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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default Is there really such a thing as safe sex?

    Hi Guys,

    Our first (non-introductory post).

    We have read many (yes.. many) swingers ads that say "Must Use Condoms" yet when you look at their pics many of them show group intercourse (or intercorse with the non SO) using NO condoms... which begs the question: Are people honest about all of this? Hmmmmm....

    Also, what about the ladies sharing toys with one another? I have NEVER seen any lady slap a rubber on a toy. Hmmmmm....

    Then the ladies also play with one another (in our situation) and then they often times touch themselves with their fingers after having their finger in their lady partner.... Hmmmm.....

    No condom or saran wrap and oral sex = STD potential.

    Oh.. and a question.... Have you ever heard of anyone contracting a STD through sharing lube? I mean your touching yourself or your partner and then the container and then.... well, you get the idea.

    I don't think that most in this lifestyle can actually have "safe sex" due to the prevelance lady on lady intercorse that takes place in most encounters. That is unless you bring lots of saran wrap and are willing to use it and wash up a lot in addittion to dicks being sucked with a condom in place. Just my opinion... not a doc or anything.

    Hugs,
    TexasBlondie

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    I can't answer for others, but we always use condoms with others. Period. Our ad says it, and that is the way it is.

    Toys haven't come into our play with other couples yet, so I can only say that right now the rule would be "no swapping toys".

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    We use condoms for inercourse(M/F) mostly for pregnancy risk...as for std protection..we dont beleive that so called safe sex is either...think about it..do you wanna suck on a condom?or lick a peice of rubber???i dont, i want the flesh thats what makes the sex sex....if std's are that much of a concern to you ...dont swap..stay with your own partner..because it aint gonna be much fun if you try to make it 100% safe....if we think a person is an std risk..we dont play..simple as that!

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    Quote Originally Posted by WesternSwing
    I can't answer for others, but we always use condoms with others. Period. Our ad says it, and that is the way it is.
    Toys haven't come into our play with other couples yet, so I can only say that right now the rule would be "no swapping toys".
    Mr. WS
    Dito That would be us as well. I think the lifestyle has some degree of risk. We do the best we can to minimize it but there is always some element of risk involved. If it becomes a big enough concern to where we couldn't enjoy ourselves I'd say we'd have to get out, but for now we are comfortable with it.

    Mrs Spoomonkey
    Love is friendship set aflame

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    We always use condoms for intercourse, although not for oral.

    Is the way we're willing to risk it, I have a strong dislike for the taste of latex, as do my wife...
    Stoutgatte: Plural form of the afrikaans slang for a very norti person...

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    Our profile says must use condoms, and we use condoms for intercourse, but not for oral. There is minimal risk with oral to get an STD, and that small risk is something that we take. I don't like the taste of condoms. And, so far, no one that we have played with has ever used condoms for oral either. There is no way to be 100% safe.
    Aimee
    __________________
    Want to come play? ;)

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Talking Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    To add to the topic. We use condoms for the STD not preg worries. But we don't use them for oral mustly because of the bacteria that can kill most STD's. But unless we are having intercourse, we limit the use of condoms, because Bridget is allergic to Latax, most likly from over exposure at work. But can handle a small amount of it. Just food for thought. Thats why we would love to see a good non-;atax condom on the market. Hey they make medical gloves latax free and have the same protection why not condoms. If they had let us know, becuase I not an expert on condoms.
    Thanks
    Daniel and Bridget

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    WOW !!!!

    I am so suprised to see so many replys in just one day.

    Anyways, we have been in the lifestyle for just over a year and have had a great time and we just came across this site. It seems to be a better forum for interaction and information than simple swinger "match maker" sites so hopefully we will be logging on fairly often.

    Anyway, nice to see a couple of you agree that there is basically no way to practice so called "safe sex" in this lifestyle, most especially with bi-females. That is not to say that condoms should not be used or that I am not in favor of their use.

    Also, I have found (as stated in my first post) that there seems to be a lot of hypocrisy in the lifestyle as many couples state in their ads that they require them but obviously don't with a simple look at their pics.

    By the way, no one commented on the transferability of STD through LUBE and precious little was mentioned re: toys and fingers.

    Hugs,
    TexasBlondie

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    I have no idea if STDs could be transferred by lube or fingers that have been playing, but you would think it COULD be possible. Every time that toys have been used that I've seen, the toy was used on one person only and they were cleaned before and after use. I have also read about using a condom on the toy, but haven't ever seen it done.
    Aimee
    __________________
    Want to come play? ;)

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    We haven't had many experiences, but I can't see the point in oral sex if I'm not getting wet tongue and I'm not giving wet head (and getting wet cum). Are we just being dumb about the risk of oral sex? I know there is a risk, but how great is it? I love the thought of giving men head and having them cum, though I haven't done it yet with men we didn't know well. I want to do a multi-guy night when Mr. Ron gives me the ok, and I really am into wanting lots of cum. Am I taking unreasonable risks, and do other women crave making men come like I do?

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    here are our rules for swapping partners.

    1. Rubber must be used
    2. No swapping of bodily fluids


    we are wart/herpes/HPV/HIV free and plan on staying that way. If we meet a couple who does not like those rules we move on. If they dont care about their bodies and are willing to put themselves at risk, they are not for us and we move on and find another couple.

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    Quote Originally Posted by kb0ogt
    here are our rules for swapping partners.

    1. Rubber must be used
    2. No swapping of bodily fluids


    we are wart/herpes/HPV/HIV free and plan on staying that way. If we meet a couple who does not like those rules we move on. If they dont care about their bodies and are willing to put themselves at risk, they are not for us and we move on and find another couple.
    Please don't take this as a flame because that isn't what it is ment to be... You said you use condoms and won't play with anyone that is puts them selves at risk... Please understand that condoms, while they minimize the risk of warts and hpv don't prevent it. The balls and parts of the shaft that don't get covered by the condom can spread those too.

    Yes use condom and yes be careful in your partner selection but the only way to not put yourself at risk is to not play... and thats no fun.

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    Quote Originally Posted by mok716
    Please don't take this as a flame because that isn't what it is ment to be... You said you use condoms and won't play with anyone that is puts them selves at risk... Please understand that condoms, while they minimize the risk of warts and hpv don't prevent it. The balls and parts of the shaft that don't get covered by the condom can spread those too.

    Yes use condom and yes be careful in your partner selection but the only way to not put yourself at risk is to not play... and thats no fun.

    You are 100% correct. rubbers are not 100% all the time, but you have to admit they cut the risk quite a bit.

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Question Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    I must be really new. what is HPV?

    talltxlady

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Lightbulb Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    HPV is Human Papilloma Virus, commonly knows as genital warts. These can be either outside or inside genitalia, therefore a woman may have them and not even know it. The only reason I know this is because once I had an abnormal PAP smear and they had to do a colposcopy (they remove some tissue from the cervix area after freezing it-eeek!) to check and see if I had a problem. I Fortunately, I didn't have HPV, it was just some abnormal cells due to a minor infection. HPV is highly contagious, and as I said, people can have the and not even know it. I don't think even condoms are 100 percent safe with HPV, and the thing about HPV is it is also considered a "pre-cancerous"condition, mainly cervical cancer. Obviously, I have done a lot of research on the topic, but this all happened to me years ago, and some of my info may be dated.

    My husband and I are just getting into the lifestyle, but from what I know I would never share a sex toy with anyone else, and I would be mightly careful where those fingers have been beforehand. For example, I wouldn't want someone touching themselves and then me without washing up. Also, if you think I am just being paranoid, you can also get herpes from oral sex from someone with a cold sore! Yes, this is true, it happened to someone I know very well, and is a different type of herpes but just as painful I assure you.

    Obviously, I plan on a more limited "play area" for myself and my husband, but we hope we can incorporate other people into our sex life without risking our health as well.

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Question Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    I started having cold sores after meeting my ex-husband (14 years ago). I've been very careful with current hubby (married 5 years, together for almost 7) and he never gets them.

    Also, I had a colpo done last year after an abnormal pap and the doctor didn't say anything about HPV. I have a followup appointment in about a week and a half, should I ask her about HPV then and find out if I've been tested, or should be tested?

    Given both of these "situations", and depending on what the doctor says after my next visit, what do I need to tell people I'm interested in swinging with? Hubby and I are just getting interested in the lifestyle but I really never thought about cold sores and abnormal paps as being something that is discussed in relation to STDs. (I have learned to tell when a cold sore is starting and I'm very careful during that time to not kiss anyone, drink after them, wash my hands extra, etc.)

    Any advice at this point would be greatly appreciated. We're still learning what to ask, what to say, what to look for.

    talltxlady (hubby is hytril)

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    Personally, IMO, the only safe sex is abstinence. A condom can still break right? I know it doesn't happen too often but it does still happen. And since abstinence is boring, we'll just have to take our chances I guess.

    Sex toys, dirty fingers, saliva, or anything that has bodily fluids on it are all methods of transmission for STD's. So unless you want to touch someone and then touch someone else but breaking to go wash your hands or penis in between that touching, you're at risk.

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Cool Perfect Safety is possible..........

    Just sit on you ass and keep your mouth shut. Not very appealing though is it? There is no way to eliminate risk. It is possible to minimize risk to different degrees. Intercourse protection and guidelines have to be discussed with yourselves and your partners. Oral is also up to debate, but I know that Mrs and I would pass if the condom/oral dam thing was required.
    fun_pairTX

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    Quote Originally Posted by talltxlady
    what do I need to tell people I'm interested in swinging with? Hubby and I are just getting interested in the lifestyle but I really never thought about cold sores and abnormal paps as being something that is discussed in relation to STDs. (I have learned to tell when a cold sore is starting and I'm very careful during that time to not kiss anyone, drink after them, wash my hands extra, etc.)
    If you are being 100% honest you tell them that you have herpes. It is *probably* type one on your mouth but not necessarily. Either type can be either place. You can transmit 'cold sores' to the mouth or genitals whether or not you are having an outbreak.
    Be bigger than the little people... TM

  20. Back To Top | #20

    Default Re: We may be forgetting something.....

    Bottom line is: There is NO SUCH THING AS "SAFE" SEX ! PERIOD ! You can only minimize your risk. These are personal choices as how to minimize those risks, and each situation will determine your choices.

    On a side note, the people who saw the woman at the open party getting gang banged by a bunch of guys without condoms...seriously? Obviously MAXIMIZING her risk, and aided by her husband. I'm not being judgmental here, but some of the stories you hear just beg the question "what the fuck is wrong with these people?" I would love to hear their rationalization should she (or her husband) catch something, if they haven't already.

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Default Re: Is there really such a thing as safe sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by TexasBlondie View Post

    I don't think that most in this lifestyle can actually have "safe sex" due to the prevelance lady on lady intercorse that takes place in most encounters. That is unless you bring lots of saran wrap and are willing to use it and wash up a lot in addittion to dicks being sucked with a condom in place. Just my opinion... not a doc or anything.

    TexasBlondie
    This is why most of our experiences have been with people we know. Sex with strangers, at a swing club or a spontaneous encounter on vacation, is always risky and we will never have sex with a stranger without condoms.

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