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NandTfromCA

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NandTfromCA last won the day on June 20 2008

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About NandTfromCA

  • Rank
    You get what you give
  • Birthday 09/25/1973

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Northern California
  • Interests
    Her hobbies: Bellydancing, Protrait Drawing...His hobbies: Her (well, also Jiu Jitsu, Kickboxing, Mountain Biking, Running, geeking out on anything)

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    NandTfromCA

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  1. The author referred to the spectrum that each falls on. When wrapping my brain around similar topics I usually think of how they fall on a spectrum. I think the polyamory/swinging spectrum looks like a bell curve...few that are pure swingers, few that are pure polyamorists, and a bunch that live in the area between. I like classifications for shorthand but they break down quickly when you start to define and differentiate. If someone put me into a box right now, it would be polyfidelity. I have two women that I am totally in love with and not much interest in sex with others. I also don't have interest (maybe better said, "energy") in having another relationship as deep as those right now. That said, it's all fluid so next year (or month) my exploration might look different and the polyfidelity box might not fit as well. T
  2. There is a huge gray area between straight up "swingers" and hard core "polyamorists" (did I just make up a word?). For us, we fell into it because I fell in love with someone but we have always enjoyed building relationships with those we have sex with. N was open to me exploring that, and I was open to exposing myself to this new love. N has a relationship now too and we have compersion exploding out our ears! :-) I don't think swinging led to polyamory but rather openness led to swinging and openness led to polyamory. Love + Love = SO MUCH LOVE!!! Namaste, T
  3. Sorry to hear that you two were treated like that. Whatever is going on with them is unfortunate but clearly they have a very low self-awareness at best and are really selfish at worst. You two are good looking and seem like really nice people so I have to think there are a ton of other potential matches for you in Cinci. T PS. I don’t blame you for having performance anxiety if you are feeling left out. It’s already been said that EVERYONE should be included (or at least clear expectations need to be set from the beginning about who will be included).
  4. I wouldn’t be concerned about your jealousy issue in and of itself. You never know what is going to set you off, only to look back on it and think, “What was I worried about?” I’m wondering why such a drastic response to the situation though. Do you think she was trying to hurt you? Do you think she is discounting your feelings? Do you distrust her? If the answer is “yes” to any of those, then you two need to work on your relationship before thinking about swinging. If the answer is “no” to all of those, then I see this as just a learning experience. She did something that she didn’t realize would upset you. You guys talk it out and figure out how to proceed. You move on, stronger than before. On a side note- I think it’s easier to have issues like this arise when you are in a club atmosphere (whether at a party, club, etc) because there is so much going on, and it is less controlled. You could consider meeting couples, 2-on-2 in a mellower atmosphere and then proceeding from there. Mr.
  5. Fucking sister in fantasy or reality: grosses me out Fucking sister-in-law in reality: potential for catastrophic family problems. Like Moonlightkiss said, there are so many other people out there, why would you need to go there? Fucking sister-in-law in fantasy: call me a sicko but I have fantasized about my sister-in-law on many occasions. She is exceptionally hot and maybe I’m missing something in my makeup that should make that seem gross??? Mr.
  6. Thanks for updating us on your progress. It's good to hear that you've been having a great time. Could you share how you got past the initial problems? You two aren't alone in having them, so I'm sure we can all learn from your situation.
  7. Long before swinging we would tell each other about the hot guy/girl that we met any given day. Now that we are swinging, it is a "Do you think ___ might be game for some fun" kinda conversation. That said, Alexxander had a point about his wife's insecurities. If your wife is similar, then you should be very conscious of how discussing your attraction to others will make her feel. (which would also be a big red flag for swinging…not a categorical deal killer but certainly a slippery slope) You know your wife better than we do. If you think she would be fine with it, toss it out there and keep a keen awareness to her reaction.
  8. We haven't been to any on premise clubs, but I think the same question would apply to a house party, evening out with another couple, or hanging out at an off premise club. We pretty direct- "Would you two like to get naked with us?" It works whether you think you already know the answer or if you don’t have a clue. The worst you’re going to get is “no thanks”…and even then, at least they fully realize your interested in case it’s just a timing thing and they do want to play with you later. The best think that could happen is...well, you already know that one
  9. Maybe it’s a regional thing (Wyoming vs CA). From my perspective, prejudice against newbies is not the prevailing attitude. - There are those that don’t meet with newbies because they are afraid of having their time wasted. - There are those that seek out newbies because they want “fresh meet”. - And there are those that take each person as they are (caveat- comfort level factors into "taking people as they are" and comfort level and experience level tend to be somewhat proportional) I could be wrong but I would guess most of the swinger population is made up of the later. T
  10. We're not veterans and we aren't newbies...and could not agree more with what you had to say! (that's how we felt as newbies too)
  11. He is a fuck stick. I wonder if he would say that to you in person...with the Mr. standing there.
  12. Whatever your reasons for doing or not doing, it sound like you two have communicated well about this. To the OP- Why do we swing? Because it is SO FREAKIN' FUN!!! There's the obvious sex with others (our original motivation), and then all of the other cool byproducts; new friends, increased social confidence, increased sexual confidence, a kickass hobby to do together, a reason to meet all kinds of different people with different personalities, seeing my wife enjoying herself immensely, it demystified sex with other people…the list goes on. There may be other ways we could do some of those things, but this way suits us well.
  13. Dito Screening for preference makes sense. If you have a bunch of couples who are primarily looking for MFM, then you can allow more single men in. If you have more who are looking for FF, then more girl/girl only women. If you have many men that want to actual play with other women, you should probably make sure there are plenty of women who want to play with other men. A party is only as good as the sum of all the parts. If the math isn't working, the party probably wont either.
  14. Sorry for missing that you already stated that. Anyhow, maybe she was tight lipped because she knows he's a buzz-kill. (if she was married to him, we wouldn't say that)
  15. We voted 10. If the bar was set at 10, we hit it many years ago. The thing is, we just keep moving the bar up now. It is amazing!
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