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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    We are currently updating (tweaking) our online profile to better reflect our current lifestyle objectives. In the process, we have recently skimmed the profiles of a number of people in our geographic region, paying particular attention to one aspect of their profiles – the degree to which couples are seeking to meet other couples, as compared with their interest in meeting single females.

    Although unscientific – we have collected strong evidence that most couples (based on their stated profile objectives) are virtually indifferent as to whether they meet couples or single females. We, on the other hand, have a strong preference for couples play – and have been considering altering our profile to show that we have ‘zero’ interest in meeting single females (we are currently expressing minor interest in our profile).

    Mrs 2jersey is bisexual – and she has played with a female (to varying degrees) in each and every one of our swinging encounters. We certainly don’t want to open a ‘bisexual label’ debate – but we are especially intrigued by the fact that even couples with bi-curious females (and some with straight females) are expressing a strong interest in meeting single females.

    Our perspective: Put two couples in the same room (preferably on a king-sized bed) - and you can enjoy threesomes (FMF, MFM or FFM), interspersed with foursomes (MFMF) and female play (FF). During the FMF segments, one male simply takes a step back, catches his breath, and enjoys the view. This arrangement has flowed well for us in the past, and we don’t feel as though we are missing anything by not having a single female to satisfy our FF, FMF or FFM desires.

    Additionally, our general view is that married females are more attractive (from an overall perspective) than single females who have (for whatever reason) chosen to swing rather than engage in plain vanilla dating (of men and/or women). We don’t intend to offend or antagonize single females (or anyone) – our observation is very general rather than specific.

    Finally, we have heard that it is extremely difficult for couples to attract single females. We have received several messages from single females, but most of them seemed flakey, phony or immature. We went pretty far down the path with one young lady, but we determined, in the end, that this particular 22 year old female was too young for us. We had to think long and hard before reaching this conclusion – but after a few chats, we ultimately decided it was not the best thing for her (we may have erred on the side of empathy and paternalism).

    We are curious to hear the perspective of others on the board. Why do couples seem to have so much interest in threesomes involving single females – as opposed to couples’ activity in which all parties can be satisfied to a similar extent (and the females get some variety in their male activity)?

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    At the risk of raising the ire of some members who'll read here perspectives I've voiced on this board in other threads, but without the condescending posting of links for you to read them elsewhere... I'll be happy to give you some of my single fem perspectives on the questions you ask...
    Quote Originally Posted by 2jersey
    Although unscientific – we have collected strong evidence that most couples (based on their stated profile objectives) are virtually indifferent as to whether they meet couples or single females. We, on the other hand, have a strong preference for couples play – and have been considering altering our profile to show that we have ‘zero’ interest in meeting single females (we are currently expressing minor interest in our profile).
    It's been my view and my experience that many couples who post their equal desire for couples and single bi-fems are, more likely than not, fairly new to the lifestyle. I would venture to guess that most of them, would they put as much thought into it as you are and after a few experiences, would go back and change them to reflect a general desire for couples only.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2jersey
    Our perspective: Put two couples in the same room (preferably on a king-sized bed) - and you can enjoy threesomes (MFM or FFM), interspersed with foursomes (MFMF) and female play (FF). During the FMF segments, one male simply takes a step back, catches his breath, and enjoys the view. This arrangement has flowed well for us in the past, and we don’t feel as though we are missing anything by not having a single female to satisfy our FF, FMF or FFM desires.
    Agreed. And I'm sure many of the couples here will agree with you as well.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2jersey
    Additionally, our general view is that married females are more attractive (from an overall perspective) than single females who have (for whatever reason) chosen to swing rather than engage in plain vanilla dating (of men and/or women). We don’t intend to offend or antagonize single females (or anyone) – our observation is very general rather than specific.
    Again, I believe your general view is correct. Many, if not most, of the single women I have encountered in the lifestyle are bat-shit crazy, mentally imbalanced, have more luggage than Samsonite, or a combination of all three in varying degrees. There are, of course, exceptions to the rule... myself being one of them, naturally.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2jersey
    Finally, we have heard that it is extremely difficult for couples to attract single females.
    As a single female with a pretty well-rounded view of things (again, possibly an exception when it comes to single females in general)... I would counter that most couples just don't have the "stick-to-it-ive-ness" to go through all the steps necessary to woo a single female. When you come down to it, it's all macro-economics... laws of supply and demand.

    There's tons of couples and single males who desire single fems, not that many single fems. I get all manner of mail... probably 50-75 emails a week, even after one year. I can afford to be picky and I am. But the people who get the opportunities to actually meet up with me are the ones who are kind, polite, respectful and.... (here's the most important one)... politely persistent in expressing their desire to meet. I will never, never be the pushy single. If someone (or a couple) wishes to meet with me, then he or they will always extend the initial invitation. Period.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2jersey
    We have received several messages from single females, but most of them seemed flakey, phony or immature.
    No argument here. See above.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2jersey
    We are curious to hear the perspective of others on the board. Why do couples seem to have so much interest in threesomes involving single females – as opposed to couples’ activity in which all parties can be satisfied to a similar extent (and the females get some variety in their male activity)?
    My opinion, and my opinion only?... There's plenty of married men out there who would feel much more comfortable swinging if their wife never got to be with another man. However, the reality I've observed is that most couples who enter the lifestyle do so at the behest of the husband. But once they get out there and figure out they can't find a unicorn, they either leave altogether or the wife starts running the show and they go full swap.

    As always, just one single gal's perspective... YMMV.
    ~Dynamar

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    Quote Originally Posted by 2jersey
    We are curious to hear the perspective of others on the board. Why do couples seem to have so much interest in threesomes involving single females – as opposed to couples’ activity in which all parties can be satisfied to a similar extent (and the females get some variety in their male activity)?
    I'm ashamed to say our very first add was the standard couple looking for a single female. I know I know we were young and confused

    The reality of it was for me it was FAR less a threat, and the Mrs. was open to it, it was a having your cake and eating it too idea. Well you can guess how many responses we got, about 8, all from single males of course.

    I don't recall what got us looking for a couple (it was very soon after, we were both open to it, but it was an added level of scary) but we did and it all worked out fine

    We took single females off our profile some time ago, its not really what we are looking for from a social stand point and most seem pretty odd as you stated.

    Over the years I've seen the new couple looking for a single female as the stereotype for the insecure new swingers.

    Now Mrs. Chicup is only 'mildly' bi, its fun but only as a side note, so as such she would be willing to do an FMF with a single female as a new experiance, its not 'her thing'. Perhaps if she were more bi or bi furious as some of the women are we would be looking for that unicorn.

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    Quote Originally Posted by 2jersey
    Additionally, our general view is that married females are more attractive (from an overall perspective) than single females who have (for whatever reason) chosen to swing rather than engage in plain vanilla dating (of men and/or women). We don’t intend to offend or antagonize single females (or anyone) – our observation is very general rather than specific.
    I never really noticed that before, but you know I think you're right about that.
    i love everybody. you're next.

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dynamar
    My opinion, and my opinion only?... There's plenty of married men out there who would feel much more comfortable swinging if their wife never got to be with another man. However, the reality I've observed is that most couples who enter the lifestyle do so at the behest of the husband. But once they get out there and figure out they can't find a unicorn, they either leave altogether or the wife starts running the show and they go full swap.

    As always, just one single gal's perspective... YMMV.
    Mmm you are right about the first part, when we started I would have felt a lot more comfortable with a single female. Now I can't speak for all but for us I'm still running the show (or more like doing all the leg work) but we went full swap pretty fast and never seriously looked or courted a single female since our first add.

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicup
    Now I can't speak for all but for us I'm still running the show (or more like doing all the leg work) ...
    I see your point. In my experience, three out of four times the "leg work" is done by the female. So while what works for you, while not unheard of by any means, is not the majority that I have observed.
    ~Dynamar

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dynamar
    I see your point. In my experience, three out of four times the "leg work" is done by the female. So while what works for you, while not unheard of by any means, is not the majority that I have observed.
    Ugh those lucky men

    You know I think as a rule it does work out better with the women running the show. Part of the reason why I think swinging is 'run' by the women is because of the men. Actions many would fine unacceptable in a male are benificial to a female in swinging. Last time I was at a club I was lucky to make it past the dance floor without bruises since my ass was squeezed by random females so many times. Random men doing that to a woman would not be tolerated to the same degree(by the other men if not the women). So it seems the men become passive and the women preditory. So I'm more passive at the clubs, the problem is Mrs. Chicup is quite shy and worried about looking stupid so shes passive, and we look like that 'safe' couple which attracts couples who don't want to play but just go to the club to 'feel sexy'.

    This is actually something we are working on together, perhaps I should make a forum post on it instead of hijacking

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    We prefer couples over singles. We've had the pleasure of being with single females but prefer that more people be there because more can be done.

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    we have been lucky enough to have been with couples and single females and we have found for us couples are much more fun to play with NOT saying the singles werent but with a couple it come a since of being comfortable.. anyway just what we found we like more.
    Mrs. Lovn but Mr. Lovn agrees strongly

  10. Back To Top | #10
    Chimpin' Ain't Easy Spoomonkey's Avatar
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    Married Monkeys - will you be our vine?
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    Spoomonkey

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    We prefer couples - but when the right chemistry happens with singles (male or female) the encounters can be pretty incredible all the way around.

    In fact, we had a short "fling" with a single female and while Mrs Spoo is only selectively bi, that experience ranks up there on her list of all time favorite encounters. So - it really isn't the case of one of us being left out or not completely satisfied.

    We actively look for couples and have never actively looked for single females. Still those things tend to fall in our lap quite a bit - and it is always good stuff. We just kind of take what the swinging gods give us.

    I wouldn't say that threesomes are better than foursomes - I would say that you have to experience every moment for what it is.

    Spoomonkey
    "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    I think many couples want couples and single females rather than couples and single males, or couples, single females, and single males. You completely left out the single male aspect. I think this is the real question: why couples and single females and not couples and single males?

    I feel this has allot to do with insecurity on the part of the husband inviting another single male into the picture with his wife. There is not as much of a chance of his wife running off with a single female as a single male. Whether it's threatening or just an "if she's getting some so am I", I'm not sure, but I'll bet it's a little of both. I know in the beginning of our venture into swinging this was the case for me. Single males were threatening, married males were not, and jealousy was held at bay by the fact that I was getting some, too. Having been there and done that, it is not the case any longer and I laugh at myself for ever feeling that way.

    There are not allot of single females in the Lifestyle, either. I feel this has much to do with more single females looking for relationships then single guys. Most single guys just want to get laid, most single females are looking for a relationship of some kind. It's just biology at work. Women want to get some just as bad as men, it's just they have more at stake then men when it comes to sex, therefore biologically they are looking for something different. Men want to dump their sperm, women want to make sure the guy dumping his sperm will be there afterward to raise the child. It doesn't matter if there is birth control involved, it's only been around 30 years and humans have been on this rock for over seven million. You don't change seven million years of genetic survival instinct overnight.

    The Lifestyle does not support this for a single woman. Single women are putting allot of time and effort into someone else's relationship.

    This doesn't mean they're not out there, just that they're just not out there in the numbers that single guys are.

    Now to answer your first question. I've found MFM threesomes to be preferable to FMF threesomes, and foursomes are always good. I like getting some action also, but seeing Mrs. WS having a great time with another guy and I is just plain incredible. I really get something more out of that emotionally then I do a MFMF.

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    Quote Originally Posted by WesternSwing
    I think many couples want couples and single females rather than couples and single males, or couples, single females, and single males. You completely left out the single male aspect. I think this is the real question: why couples and single females and not couples and single males?
    I think you are correct in your reasons but the other issue not being talked about is the bi issue. Most FMF's are really FFM's (to use the code). A FMF with both women straight might be great for the guy, but I don't see there being much of the point for the female. So you have a bi-wife, you are new to swinging, you think single males are preditory, you want an FMF and not a MFM.

    This being said I do see a good number of couples who's first experiance was an MFM. The reasons I think for this are the same as you laid out, only from the womans stand point. An MFM is HER fantasy and she won't feel threatened by another female. MFM's are also 100* easier to get than a FMF, and 10* than a MFMF so there is that too.

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    We prefer couples because there is just more benefit for everyone. We can go FF, MFM, FMFM, and FMF all in one night. It’s just more stimulating for all the senses.

    There’s also the social aspect of hanging out with another couple that we enjoy. We can relate to them as individuals but also as a couple. The dynamics are just different and we prefer it.

    The only time we would choose a single is because they are “the fantasy” in terms of hotness (that wouldn’t get them in the bed but that’s what it takes to get them in the door). In eight months, we have had one MFM. The only single female I have seen that is “the fantasy” for me (or N), lives 1000+ miles away. There are just too many very nice and super hot couples to make us want to spend much 2 on 1 time with singles.

    Mr.
    ------------------------------------
    "Live your life like your ass is on fire"
    -Unknown

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    In our profile we state that we'd like to meet other men, women, and couples, and that seems to work out pretty well for us. For us the whole reason for swinging is for both of us to have fun.

    Sometimes (Hmmm....maybe most of the time) Lisa get's most of the attention. Sometimes I get the attention, and sometimes we both have pretty much equal fun.

    While it would certainly be fun to only meet single women, it would most likely limit our swinging adventurs to about 2 times a year.

    BTW, most of the "encounters" we have happen at an on premise club. It just really helps cut out all the "crap" of trying to meet someone from online. We really enjoy being able to just meet someone and KNOW they are for real, and are most likely there for the same reason as us.

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    We would love the opportunity to play with a single female ... the single female completely would satisfy the fantasy Mr. Fun has as well as me. At first, my fantasy was to explore another woman; his was to have two women pleasing each other and he, and he them. My desire wasn't to be with another man, really. So, I can see why folks look for just the single ... even with being with other couples, I'm *still* looking forward to finding a single female for us to enjoy ...

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    Quote Originally Posted by NandTfromCA
    We prefer couples because there is just more benefit for everyone. We can go FF, MFM, FMFM, and FMF all in one night. It’s just more stimulating for all the senses.

    There’s also the social aspect of hanging out with another couple that we enjoy. We can relate to them as individuals but also as a couple. The dynamics are just different and we prefer it.

    The only time we would choose a single is because they are “the fantasy” in terms of hotness (that wouldn’t get them in the bed but that’s what it takes to get them in the door). In eight months, we have had one MFM. The only single female I have seen that is “the fantasy” for me (or N), lives 1000+ miles away. There are just too many very nice and super hot couples to make us want to spend much 2 on 1 time with singles.

    Mr.
    Alot of good replies here. We're going to leave our profile as is, expressing some minor interest in single females. But, all things considered, meeting with couples seems to give us the best of all worlds.

    We are also starting to pay attention to the degree to which relative newbies are expressing a preference for single females. It seems that the veterans have gotten comfortable/happy with couples play (and/or they have gotten wise to the difficulties of getting a single female) , and their profiles reflect these facts.

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default Re: Are threesomes better than foursomes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dynamar
    ...There's tons of couples and single males who desire single fems, not that many single fems. I get all manner of mail... probably 50-75 emails a week, even after one year. I can afford to be picky and I am. But the people who get the opportunities to actually meet up with me are the ones who are kind, polite, respectful and.... (here's the most important one)... politely persistent in expressing their desire to meet. I will never, never be the pushy single. If someone (or a couple) wishes to meet with me, then he or they will always extend the initial invitation. Period.. .
    Good insight/advice. It is too easy to assume that the single female doesn't want to be pushed into anything. But it is now obvious that they (single females) also don't want to be regarded as pushy. No one needs to be pushed, but the couple should do some unambiguous coaxing.

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