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frenzb4sex

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About frenzb4sex

  • Rank
    Swingers Board Addict
  • Birthday 11/05/1973

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Male of Couple
  • Location
    Central Illinois
  • Interests
    Fighting Illini Sports, SWINGING-Duh!!!
  • Occupation
    Operations Supervisor

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  • SLS Name
    frenzb4sex

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  1. It's funny, this has actually become quite the inside joke around our household lately. In the last two months, we moved to a different part of our area. The house next to us, well this is a guy that I knew of, but didn't really "know him know him". Well, as the first month went by, he was awesome about helping out with some things we were immediately improving, and they had a baby, to which my wife would help watching while they ran errands. It wasn't a close knit friendship, but we felt comfy around each other. Now, enter in the lifestyle. We had gone some places to meet people during this time, but hadn't really had anyone over as of yet (we didn't have everything in order like we would have wanted them to see). The first time was on the fourth of July, where they came and spent the day and night with us. Almost immediately, as we set up chairs out in our driveway, our next door neighbor was there. He started talking to them, it was actually pretty cool. Nothing different than any other situation. Things went really well for us as a foursome that weekend, and they wanted to make a return trip. So, they came the next weekend. During this time (on Saturday), myself and the male were outside taking a drag, and the neighbor spotted us. He just kind of casually made his way over with a "hey, nice to see ya again" (it really was innocent). He asked what was up, to which the male responded "Oh, well, Tim and I are working on some of the things down in the basement that he wants done and we're just doing some planning and seeing what we can do." To which, the helper my neighbor is, responds, "Cool! Let me help!" I jumped in. "Naaah, man, we really have no idea what is happening right now...you hang out with your new daughter." I think that the neighbor was a little perplexed, because he had helped with something every time before. Well, lo and behold, they actually stayed until Wednesday of that next week (YES, I WAS TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). So, you probably know the rest of that story. After they left, later on that week, the neighbor sees me out in the yard (I was still limping LMAO). "So, you guys must have got a ton of work done, they were here an awfully long time!!!" To which I quick-wittedly said "Yeah, we thought about a lot of stuff, but in the end we just scrapped a lot of it because it would cost way too much. So, we started talking about things we could do with their house as well. Plus, Lora and (the female) are really good friends, so they could spend time together as well." When I looked up, all I got was a half smile. I didn't even go beyond that. They were here again last weekend, and stayed until Tuesday. Guess who I saw the day after? You got it. And the only thing he said to me was..."So, planning more home improvements?" from his porch. Yikes! Tim
  2. Howdy 2gether... Actually, what you are thinking is not weird at all, IMO. The couple that "broke us in" had this rule, because they felt that kissing was way more intimate and therefore more "lovey". At first, my wife and I struggled with it, because for us to have sex, kissing was part of the foreplay involved and very much a part of everything. As time went by, it was ok that we didn't, because we didn't really know any different swinging-wise. However, as we explored with other couples, we found that we absolutely had to have kissing with others in order to truly enjoy the experience. So, therefore, our ads/profiles specifically state this preference. I believe you should do the same as far as needs/wants/preferences. It is an important thing to many people, just as much some time as safe sex or same room/separate. If you are honest up front and they know what they are getting before they even begin speaking with you, you reduce your risk of having problems with it significantly. Better than the alternative of not really being up front about it and then getting to the point of no return...
  3. Heya Spoo... Funny you should ask this question. For the 14 years we have been together, I have been a resounding top and she a bottom. Last week, while myself and the missus were having a little "randy" time, things suddenly were different. It wasn't that I relinquished my role as a top, but my wife had suddenly jumped right into being a top as well. To say the least, it not only surprised me, but actually kind of made the experience "less" for me. I attributed this sudden blip on the radar to a couple of things. 1) In the times we have been together over the years, both of our sexual roles have been satisfactory to us, and I know this because we have talked about it and revisited it from time to time. When this happens right in the moment, it was just so different from the person that I have become extremely comfortable with in bed and to have it flip up like that almost made it as if it wasn't my wife. 2) In recent swinging experiences, I believe that the person she has been with has placed her in a more top role, either by her choosing or something that just occurred naturally with that person. Therefore, she had become semi-comfortable with it and then "sprung" it on me. Question here: In situations like this, if a semi-change or even drastic turnabouts take place like I observed, wouldn't you think it be prudent to discuss it before the act? While I can see the advantage of it being spontaneous, because of that entrenched comfort level I had and was happy with, I really think that the way she did it really had not a chance of "ending up good". Also, in situations where in swinging your SO may have played a different top/bottom role or even just changed some different ways of doing things, etc., what is your expectation as to how that affects things between you and the SO's experiences together? Do you expect for that person to come back and do everything that they have learned or did with their swing mate? Do you feel that it's hard to possibly emulate the same type of behavior because of the simple differences in the people you are with? Do you find yourself maybe being a little different in the sexual experiences with others as well? All of these types of questions were raised in my mind....Interested in your thoughts! Tim
  4. Vespertine...You guys sound like you are really thinking and ahead of the game than most who are about to dive in the deep end, so to speak. The only other thing that I can add to what other great advice has been given is to communicate the questions or desires you have with the potential couple you are with. That way, there's no signals crossed or miscommunication, which can lead to awkwardness. Discuss the preferences that each of you have in regard to bi play, same/separate room, etc., etc., It may sound like it's scripted, and you may think that you will be taking out some of the spontaneous nature, but the fact of the matter is in situations like this in swinging, it is so much better to be safe than sorry. Be very clear as to what you guys want and understand what they want and everything will play itself out nicely. Tim
  5. We are full swap and make it clear that's what we desire in others. Soft swinging, to us, is like putting a steak in front of your face, letting you smell it, look at it, feel it, maybe even lick it, but you can't eat it...Not our cup of tea. Just like biblonde said--we just seem to get along better swinging-wise with experienced couples--because in newbies, since they are still feeling their way (literally), sometimes it's difficult for them to express what they are really looking for until they get in that situation, and by then, we don't really want to be in a scenario where a question mark is still present. Just our preference!! Tim
  6. Yes, you are correct that many couples prefer the woman to be bi. Yes, a lot of couples seem to be in it for the women only. However, there are several of these couples that, as long as you are honest about your intent, they won't push it at all. We have on our profile that my wife is in it primarily for the man only--if the women hit it off, fine, but that it just something that happens with her every so often. And no one--not one couple that we have met--has been overly anxious about the bi thing--and I believe it's because we were honest up front about it. I believe if you are clear from the start, the couples that contact you will not have an issue at all. It is definitely not a lost cause at all. Tim
  7. I'd like to take a different spin on this and see what the board thinks. While it's agreeable that there is a wide range of maturity in this lifestyle, and while I think that those that have posted are probably big exceptions to the rule, we have found (as being in our early 30's) that we find those that are younger than us tend to have more cancellations, have more problems getting together, and more "last minute" things that come up then say, those that are 35 or older. That doesn't mean that they shouldn't swing per se, but I think that this is something that occurs on a broader scale than just our observations. I don't attribute this to having children, because we know that couples in the latter age range still have that to deal with as well, even very young children. Is this a maturity thing? Do those that are over 35 just have more of a commitment than those that are younger? I can't believe that those that are younger have more going on in their lives, I would actually tend to think the opposite. Have you had this happen or seen it to some degree? Again, not finger pointing here on the board, the fact that many of you contribute is a testament to your knowledge and maturity levels. Just trying to put a different spin on the question...
  8. Wow, Mr. Alura...that much math this early, STOP THE INSANITY!!! LOL I do think that it is dependent upon the area you live in that does make a difference. The reason I say that is where we live, we get glimpses of couples on sites from Chicago, Indy, and St. Louis (we're pretty much in a central location between all three).. I think that the actual ratios are much higher in these areas--because just us ourselves have 2 sets of couples we are friends with that are just as "starting" mentioned, black male, white female. I pulled up swappernet just a few moments ago and tried to break it down. I found a total of 910 couples within 700 miles of us that are African American (you can't separate by gender). And when briefly viewing these files, perhaps I was lucky, because about 10 of the first 17 or 18 had the black male/white female. Now, the bi part is a little confusing to me. Starting, are you under the impression that bi couples or at least where the fem is bi that you "can't" play with them? While I know that some couples with bi individuals that that they are looking for same, but the vast majority of these couples don't "have" to have it. I think that will widen your playing field (literally). Unless that is something that you feel uncomfortable playing with, and that's definitely your prerogative.
  9. I'd say if you tell them "I wanna big piece of meat" and they start talking about the size of the porterhouse at the local steak house, that might be a clue.... Tim
  10. We just recently ventured into the world of clubs and house parties, and there's benefits and advantages to that as well as the one on one meetings. I think that the first thing that some people haven't touched on here is that you DO need to set what you consider to be ground rules for yourselves as husband and wife no matter what the backdrop, because sometimes not saying something ahead of time or not really knowing what you expect to potentially happen if it comes to that can be very destructive to a night out. Honestly, what we have found is that those that are beginning in the lifestyle very rarely will play on first meet. Not saying that everyone after a period of time is ready to rock at the word go, some people always have that as a rule, and that's cool, there just seems to be a higher percentage of people that play on first meet that have several experiences under their belt. I don't know if this is so much a comfort thing and "not wanting to step too quick", perhaps it's just our own individual observations. It depends on kind of what YOU are looking for--just like with preferences, "When to play" is one of the big ones that is a necessity to pin down as what you want. I will say that there is a degree of naughtiness that goes beyond just simply being swingers to going to the clubs and parties, because in no time, people that you may have seen across the room, given a few smiles and glances to, can be over having a conversation and boom! You find yourself in a room with a person you didn't even know existed but an hour ago.....to each their own, again, it has its advantages and disadvantages. ALILOeverything talked about not playing on first meet because she wanted a chance to communicate the attraction level with her husband. That's a great way to develop the communiation in the relationship, some have non verbal signals to each other (although last time I tried giving Lora the sign of "game on" she bunted), and some just have done it enough to know what types of men/women the people would be interested in--a certain "wavelength" grows, like a swinger's vulcan mind meld. Either way--don't feel like you have to do anything--it's up to you to decide what pace you want to go, and don't let anyone change that... Tim
  11. Vegas Lee has really struck a chord with me on this, and I am very proud of what he represents for our group. While I think that a vast majority of people that are swingers would have a hard time living up to the vision of what he says are "true lifestylers", we all have, to an extent, gone beyond the social boundaries to at least experiment with things that many people would shake their head at. That, in itself, takes a lot of courage, from a relationship standpoint, from a societal standpoint, and from a conscience standpoint. I am sure we would all love to be able to live the life that Vegas Lee has discussed, it would be so cool!!!! I agree that his analogy of gays 20 years ago is the same "place" that the lifestyle is at, but I think one thing that is not parallel to this is that homosexuals, in my opinion, have become a much more acceptable side of society because of what I feel to be a mimicking of what society already accepts--and that is loving one another deeply, having monogamous relationships, and of course the marriage issue that has been a hot topic as of late. Because the nature of our lifestyle is and always be sexually based, no matter what angle you look at it as, I don't know that if coming out of the closet, so to speak, would really EVER change the societal view of things. Even though many people have argued that homosexuality is a "sin", as they would swinging, I don't think the sheer fact that so many people have come out has been what has changed the face of the stereotypical gay/lesbian--it's this "mainstreaming" of their relationships so that it's seen as normal by everyone. We know that the media always strikes up the angle as to which will sell--sex sells, and the view/vision of what swingers are just like WR mentioned, will unfortunately be a stigma that is attached to us. We are a culture that is built on fear--for any of you that have seen "Bowling for Columbine", even though I think some of it to be radically extremist, it builds a point of how we are channeled by what our media portrays things as. For now, we all know that TV shows or movies or documentaries still stare at us through the glass as though we are a strange science experiment gone wrong. News reporters still take hidden cameras into clubs to see the "dark side"...and as long as that still occurs, we will never fully be seen for what we are, and that is, for the vast majority, very caring people who are in wonderful relationships with both their spouses and friends that enjoy the same interests. I very much would like to be able to have the courage that some of you have, to tell all my friends, to tell all of my family. But I also know of the repercussions that can happen, and I am not willing to sacrifice that for the good of "standing up". There are two reasons behind this--1) I actually kind of like leading the "double agent" life. I mean, I can sit and talk about things and people can say things, and I can snicker inside thinking "If you only knew...." To me, having that kind of secretness about me--I actually enjoy. 2) Those that are gay/lesbian, because they obviously lead a life of 100% in that fashion, had more and more pressure to come out of the closet, because if they didn't, they couldn't do ANYTHING that would be construed as that, from the word go. As lifestylers, this is something that is extra to our already great lives (for many of us) we lead of friends, marriages, children, whatever--and this extra side of life is our right to have as private--just like what we make a year, or the inner relationships we may have with our SO. It's no one's business but our own--I am not going to just tell someone that we swing on a regular basis just like I wouldn't tell them that my wife and I argue constantly every day about everything (this is just hypothetical). We all know deep down inside that this society of swingers grows every day. We already have our ways of communicating (like through this board itself which is an AWESOME outlet) with each other, hooking up with each other, and having a great time. If people find out that I am a swinger, fine. I can't change what they think about things if they don't like it. If they don't know I am a swinger, fine as well. Like I said, I would love to be able to do what Vegas Lee does on a daily basis--that is great that he is that passionate about this and fights for rights that I am sure I take for granted every day. I am not apathetic to what the situation he describes, I guess I still take a "glass half empty" approach to the fact that we are a very long way from societal understanding, and simply standing up and being counted I think still won't make a difference, in the short term.
  12. You are too much, man. Well, not TOO much man, obviously. LOL And hey--take it easy on us tennis "studs". We rock the party that rocks your body, I'll have you know.......Ok, maybe not.:rollseyes But it does give us stamina in other places!!! Namely, the ability to watch an entire tennis match on TV!!! WOOOHOO!!! And to think you thought of my little ole thread in the middle of a restaurant, tee hee.....I feel special now. Enough to crack open a Merlot and read some Whitman while moisturizing my delicate skin and letting my highlights set....now that's heaven.... Tim
  13. Actually the concept/word started in 1994, almost 10 years prior to Queer Eye making its debut.
  14. I don't think labeling anyone is appropriate at any juncture, because of the diverse nature of many "categories". We're all considered swingers, but that can range from simply being a voyeur and watching others having sex, to full on orgies with anyone and everything, no holds barred. Just like metrosexuality, swinging can be defined a thousand different ways. I don't think I come across any other way than just heterosexual either. My point was that I believe that there are more metrosexual tendencies by men in the lifestyle than those that lead vanilla lives. It's just an observation, that's all. Doesn't mean that you're gay, doesn't mean that you are anything different than the person you are. I think what you are trying to say is that the whole label of being metrosexual is unnecessary. I am not talking about labeling anyone at all, just the whole idea behind what the theory of metrosexuality is and how it plays into the lifestyle. This is not a gay vs. hetero discussion as to the stereotyped differences, but more or less a different perspective about something that society has named and categorized and its correlation with the males in the lifestyle. Let's face it, the dogma that married men have taken on for years is that once we get married, we lose all sense of trying to "keep ourselves up"--that we tend to not care about weight gain, lose our romantic side, develop into slobs. Again, I know it's a distorted view and one that doesn't fit everyone, but it's still a common perception amongst the masses. I think, with the fact that married couples dominate this lifestyle, that seeing a vast majority of men who are "keeping themselves up" (and not with the little blue pill LOL) can be attributed to a sweeping acceptance of doing things that women normally would do, like get pedicures, manicures, relaxation massages, tans, highlighting their hair, etc.--the same traits that the media has stuck into the metrosexual way of things. I don't think that five, ten years ago, men going to tan regularly would have happened quite nearly as often as it does now. We're talking about a perception shift as a whole, and its place in our little (though we wish it was bigger *WEG*) world of swinging. I DO understand that labels can be unnecessary, but for the sake of society's take on this phenomenonal buzz word, "trend" and fad, as you so succinctly put it, I think that when considering such ideology, one can see that it has taken its grasp on the lifestyle. I do agree with the sentiments above that it's not just a lifestyle thing, it's a mass society thing, but my argument would be that if you were to place 100 couples that were in the lifestyle next to 100 couples that were vanilla, you'd find a strikingly higher percentage of men who are metrosexual in some fashion by definition than those that are vanilla. Of course, your survey would probably be incomplete since by the time you got through 10 couples and asking them the other 90 couples would be off having fun. Tim
  15. We were out and about and the same thing happened, a song came on that made me think of this again... "Turn me On" by Norah Jones..if you like her music, this is strikingly seductive and sexy and can get anyone in the mood...give it a try if you haven't heard it before... Tim
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