Hmmm, i was just reading all this and had to comment. I know i will probably get some flak for it, but i have to. I am a woman and i don't know how many others, man or woman has been in this situation but what i am seeing is wrong. I was married for 14 years to a man who did the same thing as your wife. He used to act like it was all my fault for him cheating. I dealt with his abuse for 14 years!! They never change. It took him taking me to bed, had sex with me and while laying there with me, tell me i have to learn to co-exist with his girlfriend that i called it quits. What this woman done is disrespectful and shows no emotion for your feels what so ever. I will never let someone drag me down again like that. NO ONE should ever let anyone do that to them. Her basically daring you to find a woman, as if in her mind you can't, was all it took for me to notice the sign of abuse. No one will have you except me type BS. If you think you have a chance, seek counciling and get out of this lifestyle. I also was molested as a child and i would never use that as an excuse for that type of BS. My ex didn't help with what he did to me either but i am happy now. I have been with a wonderful man for almost 3 years now. We will be married Nov. 25th. He has actually taught me to enjoy sex and to trust. ( He's teh one who got me into swinging )I would have never dreamed of swinging with my ex, because he cheated every chance he got and acted like i should be ok with it. My fiance' has taught me that a couple who love each other, can have sex with others, on the right terms and enjoy it. That it is sex and only sex.We never do it without each other. We love each other so we respect each others feelings. We have a great sex life and i love watching him with other women because i love and trust him. When someone loves you, they would do anything and everything to keep from hurting you. Your wife doesn't seem to care. I am gonna tell you something i told a friend of mine when her husband cheated and showed no signs of guilt or feelings for her being so upset. He looked at her, while she was crying and asking why?, then turned and left without even saying sorry. Sorry is a powerful word. I told her, it is over, move on and find someone who truely loves you. If he didn't even have the love in his heart for you to see you so emotionally broken and not try to comfort you or say sorry, it is done. You cannot truely say you love someone if you can stand there and see them heart broken and not try everything in your power to right it. I learned my lesson. I should have left my ex years before but i was young and stupid. Now i have a wonderful loving man who shows me everyday how much and never wastes a minute to comfort me and say sorry if i am upset about something. This one is for life.....I trust him with my life, heart and soul. Can you say the same? If not, you need to evaluate everything everyone has said and proceed with what is right for you. Good luck with everything and i hope you get things worked out.