Jump to content

confused12524

Registered
  • Content Count

    80
  • Joined

  • Days Won

    5

confused12524 last won the day on January 8 2015

confused12524 had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

201 Excellent

About confused12524

  • Rank
    Active Contributor
  • Birthday 05/11/1982

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    male
  • Location
    tennessee
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. I can say one thing for sure from experience. Everyone talks about condoms. People put it in their profile. People answer these questions as "condom only" In reality, if my wife or I didn't grab one and put it on, or put it on them, 90% would have gone without one.
  2. It's a risk both ways. As a couple I have encountered many guys who claim to be bi hoping they can avoid the subject in the bedroom. So I agree, guys playing first is a good method. On the flip side, I have more than once gone to meet a bi couple, that there really was no female. I know a number of gay guys who have used that same tactic for years. They claim to have to meet 1 on 1 first and then the next meet she will be involved. Or at the last minute "she had to run out" but he can still play. Playing as a single. I'll meet either sexes or a couple. I just want to know up front and not be deceived. When it's a couple. I have no problem with one on one play first with him, but only if she is there too.
  3. Cl is only good if you are looking for a large selection of people RIGHT NOW. If you want a mmf NOW, a couple can post an ad, have a couple hundred responses in an hour, and if you're looking to move fast, you can sift that out and make it happen. If that's what you are into. CL does not work well if you are looking for people to get to know and eventually set something up for the future. Most people on CL have a short attention span. They are on there because they are hor ny and looking right now. If you want to chat and meet tomorrow, it won't happen. There are exceptions, but that's been my experience.
  4. I've talked about this for years. I believe personally, without a doubt, that most men have a degree of bisexuality. We only look for bi guys and any site we have ever been on we get flooded with emails where the profile says straight, but the email says different. Most all of my friends growing up and even now, if the subject of bi comes up and I mention that I am...They become interested and start beating around the bush. Most guys do not list themselves as bi because they believe it will ruin opportunity for play with straight couples. It makes sense. Quite a few couples do have "NO BI MEN" right in their profiles. Since being bi, for many like myself, is just being flexible and not a must...They figure it is better to list as straight so they don't scare off those not wanting bi play, and then just explain to the ones that are.
  5. We would probably avoid "bareback only" couples. As far as others, there is no way to tell. The overwhelming majority of people we have played with, couples and singles, would not have thought twice about going bareback. Nobody has ever brought condoms or went to get one without my wife bringing it up again just as the guy was getting ready to slide in.
  6. I like it the taste of cum. It is sort of a fetish for me.
  7. At this point its time to get serious. I understand the guy. I know whats going on in his head. I can relate to him exactly. I have told my story here. Understanding and relating however does not mean its right. He has NO FEAR of you leaving, and will likely crumble the second you do. From my personal experience, his feelings, thoughts, and desires are NOT going to change...EVER The choices are not great here. You put your foot down and it will either blow up, or he will take it underground. He wont "reform" or You find a compromise and go along with it. In my case, for a while, I acted like your man. Not quite as "in your face" but enough that you and my wife could probably finish eachothers sentences in many cases. We got into swinging and playing for a while early on in our relationship. We BOTH enjoyed it. The problem was that I did go overboard with it and made it a priority. It became a mission for a friday or saturday night. That changed the whole dynamic of our "playing" What really was fun for my wife, became a turnoff, and she simply played along for a while but ultimately "getting out of it" whenever possible. That only made it more of a mission for me. Bottom line is I did "wake up" and realize what the hell I was doing. I dropped the subject for quite a while and then I brought it up to talk with her about it. Not like I used to....This time to ask her real honest feelings. What I wanted to know is why she seemed to really love it and be the instigator a lot in the beginning, and now we just dont do it anymore at all and cant even touch the subject. I was struggling because I had infact been upfront and honest about my desires from very early on when we met. I didnt spring this on her later on. I knew my desires wouldnt go away so I wanted to make sure if I were going to be with someone, that we both shared those interests. In the beginning it was great. Then later on, when it slowed and then stopped, resentment built. I felt cheated. I felt that "Here we are years later, married, house, etc....and NOW Im stuck....SHE changed" For the first time in years we had a civil conversation about it. What I learned is that she REALLY LIKES playing. The problem? The major turn-on and thrill for her is when things "just happen" Thats the excitement. The most fun times we've had for both of us have been chance encounters where "one thing lead to another" ...... Hanging out with g-rated friends in a hot tub, few drinks, convo turns a little dirty, and next thing you know were at it. That stuff is my favorite too! What she HATES is "The Hunt" Putting up an ad or going on a swinger site with the purpose of finding someone for a scheduled playdate. Ads and sites are fine. She enjoys them too. She has no problem with using those sites to meet people and put us in a situation that would be conducive to going further. The second that turn into a MISSION. It loses all of its appeal. I agree!!!!! So with a little communication we understand eachother and we both get exactly what we each want and neither one of us has to "give in" to anything. We found out we both like the same things....>We both want to play....I simply needed to turn the priority dial down a few notches and let nature take its course. Its been great ever since. We dont play often....But when we do its awesome for both of us.....So much different than in the past. Its SOOOOO much more fun knowing my wife is 100% into it and wants it! I am happy with the topic being open and possible, and that removed all my anxiety about pushing it. We can talk about it on the same page, and she no longer needs to have that wall up. Now, if in fact she came out and said "I dont like it, at all, ever and I dont want either of us to have anything to do with it" I know it wouldnt have had the same outcome. I would have had to be realistic and make a decision. My personal belief is that if you DO have interest and enjoyment but he is killing that.....Then you need to find a way to communicate that and see if you can get on the same page. If you feel the other way and simply want monogamy, with both of you....And have no interest in anything else.... Then its probably time to leave...... HOPEFULLY, he could change his attitude and approach like I did, but he WONT be able to change his thoughts and desires and make it all go away. So I think either swinging on better terms is in your future, or separation. But one side note. DONT GIVE IN!! Dont do anything you dont want to do. DONT compromise. You either come to a mutual agreement of something you both enjoy...or dont do it at all!
  8. All the terms are filled with grey area. The individual couple defines them. Your example, where they have not discussed her playing on her own....that's cheating. The fact that he doesn't mind, is one thing, but its still cheating. My wife knows my interests. She knows I would love for her to hook up on her own. And even do it a bunch of times before telling me. Similar situation but totally different. Hotwifing and cuckolding are NOT the same as cheating. They are still part of "couple play" even if its one person being physical. Both parties still get something out of it. Its a game that the individual couple makes the rules. Cheating is not "couple play". I'm talking about legit, deceptive, cheating. Not "roleplay cheating" Two of the three are games. The first one, as defined, is an actual relationship problem.
  9. I think its something that will always be an issue. I have always had very active varied sexual interests and have always known I wanted to act on them. I also knew that most, not all, but most women would probably not be interested. When I met my wife, what for me was looking for fun, we did really connect. Very early on I did communicate my interests and views. I didn't want to get "serious" and end up in a situation that I would have regrets. To my surprise she came across very interested and we did actively play for quite a while. Over the years now, that has dwindled to nothing. After a baby, her sex drive even for us is non existant. Mine however has substantially increased. Looking at our past activities I see them as "dipping our toes in the water" and she sees "we've done it all and then some" So there is a dramatic difference in our views. Where you talk about him not wanting an affair. That makes perfect sense. Our relationship is so perfect in every other way that I would never dream of anything else. I don't think you could find 2 more compatible people. At the same time though. I can't help that what's missing really nags at me. I'm stuck because one one hand I say "I'm not the bad guy" because I have always from day one been overly upfront and honest about this. At the same time, I certainly don't want her to "give in" simply to make me happy. I'm sure she has done that before and I don't want that. The very turn on for me is her own personal interest. Without her personally desiring it, its pointless. I don't blame her. She would do anything for me. If I pushed the issue, she would do it. But I won't do that. She has every right to her own feelings and her own body. In our case, its just a situation with no answer. Nobody is wrong. We're just mismatched sexually. She is wayyy more important to me than sex play. But I would be lying if I said it doesn't remain a problem under the surface. She changed, I didn't. So that in my mind justifies my nagging feelings. But at the same time, she is my wife, forever, and nothing will take priority over her.
  10. I've talked about this topic on other forums and it tends to get heated. There are so many variations yet few "tags". As a couple we both list as bi. And in our case if we were asked to expand on it would be for me, I am "situationally orally bi flexible" What the heck does that mean? Well that means that I live a straight lifestyle. My primary play is MF. But if I'm in a situation that ends up with some oral play with the guys, I can play along and enjoy that too. It's not required and not something I would even think of initiating. The problem however, and the reason why men list as straight, is there are quite a lot of couples and events that very specifically say NO BI MALES. And I'm sure many couples that in their search select "straight" for their criteria. So if a guy is like me, just flexible in the situation but primarily interested in straight play, they will automatically be excluded. So they list as straight but then when talking to bi couples, they let them know they're flexible on that. It keeps all doors open. I used to get irritated about that and for years excluded them because I saw it as lying. My experience as a couple who both list as bi and looking for couples or single males is 9 out 10 profiles that contact us are listed as straight but really aren't. The part of this topic that gets heated is when I say this part..... To my surprise, I discovered that it seems very few men are 100% straight. Or at least ones on swinger sites. Our profiles have always said with couples we like straight or bi play. Doesn't matter which. But with single males we do want someone who plays bi as well. Since there are so many, might as well have one that can offer everything. So it's right out there that if you're a single guy....bi play will happen. After a short time, Doing a search for single men in our area, I realized very very few men had not already emailed us. Dozens and dozens of straight male profiles with everyone saying...."it says straight.....but...". It was also very rare to have someone actually say, "no M-M play" It was very eye opening as I had thought that bi males were the minority but come to find out they were the overwhelming majority. I came to the conclusion, in my opinion, that while certainly not everyone is bi, males do still feel it needs to be kept quiet. Even my experience with couples is the same both as a couple and a single. When I had a single bi male profile....the majority of people contacting me were the male half of straight couple profiles....looking to play alone....many were active as a couple...and quite a few had statements in their profiles "Straight men only" or similar.... When I'd ask about it, it was always that the male was shy to even open up to his wife about it. With all that said....in summary....from only my experience....I believe male bisexuality is the most common, but most hidden secret in swinging.
  11. I realize its a strong word and doesn't apply in many cases. But I do know there are women who REALLY don't want to do it, but do it because they feel pressured for other reasons. So it may be legal consent but that's the extent of it
  12. Im not hung like a horse and I've used probably thousands of condoms. They don't fall off. Someone is taking it off. Him or her. Once? OK maybe she got dry All the time? No way.
  13. Here's the bottom line. From the male swinger perspective. Disclaimer: my opinion. But I think it fits here. He is not going to change. This is not something he is just going to give up. Being "no big deal" to him is the truth. Yes. He is being an ass in his disregard for rules and your level of comfort. I don't think any compromise that involves not doing it would ever work. From what you write I know how he thinks, I understand it. He thinks everyone has this surpressed desire to be "sexually free" and that most just don't free themselves to act on it. He doesn't think for a second that you won't like it. He just thinks that you have other hangups that once you get beyond that you'll be "liberated" and full steam into it. Well that's just not the case. Me, I enjoy it so much and its such a "high" that I too can't understand how anyone wouldn't love it and desire it like I do. But in reality, I get it. Simple example. You have people that are into sports something serious. They'll follow their favorite football team around the country and never miss a game. Me, I would be miserable if I went to a game. Any game. I would rather stay home and clip toenails. The problem is. If my wife were the sports nut, or anything like that. I could compromise, put on a smile and a jersey and rock on. You can't do that with sex. This involves you doing something personal with your body. Asking someone to compromise and swing to please their partner is essentially rape in my opinion. Bottom line. He's not going to stop. If you discover you love it too. Then there may be a future. Maybe. If you don't like it. Pack it in. He will either continue behind your back, or if he stops, he will resent you. No compromise that involves not doing it would be practical.
  14. If being exposed is the fear throw that out the window. Just Google your chaturbate name and see what happens. We were active on that site for a year or so and my wife was really into it too. (She would can more without me..lol) I've read the agreements with a fine tooth comb and nothing says anywhere what really happens. I can go on almost any popular porn site and find recordings of her/our shows. Just keep that in mind. You may think when you turn the can off that's it. But whatever you do on chaturbate will be on the internet forever
×
×
  • Create New...