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Just Passing By

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Just Passing By last won the day on May 21 2012

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About Just Passing By

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    Swingers Board Addict
  • Birthday 08/17/1960

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    M.Male
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    USA

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  1. Firstly welcome to the Board. Hats off for realizing things were up , and taking a break and communicating. Yes , the setting of limits and parameters is somthing that frequently needs working on. And that's not an inherently troubling thing. This is a dynamic experience , and the viewpoint during and after morph from what was visualized before. Like most of the above , what I'm seeing as more important is the other part. I'm seeing a difference of opinion on the style and tone of your encounters. She seems to favor a more open and freewheeling environment. And whichever terminology you use , you are prefering know people better , and have a more even connection between everyone. Both viewpoints are well within *normal* for swinging / swing-ish activities, and neither is right or wrong. One of the generally held concepts is that it is a good thing for your partner to enjoy themselves , and that you receive satisfaction from them have a good time . This can range on a continum from a sexual turn on on the spot ,to a more generalized wish for them to be pleased. The fact that she is higbly desireable is also a slightly more indirect boost to you to, because she really is all that , and you're the one she's going home with forever and ever. All that said , you two are experiencing presently having different viewpoints on the tone and parameters of your activities. There have been sugguestions on how you could adapt , become more outgoing and assertive, etc. Which is fine if that's what You Want to do. Or you could equally decide that how you feel is how you , thank you very much, and go from there. If you prefer getting to know people better , and feeling a more equal connection ( again Don't obsess over scorekeeping ), the be communicating about how to move in that direction in a mutually agreable manner. I know , in recent years there has been a general trend to meeting people at clubs and parties for various reasons, but that's not the only way to skin a cat. It may well be that your personality is better suited to the meeting of people directly at least some of the time. It can take more time and effort, but it's more about finding enjoyable partners than raw numbers.
  2. Thought#1 - Hoesty is Good. But it can be a slippery slope into TMI teritory. Words to the effect of " we're just not feeling the 4 way chemistry " would also be truthful , and sufficently get the message across. Thought #2 is about expectations for first time encounters generally. We weren't there , so we can't have the play by play while similtanously reading your mind. It's possable that somthing about him turns out to be a fundamental catagorical turn off for you , and that's that. OTOH , sometimes things are explosive the first time , sometimes start out middling , and can improve from there.
  3. I'm not a woman , and Mrs JPB (unbenownst to me in advance ) had biexperence before we met. But have also known highly sexual women who simply had no intrest in playing with other women. If you're not into it , that's fine. You seem already well ahead of the curve sexually , and everybody doesn't need to check off every single box. If you decide you wish to try *somthing* you can still at anytime decide to the effect : that was interesting to try , but I've gotten it out of my system now , thank you. Just to cover the options , you could have FMF where each woman interacts with him , but not each other. All that said , if you decide to testdrive girl/ girl , the two basic aproaches are : The other woman knows the situation , and you are in the driver's seat of engaging with her at your pace. Or conversely , the other woman initially takes the lead , and you follow along with her lead. You can guess at your preference based upon your tastes in M/F activities , but it's not nesecarily the same in new territory , and you won't know until you're there.
  4. If the desire to ever sample swinging is anywhere on your radar , work on establishing trust and communication with your next Girlfriend. If you wish to try to patch things with current Wife , run don't walk to counseling, both of you individually , and together. And heartily embrace monogamy.
  5. I can't quite get an understanding of where you are coming from in regards to your doubts about expressing to desires and fantasies with your wife. Take #1 would be that in the absolute sense you feel you can't dicuss what you are thinking of , and are interested in persuing. Take #2 is that indeed want to talk about all these things , but that you are concerned about how to best do so , that you want to do so at a pace that is within her comfort range , and in apropreate chunks to work thru and digest at one time. And absolutely maintain the bond with her as being the #1 concern with you. As Julie mentioned above talk with her. As reported here , she seems open to further discussion , and seems interested in activities involving your friend. ( Usual disclaimers about playing w/ friends , but if you are open to it in general , she also seems open to steering talk to more directly sexual topics ) ( And directly asking her if she is Virgin has lots of ways to go sideways , without any particular upside. Lots of better ways to work around to about thoughts or curiosity about playing with others , or in different combinations w/o bringing up her vanilla sex history or lack .)
  6. Wow, I am seeing so many different questions in one situation. The good news is there seems already to be talking generally , and about this girl. First is (it seems as if) you have talked about , and have an intrest in exploring fun with other people generally, and you are open to some form of it ? The next is the idea of one of you playing in seperate room vs same room. The sterotypical sequence is to start out playing together , but nothing is set in stone. Discuss further in the general sense. As to this particular young lady. Yes , she could be a Virgin. Or she could equally already be a swinger , kinkster ,closet lesbian , or a multitude of activities that she persues descretly . And you don't need to know in advance if do decide to bring it with her. Treat her like any single girl, if she feels any background details are relavant , she can discuss what she wants to share , or decline w/o needing to give backstory.
  7. Since it hasn't been said in this thread , I'll kick it out there : Swinging is NOT for most people. The prerequisites are lots of communication and trust, and the ability to separate love and fun sex, and enjoy them both (our Poly members disregard). You will not be able to predict in advance how you'll like it. It could be outstanding, it could be kinda ok, but no need to repeat, or could be what were we thinking. But if you go in with good communication and trust, you'll be able to deal with any of those. If the relationship is faltering going in, it will kick up the preexisting problems exponentially.
  8. Welcome. This Board is a great resource for you and him both. But , your problem is not what it seems on the surface. The important prerequisite is comunication, and trust. Both of you need to freely communicate things you are interested in exploring , what you enjoy , what you're unsure about , and what totally skeeves . And all of those thing are constantly in flux , and need to be talked about before , after , and during if need be during and foray either playing , or in a club environment.
  9. Back in the day , I was intrigued with shaven women. The various gf would often say ok , but if you want it , you take care of it. Various enjoyable special occasions of doing so . But after a cpl days nasty bristles , ingrown hairs, etc. With out them doing daily self maintainence , I then settled on giving a #1 cut . Ie just long enough to not be bristly , but still see thru. But in recent years when shaved has become quasi expected , I'm drawn to natural , or just slightly trimmed. I guess I am a contrarian as much as anything. As for my self over they years have occasionally shaved/ been shaved. But it always looked strange to have that area bald when the rest of me was hairy.everywhere else. Otoh , having your pubes get cought in removing a condom is painful, so that was a practical matter.
  10. Single digit yrs , off/on ( not presently ), as far as we knew no one . Used condoms for intercourse. We did once play with a cpl that used condoms for oral. We knew going in , and agreed, and were good sports during playtime. But it was so less than satisfactory , that I made my mind up to never do so again. I would cheerfully participate in a hand job instead. As mentioned above risks can be reduced, but anything sexual has some slight degree of background risk. Abstence has its own health risks. Crossing the street , or rideing in a motor vehicle have risks. There is no way of having meaningful dtatbases , but it has frequently been mentioned over the years that contact with swingers is safer than interacting with random vanilla single people.
  11. Never say never , etc , but the husband using the wife's attractivness to valadate him is kind of a double reverse thing , and is not a frequent motavation. The idea of her having pleasure , and watching are much more common. As to wether as a side effect it would give a confidence boost to the woman I'll leave to our female members to kick around. But once again , you need to put the specific goal of MFM/ FM watching on the back burner now. You need to work on communicating generally. Work around to what she finds interesting to contemplate. Explore the idea of playing with other people generally. Maybe she is most open to some other combination. Maybe this is an idea that works best as fantasies or role playing. Maybe as her horizons expand it will look different to her later.
  12. Ifag whenever she asks about your previous experences with threesomes be open with her, as noted above it was before her time , and no threat to her current situation. But I don't see this as a near future topic for you to initiate. For now put the idea of a specific MFM encounter far on the back burner. The imeadate priority to open up her communication about fantasies , and sex generally. Since she is relativly more communicative in bed , this is a good starting point. Eventually you should be able to communicate out of bed and not in the heat of the moment , but you need to build upon what already partially works first. When in the heat of the moment , bring up a variety of immagrey, not just MFM. Heck not even limited to other people , but all sorts of sexual and sensual adventures and pleasures. Go with her verbal and non verbal feedback. Eventually give her oppertunities to share . Don't even put it "what you would like to do" , but "what have you thought or wondered about", so she is freer to discuss somthing in the abstract rather than feeling she's commiting to sonthing too quickly. And if her initial intrests aren't MFM , or are some new flavor of activity not involving other people , be open minded to considering that. The more empowered and adventerous she becomes generally , and presumably the more open and trusting with you , she is more likely to give consideration to other activities.
  13. While indeed this site is a good choice for exploring the ideas and concepts of swinging ( and much good information about sex generally ) this is NOT where she needs to be at present. The mandatory requirement for exploring this lifestyle is strong communication. The other very common dynamic is already having a sex life that is above average with the two of them. You need to start with a complete physical ( with the Dr knowing the problem of low sex drive ) to address any physical or hormonal problems. Then you need to work with a councilor who is sex positive ( or at least not anti-sex ). After you two are communicating , and doing reasonably well with your own sex life together , you can if you wish start discussing adding extra people.
  14. If the four of you were latent swingers just waiting to spontaniously spring into action , it would have already happened. By all means talk with the wife about the idea of including others for recreational or friendly sex in general. As far as the woman/ couple specifically heed the usual list of cavets about aproaching friends.
  15. Mr Wolverton implied , but didn't directly address what was the existing protocol on Wife's freedom to engage on her own initive. I am picking up a moderate implication that she could have some degree of girl/ girl , and that additional activity would involve the two of you ? If that is sort of close , invoking the quoted rule of looking at things in best possabilities , she would still have partial credit for breaking off the initial situation when she did. That said, the red and yellow flags are all over this. The situation is totally unacceptable to you on multiple levels, and has to be addresed between you. Even if it is within you protocols for Mrs W to play with guys without you there , you are still being left out of balancing funtime. If as is implied that this isn't on the menu , she needs to not play with either of them, since he is said to be catagorically opposed to couple play. The wild card is her preexisting close friendship with her friend.
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