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seattlecpl06

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16 Good

About seattlecpl06

  • Rank
    Contributor

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Seattle, WA
  • Swinging Experience
    Just starting
  1. Well, after doing a fair bit of internet research, it's starting to look like swinging is not an option for the genital herpes positive couple. Despite the 1 in 5 prevalence of genital herpes, apparently either the swingers population is immune (hah), nobody with HSV-2 swings (maybe), or there are a lot of people out there who are either lying or fooling themselves. This is going to be a bummer to break to the girl, because she was really excited about the possibility.
  2. Thank you kindly This seems like a good place. Yeah, it sounds kinda cult-ish when used too many times. "We're in the lifestyle. Have you heard of the lifestyle??? Hubby and I just started the lifestyle and we really love the lifestyle!!!" Eesh. Can't we just say we like to have sex with other people than our spouse/significant other and that our spouse/significant other shares and approves? Or is that too wordy? Hmmmm... I could see that. I think that at first, the same-room "rule" will help to soothe any lingering fears or insecurities. I talked it over with the female half, and she agrees -- the THOUGHT of me going off with some hot woman and screwing her senseless makes her a little squirmy, but she said that if she was right there, watching it it wouldn't be scary. There's something, right now, about the thought that's worse than the real thing. In some ways it's like the imagination can run wild, and it makes things worse than they are. Don't know if THAT makes sense! Anyway, thanks again for the welcome
  3. Thank you, Minnie Well I'm no saint; I have cheated in the past, and even though it was years ago, it's something that I'm still ashamed of to this day. With my girl, I vowed that even though I might have the urge to stray, I wouldn't cheat -- I'd end the relationship first. That's what almost happened during our "time off." I had never really thought she (or most women, for that matter) would be open to the idea of "sharing," and I hadn't really thought through how to do it in a controlled, loving fashion (ie, rather than a purely "open" relationship). Once she approached me and got me to thinking about it, I got quite excited. Here, I could have the stable, loving, long-term relationship I wanted with this wonderful woman, but not have to give up on the idea of sexual variety and getting to "hunt" once in a while (I personally think that that "on the prowl" feeling is very important to my self-confidence and feeling of sexiness!). So it really does seem like the best of all worlds, especially since she's really into it to and often when we're just talking about it on the phone gets so horny that she has to "take care of business." This lets me know she's not just "taking one for the team" -- she really wants to do this with me, and that is so precious. We both know that it's tricky to do it right, and we both are committed to making 100% sure that we're ready before we take the plunge and have sex with others. But we're also both really hopeful that it can work out, and really looking forward to the day when we can play with an open heart and open mind! Thanks so much for your kind response
  4. Well, if that's only two years ago I'm sure it's still, frankly, delicious. Well, ALL guys scope out ladies. We're just taught at a very young age that you're only allowed to do that publicly while in a group of guys (for some reason, once we're in a "pack" our good manners go out the window). We never, ever, EVER publicly look at booties while with our gal. We notice, but it's a corner-of-the-eye thing. I'd wager that swinger guys have a lot of unlearning to do!
  5. niceNH, do you have any recommended brands? It seems like there's always a tradeoff between finding ones that are sturdy enough to not break, but give any sensation... I agree; when swinging, we will always use condoms during intercourse.
  6. Interesting; I didn't know about the genetic differences. Honestly, neither my partner or I have problems with herpes. I can't remember the last time I had an outbreak (literally), and she has maybe one per year. Hardly disfiguring and debilitating. We still want to be honest, but aside from the social stigma it just hasn't affected us much.
  7. Yes, yes it IS fun . I've found myself checking out guys lately too. Not really attracted to them (I think I'm just plain straight, sadly) but more in the sense of "hmm, I wonder if SHE'D like him..." Kinda new, kinda kinky, kinda sexy!
  8. One more thing; aside from HIV, I don't believe that viral load testing is even performed for most virii (it's very expensive, unless I'm mistaken). This means that when I come up HSV-2 positive, this doesn't necessarily mean that I have herpes. It means that I've been exposed to herpes. If I'm going to be intellectually dishonest, I could use this plus the fact that I almost never have any identifiable outbreaks to convince myself and others that I don't "have" herpes. But since I've clearly been exposed, it's fairer to all concerned if I just say I "have" it and take the responsible safe sex precautions that I know I should be taking anyway.
  9. I'm sorry, I just don't buy this "STD's are a conspiracy made up to sell condoms" theory that seems to be floating around. I'm sure that financial interest plays some role (it would be foolish to believe otherwise), but STD's are a very real and very common problem. I know too many people with them or who've been affected by them for it to be a myth. My doctor reports the same and he hasn't made a dime off of condom sales from me. I hate condoms. They cut 50% of the feeling of intercourse for me, and are horribly impersonal. But I think it's dishonest to use my dislike of condoms to try to "prove" that all of the overwhelming data showing they are effective at significantly reducing the risk of many STD's, so I'll just say that I don't like them. I have to wear them, but I don't have to like them. Others may and do choose differently, but that's none of my business. Statistics are a useful tool, but they have to be understood in context, with testing methodolgy considered, as well as bias and so on. This doesn't mean they're useless. It just means that they need to be used with care and understanding of the complexities involved in trying to reduce a complex set of empirical data to a simple rule or number.
  10. YOU get wordy? I wrote friggin War and Peace in my first response. I felt guilty for not responding to you point by point, but I'm at work so I didn't have the time to do it justice (especially considering the subject matter ) Off topic: I have no idea whose behind that is in your avatar, but it's damn fine. Something happened recently (after talking to my girl about swapping) that has never happened before; she actually pointed out a hot female booty to me (she knows I'm most physically attracted to a curvy female posterior). She said "okay, you can be polite and pretend not to look, but that woman had a SPECTACULAR ass." I thought that was cute and it was so fun to be able to just agree instead of having to pretend like I hadn't noticed!
  11. Brilliant response. I've felt for a LONG time that the need for variety is a pretty common human condition (not just a male one, as you point out). Our society confuses love and sexuality, so a lot of people assume that "if you ever want to sleep with someone else, that means you don't love me." Hogwash; I love my girl like crazy, but that doesn't mean I don't notice the cute behind of the girl on the treadmill in front of me at the gym! Of course I try not to stare (I'm a gentleman, after all) but still -- the basic urge is there. And after some gentle prying, my girlfriend has sort of admitted the same -- she "checks out" guys and even has occasional fantasies. This doesn't reduce her love or lust for me one iota, but to me it just means she's human. Thanks so much for this; I'm really excited. I just want to make sure we're really rock stable as a couple before going forward.
  12. Thanks for the welcome Even though it will probably be a few months before we "do" anything (let alone the complexities of finding other HSV-2 positive couples), we're both really excited and looking forward to this as potentially one of the most fun, sexy, exciting times in our lives.
  13. Oh good. I was worried that everyone else was just wild about it, and I was the only one who was a little turned off by its creepy 70's connotations. Let ALONE Austin Powers... I guess I don't mean hurting each other as much as just knowing that there will be some fears and insecurities brought up the first (few) time(s). I think we both expect this (and in fact the Swingers Board FAQ states it) so we're ready to do the work, because we think that with careful rules it will get less over time. Well that doesn't really sound like WORK. Honestly, though, my girl and I are extremely open and honest with each other, and getting more so every day. We have deep, hours-long talks -- and not always about "easy" subjects. So while our communication isn't PERFECT (whose is?), it's pretty darned good. I think we both have realistic expectations about "the lifestyle" (which, to me, is a condom... *snort*) -- the good parts AND the (initially) uncomfortable parts. Very good point. I think that we both have agreed that right now we're not ready to see the other disappear into a locked room with a stranger -- for so many reasons. We haven't shut the door; some day in the future, we may be comfortable with that. But at first, we're setting a strict "no alone play" rule that we won't relax until we both feel very comfortable about it. You've got great, thought-provoking responses. Thanks!
  14. I have to say that reading this post and the replies has been really useful to me. I'm the male half of a couple contemplating swinging (am I the only one who doesn't really like that word? too many creepy connotations). I think that my girl and I both anticipate that for our first time, afterwards we will have to deal with some real, tough feelings. But we're both prepared to do that to reap the rewards -- a stronger relationship, a new, sexy way to express intimacy. I was wondering; are there some couples that never permit "alone play?" From what I've been reading and thinking, that seems to be one of the biggest problem-causers. Well, that plus booze (good advice THERE too, and on our first encounter, we'll be sure to limit the liquid courage!)
  15. Hi there! My girl and I are brand new to this and as yet inexperienced in any kind of swapping. Oddly, it was my girl who recommended this. Or maybe not so oddly. It happened after we'd taken some "time off" from our relationship. I'd felt a need for sexual variety (in plain words, other partners), but I didn't want to end things with her (I love her like crazy, to be honest). I refuse to cheat on her. Not knowing what to do, I sat down, explained things to her, and we agreed to take some time off (during which I was free to see other partners, provided I practiced safe sex, etc.) I did see someone else, once (it was a one-night kinda thing) and found out it was about the most empty, unfulfilling sex I knew. While the physical aspects were pleasurable, I missed my girl like crazy and a weird part of me wished I could have shared my experiences with her. At this point I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to cheat on my girl, but some part of me -- even after two years -- couldn't let go of my need for sexual variety and a need to "hunt" (you men may know what I mean... hell, you women too). Hurting and confused, I went back to talk to my girl (who was also hurting and confused; she's been a SAINT through all of this. There is no better woman.) I was very honest with her about what had happened and the quandary I was in. Long ago she had said "I don't share" -- so I assumed that any kind of "open" or polyamorous relationship was out. I was facing losing the best woman in my life because I couldn't keep my hormones under control. Or, just finding a way to curb my wandering eye and be happily monogamous -- something I'd tried before in a previous relationship, and which had led to the one (and hopefully only!) time I've been unfaithful. I was trapped between a rock and a hard spot, and while I figured my future held nothing but misery, at least I was determined to be honest and honorable and not drag her into it. To my UTTER surprise, she suggested swinging. She suggested -- and I agree -- that we both should wait and work on "us" for a while. That's just smart. But she said that maybe we could work something out where we met other couples and "swapped." She'd seen something on Oprah where a middle-aged couple was swinging, and she said that to her surprise, they were very clean-cut, attractive, and prosperous-looking. I think that opened her eyes; she might have had some preconceptions before. So, she told me, she'd thought about it, and she knew about my problem (needing more than one partner, but being crazy for her) and the more she thought about "swapping," the more excited she got. This is what floored me. At first I thought she was just (to borrow a phrase) "taking one for the team" -- in other words, doing this to make me happy. But talking to her about it, she was really, really excited. Not so much about the idea of sex with other men (although she's excited about that) as much as the idea of SHARING this sexy, slightly kinky activity with me. In my mind, that's a very good sign! So we've been talking it through. Like I said, we're probably a little ways out from actually DOING anything, but we're both BRIMMING with curiousity. One of the things I decided I wanted as a "rule" was a "no alone play" rule. That way, anything we did was not just going off alone to sleep with a stranger, but a shared couple activity. That seems much safer (and in some ways, more exciting) to me. I know that right now, at least, the thought of her off alone in a room with some hot guy would drive me nuts, but not in a good way. But being in the same room with her and a hot guy, while I'm with a hot gal, each of us giving and receiving pleasure without worrying about who "owns" whom sexually -- is quite exciting to BOTH of us. So we're in the phase where we try to formulate the "rules" to make us both comfortable with the idea. I'd welcome any comments or opinions or advice. I know we both need to work on "us" a little before we share our sexuality with others. We both know that and are ready to do the work. But we're both so excited to find a way that we can BOTH "hunt" a little sexually (we're excited at the prospect of going on a "date" with another couple and feeling the sexual tension build) and we can BOTH get more variety than strict monogamy would give. One complicating factor: we're both HSV-2 (genital herpes) positive. So we'd have to find other couples who were herpes positive. But that cloud has a silver lining; at least we don't have to worry about catching herpes! It's just all the OTHER stuff that we need to worry about (we also created a "no unprotected intercourse" rule along with an "unprotected oral is okay at your discretion" rule, and an "anyone can back out at any time with no shame" rule which can be used if anything looks or, god forbid, smells funky). Anyway, I'm excited and looking forward to what I hope may be the most healthy relationship of my life, and the most sexually exciting to boot. Hi!
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