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bear_n_bunny

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bear_n_bunny last won the day on September 4 2016

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About bear_n_bunny

  • Rank
    Swingers Board Addict
  • Birthday 01/24/1954

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Happily Married Couple
  • Location
    Houston, Texas
  • Interests
    Computers, Sex, Sci Fi
  • Occupation
    Engineers

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    bear_n_bunny
  • Favorite Club(s)
    Club Cave, Coaches

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  1. This is pretty much how it went for Bunny and I. We started out seeking individual couples to play with, rather than joining a party group (that came later). And as I indicated before, it was rather difficult at first. We met quite a few couples the first few months and kept striking out. Either the female half of the couple would not find me acceptable, or Bunny would not find the male half of the couple acceptable. And we did have an ironclad rule that neither of us would "take one for the team". And it never happened. It took a while, but we eventually did meet a couple where everyone "clicked" with everyone else, than another and another. And a good time was eventually had by all... Cave Bear
  2. Perhaps things are different in Florida, but here in the Houston area the scene is pretty much as we described. You are correct in that the biggest determinant is age and body type. We ended up gravitating to the "40+ BBW swinger" groups and clubs. And they were actually quite large in terms of numbers of members. And we had the most fun and good times in groups like this. Ethnically, the groups were mostly white, with a fair number of Hispanics as well. There would often be some younger black men around, but mainly functioning as "stunt cocks" for some of the ladies. I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of black women I'd ever seen at a party or club, and Asians practically never. The clubs and party groups were definitely divided up into different socioeconomic classes as well. You have the upper class/wealthy swingers, middle class swingers, and for lack of a better term, lower class swingers. We'd seen (and partied with) them all at one time or another. The only other time we ever felt "self-conscious" at a swingers gathering was the one time we went to Wish's. Don't know if it is still open, but for many years Wish's was the premiere swingers club in Houston. Damn near everyone ended up going to Wish's, even if only once. One thing about Wish's was it was rather pricey, even by swinger club standards. It cost upwards of $100 a couple to get in (reservations required, of course). And once you were seated, if you ordered even one drink, you had an automatic $50 bar tab you owed, per person. Oh, and the seating. When we arrived either Wish or his wife (the owners of the club) would seat you. And you sat where they told you to sit. In our case, we were seated at the "Group W" table, which was a couple of cafeteria style tables butted together with some chairs around them, located near the rest rooms. The other tables in the club were of the usual small round nature with two to four chairs, of the sort you'd usually see in night clubs. And yes, if you were not part of the Barbie and Ken contingent, the Group W table is where you sat, period. (I know some of you get the "Group W" referent, for those of you who don't, look up "Alice's Restaurant"). At first we were indeed pretty self conscious sitting at Wish's Group W table, but after a while and a few drinks (I was going to be paying for all those fucking drinks whether I consumed them or not, so what the hell; she wasn't drinking and I'd let her drive us home) and some dancing, we had a decent time. Of course, we never went back after that one trip, but it was interesting just the same, and at least we could say "Yes, we've been to Wish's". Cave Bear
  3. A bit of backstory here. For many years the Hitachi Magic Wand was considered by most people to be the best all-around vibrator ever made, especially among the ladies. Interestingly, you can't buy them anymore because Hitachi stopped making them. It seems that the powers that be at the Hitachi Corporation found out what most of their devices were being used for, and it was not for the muscle aches and the like for which they had intended. So they ceased producing them. At least this is the story that has gone around. The "Magic Wands" you find on the market today are, in fact, cheap Chinese pop-offs of the original Hitachi device. The biggest problem with them is that the electric motors in them tend to overheat and burn out after about ten minutes of continuous operation. The way you can usually tell that you have an original Hitachi is that it will say "Hitachi" on the wand. So if you have one, hang on to it and take care of it, as there are no replacements worthy of the name. As for using one on your lady, yes, if she is new to the Magic Wand, or any of the other more powerful vibrators out there, it is best to ramp up slowly to it. Oh yes, there are many women, especially those who have experience with it, that will take that puppy, slam it on their clit, crank it up and go to town on it, and the orgasms they have are truly something to see. But if she is a newbie to the Wand, it is best to just lightly rest the ball (that's the vibrating part) on or near her pubic mound but not directly on her clit, letting the vibrations propagate through her and move the ball around while gauging her responses carefully, certainly until she gets used to it. Fact is, most of the women I've used the Wand on didn't take long before I had it directly on their clits, low speed or high, they were cumming like crazy and loving it. But, as always, your mileage may vary.
  4. You infer too much. Indeed, you doth protest too much, methinks, let alone you failed to address a single point that I made in my earlier post, which says a lot. Hit a nerve, did I? The fact is I've been in the lifestyle, with multiple women, for several years, and have seen, and in many cases experienced, most of the various permutations that can be found in swinging. And yes, I will hold my experiences up with anyone on this board. And just so we are clear on this, there is no "problem", certainly not with me. The "problem", if you want to call it that, is actually yours, in that your wife is not interested in swinging. The scenario your described is not really swinging at all. When one cuts through all the verbiage of your earlier posts, what your situation all comes down to is that your wife wants to play with the girls, she's not really interested in having sex with any guys other than, presumably, yourself, and you get to go sit in the corner and you'd better keep your pants zipped and your mouth shut. I know what this is, but it's not swinging. Now, you can go out and buy a pizza, and turn around and proclaim to all the world that it is, in fact, a turkey sandwich, and further insist that anyone who points out that it is a pizza is wrong, has a "problem", is a "h8r", or whatever other "feelz" buzzword you care to toss out. And yes, you will almost invariably find some people who will agree with you that your pizza is actually a turkey sandwich, because you say so. But you know what? At the end of the day, it's still a fucking pizza. But having said all that, whatever it is you and your wife are looking for and hope to accomplish, I wish you well. Cave Bear
  5. I've been reading through this thread and there is something that does not compute here. Let's see if I'm understanding this right. 1. Eldiablo311's wife is bisexual, and what she is really eager to do is have sex with other women. 2. Eldiablo311 would like for his wife to have sex with another guy, which apparently she has done before, but currently she has no real interest in this. 3. Eldiablo311 would also like to have sex with another woman, but his wife apparently will not currently allow this. Is it just me, or is there something very wrong with this picture? Indeed, I'm not seeing this as a swinging scenario at all. Cave Bear
  6. Alex, did you even bother to read my previous post on this situation? You are not getting it. This isn't about you. It is about HER. And the fact that she never got to go out and have her fun like most teenage girls do during their high school years and later teen years. Instead she was with you, Mr. "We/I don't like sex much". You may have THOUGHT you were "having fun" with her during those years, but it has become clear that SHE was NOT having fun with you. And now she is going to have herself some fun, whether you like it or not. THAT is the problem you are going to have to address. And as I said before, her desire to swing is not the cause of this problem. The problem is that she has been with you, and you alone, for the past ten years or so. She never got to fuck around when she was younger, so she is going to do it now. I have seen this before, many times. This is why, as I mentioned before, if you want any chance at all of saving your marriage, the two of you need to get counseling, and quickly. Cave Bear
  7. I had to laugh out loud at the Barbie and Ken reference here, as it reminded me of a party Bunny and I attended some years ago. There was this guy named Ali, who was, according to at least some of the ladies, good looking and quite good in the sack. Naturally Bunny wanted to try him out. And at this particular party she did. I happened to walk past one of the play rooms, and there is Ali, on top of Bunny, her legs in the air, and all seemed to be going well. Not two minutes later I turn around and there's Bunny, standing behind me. "What are you doing here? I thought you were playing with Ali" I asked. "I was" she replied. "He's already done. It was bang, bang, bang, BOOM, and he's done and off of me". Oh Bunny was not a happy camper that night, as she had become accustomed to most of the guys she played with being, shall we say, a bit more solicitous of her pleasure as well as their own. Just goes to show that some people, even the "Kens", can turn out to be flops. Cave Bear
  8. I can say categorically that I would NEVER want to repeat my first experience in swinging. Because to say it was unpleasant would be a huge understatement. One day I got an email, which was an invitation to a swingers party. I mentioned it to my girlfriend (at that time), "Hey, we've been invited to a swinger party. Wanna go?", mainly as a joke. But much to my surprise she says "Yeah, why not? It might be fun". So we went through the process and ended up going to the party. It was held in what amounted to a mansion in a very ritzy part of town. The problem, if you want to call it that, for us at least, was that most of the people at the party were what we later called "Barbie and Ken clones". The "pretty people". And unfortunately for us, we did not fit in, as neither of us were what one would think of when one thinks of "the pretty people". Other than my girlfriend getting her first ride on a Sybian machine, neither of us "played" with anyone that night. To give an idea of how things went that night, at one point we were out back in the patio area, where a big hot tub was located. There were already four people in the tub, but it was big enough to easily accomodate us too, so we got in. Keep in mind that we had no interest in the other people in the tub at all. We just wanted to sit in the water for a few minutes, that was all. But as soon as we got in, these other people took one look at us, and then got out of the tub. I stood up for a moment to look around, and they were all sitting at some nearby tables, looking morosely in our general direction. We sat there for a few minutes, basically thinking "what the fuck?". We got out of the tub, dried off, gathered our things and left. The moral to the story is that swinging is like any other social endeavor. It is divided up into subgroups. The group you are most likely to "fit in" with is determined by which "subgroup" you are part of, whether by age, body type, socioeconomic status and so forth. It took a while, but we did find our niche, so to speak, in a "40+" group. And in groups like this, we had the most all-around fun, never mind the best sex, of any of the groups we had attended. Cave Bear
  9. I've had two different stages where I was involved in swinging. The first time was with a girlfriend I had at the time, the second with my wife. During the first pass, so to speak, "taking one for the team" was never an issue, as we went directly into the swingers' party group scene. In that scenario there is generally no "swapping" per se. She picked who she wanted to play with and so did I, and all was well. On the second pass, it was different. My wife initially wanted to go a different route, in that we would meet up with individual couples and see how things went. And the fact is we went through a LOT of couples where yes, the guy was hot for my wife, but his wife had no interest in me. This was not entirely unexpected, as Dash Riprock, studmuffin I'm not. But even then I would not have wanted anyone to "take one for the team" with me, as I would have found such to be demeaning. But we kept plugging and eventually we found not just one but a group of couples where everyone "clicked" with everyone else, and ended up with our own little swingers party group, and had a blast as a result. Just took a bit of patience... Cave Bear
  10. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid you nailed the problem you and your wife are having in your first post and I don't think you realized it. And no, it has nothing to do with swinging per se. One might say that the swinging (or her desire to swing) is a symptom rather than the cause of the problem. You stated that you and your wife had been a couple since your freshman year in high school and have been married since you were 18. That is the problem. I'm an old man now (in my sixties) but I have seen this play out many times, going back to when I was your age and younger. What happens is a couple gets married very young (quite often they start out as a couple in high school as you did), are married for some years, have a kid or two, and after a time the marriage falls apart. Rather surprisingly, it is more likely the woman that goes off on a tangent in these case, not the man. Go figure. As I said before, this is not about swinging as such. It is about your wife wanting to sow her wild oats, the wild oats she wanted to sow back when you were in high school, her late teen years and the like. She never got to, but by God she's going to now, come hell or high water. She is going to get that strange cock she always secretly wanted, whether you like it or not. And no, I'm not saying this is your fault. If there is any blame to be apportioned here, she is just as guilty as you are. After all, no one held a gun to her head and made her become your main squeeze back when you were 14 or 15, or marry you when you two were 18. But sadly, it is what it is. She "wasted her youth", blah, blah, blah, back then and that is why all this is happening. Lost count of how many times I heard like this back in the day. Unfortunately the odds are against you in this case. And what is this "We never liked sex that much" crap? That raises all sort of red flags right there. She seems to like sex just fine, just not with you, and that is an issue that needs to be addressed and pretty damned quick. At this point, the only thing I can suggest is that, if you can, you and her get to a good marriage counselor and try to work all this out, your marriage, your sex life, this urge to play she has and why she has it, all of it. Otherwise you will end up in divorce court and in short order. Cave Bear
  11. Absolutely there is a "caste system" in swinging. It's largely divided by general "attractiveness" and age, and to a somewhat lesser extent, socioeconomic class. And make no mistake, some people can be downright brutal about it, too. Maybe in Utah things are different, but in Texas (and in Houston in particular) the caste system definitely exists. You see it at the clubs, both on and off-premise, the various house party groups, and so forth. However, with a little effort you can find swinger couples, groups and clubs where you can fit right in, even if you don't meet the "approved" Barbie and Ken clone criteria as "acceptable" play partners, and still have every bit as much fun as the pretty people do. Been there, done that, got the tee shirt... -- Bear
  12. Unfortunately a lot of single guys will try to find a "ticket", since most swinger's clubs and parties don't allow single males (and for good reason). In your case, the easiest way to approach this would be to make the rounds of the more laid back dating sites, like AFF, Matchmaker and others that don't heavily restrict what you can put in your profile, and set up accounts in each. (And yes, using swinger sites like SLS or CT can help, as you do actually find the occasional single woman on these sites who are not focused solely on other women. However, unless you are Dash Riprock, packing a ten inch Dick of Death and a well-packed bank account, you will have a rather long wait.) I would handle this with a certain subtlety, simply including in your profile that you are experienced in the swinging lifestyle, and would like to meet a woman who either also experienced in the lifestyle, or at least amenable to the idea of getting into it with you at some point. Use your imagination, but this is the gist of what you want to include in your profile, along with all the rest of the usual stuff you'd include as a man looking for a relationship, etc. -- Bear
  13. Since they live in Austin, I would recommend Ci and Di check out "The Jungle". It's an on-premise...I hesitate to use the word "club". It is a private residence, where they hold swing parties. There is a "screening" process, although aside from the obvious things like keeping out head cases and genuinely skanky people, they do not have restrictions on age or physical appearance. That is, he does allow (gasp!) chubby people to attend his parties. What you get is a full range of types, leaning towards more of the "pretty people" crowd, or at least the typical "HWP" couple. If nothing else, I would recommend it for just seeing the place; it really is quite unique, and it's in your neighborhood. We live in Houston, and know which "on-premise" club they are referring to. We have not been in a while, but they are also an establishment that gets the full gamut of types, from the Barbie and Ken clones to your basic middle-aged BBW couples like us. I don't think it is quite as bad as this article made it out to be. Make no mistake, boys and girls; if someone is a real "skank", a la looks like a crack whore, speed freak, poor grooming and hygiene, etc, he/she will not last long in the lifestyle. Only the most obtuse would think otherwise. Having said that, the swinger community is indeed "stratified" into various subgroups, based primarily on age, size, physical appearance (body size and physical appearance are not necessarily the same thing), specific interests (like BDSM, for example), social class and to some extent, race. The various clubs here in Houston and elsewhere reflect this, especially the private ones. For instance, there are several private party groups in town that are for "BBW couples". Why is this? So couples of this type can play and not have to worry about being disrespected because someone thinks they are "skanky" due to being chubby. There are others that only allow people 40 and over, and for similar reasons. Of course, I'm not saying anything here that is not already common knowledge, and I'm sure it's all pretty much the same way no matter where you go in the country. The various clubs around town here in Houston, public and private, off-premise and on, all cater to this or that subset of the lifestyle. Some still allow people who fall outside their "preferred" range of physical characteristics admittance, but make no mistake; you will know the instant you walk through the door whether or not you fit their "ideal" guest criteria. Other clubs are not so "choosy", and in those you will find all kinds, from twentysomething "pretty people" to fiftysomething BBW couples, and everything in between. (Needless to say, we prefer the latter sort of club. It's not that we are any more likely to score with some B&K clone couple than we would at, say, Wish's, assuming we were even interested in such, but the environment is a lot more relaxed and comfortable. I am also a lot less likely to end up busting a chair over some asshole's head for disrespecting Bunny. This nearly happened at the very first swinger party I attended, after seeing some prick shove the woman I was with aside like she was a piece of furniture (this was long before I met Bunny, but she too was on the chubby side). Fortunately for "Dash Riprock", she saw me coming and literally dragged me outside until I cooled off, and so kept me from doing my best to kill that sonofabitch. Damn, I was pissed...) And whatever sort of club you might prefer is actually pretty easy to find. Most have web sites, and between those and the usual word-of-mouth, you would have no problem at all find the sort of club you'd like. That's how Bunny and I discovered Coach's, and it's also why we would never go to Encounters, because one caters to everyone, the other does not. And the on-premise clubs, at least around here, are not that much different. The best way to find what you prefer in this area is to do some research, ask around, and yes, bite the bullet, pony up the cash (on-premise clubs especially are never cheap to get into) and see for yourself (looking on the Net and word-of-mouth will only take you so far, as neither are 100% accurate). You may strike out a time or two (God knows we have..., but eventually you will find the club or group that has a preponderance of the sort of couple that appeals to you.
  14. I've never really discussed this with Bunny, but I do use the certifications to gauge whether or not to contact someone. The only sites we've been on that have this feature is SLS and CouplesTouch. Aside from the occasional foray onto AFF (which does not have that feature), we've not bothered with any other swinger sites, because we have discovered that by and large most couples in our area are on these two already, so that pretty well covers the landscape for us. I use the certifications to see what kind of couple(s) a particular couple have played with. This is especially useful if they don't have pictures, or their pics are hidden. If I see that a couple's certs are, for example, mostly 20 or 30-something pretty people, we won't bother with them. (As someone else has already alluded, there is a very definite caste system in the lifestyle, based on age and level of physical attractiveness.) Also, it's not that hard to read between the lines so as to tell whether the certifying couple just met them for dinner or actually have played with them. So while certifications are not the end-all and be-all of sizing up a couple (we pay the most attention to what they say in their profile and how they say it), they do have a certain usefulness. -- Bear
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