Hello everyone, first time poster. My wife and I are timidly looking at swinging. Our situation is thus:
We have been together two years and married one of those. We have complete honesty and love each other very much. We do just about everything together except when we are at work or she is at college. I'm mid thirties and she's nearing thirty. Our sex life started out great, then after the first year he want for sex greatly diminished to the point now that she really never gets horny. She can still reach orgasm fine, and she can get a little turned on by watching porn, where she gets wet. We have sex but she doesn't initiate, she's just not horny.
She has went to the Gyno and told him of her feelings, and he's taken her off the pill (I'm vas safe), she believes her hormones or something physical is causing this lack of want. She brought up the topic of going to other people for sex, and while it blew me down to begin with, I'm trying to be open to the idea. She had just saw someone while we were out shopping that she'd like to have a sex session with and brought this up to me, if we should start doing that type stuff with others. She says she is missing that feeling when you are with someone new (new sex we call it). I understand also, as firsts are always good.
So for the last couple of weeks, I've been mulling it over in my head. I really can't see just picking up strangers seperately and having sex with them, as really, she would be doing alot more than me and I'm not sure I could even try. I'd end up sitting at home while she was out, and that would hurt too much I think, I just couldn't see that working.
The only thing I saw that might work is swinging. I could see us getting together with another couple and just having sexual encounters, I don't see that hurting near as much because it would only be sex (right?). I don't have to feel that my wife will have feelings for this man she's with, and I don't see myself as being in danger of losing her. Or is this shallow? I also know that I myself would enjoy being with different women of course. I experimented and masturbated, fantasizing that I was with another woman. It was great, but then as soon as the orgasm was over, in the fantasy I just wanted to be with my wife... is that normal?
As I said, we are both truthful to the point it's brutal about everything. So I trust her. I am somewhat insecure right now, just because it's been hard feeling that feeling of "I just don't excite my wife anymore". I do fear that this will end up badly if we can't find the passion we once had.
We are thinking that the swinging life could enhance those passions, as I read most all of you say.
My main questions are:
How do you deal with the feelings after, not exactly jealousy but how are you suppose to feel when your mate is with another? Both she and I worry alot about how it will affect us.
Is same room probably best for our situation? We are brand new to the lifestyle, we have both had threesomes with ex-partners, but nothing together.
My wife and I's goals are to love and be with each other forever (well, til one dies eh? Me I'm sure). With that in mind, is swinging a huge risk to our love? I fear for our future if we don't try *something* to excite her again. (I still crave her like the first month)
It feels like a bag of worms, and once opened I have to see it through. Her happiness is my first priority. We are on hold right now until we see how her body reacts to being off the pill for the first time in 9 years.
So please, advice, thoughts? I thank you