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snapps

Was very curious. Now VERY GLAD I didn't go through with it...

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Just sayin'... this swinging lifestyle isn't for everyone... good luck to all though... :kissface:

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So not gonna tell us what happened to make you realize it wasn't for you?

 

And you are right, this lifestyle definitely isn't for everyone.

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This lifestyle definitely is not for everyone. That is one of the reasons I always caution everyone to take baby steps since it's always best to go at it slowly rather than to regret something you did and cannot take back.

 

For some it works, and for some it does not and there is nothing wrong with that. The goodness in it all, is that you both were open enough with yourselves and each other to give it a try and see if it was a fit for you.

 

I am curious as to what happened though. Would you mind sharing?

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its a super duper long story, probably best not to get too much into it.... but lets just say my reasons for considering this lifestyle was not for the right reasons

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its a super duper long story, probably best not to get too much into it.... but lets just say my reasons for considering this lifestyle was not for the right reasons

 

If I may ask, was this conclusion from your first and only experiance ?

 

fun4ds :confused:

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Just want to say that your experience may prove helpful to others who find themselves in similar situations. We hope that you do share with the rest of us...and happy that you made a decision that was right for you and your wife.

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Just want to say that your experience may prove helpful to others who find themselves in similar situations. We hope that you do share with the rest of us...and happy that you made a decision that was right for you and your wife.

 

Very well, I'll get a lil into it.

 

I had this one sided view of my wife. Mainly because of all the bad things that happened thoughout our relationship before we got married. Mistrust/Cheating/Lies etc. All on her end, I always walked a stright line with few mis-steps. I think I grew to hate and resent her a lil, and ended up having a very bad view of her. I'll just leave it at that. It was very disrespectful and it showed and was voiced each and every time we had sex, and thus I think my reason for wanting to get into this lifestyle (MFM or MMMMMMMMFMMMMMM or w/e). The lack of respect I probably had for her was very obvious, but we both chose to ignore it and continued on with it until it got to this point...

 

This has since been bought to my attention in a very serious/yet unintentional way, and we are working to correct my view of her and trying to rebuild the love/trust/and passion in our relationship/marriage. She has thus apologized for all her wrongs, something she always refrained from doing in the past, even when she knew she was wrong. I'm just happy we didnt go too far in this lifestyle to make this apology not work and come just a little too late... I do love my wife, and vice versa, so it's gonna take some time to reset my mindset, but it's now a work in progress and I'm just glad we now have a chance to make things right... Good luck to all!

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Good choice then. For the life of me, I cannot imagine being in the lifestyle if the wife and I weren't rock solid. To many ways any issues we had between us could blown up with having sex with other people. IF you have things like anger and mistrust going on, the lifestyle would be gas on the fire.

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Wow sounds familar, only we didn't patch things up and went our seperate ways. The first wife was like that and she was the one that pushed the lifestyle. Little did she know that I would take to it and enjoy it. She decided that it wasn't what she wanted and left. Now I married to some that loves me and understands the choices we make when we play.

 

...glad you made the decision that is right for you both. Good luck to you both

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Very well, I'll get a lil into it.

 

I had this one sided view of my wife. Mainly because of all the bad things that happened thoughout our relationship before we got married. Mistrust/Cheating/Lies etc. All on her end, I always walked a stright line with few mis-steps. I think I grew to hate and resent her a lil, and ended up having a very bad view of her. I'll just leave it at that. It was very disrespectful and it showed and was voiced each and every time we had sex, and thus I think my reason for wanting to get into this lifestyle (MFM or MMMMMMMMFMMMMMM or w/e). The lack of respect I probably had for her was very obvious, but we both chose to ignore it and continued on with it until it got to this point...

 

This has since been bought to my attention in a very serious/yet unintentional way, and we are working to correct my view of her and trying to rebuild the love/trust/and passion in our relationship/marriage. She has thus apologized for all her wrongs, something she always refrained from doing in the past, even when she knew she was wrong. I'm just happy we didnt go too far in this lifestyle to make this apology not work and come just a little too late... I do love my wife, and vice versa, so it's gonna take some time to reset my mindset, but it's now a work in progress and I'm just glad we now have a chance to make things right... Good luck to all!

 

 

To me it sounds like it wasn't the lifestyle at all. Maybe the straw that broke the already heavily burdened camels back?

 

And actually maybe years from now seems like something you could still come back too once you have a strong and healthy relationship.

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The lifestyle will not a save a bad marriage, but it sure as hell won't hurt a good one.

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Erotics,

 

You are so very right. I introduced this to my wife a little over 6 months ago. What brought it up was in the bedroom, I would have her tell me about her other partners before we got married or even started dating. We have been married 13 years this September. She found this odd that I wanted to hear about her "others" as this was "weird" but she quickly realized what this done for me. I just asked her one night if she would be interested in having another man in her life strictly for sex and she looked at me funny. She knew I was serious but it took several times of me asking her this before she really knew, I was SERIOUS. She started looking. She found one guy that we both know. It was going to happen and then didn't. ORIGINALLY, I just wanted her to be with him and then come home and tell me about it while we had sex. I quickly changed it to I wanted to watch and then it was watch or even join in. This really wasn't fair as my intentions were to watch, join in or both but I started off small. Now, she has found someone else we know. They have been talking back and forth and it's got pretty dirty. During this, a LOT of things have come to surface. My not being jealous has found the line and there is a sense of jealousy there and insecurities in myself as he is well endowed. Over the past couple of weeks, we have had lengthy discussions and long chats out on the deck and this has GREATLY helped. I made the comment the other night when we were outside chatting that I now see why this is NOT for a marriage or dating relationship that already has problems.

 

The "situation" with the conversations between he and she have benefitted me in the bedroom. OMG!! This has been trying to say the least and even questions as to if we just needed to call this off all together but we haven't. For other reasons that I don't care to reveal at this point, it came down to it that we would call it off BUT, I could never bring it up again even in "bedroom talk". I've benefitted up until now and they are getting together soon. If she feels comfortable with him, then maybe I get what I want.

 

What I'm trying to say as many have said, this is NOT for a troubled relationship or Marriage. We have had a strong marriage and great sex life up til now and I see it getting better. Advise to others: Talk, Talk, Talk, understand each other, set boundaries and rules. As time goes on, either or both parties will/may have new rules and boundaries or even questions that will come up as this progresses. Not only has this brought us closer sexually, but as a married couple. I LOVE talking to my wife about this and anything else we want to talk about that may come up in conversation. Concerns, Questions and Communications is the key in this for anyone starting out such as ourselves. We are very new to this but we have taken the first few steps and I have learned a lot and I'm sure we'll be learning more soon.

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The point may be that the lifestyle helped the OP even though they didn't get into it. How? By being the instigator of communication. Their relationship was a classic one of not communicating and getting along by agreeing to ignore some deep and hurtful issues. Something about the possibility of swinging inspired communication and both learned that both had been hurtful. As with most relationship issues, both play a part in the negativity.

 

Communication is what makes possible real relationships as well as playing and sharing sexually together.

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