open up to about your sexuality. Not so with swingers.

    The whole thing at least gives you some perspective on who your real friends are. The guy that you don't have a sexual relationship with but that you feel comfortable enough with to discuss your bisexuality, that's your friend. The guy that will fuck your wife and watch your wives lick each other in between making queer jokes isn't your friend.

    I wish that I had some recommendations on how to go about finding a truly bisexual couple to play with. Please let me know if you come up with anything. It gets really incredibly frustrating and irritating to repress yourself because you know that you will be shunned while the women are running around celebrating the fake bisexuality that they put on for entertainment value.

    Huh? What? Me, bitter? Hehe...

    Oh, and thanks to Julie for the pointers to the other threads.
    i love everybody. you're next.

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Post

    Most swingers seem to have bi women and straight men. Thats just the way it is. Straight women on this board have complained about how hard it can be to be a straight female in this lifestyle.

    You can't expect swingers to be any different then 'normal' people if they find male/male sex acts to be undesireable.

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Post

    That's not "just the way it is". It's the image that people feel compelled to portray.

    It's fashionable for women to be bisexual, so women in swinging like to say that they are. You'll see heated arguments elsewhere on this board about whether so-and-so is really a bisexual or just pretending to be in order to be fashionable.

    It's not fashionable for men to be bisexual, so men in swinging don't like to say that they are.

    Neither of these little cultural trends has much to do with peoples' real sexual orientation. Otherwise you wouldn't see women pretending to be bisexual who are clearly not and you wouldn't see men who claim to be straight running around sucking other men's dicks. Both of these things seem to be pretty common.

    Cultures change. A thousand years from now it might be the norm for men to be bisexual and women to be straight, many cultures in history have operated that way. I personally think that it won't be too many more decades before just about everybody has encounters with people of both genders during the course of 'normal' sexual exploration. Until that time, expect to hear from the occasional bitter and frustrated bisexual swinging male.
    i love everybody. you're next.

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Post

    Chicup said: "Most women I know are turned off by bisexual males." Perhaps they're being considerate to his fragile feelings? Jan and I have written numerous stories and some involve male/male explorations. Based on the feedback we've gotten I'd say that about as many women fantasize about seeing their guy with another guy as men fantasize about their wives with another woman. Now it just may be that more women are willing to try than men but there are a bunch of us guys willing too! And some women just aren't interested in women the same as some guys aren't interested in men. Jan sincerely isn't, but finds my interest in guys exciting. Mike
    58 years old and married for 34 of 'em.
    "Caged contentedly, yet still looking out beyond the bars."

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Post

    Based on the feedback we've gotten I'd say that about as many women fantasize about seeing their guy with another guy as men fantasize about their wives with another woman.
    If this were true I think you would see a lot more MM out there then you do. MM would be accepted in more clubs and you would see more then just a handful of bi men in swingers adds. Everyone thinks their sexual preferance is more normal then it is I think because of the people they hang out with. Every female I've known well enough to have these sort of conversations with are all turned off by male/male interaction.

    Reguardless of the reasons for it, it doesn't change the fact that in large bi males are not accepted in the general swingers community. So the point is basicly moot.

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Post

    Okay, essentially what I've learned here is that the swinger lifestyle really isn't much different from the non-swing lifestyle. Mostly people are conservative, and still bring their baggage to the table in spite of the fact that what they are doing would appear on the surface to be open. Now, that being said, don't take that to mean that we believe everyone should be bi. We don't expect everyone in the lifestyle to believe as we do anymore than we do our friends who aren't in the lifestyle. Our hope was that we wouldn't have to "go back into the closet" with our bi tendencies in the swing lifestyle. After all, that is something you can't discuss with your friends outside the lifestyle as a rule.
    Our basic beef is that we wish people were more up front in their profiles as to what they like/dislike. We just bet we're missing out on meeting some really nice folks because they are afraid to voice their true preferences, and we think that sucks.

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Post

    I'm not sure what you are upset about to be honnest.

    Is it that bi males who swing are reluctant to mention it?

    Or that a majority of people in swinging are not accepting of bi males?

    This isn't about gay bashing, homophobia or hang ups. Its about what people want to be part of and what turns them on. You could replace bisexual male with beastiality and I would feel the same level of attraction for the subject.

    This is really only an issue with clubs as it is. If there are other 'secret' bi males in swinging who are afraid to say so, I don't see why they wouldn't respond to an add.

  14. Back To Top | #14
    <DontBeAfraidofYourSex>
    Guest <DontBeAfraidofYourSex>'s Avatar

    Post

    Dear Gino,

    No!!! You're NOT the only bi couple out there. If swing party houses who have bisexual couples nights on occasion, it would be filled with many like-minded folks for sure.

    Problem is Swing party houses are owned and operated by middle-aged white suburban males who think if they as much as contemplate touching another guy's body they'll turn into an iffemminate hair-dresser or interior decorator 'er somethin'. Once women see thru this obvious inequity and revolt against the oppressive male swing party house owners, we'll witness a true revolution in swinging toward a brave new age when men who want to get in touch with their own sexuality, who are willing to be brave and courangeous and gentle enough to do so, to be themselves, can swing openly with either gender and enjoy their sexuality with whoever they want to regardless of what's between the legs of their mutually chosen play partners. In the end, BOTH men and women will benefit from the enpowerment and liberation enjoyed by these brave men. Bisexual brothers and sisters unite!!

    My advise to you: continue to be OPEN and HONEST, and especially communicative with all your friends who you feel comfortable enough to relate to about sexual matters. All my best sexual experiences were with people who started out as my friends. Seek out male and female friends. Demand that your corner adult video store stock good-quality bisexual videos. Invite your friends over, and if everybody's OK with it, enjoy watching bi porn together. (Besides, who can tell who's doing whom in any given porno video anyway!?!)

    Good hunting, play safe and enjoy!

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Post

    [quote[Dear Gino,

    If swing party houses who have bisexual couples nights on occasion, it would be filled with many like-minded folks for sure. [/quote]
    There are 1000's of gay bars out there. You would think if this was wanted by enough people there would be a lot of bisexual male friendly swingers clubs.

    Problem is Swing party houses are owned and operated by middle-aged white suburban males who think if they as much as contemplate touching another guy's body they'll turn into an iffemminate hair-dresser or interior decorator 'er somethin'.
    Or maybe they and their guests are just not into it? Not all men who are not interested in homosexual contact are homophobic.

    Once women see thru this obvious inequity and revolt against the oppressive male swing party house owners, we'll witness a true revolution in swinging toward a brave new age when men who want to get in touch with their own sexuality, who are willing to be brave and courangeous and gentle enough to do so, to be themselves, can swing openly with either gender and enjoy their sexuality with whoever they want to regardless of what's between the legs of their mutually chosen play partners.
    That is a very long sentance. It also implies that all it takes is some change in thought that would make everyone bi/gay/whatever. Swingers break a lot of societies concepts of morality, why do you think that they refrain from bi sexual male play out of some odd homophobic oppression? If they wanted male bisexuality it would happen, but they don't.

    In the end, BOTH men and women will benefit from the enpowerment and liberation enjoyed by these brave men. Bisexual brothers and sisters unite!!
    Again sounds like a bad political speech. Ich bein ien bisexual! Ok I'm not, but don't be overly dramatic.

    Demand that your corner adult video store stock good-quality bisexual videos.
    Blockbuster?

    Invite your friends over, and if everybody's OK with it, enjoy watching bi porn together. (Besides, who can tell who's doing whom in any given porno video anyway!?!)
    Helpfull hint, if you see body hair thats not on the top of the head, or sometimes pubic, its a male.

    Chicup

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Post

    Chicup: I had to go back and read the first post to make sure, but..., hey this is a nice young couple asking a question. Not someone just wanting to argue with you. You said: "MM would be accepted in more clubs and you would see more than just a handful of bi men in swingers adds." Even though I disagree with you on both if you'll read my previous post again I didn't say just in the swingers community. I was referring to society in this country. And, I do think that it's guys like you who put the restrictions on the crowd at swingers events. If I'm not mistaken even Julie (our cute host) mentioned once that she'd like to see her hubby..., well, you know! Don't want to shake your insecure world.
    58 years old and married for 34 of 'em.
    "Caged contentedly, yet still looking out beyond the bars."

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Post

    Don't want to shake your insecure world.
    This is the kind of BS that gets annoying. No one is insecure here, I and my wife do not enjoy watching men perform sex acts on other men, and we are in the majority of the swingers. If you read my first post there was no arguing just my perception. Its later posts that somehow claim people like me are repressed, homophobic, or somehow at fault for our basic biology that that pisses me off.

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Post

    Chicup, your posts in this thread are exactly what Geno and I have been complaining about. Your presence here is an affirmation of the sort of problem that we deal with.

    You are the one that is convinced that we are at fault for our basic biology, and that we shouldn't be surprised to be met with homophobia. That's like telling a black man "most people don't like black people, don't be surprised when you aren't welcome".

    Congratulations on successfully convincing your straight wife to have sex with women, by the way. You seem very proud to be able to call her "bisexual".
    i love everybody. you're next.

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Post

    To Chicup: Not upset really. Just dismayed that some people who feel that way aren't willing to say that. Any yes, we do get answers to our ads. Oh, and those are from people who post themselves as straight. Considering we're willing to put ourselves out there truthfully, I'm sure you'll understand why that makes me suspect. Pretty much interested in people who have the balls to do the same. I should probably also say that I started this whole thing because of my male partner--we were at no loss to find couples where the guys could watch the girls.
    And to Don't Be Afraid...thanks for your comments. I'm personally not interested in the house party scene. Mainly because I suspected what you said is true would be, and because I've heard it from others. I've actually had a friend thrown out of a party for something completely absurd (won't go into it) and she is a pretty tame person!
    Agree with your opinion to continue being open and honest. Always the best policy, regardless of how it is received. If you're not on the same page, why bother?

  20. Back To Top | #20

    Smile

    SPECIAL RESPONSE TO TEAMSOBE: Gosh darned we wish you lived here(or us there.)You are something else. For the record...it should be no surprise to you that we're not racists either Love your cojones.

    A & G.

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Post

    TO MIKE AND JAN: Thanks for realizing that we don't want to argue with anyone...we're just asking the question because we're relatively new to the lifestyle. Sure didn't want to offend anyone or start anything. We just wanted to hear from other people like us and wonder how they dealt with it. Frankly, anyone who's not into it really doesn't belong in the discussion. It's not a debate over right or wrong--rather a question of "if you're like us, how do you deal with it?"

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Post

    Originally posted by Chicup:
    My wife who would have said she was 100% straight back when we first met was never turned off by 2 women, discovered it turned her on a bit, and has slowly progressed into bisexuality. I would never do the same.

    Ash (hubby of Fiona)

  23. Back To Top | #23

    Post

    My husband has expressed to me that he's had some fantasies about having an encounter with another man. I've told him if that's what he wants to do, I don't have a problem with it. As of right now, he considers himself straight. I'd probably call him bi-curious. Since he hasn't had an encounter yet, he doesn't know if he'd like it or not. But I would hope that there are enough honest people out there who will admit to bisexuality that if he decides to make this fantasy come true, we can find someone to assist him.

    It's funny to me that this would be such an issue within the swinging community. I'd have thought swingers would be more open to new ideas. Guess not.

    Dragonslair

    He's T. I'm A.

  24. Back To Top | #24

    Post

    Chicup your comments confuse me... In the conversation with Quin about what does "BI" really mean you admit to being sucked on by a man and then in this coversation you state that two men together makes you ill. Maybe you should take a closer look at your own sexuality!

  25. Back To Top | #25

    Arrow

    Bring on the java as I am on my soapbox now. There will be an awful lot of I's in here, as it is strictly my opinion based on my experiences.

    First, Chicup...Why do you feel a compelling urge to post in a topic that you emphatically state repulses you? You would be better off if the urge strikes to hit the keys, to be graceful and say "I wish I had something to help here, but I don't. Hopefully some other members will be able to."

    Secondly to all those that posted with sincerity here, I'd like to offer my point of view.

    I think that society has too much of a double standard. I personally see nothing wrong with either sex having same sex consentual involvement. I also don't feel that swingers in general are more biased than non-swingers. AND, I find it highly erotic, MM or FF. No bias here!

    Certainly one would think that swingers would be more open to any facet of this lifestyle and more tolerant than non-swingers due to the fact that swinging is regarded, in itself, as unacceptable by the general population. (Case in point...vanDamms) About the only major difference I have seen between the two, is that one gets naked a little more often than the other.

    Personalities, ideals and beliefs are either shared or they conflict on both sides of the fence. There rarely seems to be an inbetween.

    Third...and back to the topic at hand. (Taking one step off the soap box)

    Several months ago we attended a private party in which we talked with quite a few singles and couples at length. An individual, which happened to be a divorced (but now engaged) single male, expressed pretty much the same frustrations as Geno. (I'll try to make a long story short here.)

    Why do men continue to refer to themselves as being straight when in actuality they are either curious or bi-sexual? For years he was never open about his own sexuality due to the reactions that he might receive from his peers. When he acknowledged his sexual desires (amongst the swinging community), it opened a lot of doors for him in meeting like minded people. Now he enjoys the best of both worlds with a drop dead, to die for future mate. (Hey, I am bi..hehe)

    Seems to me like honesty is the key here to meeting like minded people, swinging or non. Unfortuately the taboos of society tend to get in the way.

    Lori
    Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

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