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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default swinging with a large body scar?

    We want to get back into swinging but I have gained a large body scar or 3 since we last played and know it isn't sexy at all. I cant change this so look for advice on what to do about it? Should I tell people up front or let them find out later? I hate hiding anything. Just not sure here....

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    This has come up in conversation with us before. For us it's no big deal. It's just part of the art of life. And after a bit you don't notice it anymore. My wife has had a couple of surgeries which left some scars. I would rather have the scars than not have her. She also has a tattoo which I don't notice anymore.

    I worked with a lady many years ago. She had some facial scarring from a bad surgery. I never asked her about it. Several weeks after working with her she asked why I didn't ask. Just told her when she was ready she would tell me about it. Again after a short period of time I didn't notice. Her personality was more important.
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    Scars are a part of life for many of us. Like others said, after a while you don't notice them. No sense in hiding it, in my opinion.

    ~SS
    What's love got to do with it?

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    thanks all but I worry about the first reaction of others. hate to scare off people that.... you know never mind that comment, if they cant look over or through that oh well...

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    I agree with all of the above SCARS ARE PART OF LIFE Some emotional some physical I wouldnt turn someone down because they had a scar on their body You will be just fine

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    Hi everyone. My wife had breast cancer 12 yrs. ago,and has a large mastectomy scar. Every time I see that scar, I'm reminded just how lucky I am that she's still with me. What I'm wondering is. Would this be a show stopper in the lifestyle? Would like any info you could send along. Please don't pull any punches, we're big kids. dinky.

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    I think we all have some sort of scare here or there. They are a part of you and something that is almost impossible to get rid of all the way. Anyone that would shy away just because of a scar is shallow and well personally not someone I am interested in getting to know. Dinkydow4us....be proud of something like that...She overcame something that could have ended her life! I would never say NO over something like that. Anyone that would freak out isnt anyone you would really want to hang out with.

    best of luck

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    This is an excellent thread, and the responses I've seen so far show the maturity and reasoning of many in the swinger community.

    Kudos to all of you for being real people, and not superficially focused on silly things like scars and stretch marks!

    There is beauty in all things, and the comment made about her mastectomy scar being a reminder of how lucky he is to still have her in his life is exactly what I'm talking about. Society/porn/magazines/etc all serve to deplete our ability to see true beauty in all things. People like us help to regenerate that ability to recognize differences and unique characteristics as a definition of beauty itself.

    To me, it is these differences that make us beautiful.

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    Thanks All. You have helped me realise that scares even large ones are lifes reminders of my favorite saying "live life to its fullest as you only have one to live".

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    Your so very welcome I am sure you will be just fine and IF some SOB looks at a scar and turns their head Well You didnt want them anyhow

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    I to have had surgery similar to dinkydow's wife and over the years scars have been left . Mine were benign but they have never been able to determine that for me with typical methods of mammograms and ultra sounds. For whatever reason they have only been sure of what I have after doing surgery and running tests on the tissues. This has left scars over the years for me and my first surgery started at 24 and I certainly have been around the block in those ten years since I began having surgery and a few more since that intial one. In all those years I have only had one to actually notice and make a comment on it and it was actually a person who has never seen them in person but was looking at one of the photos online that I have. So to say the least I was certainly not interested in anything else that was going to come out of their mouth and I certainly was not interested in meeting. Because like what the other posters stated I simply do not have time for people that stupid or shallow.

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    Fastporty,

    I think your main question was "do I tell people before hand?" I would say that if I was told up front it would not discurage me at all from getting together. If I wasn't told up front, or nothing was said when we met, then I think it would be uncomfortable just with not knowing how you feel about it or what to say ect....

    I think be open about it and things will go just fine. If your not, you might come across some insensative jerks that might end up hurting your feelings in the long run.

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    I think your main question was "do I tell people before hand?" I would say that if I was told up front it would not discurage me at all from getting together. If I wasn't told up front, or nothing was said when we met, then I think it would be uncomfortable just with not knowing how you feel about it or what to say ect....
    Some good advice.
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    This might seem a little weird -- Oh well -

    A while ago, while searching through google image search, I came across some pictures of a woman. The picture looked like she had been split from just under her arm pit, down below her rib cage and across to her naval (SP). The scar was indented and very noticable. She wasn't a "perfect" 10 by any means, but my what a sexy woman she was, Scar and all -

    Her smile and seeming confidence made all the difference.

    I hope this helps.
    Official Fan Club Member!!

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scare?

    Quote Originally Posted by cowboynlady
    Fastporty,

    I think your main question was "do I tell people before hand?" I would say that if I was told up front it would not discurage me at all from getting together. If I wasn't told up front, or nothing was said when we met, then I think it would be uncomfortable just with not knowing how you feel about it or what to say ect....

    I think be open about it and things will go just fine. If your not, you might come across some insensative jerks that might end up hurting your feelings in the long run.
    It wouldnt hurt my feelings but I can see my loving wife comming unglued and ripping them a new one.. Just wouldnt be good for a meeting of this type. So yes I'll try and say that up front without also scaring off people as it may seem like I'm totally mutuated or something. :rollseyes I've had heart bi-pass surgery so that's there and the three below that and then the removeal of the vein along the leg left 3 more scars..

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scar?

    As a wee lad, I was in a fire. My legs are scarred up pretty well. But no one actually notices it in the heat of the moment.

  17. Back To Top | #17
    Chimpin' Ain't Easy Spoomonkey's Avatar
    Status
    Married Monkeys - will you be our vine?
    SLS Handle
    Spoomonkey

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scar?

    I have a scar that I am completely paranoid about... It is above my neck - so I can't hide it and I feel like it is always "on display". In fact, it was that one body flaw alone that almost made me decide against swinging.

    But, the more social I became, the more obvious it was that the scar was not just "on my head" but mostly "in my head". No one noticed it - and if they did it was often long after we'd become friends... In fact, I've met quite a few folks from this board and I'd bet you a donut (and I don't do that lightly) that no one could tell you where it is...

    The bottom line is - we all obsess about what we consider our "imperfections". But it is often those very imperfections that make us interesting and to one person, at least, "perfect".

    I am absolutely awful about my self-esteem. I am convinced that I am the least attractive primate alive... But, then I realize some of the incredible women I have been with (not to mention my "10" - "arm candy" - "Runway gorgeous" Mrs Spoo, who liked me enough to "buy the company") and I have to think - maybe I'm not so bad.

    No one can alleviate your nervousness - but once you realize how much attention you get, you might just realize that it is more "in your head" as well

    Good luck!

    Spoomonkey
    "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Thumbs up Re: swinging with a large body scar?

    yall folk are good folk

    we can all be gorgeous together....

    our truest beauty as humans is shown in our
    differences in appearance

    it seems we on this board are not interested in hollywood templates

    perhaps, we should wear our scars as badges of honor and courage.

    and take pity on the folk who cannot discern our beauty!

    linda

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scar?

    Consider it body art like tattoos. It's you, people have to take you for all you are.

  20. Back To Top | #20

    Thumbs up Re: swinging with a large body scar?

    spirtitual aint we

    let thewm who ain't gottin it

    be some day ready

    blessed b life

    fer she always gifts a chance to do all we can be

    judge not

    fer we all been there

    fer sure

    walk as if you mean it

    fer in my experience this earth durely gonna force ya to ken all you do

    therefore

    shall we dance

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scar?

    My wife had a full tummy tuck and the line goes hip to hip corners and damn....it is so sexy. We all have a cut in our lifetime and some are bigger than others. It is only skin and scars can be sexy. If somebody is turned off by a scar then more than likely they have personal issues they can't cope with.

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scar?

    If you got this far in life without any scars... then you are either a clone, an alien, or have been in a box since you were born... in which case your company is not going to be all that interesting.

    Don't worry about it... we all have them and I don't think anyone is going to be bothered by it.

    Boris
    Sex is like air. It's really not that important unless you aren't getting any.

  23. Back To Top | #23

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scar?

    If it is that bad then you may want to bring it up in casual conversation. You know, that "one time at band camp" story of how you got it... Makes for good conversation and breaks the ice on it.

    We, and most everybody we know, look past stuff like that though. We like to think we are having sex with the whole person, not just one part, so stuff like scars are not a big deal.

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  24. Back To Top | #24

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scar?

    I know that myself personally I have a scar on my right forearm that runs almost wrist to elbow ( I had a fracture with major nerve damage that needed repairation as a child) and when I was a kid, cause it was still dark then, all the kids would make fun of it. As I've grown older and been around more mature people, 99% don't even notice unless I hold my arm a certain way or say something about it, even then they're more intrigued by the story behind it then the scar itself. I worry more about my stretch marks than the actual scar on my arm So I wouldn't worry about it, especially the heart surgery one, it just shows everyone how lucky your wife is that you're still around

    Take care

    ~Blade~
    It is with our passions, as it is with fire and water, they are good servants but bad masters.
    ~ Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC)

  25. Back To Top | #25

    Default Re: swinging with a large body scar?

    this is a really good thread. my girlfriend and i are meeting a couple for the first time this weekend. she is nervous because she has a large birthmark on one side of her face. the other couple has already seen our pictures and they contacted us first. so i try to comfort her with that. but she has some bigger body scars that she is nervous about too. one from a c-section and one on each breast from reduction surgery. im gonna show her this thread later on.
    good advice in here and ill put it to good use....

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