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km34

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km34 last won the day on November 18 2012

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About km34

  • Rank
    Lifestyle Mentor
  • Birthday 06/01/1989

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple - she posts
  • Location
    Oregon, USA
  • Swinging Experience
    started in fall of 2007
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    km34

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  1. I don't have kids, however I have a lot of poly friends who do. Some are very open with their kids and have told them all about who they are dating, others are more secretive and only respond to questions (no volunteering of information), some are kind of in between and will talk fairly openly and let whatever happens happen. There's no right or wrong way to handle it; you just have to figure out what's right for your family. I'm out-ish to my parents (they know, but I have never actually spoken to them about specific people), very out to my sister, couldn't even imagine not being out with my friends, and verging on out with a few of my coworkers. I'm pretty satisfied with that. I don't think I could be happy having to hide relationships that I feel are important from the people I am closest to (in my case, hubby and friends). But that's me.
  2. How long have you and your girlfriend been together? I have found that a lot of people around here don't use the term "swinger" even when they are doing what we would generally consider swinging, so I have met more self-proclaimed polyamorists than I have self-proclaimed swingers. I'd say activity-wise, however, it's probably pretty equal. That's just my experience, though.
  3. I enjoy sexting with people I know well, which usually limits it to actual partners (not playmates). I think the knowing what pushes their personal buttons is really important, and most casual playmates aren't around long enough to have that knowledge and effectively use it. I do, however, adore knowing that I can get hubby all hot and bothered with one text.
  4. Am I the only one who got tired of Cards Against Humanity really quickly? It's fun as long as you're always playing with new people, but it is way predictable when you play with people you know well (in my experience). Sorry! We have this game Climaxxx. It's a board game intended for couples, but we've adapted it and played with playmates before. The way the board is set up, the first part is "foreplay"-ish, and you can stay clothed. Things like kissing, kissing/nibbling necks or ears, back rubs, etc. There are also spaces that call for you to take a drink. The very first time we swapped, we played this game and did the first part with our regular partners first, then swapped (and stripped a bit) to play the round again. It kept it light and fun for a bit while everyone got comfortable with the situation. The second part of the game is basically sex acts (positions/oral) and the goal is to make your partner orgasm within 3 minutes of the act. Well, once we moved to that part, we got distracted and the game got pushed aside. Pretty sure we all won, though!
  5. This is the only part that I really disagree. I think swinging and poly ARE very related, and there is probably a lot more overlap than people realize/admit. HOWEVER, the way I personally do poly is NOT with other couples. My husband and I date, fuck, etc. other people separately. It has nothing to do with us as a couple of the people we are involved with as a couple. There are exceptions, but for the most part it is entirely autonomous.
  6. I'm with you, Sun. And the more sex I'm having, the worse it gets. It's like my vagina just doesn't know when to stop.
  7. We've only had this happen once - confirmed. Any other time that it could have been possible, I get tired of the person before meeting/any other way of truly digging out a fake happens. Have I mentioned that I am not a fan of interacting with people online?
  8. You find very few hipsters at this particular club... haha I am pretty sure it didn't even cross anyone's minds that we could potentially be cheating. He had been their with his partner a few days prior, hubby and I have been there together, and the way we talked about our partners made it clear that we all knew one another. Granted, that could all be staged, I suppose, but I'm not that good of a liar so it would have been epic failure had I tried.
  9. Last Thursday I went to a local club. I'd been there before with my husband, but this time I went with, well, I honestly don't know what to call him. Friend-ish person is usually how I refer to him. So, Friend-ish and I go to the club. It's a great night to be there, enough people to make it fun without it being crazy crowded. Very nice. We're hanging out in the hot tub (one of the main reasons we decided to go) and a bunch of people assume we're "together" until I start talking about hubby or he starts talking about his live-in partner or my boyfriend comes up in conversation. Then we get the look. The confused, "I'm not entirely sure what's going on here" look. So we explain we're poly, that we are somewhere in between being friends and being in a relationship, touch briefly on how our relationships work, and say life is great. One of two things seemed to happen. Either people were very much okay with this concept and it made perfect sense OR they were completely confused/not feeling it and felt the need to wander away. Almost immediately. Where I live, poly is VERY common. Open relationships in general are practically considered "normal" (at least in my age bracket, 20s-30s). Because of this, I wasn't expecting much discomfort/confusion when poly came up. HOWEVER, I still felt uncomfortable just bringing it up out of nowhere! Part of me felt like it wasn't pertinent (I mean, really - I wasn't even there to play so why do people need to know?) but another part of me thinks that this is part of who I am and I should LEARN to be comfortable talking about it, regardless of my intent when conversing with people. I guess I just wanted to ramble on about this for a while, and ask a very simple question. Is it pertinent? When you're talking to someone at a swing club (or party or whatever), would you want/need to know if they are with their ONLY partner or just one of a few? If yes, why is that information important? Do other poly folks make it clear when they are meeting potential playmates?
  10. In my experience, I get enough foreplay that 5 minutes of actual intercourse is plenty. If there's little to no foreplay, then it's iffy. I'm pretty easy to orgasm, though, so 9 times out of 10 I would really, really, really prefer the 5 minutes to anything that goes on and on. My vote - what you define as 'too fast'
  11. Emotional cheating can be more damaging to a relationship than sexual cheating, and that is exactly what is going on here. It is easier to justify a one-time "I got caught up in the moment when someone desired me" kind of thing, but this has been MONTHS of him going behind his wife's back and willfully hiding something from her. Put yourself in her shoes. She (probably) thinks she has this open, honest relationship full of awesome communication that allows them to have fun with others without causing issues. How is it going to feel when she finds out he has been hiding love for another woman?
  12. We don't rule them out entirely, I suppose, but we treat them much as we would treat people we meet at work or other parts of the community that aren't specifically geared towards poly people - they aren't potential partners unless they bring it up as a possibility first. We tend to compartmentalize based on how/where we meet people. Folks from SLS/swingers clubs/other swing venues - swingers. Folks from a poly event/site- poly. Coworkers/fellow church attenders/etc - vanilla acquaintances. There are crossovers, but until we've learned that about the person, we use the basic idea of what they are open to as a guide of how to treat them and what to expect/not expect from them.
  13. Hubby is looking for it on his tablet now
  14. This post in another thread got me thinking... In my mind "friends first" swinging and poly are two completely different things, but other people apparently think of them as one and the same. What does everyone else think? To expand on my views (the rest of the post is purely my opinion ).. Everyone I have met who wants to be friends first is looking more for a sense of safety by knowing people a bit before having sex. Whether or not this is legit or not is another topic, but it's something that people believe. Also, friends first folks tend to want to be more open about swinging - having that couple or two or five that you swing with AND hang out with gives you the chance to talk about swinging, be yourselves, and generally not have to be in the closet about it. At least every once in a while. Having a friendship makes things a bit more comfortable for some. Polyamory, on the other hand, is actually looking for romantic love. I love my friends, but that doesn't mean I'm in a poly relationship with all of them. On SLS, I mention that we are looking for friends, but we do not consider anyone we meet on SLS (or other swinging sites) as people with whom we could potentially have a real, whole, romantic relationship. I guess my general question is - Is this a common thought in people's minds? When you see someone looking for "friends first" does your mind automatically go to poly/relationships/too invested?
  15. It is going well. Due to various things, she and I are keeping the relationship pretty casual. We see each other about 3 times a month. Some sexual contact, but not tons so the rules wouldn't make too much of a difference even if they did apply to me.
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