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DBStPete

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About DBStPete

  • Rank
    Active Contributor
  • Birthday 08/01/1954

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Married
  • Location
    St. Pete. Florida
  • Interests
    MFM :fun:
  • Occupation
    Professional/technical

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    DBStPete

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  1. I don't think so. I can't even stand piercings or silicone. Body mutilation is not my thing. I think we've seen in this thread why a number of us somewhat-bi guys don't talk about it or put it in our profiles.
  2. Then it needs to be about HER. Entirely and completely. 100%. Your human desires don't enter into it. Can you do that? If you can do that, and mean it, and pursue it with all the passion you've shown so far, then you can do this. But I think that's going to be the best way, maybe the only way. Don't worry, if it works you'll get yours and then some. Nothing is as giving as a happy woman, god bless their dear souls. Help her explore her inner sexual desires, and her fantasies. Help her work out her guilts. Spend a year or two on just her. If she's half the woman she sounds she'll have plenty of material for you. Do all that, and talking her into swinging won't be an issue. Mr. DBStPete
  3. Speaking of fantasies, B works in a motorcycle shop and hence is around all kinds of men. We've had plenty of fantasies about her co-workers (several of whom, for some reason, have felt compelled to mention their dick size to her), and even some customers, but she decided uh-uh, no way, not at work, ever. For the reasons cited above. It almost always seems to get out. To be honest, in swinging a lot of times the fantasies are as good or better than the reality anyways, so trading one for the other ain't all bad.... so long as you don't have to do it *all* the time.
  4. It's not guaranteed terrible, it's just quite risky, both that it will be disappointing sexually, and damaging in other areas of your life. But is it sometimes wonderful? Sure! Lots of risky activities are like that. We came at things back-ways around. We first did MFM, at my suggestion, well before we were married, and we married at 19. This was with close mutual friends. We've done it most other ways since, that aren't "swinging", including attempts at poly. We finally came around to playing with avowed swingers about 10 years ago. In my opinion, it's far the easiest way to go, and the most effective in producing great sex (although still not foolproof by any means) *and* good friends. Yes, it's hard to make that initial step, but once you do (at least if you've been using these other methods) the only thing you'll wonder is why you didn't do it sooner. It's vastly easier to find friends among swingers than it is to find great multi-partner sex among friends - unless you happen to be particularly blessed in your friendships. I think you should reconsider, but if you go for it, best of luck and have a hot time!
  5. A lot of folks like to bag on them, but AdultFriendFinder.com (AFF) is the biggest with the mostest. The most members, and that means the most members near you, and the strongest search engine I've seen ( although there are plenty of sites we haven't checked). I can't see fooling with the little ones unless they have a concentration near you. The average quality of members on SLS is higher, but there are a lot fewer of them. We are members on both AFF and SLS and value both. AFF is decidedly not free if you want to make effective use of the site, although I don't regard the cost as exorbitant. We've actually found that somewhat of a feature. Folks who won't pony up the $10 a month or whatever, well, how serious are they about this? I'm not sure we *want* a lot of communication from "free" members, especially since we're specifically looking for single guys (yes, we get a lot of email). As to how many members are "real", I doubt that varies that much, for *paid* members, at any of the sites, but I don't have the experience in Internet swinging to really know. There are always plenty of lookie-loos, and folks who are yes/no about things with *any* realm of sexuality. This stuff is just hard. But there are also real people out there really doing these things. You just have to do the legwork, or get lucky.
  6. I think xxoticangel makes an excellent point. If you know (or at least are really sure) that you want to have same-sex sex, then you are bi, not "bi-curious", at least in the context of what people mean by that in ads. As has been pointed out in this thread, what people put in their ads regarding their gender-sex desires doesn't necessarily map 100% with who they really are, for various good (and sometimes not-so-good) reasons. What is put in ads is often more about what is desired than what is possible. Another example of this is the vast majority of couples who say NO SINGLE MEN in their ads. A large percentage of those couples do, in fact, play with single men on occasion. So why don't they say so? Because they don't want the side effects of such a public declaration. For you guys, you *want* bi, even though you don't have much (any) experience yet. That suggests to me you should label yourself as bi, not bi-curious. That way you show up on the radar screens of the folks like jcbicouple. I think all of us, as swingers, are more likely to respond to those who are seriously interested in our particular interest, rather than folks who are "open minded, will try anything". As to your lack of experience, you can explain your exact situation to prospective playmates during the meetup process. While some will say "no" on that basis, most will, I think, not hold that against you if it gets that far.
  7. One trend I've noticed is that the bi couples tend to be older. Once you get into the "senior swingers" group, it's actually not uncommon at all. Maybe it's because people get more comfortable with themselves and their sexuality as they get older? As for us, even though I'm somewhat bi-curious, for now at least our profile is adamant that we only want straight guys. Why? A couple of reasons, that may or may not be justified. One is fear of AIDS. Yes, we practice safe sex (well, usually), but that's never 100%. The closer you get to the gay or IV drug communities, the more risk there is. A second reason is to not get hit on by guys who are more gay than bi. Based on our own experience and in talking to other couples, that seems to be fairly common. Then there's the issue of "what's bi"? For me, I like cocks and find them fascinating, but I don't think of men as sex objects, and I have zero interest in anal sex with men, giving or receiving. If I say I'm "bi curious" will that imply I'm bi-anal-sex-curious? Better not. Easier to just not go there. I find it more comfortable to get to know folks and see where things go. I've had several experiences that you could only count as bi with supposedly-straight guys in the context of MFM sex. I suspect it's more common than you might think, especially if you're talking about things other than male anal sex. I also suspect there are more "stealth bi" couples out there, just like us. Maybe look for couples that seem particularly open-minded, and go from there?
  8. It's not at all unusual for couples to spend a long time, years even, thinking about it. And if you push, it usually backfires. You just have to be patient. But consider this: objections are usually about fears, and fears are usually about insecurity of some sort or another. Do what you can to boost her security in you, your relationship, and herself. It will pay dividends. Mr. DBStPete
  9. We're going to buck the trend a little. We're 50, and we have a party tomorrow with a 21 year old single male. A very nice young man, and unusually mature for his age. So no, you're not too young, at least if you find the right folks. All you can do is try, what the heck? As for success rates, since about 90% of all single guys disqualify themselves via incompetence during the searching and greeting process, if you can just avoid that you have halfway-decent odds, and avoiding it isn't all that hard. Just read the bitch threads from couples looking for MFM guys. We have noticed over the years that there is a "mainstream" in swinging, and within that mainstream it tends to be pretty self-reinforcing: "this is how we do things; this is what most swingers do". Well, yeah, it looks like that because people that don't fit within those boundaries tend to either be quiet or go elsewhere. As just one example, look at the rise of "fantasy" ad sites and papers. A lot of those folks were there all along, but it didn't get talked about much in regular swing circles because it was frowned upon. So too there are quite a few folks who don't fit the "average swinger" mold, but who nonetheless swing. Good luck! Too bad you don't live closer! Mr. DBStPete
  10. Because of the fact that swinging is frowned upon by our larger society, swing clubs and parties are always in danger of harassment by John Law. That being the case, swing groups usually go out of their way to remain drug-free. Any signs of illegal drug use, or even talking about it, is grounds for immediate expulsion at most places. Sure, there are folks in the lifestyle who engage in almost anything you can name - same as folks not in the lifestyle. So I'm sure there is Ecstasy use out there, but I doubt it is widespread, or will become so. Maybe for some of the same reasons STDs are not common among swingers.
  11. I answered "other", because our first MFM was in my bedroom at my parent's house, before we were married. Ok, so we were precocious.
  12. For us, it's pretty much do what you want as long as you tell all afterwards (part of the best part!) That said, it has been extremely rare for either of us. Maybe because neither of us really learned to flirt when we were kids? Dunno. But to get back to the original question, I think successful open marriages are possible, they're just really, really hard, and therefore rare. In practice, it's a considerable risk for many couples. Do you put your partner's pleasure above your own, freely and happily? Do you KNOW, deep down in your heart of hearts, who you're going home with, and who you're spending the rest of your life with? If you can't instantly say yes to both questions I think an open marriage is too risky. Mr. DBStPete
  13. We've found that adding some clothing helps a lot. It helps us look better, and it makes us less self-concious. And all of those things make us sexier, so this is a win-win. For the ladies, certain types of lingerie can help a lot. Stockings help legs that aren't quite as smooth and pretty as they once were. Lacy full-body stockings with holes in the appropriate places are great. You can "stay clothed" and still be in the center of an orgy. Both of us love and wear sarongs, both as daily wear around the house, and at parties. Guys, think of it as a toga. The way I like to wear it just tied over one shoulder. That leaves it fitting loosely, and open on one side. Very easy to cover or reveal things as needed, and extremely comfortable. Mr. DBStPete
  14. We've been able to do this a few times, vaginally. I've never found a lube that is as good as spit, so I just try and ensure a plentiful quantity of that, plus plenty of warm-up activities of the type that make her wet. Beyond that, the biggest single thing that made a difference for me is to have her positioned just right. The other important thing is to ease the thumb in *first*, and then the fingers, rather than trying to do four fingers and then the thumb. If you do the latter, the thumb knuckle always became an insurmountable problem for us. Plus sometimes it helps to come at things "upside down", if you will. Go slow but experiment. It so happens the most intense orgasm of my life was while I was fisting her. I was lying on my back, and she was on her knees next to me, sucking my cock. Somehow we were able to get lined up right so she was able to fuck hard up and down on my fist. That was so hot, having that going on while she sucked me. That one I'll never forget.
  15. There is a lot of hit or miss in swinging. It's just part of the reality of it. From the descriptions of who you are and what you want, I think you guys would do much better at a club or hotel party. Or maybe a convention. If you're hot-looking, and ready for action, I GUARANTEE that you will not go un-laid at such festivities. I wish we had that problem. Anyway, don't give up or be so down on yourself. Maybe what you're learning is that the vision of the world you had doesn't match up with the reality all that well. Ok, no problem, happens to people all the time. But you are not your internal vision, and just because it proves faulty doesn't mean anything about you. Dust it off, modify it as required, and move on. One little comment to finish: we've generally found (not claiming to be experts) that people who need/want to do a lot of talking up-front are most often not going to hit it with you. Oh sure, we want to get to know you, but this hours and hours stuff? Forget it. Our experiences has been that those deals rarely move to the bedroom, and when they do they are usually a disappointment. We like people who know and are happy with who they are and what they want - like you. Don't worry, there are plenty of other folks like us out there. Don't be a stranger, hang out here and talk, maybe get your spouse to come around too. Believe me, every little issue you have, other folks here have had, and it's quite likely that their experience can help you. Mr. DBStPete
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