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b smith

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About b smith

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  1. There is allot of good advice on this board that is helpful. I do not know how much of this would be helpful but thought sharing my journey might help you shed some light onto your situation since there are some similarities between our journeys. To begin with my wife and I have been married nearly 20 years and during that time we have had a few mfm threesome experiences and cuckold experiences. Those experiences, for the most part happened several years ago. Then after a few experiences they stopped and they stopped not because of any problems with having a threesome. Instead they stopped I feel we had satisfied a need and after a few more years we moved, for reasons not associated with having threesomes. After a long break and discovering that there were a few on premise clubs near us I thought I would reintroduce the idea of giving it another try to my wife. Also I suggested we consider attending one of the nearby clubs. However with her job she is concerned about being discovered because she comes in contact with allot of different people and she has had at least two friends who were in open relationships that had bad experiences. So for a while we went through several cycles where we would get close to have a threesome and then she would abruptly pull back form the idea. As time went on things seemed to go nowhere and I let the idea die. Economy started slowing down, I lost my job and I decided to go to school. During this time I would have a few women hit on me and I would share that with my wife. It was not done to upset her but we share everything with each other, so it seemed natural. Sharing the stories upset her a bit but it also aroused her too, a bit. Right before I was to graduate, she changed her attitude towards threesomes, somewhat. We are now at the point where she will tease me about having a girlfriend that comes over while she is gone, on a few occasions when she is up late at night making noise from walking about she will joke about having a boyfriend, and I can joke to her about having a boyfriend. This may seem like not much but she is not pulling back like she was and she is the one that is taking the lead. Also, I have noticed she is less resistant about talking about threesomes and sometimes will asking to send her text messages about her having a cuckold experience. Does this mean I expect we will have another experience, again? No it does not and if we do not that is fine because I appreciate her. Nonetheless, I do think it may mean she is getting comfortable with the idea of having some type of experience again but if she will I am still uncertain. At least for me I have learned that it is important to take it slow, to communicate, to listen to what is said because it will give you some clues, allow her time to get comfortable with the idea and to love the person that you are married. The latter is important because it is not the experience of having a threesome that is important but it is journey that the two of you take through life together that matters.
  2. We have been in a very similar situation like yourself and thought we would share it with you. We have done this on a few occassions, where the wife plays alone with someone else. Having done both, a threesome and wife playing alone. I find when she plays alone it is allot more emotionally intense than a threesome and not as satisfying because you are only hearing about it second hand. This type of scenario can take allot of emotional preparation and it can be quite risky. It is one thing for it to be an incredibly hot fantasy but it is something quite different to be real. You may find yourself going through a cornacopia of emotions from excitement, arousal, to fear, and loss. It takes allot of security and trust in the realtionship for something like this to work out. The main thing is communicate about it and avoid it becoming a main focus of your play. The threesome we had was with an ex-boyfriend. She wanted someone with whom she could be comfortable with and could trust for a threesome. So she chose a former boyfriend of hers with whom she wanted to have sex with but never engaged in it him while they were dating. I do see two red flag, the fact that he is separated. This could complicate things for all involved, especially if there is a possibility that they could get back together. My recommendation would be let the relationship (between the ex-boyfriend and his wife resolve itself) and if they do divorce wait a year after the divorce is final before before pursuing him. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for some drama and a potentially messy situation. The other red flag I see is that he is a former bf. In our sittuation I was present so that things 'did not get out of hand' but without you being there, it is possible he could try to 'sway her' into leaving you. Speaking from experience if you are going to have her play by herself with a formed bf, it is best to have it as a one off situation and it is best to minimise any 'rekindling' of emotions by allowing any emotional wounds heal (e.g. time to recover from the separation and divorce). Also I would recommend meeting him, be very clear that the two of you have a secure relationship, and at the end of the evening she will be returning with you. In this type of situation I would not 'excuse myself on a work matter' and let them be. Instead I would be very open about what the two of you wanted and the ground rules. Finally I would plan at least letting them be alone for a minimum of 2 - 4 hours. This will allow any anxieties to subside and not put the pressure of time on them.
  3. Reading your definition you are on the right track. However the definition could be a bit broader. This reply avoids the debate of can you change someone who is gay. Also this posts avoids the debate of, if a gay individual who has had experience(s) with the other sex sex are they truly gay or are they really bi-sexual with a preference for a relationship with the same sex. Think about sexaulity as a spectrum where an individual could plot at anytime where they were on it. At one end of the spectrum you have heterosexuality, in the middle is bisexuality, and at the other end is gay. Bi-sexuality would then be seen as a combination of hetrosexaulity and gay. Each segment would then include experiences, preferences, and desires. In theory you could move along the spectrum in any direction and move from one end to the other Based on this concept, gay would be someone who had strong preference, strong desires, and repeated experiences with someone of the same sex. Whereas the bi-sexuality would include individauls with experiences with both sexes, desires for both sexes, and preferences for both sexes that might change over time. Whereas hetrosexuality would be an individual with repeated experience with the opposite sex, limited preference / no preference for the same sex, and, very limited / non existant desire for experience with the same sex. The majority of people would probably fall somewhere towards the middle and not at the extremes.
  4. This is the first time we can honestly admit we have read all of the replies on a thread more than a page. From your replies there is absolutely no indication your wife wants to be a part of this lifestyle and every indication that she wants no part of it. Any attempt is her way of trying to please you. Including her going to the clubs and the ground rules that she has set. Even if she brings the subject up on her own it is an attempt for her to give you what you want. Furthermore it seems from your replies you are continuously forcing the subject, either directly or indirectly through your actions. You also make several mentions of "checking the accounts" what does the "accounts" have to do with swinging anyhow? They are two totally unrealted items. Does a falling brick wall has to hit you before you get the message that you are doing no one any favours, including yourself, by continuously forcing the subject with her. From reading your posting and replies it sounds like this is a "tit for a tat" type of approach. Meaning you don't question her actions as long as she participates in swinging. That is absolutely no way of having a loving realtionship. As a couple we do not advocate therapy / counselling as we believe it does no one any good and if the practioner is bad it can do a great deal of emotional damage. The damage done can be far worse than medical malpractice. Good communication, respect for each other, and love for one another does more than a good therapist. Plus it makes a relationship healthy. Take a step back and look at what you are doing to a woman who obviously loves you, for whatever reason. Let the subject die for at least a year before bringing it up again and seriously work on the relationship. Even if she brings up the subject on her own be a man and say to her,"I love you and want to make you happy. In due course we can talk about this subject again. However for the time being lets take some time for ourselves and let me show you how much I love you". There will always be clubs, movies, males interested in being the third in a mfm, and the like. There is only one soulmate and she may not always be there if you continue down the path you have chosen. The best thing is to let her go if all you want is a "ticket" into the lifestyle. Have more respect for her and yourself than what you are showing right now. If not, you will wind up being one miserable loney person with no one else to blame but yourself.soapbox
  5. It sounds as though there are three options available to you. One option is continue the way you are going but plan a seductive type of evening. Maybe do some research before hand by finding out what gets his blood boiling and plan the evening around that. Mak sure the evening includes very obvious signals and cannot be confused for something else. Sexual suggestions or subtle hints do not always register unless quite obvious. From your posting it sounds as though you have tried it with little success. This option depends on how much further you want to take this route and how much planning you want to put into it. Next option is being direct with him both verbally and nonverbally. This is the most obvious route and has worked for us. However the real disadvantage is that if not done correctly can cause you to loose him as a friend. It sounds, based on your post, the messages are getting mixed-up. He maybe looking for a confirmation signal from the two of you. To you, it may seem as though the hints are obvious but to him he may not see it as such. He maybe pulling back until he gets the obvious signal. Have the misses make an obvious move while signaling your approval. This may be what he is looking for from the two of you. Finally the both of you may feel he is compatible but he may not be interested. This is something else you will need to consider and needs considering when deciding on the extent you want to pursue him. The best thing here maybe, is pulling back from the hints and see if he begins coming around a bit. Maybe start a discussion in very braod terms about threesomes in an effort to gauge his interest. It may take him a while to figure things out but may be worth keeping him as friend in the mean time.
  6. From looking at the replies this is a popular topic and have not read through all of the responses. Hope don't vary too much from the original question. As a couple our interest is sigle men in a threesome situation. We have had one experience with a friend and looking at doing it again with someone else. The problem is that we don't know anyone who is interested and so we have tried a few ads. When you have had a few problems it begins to make you less likely to believe the legitmate ones are out there, a snowball effect. An example is one who keeps on hounding us via email to meet us and we have finally reported him. Furthermore we get several response that start out with ".... [insert age] single male with [insert large size in inches] c*ock looking for sex with / looking to please women ..... have pics..... willing to travel ". There are so many problems with such an introduction like that I don't even know where to begin. Finally we get married men who either try to hide that they are married or say that they have their wife's permission. The problem has been a few has "spoiled" it for the rest. From our experience with single males it is hard on intial contact to take what is being said at face value and they face an uphill battle created by those who lack the jugement to be in such a position. We don't want to sound as though we are bashing single males. By no mean are we but from our experience unless you know them personally, there tends to be a creditbility problem that has been created by a very small minority. The few bad experiences with contact that we have had has made us question everything that is being said to us and for the time being not too keen on trying it again. Single males do have a role. Especially in a way of providing additional pleasures for the female in the couple. Because of this, it has made us consider it doing it again. It can be quite an enjoyable and erotic experience for all involve. The challenge for single males is building creditbility with the couple in the sense that they are not looking for a "quick lay" or thinking the reason why a couple is looking for a male to join them is because the female is not being pleasure by her spouse. A barrier has been created for those who are legitmate by those single males who lack the maturity for this type of situation. If a single male can be sensitive to the "couple's dynamics" they will be successful in a threesome / swinging situation. Single males should be aware the difficulty that they may be having may be one of two reasons. The first is they are insensitive to couple. This is the a minority of cases and the second reason being they are facing the effects created by the first group, of insentive single males.
  7. For me, this fantasy has come true in a mmf threesome. The thought of doing it again and remembering the experience still turns my wife on. Since the encounter the other male and us have moved to different towns, due to the distance it would be almost impossible to hook up again. We are currently discussing finding someone else but haven't talked through all of it yet. My recommendation is to take it slow and don't push her into it. Also ask yourself why does this idea arouse you (note: there is absolutely nothing wrong with the fantasy. I believe it is a very common fantasy among men in relationships). There are many reasons but only you can understand what motivates you. Once you do understand then it will make it easier for you to discuss with her your feelings on the subject and hopefully make her comfortable talking about her feelings to you. Communication is the key for a successful encounter.
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