my wife and i have been together for 12 years and have just recently started experimenting with swinging. i think it's worth mentioning that we are a soft swap only couple. after talking to and playing with a few other couples, we finally found one that we feel very comfortable with and have decided that we wanted to try to move forward with. so far, we've played with them on several occassions and have had an all around great time with them each time.
the last time we played however turned out rather bad for me. things started out well enough but when it came time for us to swap, i completely lost my erection and couldn't seem to get it back. i've always had a little trouble getting hard during group play but never like this. i tried my best to compensate by giving her plenty of oral (and i believe that she enjoyed it) but i could tell that she was a little dissappointed that i couldn't stay hard. i mentioned to her that i was having trouble and was getting a little frustrated but everyone assured me that it was ok and not to worry. just try to relax and have fun.
so i pressed on but the entire time i just felt horrible, like i wanted to crawl into a hole and die. every time i'd look over at my wife she and her partner would be doing some crazy, sexy stuff and i got a little jealous. finally we switched back and after some work i managed to regain my erection and was able to finish off with my wife. afterwards, we all chatted and everyone said that they had a wonderful time and were looking forward to our next session. i again mentioned my dissappointment and everyone told me that it was ok and that i shouldn't worry too much about it.
now after reading some of the posts in these forums it seems many men have had trouble rising to the occasion and it appears to be pretty normal. i can accept that. i believe that my problem on this particular evening was caused by too much happening too soon. usually, we'd engage in foreplay with our spouses before we did any switching and that would give me ample opportunity to get turned on and into the zone. on this night, we had minimal contact with our spouses and jumped into the swap pretty quickly. so, ok no big deal right?
well here's the problem i've having now. ever since that evening (which was about a week ago), i've been having SEVERE anxiety when it comes to sex. when i think about our last playdate i get a sick feeling in my stomach and i get really embarassed. i've tried having sex with my wife on two separate occasions since then and both times i've gotten this feeling of dread and immediately lost my erection. she understands what's happening and is supportive but it still makes me feel like shit. it even affects my masturbation. it takes lots of work to get an erection and even more work to climax.
so here's my question: has anyone else ever felt like this after a session and if so, how did you deal with it? i know that eventually i'll get out of this but i just need some help putting things in perspective. i want to continue swinging but not if every little "failure" is going to make me feel like this.